Well as I understand it if your still alive then you could not have committed the unpardonable sin. Only if you die rejecting Christ then thats the unpardonable sin. Maybe the reason your not feeling overwhelmed with guilt is the Holy Spirit is only going to show you what you can handle as far as your sins. I still to this day remember things I did and feel the need to repent for them. So for me at least its been little by little because I think the Lord and the Holy Spirit know what I am capable of handling at a given time. For me at least I didnt feel like it was a one time and done type of thing (repentance wise).
I moved the message to here:
The fact that you say you have tried to seek Christ and failed, you are just not clear about what Christ offers based on salvation.
Galatians 5:19-21 is all of us. All of us, me, you, and everyone you know identifies with these sins in some way - so are you worse than any of these? God says even if we lie, we still identify as a murderer because lying is a sin, and sin is the transgression of the law, and if we break one law we break them all.
So, there is none righteous, Romans 3:10. So, this is the very reason we have been offered a free gift to be saved.
Because God knew none of us was able to walk righteous, Titus 3:5.
To explain reprobate mind. Reprobate means a depraved, unprincipled, or wicked person. I just showed you a list in Galatians 5:19-21. To turn you over means God saying “Ok, go ahead, I offered and you did not accept, so I will turn you over to your wicked mind. I remember my mother tried to talk me out of doing something that she thought might get me in trouble. I wouldn’t listen, so she said, we’ll go ahead, you won’t listen, I’m going to turn you over to make your own bad decision. This is the same thing God is saying.
All of us are in a reprobate state of mind before we accept Christ, but in Christ God gives us, peace, et., Galatians 5:22-23.
A hardened heart: So our hearts are hardened because every human being is born with a nature that’s hatred against God, a carnal nature, Romans 8:7. You are no more sinful than anyone else. God decided to forgive us through Jesus and give us His Nature, His seed to make us Children of God, 1 John 4:4, Galatians 3:26, to where having his seed we now cannot sin, 1 John 3:9. He crucified our old nature on the cross with Christ, Romans 6:6.
Are you saying you gnash your teeth when you read the Bible? What are you trying to do? Because you only need to believe.
Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth: to be honest, until God open up my full understanding about this, all I can say is we are offered salvation and if we ask for forgiveness in Christ, God forgives.
Another important issue to be aware of. We wrestle with powers, principalities, Ephesians 6:12 that tries to stop us from coming to Christ. But this is not your fight, it’s God’s fight. We just read the gospel, pray, and let the Holy Spirit guide us and strengthen us and remove anything that Opposed Christ.
Blaspheme the Holy Spirit couldn’t be forgiven under the Old Testament. After Jesus’s death and resurrection, we can’t blaspheme because under the new testament we can be forgiven.
I hope this helped you some