Not using birth control

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I have a question for all you married couples out there, I firmly believe that I should not use birth control. Is there anyone out there in CF who feels the same way? If so how do you cope with the constant stress and possibility you could have 1 2 3 + kids and for me it's stressful to think that I might not be able to care for them.

How should I think about this.

 

[Larniavc]

My wife and I used birth control for that very reason (not having multiple kids). When we decided to have a kid we stopped and along he came. Now back on contraception until nature makes it irrelevant.

One kid is easily enough for us (ymmv).

 

[Paidiske]

I have no issue with non-abortifacient birth control.

My advice would be, take it one child at a time. Keep good communication with your spouse. Don't have any children unless you're both willing.

 

[snoochface]

If you're not using birth control because you want to trust God and be obedient to him.... then if you have 3, 4, 5, 11 kids as a result, I guess you need to think of it as a result of trusting God and being obedient to him, and then trust him to help you take care of your passel of children. Fortunately for you, there's nothing in scripture that says not to use birth control, so take whatever action you feel has consequences you can live with.

 

[WolfGate]

Seeing as how you believe the Holy Spirit is directing you not to use birth control, perhaps you could ask yourself if that rules out natural pregnancy risk reduction methods like the rhythm method and then just trusting in what happens. If you also feel like you are called to not have children yet, then abstinence is an option - with that you could consider focusing physical intimacy with your spouse on ways that have no chance of resulting in conception. Couples who for whatever reason (physical, mental, convictions) can't do 100% of what they used to do often find that focusing on the 100% that they still can do is just as emotionally and relationally satisfying.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

i personally have just had negative experiences with condoms. I had nightmares etc about it. Sorry if this is tmi i am just being 100% honest, and i would feel like a hypocrite if i asked my wife to use birth control when i do not want to myself. Idk if this is from God but i feel convicted and it's frustrating me is all. I want to do the right thing and don't know why i had such issues within the last year.

 

[Blade]

I have a question for all you married couples out there, I firmly believe that I should not use birth control. Is there anyone out there in CF who feels the same way? If so how do you cope with the constant stress and possibility you could have 1 2 3 + kids and for me it's stressful to think that I might not be able to care for them.

How should I think about this.

Now I believe this but my wife didn't so.. praise GOD nothing to say..we were blessed by our Father with two. Now I have dear friends that believed this as .. I am sure the word backs up had tons of kids those that don't? Praise God. They did also believe not to ever use under arm? Yeah.. not a fan of that smell

 

[mama2one]

there is Natural Family Planning
we went to classes on it held by the Catholic Church

I believe they said it was 95 or 99 percent effective (don't remember for sure as class was yrs ago)

woman must take temperature daily before getting up & husband records
also, keep track of mucus
don't know if classes are still held on NFP or not

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

there is Natural Family Planning
we went to classes on it held by the Catholic Church

I believe they said it was 95 or 99 percent effective (don't remember for sure as class was yrs ago)

woman must take temperature daily before getting up & husband records
also, keep track of mucus
don't know if classes are still held on NFP or not

thanks for sharing

 

[Gnarwhal]

I have a question for all you married couples out there, I firmly believe that I should not use birth control. Is there anyone out there in CF who feels the same way? If so how do you cope with the constant stress and possibility you could have 1 2 3 + kids and for me it's stressful to think that I might not be able to care for them.

How should I think about this.

Having kids is the proper outcome of a marriage, so having as many as possible should not be avoided or induce stress. The conjugal act has two purposes: unites the spouses and procreation. In fact, if it fails in either of those it is sinful.

This is part of God's Natural Law, and I think people intuitively understand this even if they're outside the faith because there are a growing number of people rejecting artificial contraception. They're seeing the spiritual, psychological, and physical damage it's inflicting on it's users.

So the basic solution is this: if you do not want kids, then abstain from the conjugal act with your spouse. Simple. Because none of us should presume to play God and decide when life should or shouldn't be created, rather we should always remain open to life and God's miracles. There are methods that can be used that don't intervene on what God's ordained in nature, which usually involves observing the patterns of ones cycle and engaging in the conjugal act accordingly. This isn't a method of prevention, even though it's effectiveness is greater than artificial means. However, it's intended to delay pregnancy not avoid it outright.

My wife had our firstborn in January, and we have not engaged in the conjugal act since a month before he was born. Not because we don't want more kids, part of it has been that I've been away for three months, but also we're trying to time things out so we can keep up financially. If she were to get pregnant unexpectedly, that's glorious anyway though!

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Having kids is the proper outcome of a marriage, so having as many as possible should not be avoided or induce stress. The conjugal act has two purposes: unites the spouses and procreation. In fact, if it fails in either of those it is sinful.

This is part of God's Natural Law, and I think people intuitively understand this even if they're outside the faith because there are a growing number of people rejecting artificial contraception. They're seeing the spiritual, psychological, and physical damage it's inflicting on it's users.

So the basic solution is this: if you do not want kids, then abstain from the conjugal act with your spouse. Simple. Because none of us should presume to play God and decide when life should or shouldn't be created, rather we should always remain open to life and God's miracles. There are methods that can be used that don't intervene on what God's ordained in nature, which usually involves observing the patterns of ones cycle and engaging in the conjugal act accordingly. This isn't a method of prevention, even though it's effectiveness is greater than artificial means. However, it's intended to delay pregnancy not avoid it outright.

My wife had our firstborn in January, and we have not engaged in the conjugal act since a month before he was born. Not because we don't want more kids, part of it has been that I've been away for three months, but also we're trying to time things out so we can keep up financially. If she were to get pregnant unexpectedly, that's glorious anyway though!

thanks for your kind response i really appreciate it!

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I have a question for all you married couples out there, I firmly believe that I should not use birth control. Is there anyone out there in CF who feels the same way? If so how do you cope with the constant stress and possibility you could have 1 2 3 + kids and for me it's stressful to think that I might not be able to care for them.

How should I think about this.

This sounds like a better question for you to ask your doctor, a therapist, and/or a religious leader. If your doctor advises against not using birth control due to health reasons, then that should be a factor in your choice. If I told my doctors I was looking to get pregnant, they’d all flip right out. However, my husband had a vasectomy, I had a ballon ablation, and I just started on hormonal birth control to manage a medical condition, so there’s absolutely zero chance I’m getting pregnant (thank goodness).

Is the issue hormonal birth control or all birth control, like the rhythm method and/or condoms and/or other non-hormonal methods?

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

This sounds like a better question for you to ask your doctor, a therapist, and/or a religious leader. If your doctor advises against not using birth control due to health reasons, then that should be a factor in your choice.

Is the issue hormonal birth control or all birth control, like the rhythm method and/or condoms and/or other non-hormonal methods?

at the time i made the post it was on regards to condoms but feel like it could apply to all manmade birth control. i had nightmares about using condoms, and in my nightmare the condoms were test tubes used for collecting sperm. I have also seen testimony that birth control is considered a sin by some.

Truth is idk but to be safe i don't use birth control

 

[Tropical Wilds]

at the time i made the post it was on regards to condoms but feel like it could apply to all manmade birth control. i had nightmares about using condoms, and in my nightmare the condoms were test tubes used for collecting sperm. I have also seen testimony that birth control is considered a sin by some.

Truth is idk but to be safe i don't use birth control

It sounds like your first stop should be to a doctor, with your partner, to learn what birth control is, how it works, the benefits and drawbacks to each method, and which one does or doesn’t work for you based off of what you learn.

I can tell you condoms are not test tubes for sperm collection. If your sperm is in a discarded condom, I 100% promise you that literally nobody anywhere wants it for any reason at all.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

It sounds like your first stop should be to a doctor, with your partner, to learn what birth control is, how it works, the benefits and drawbacks to each method, and which one does or doesn’t work for you based off of what you learn.

I can tell you condoms are not test tubes for sperm collection. If your sperm is in a discarded condom, I 100% promise you that literally nobody anywhere wants it for any reason at all.

it's not the physical but the spiritual that i'm concerned with, and if you don't understand the concern then there's no sense trying to explain it to you.

I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?
John 3:12

 

[Tropical Wilds]

it's not the physical but the spiritual that i'm concerned with, and if you don't understand the concern then there's no sense trying to explain it to you.

I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?
John 3:12

My over-reaching point is I think that if you start with understanding the mechanics of the various forms of birth control as well as what options are out there, paired with the kind of information you get on personal exams for you and your partner, it will be easier to tackle the other questions from a spiritual/moral standpoint.

For example, if an exam reveals your partner isn’t capable of safely carrying a pregnancy or repeated pregnancies, or you have medical issues on your side, that is information that leads to entirely different choices/needs/moral answers. If I told my doctors I was looking to go off birth control and just let God decide how often I’m pregnant, they’d flat out panic. It is not the best choice for me and my health for a whole buffet of reasons. Given that, having my husband say that he’d like to leave our birth control to God, that’s arguably not the moral, healthy, or appropriate choice. A friend of mine had a medically complex pregnancy and a traumatic delivery that resulted in a blood transfusion for the birthing parent and a month-long stay in the ICN for their child. If they elected to do quiverfull living in those circumstances and left themselves in a place to get pregnant again, it would be disastrous by just about every metric in terms of morality.

So, talk to a doctor, get checked out, get the details on birth control, how it works, the advantages and disadvantages, and get checked out. Then, once you have the science, move on to talking to your partner and a therapist and/or religious representative to find out the ethical and moral questions you have.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

My over-reaching point is I think that if you start with understanding the mechanics of the various forms of birth control as well as what options are out there, paired with the kind of information you get on personal exams for you and your partner, it will be easier to tackle the other questions from a spiritual/moral standpoint.

For example, if an exam reveals your partner isn’t capable of safely carrying a pregnancy or repeated pregnancies, or you have medical issues on your side, that is information that leads to entirely different choices/needs/moral answers. If I told my doctors I was looking to go off birth control and just let God decide how often I’m pregnant, they’d flat out panic. It is not the best choice for me and my health for a whole buffet of reasons. Given that, having my husband say that he’d like to leave our birth control to God, that’s arguably not the moral, healthy, or appropriate choice. A friend of mine had a medically complex pregnancy and a traumatic delivery that resulted in a blood transfusion for the birthing parent and a month-long stay in the ICN for their child. If they elected to do quiverfull living in those circumstances and left themselves in a place to get pregnant again, it would be disastrous by just about every metric in terms of morality.

So, talk to a doctor, get checked out, get the details on birth control, how it works, the advantages and disadvantages, and get checked out. Then, once you have the science, move on to talking to your partner and a therapist and/or religious representative to find out the ethical and moral questions you have.

i'm already divorced, this post is old but thanks for the advice.

 

[Endeavourer]

Given that your wife is talking to other men, I would not have a child with her whatsoever until you have eliminated the possibility that she is cheating and have instituted safe guards in your marriage against cheating. Otherwise, she will get the kids and you will pay for their support your whole life but have little input into their life. It will consume almost half of your take home income and you will not be able to support a family with a woman you meet later that you could marry and that would not cheat on you. This is definitely NOT the time in your life to start having children.

Also, if you are continuing to have intimate relations you should be getting tested for diseases until you have completely ruled out cheating. Ruling out cheating is not hiding your eyes in the sand and hoping. It is definitively and conclusively ruling it out.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Given that your wife is talking to other men, I would not have a child with her whatsoever until you have eliminated the possibility that she is cheating and have instituted safe guards in your marriage against cheating. Otherwise, she will get the kids and you will pay for their support your whole life but have little input into their life. It will consume almost half of your take home income and you will not be able to support a family with a woman you meet later that you could marry and that would not cheat on you. This is definitely NOT the time in your life to start having children.

Also, if you are continuing to have intimate relations you should be getting tested for diseases until you have completely ruled out cheating. Ruling out cheating is not hiding your eyes in the sand and hoping. It is definitively and conclusively ruling it out.

i appreciate the input, when i posted this i was going through a lot, it's almost embarrassing to look at. We are going through divorce now

 

[Nicole T]

I have a question for all you married couples out there, I firmly believe that I should not use birth control. Is there anyone out there in CF who feels the same way? If so how do you cope with the constant stress and possibility you could have 1 2 3 + kids and for me it's stressful to think that I might not be able to care for them.

How should I think about this.

As the child of parents who did not believe in birth control: My parents had more children than they could emotionally handle. We were poor but we were fed and clothed and well educated. Emotionally, though, I'm 61 and still healing. They were overwhelmed. They had no time for themselves and nothing left to give all those children. My father ended up having a mental breakdown, leaving my mother with no income and 8 children. Is this what God intended parenting to be?? A destitute mother and a father wracked with guilt that he could not fulfill what he thought he was supposed to fulfill? My father tried hard to be a good Christian man. He did not drink or cheat.
The constant stress is going to effect your relationship with your husband. How can sex be true intimacy under the fear you describe? How can parenting be unconditional love if you are so overwhelmed financially and emotionally that your take it out on your children? The concept of preventative birth control being a sin is a man made construct. Where in the bible does it say otherwise? I consider that a very wide interpretation of "be fruitful and multiply".