Hi guys.I have recently met a really sweet Christian girl and am considering dating her.One possible problem that makes me wonder about whether I will or not is her sexually past.So my question for you guys (and girls)is...how many sexual partners is too many before you would consider not dating someone?
numbers game
- Thread starter trustinChrist
- Start date
How many people dated in the past is 'enough'?
Depends on circumstances of the relationships. Maybe she met 34903943 genuinely horrible guys. Or maybe she was serious with 5.
I've no clue, but I suppose I share a thread of humanity with you.
Lets set the limit to 23... because if you divide 2 by 3, you get the devils number. Well, at least a bunch of 6's.
Depends on circumstances of the relationships. Maybe she met 34903943 genuinely horrible guys. Or maybe she was serious with 5.
I've no clue, but I suppose I share a thread of humanity with you.
Lets set the limit to 23... because if you divide 2 by 3, you get the devils number. Well, at least a bunch of 6's.
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Audiomechanic
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Maramixi
Happy caffine addict
I really don't even get this question; where a person is going in life is more important than where they've been. We're all sinners and have made dumb mistakes, I don't get how you could say some set number of them is all you can accept.
Ok, I'll get off my soap box now...
Ok, I'll get off my soap box now...
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So she can be as bad as you, but no worse? (Hmm...not the healthiest standard, but that's another topic)
I would say the only question that matters is could you trust her not to cheat, and number wouldn't matter as much as circumstances. 10 before she became a Christian is less scary than 2 in the last week.
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Audiomechanic
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I know my point of view seems odd, and even self centered. I have dated a girl that had a considerably more "adventurous" past than me, and I could not get over it. I tried. Oh how I tried! I prayed, and prayed and prayed but my heart would ache into my feet every time the thought of her past came into my mind. She never cheated on me while we were together and she was up front about everything. I respect her deeply for that. I just couldn't get over it, but I so deeply wanted to.
So, anyway, I use the above as a general rule of thumb because I proven, at least to me, that I cannot handle it. Does that make me less of a person? Probably does.
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Not at all. We all have likes and dislikes, and purity is an extremely attractive thing. But I think we should strive to be as gracious to others as God was to us. While we fall short, we should not be content in that falling short, y'know?
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Looking back on my first post, it was snarky, and I apologize for that. I made a snap judgment that wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry.
I guess in general I become nervous when we quantify what is "acceptable" in other people, because it can lead to objectifying people in a way that I don't think is true to our calling as Christians. Whether it's previous sex partners, or other previous sins, or even other non-sin characteristics (height, weight, etc.), by and large we are taught in society that a relationship is about us and what we want. I've seen this play out in the church as well, especially in the area of sexual past, but any time we create a "want list" for a future spouse that disqualifies people who do not fit.
Based on your response, it sounds like this isn't what you are doing, which is good, but I think it's so prevalent in our culture and indicates a self-centeredness which is common to all mankind that we must constantly engage and strive against it.
Does that make better sense?
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Audiomechanic
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I get what you're saying. And Apology accepted though it was not necessary.
I try to be as accepting of people who are my friends as much as possible. It's rare when I turn someone away, despite their past or whatever, cause I can get along with just about everyone. The difference with me is moving from friend to beyond. I don't know what it is, but the topic of sex is a important one for me and I don't even really know why. I don't even hold drug use as high on the importance ladder! I have no idea why I think the way I do but I wish I did (now I'm confused
).I see what you're saying and we should try to love and strive to accept everyone as Jesus did.
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seehimcoming
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If she is a christian girl , well a real christian wont be sleeping around once they are christians.. so i would not bother about her past as mucha s her present.
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Silhillian
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If we both really liked each other and we had a strong trust between us, then I probably wouldn't mind her sexual past so much as long as she was now committed to following God an waiting for marriage.
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sweetlambofgod
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Holy Warrior
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That's what I take as my standard- it's not my place to judge someone on their past behaviour- the most important thing is whether they are a christian now. I know I've sinned, and if any potential wife can't accept my past as dead and gone, then how could we have a future?
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that's a really good standard to set,but honestly sometimes it's hard to be that forgiving and dealing with the pain past sins have caused,but I know we must strive to
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Holy Warrior
In need of direction
It's hard to live up to this, I know; all we can do is try!
At the end of the day, if you really love the person, their past won't matter to you.
At the end of the day, if you really love the person, their past won't matter to you.
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moerunamida
Prayer Warrior
I would not date a guy that is promicious, but people make mistakes. If he was Christian, a real Christian, that is good enough for me
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Holy Warrior
In need of direction
I think that's the key- if they are living a sinful, promiscuous lifestyle at present, then it is probably not a good idea to get involved with them. If they have repented and left that life behind them, then it is not such a problem.
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MidnightCandel777
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Dude, we've all got past issues. My former youth pastor married a woman who already had a little girl from a previous relationship. What's great is now that girl has a daddy who will never get drunk and beat her, or rape her, or mistreat her in any way.
If this girl you like has had a sexually active past, then she has probably repented to God about it and moved on.
Allow some time, at least a year, to get know her better before you jump into a full-blown relationship.
If this girl you like has had a sexually active past, then she has probably repented to God about it and moved on.
Allow some time, at least a year, to get know her better before you jump into a full-blown relationship.
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