Yep, new to the forum, but not to this life of suffering. Have had some form of IBS since I was a child, but in 2000 when I turned 40, the cramping pain in my intestines began to take over my life. I was diagnosed with the new and improved version of non-diarrhea, non-constipation IBS, "Chronic Functional Abdominal Disorder". What that really means is the doc no longer knows how to help me. Spent the middle of the 2000's taking doctor prescribed narcotics, which, I subsequently became addicted to, of course. Naturally, they froze up my intestines and I could no longer digest food. In 2007, I lost at least 50 pounds and nearly lost my life until the docs pulled me off the narcotics. From 2007 to early 2011, I had somewhat of remission when the intestinal pain was tolerable. In April of 2011, the other shoe dropped and it all came back, except this time, I knew I couldn't take narcotics because of what happened last time. Doc has been prescribing the typical anti-depressants, have been on Cymbalta for at least five years, take Buspar for anxiety and tried amytriptiline but came off of it when it didn't do a thing. I am mother to four adult kids and grandma to seven beautiful grandkids, but it's hard for me to enjoy them. I wake up every morning with sharp intestinal cramping and follows me throughout the day no matter what I do. The depression is the lowest it's ever been and I've been having suicidal thoughts. My last child moved off to college this fall, sending me into a tailspin. Not quite sure what my purpose in life is anymore. My kids are raised, they grandkids are doing fine, my husband is great but would be fine if I died, which is what I want to do.
Pain, depression, listlessness every day, every day, every day...I hate it. Maybe this time it really will kill me this time and I do not care. What am I here for now, just to sit here and suffer? Have tried praying, reading my Bible, etc, doesn't help. No one around me understands chronic pain, especially my family. I think they'd be better off without having to be bothered by a mother who spends most days curled up on the couch not wanting to leave the house, which they don't like.
Okay, this is really too long, please forgive. I just do NOT want to do this anymore, seems that once you finish raising your kids, you're just sitting around watching your body deteriorate and suffering until then, you die. Can't bear the thought of living any more decades like this! What do I do? I mean really, what do I do?????!!!
Lori,
hopeless, depressed and in pain in Colorado
Pain, depression, listlessness every day, every day, every day...I hate it. Maybe this time it really will kill me this time and I do not care. What am I here for now, just to sit here and suffer? Have tried praying, reading my Bible, etc, doesn't help. No one around me understands chronic pain, especially my family. I think they'd be better off without having to be bothered by a mother who spends most days curled up on the couch not wanting to leave the house, which they don't like.
Okay, this is really too long, please forgive. I just do NOT want to do this anymore, seems that once you finish raising your kids, you're just sitting around watching your body deteriorate and suffering until then, you die. Can't bear the thought of living any more decades like this! What do I do? I mean really, what do I do?????!!!
Lori,
hopeless, depressed and in pain in Colorado