Need advice from multiple denominations

[Radion]

Ok get ready to read a ton. If you are not understanding/or at least accepting of the occult and have a short attention span leave. If you know nothing of the occult but wont freak out when you hear my story then you are welcome to stay. I need people with Experience in multiple forms or denominations of Christianity on this one (less mainstream forms are much needed also). Ok let’s start. Were do I even begin? I am stuck on my faith right now. I have no idea what to believe. Let me tell you a little about myself. When I was a little kid my parents were both Christian. We went to a Lutheran church with a rather big congregation. When I turned about 10 years old we stopped going to church. Over the next couple years I still believed in god but it slowly started to slip away. I started to explore other religions. I came upon Wicca which I quickly lost interest in. Soon after I began to deny god. I started to poke all sorts of holes in the teachings of Christianity. I ran across Satanism just out of curiosity. Got involved in Anton lavey’s style of Satanism for a while. Then things got more out of hand. In 2010 I ran across a cult called the joy of Satan. I quickly became brainwashed from there powerful yet corrupt teaching. I blasphemised god. And dedicated my soul to “Satan”. With my analytical mind over about a year I began to poke all sorts of holes in this group (Around that time my father got me a book called the idiots guide to Paganism.). Satan was not a real god to them. They worshiped a deity named Enki. I realized nothing about the group or what they taught me was true. I rebelled from the group actually taking a chunk of people with me. Turns out they were trying to brainwash people along with children into a neo-Nazi group. Depression actually began to take me over when I was in this group. Another reason why I left. To seal the deed I actually did a ritual called a reverse dedication rite. I blasphemised Enki one day after I got home from school. The burden on my mind lifted and I could finally breathe. I felt so relived to be free from that group. I took the book my father got me and got an interest in Paganism. Over about 4 months I got more and more books. Stuff on Shamanism, Runes, Chakras, etc. I constructed my own pagan altar. I felt good with Paganism. I began working with positive energy. Studying different forms of paganism along the way. I never really had any pagan deity’s I followed however. I was more of a pantheist. I believed that the goddess and the god are just a mix in the universe. If the universe was nothing but goddess it would be a dark mass of nothing ever happening. If the universe was nothing but god the universe would be nothing but a big mass of energy; exploding, destroying, moving, etc. They balance each other. About 3 months ago I began really starting to pay attention to Christianity again. Noticing the obvious flaws in the bible and Christen teachings. I talked to both my Step mom and my father about what there differing Christen beliefs were. My stepmother belonged to a church that was non-denominational. She believed that the bible was the word of god. And people should let there selves be free with the Holy Spirit. I talked to her for over an hour one day. She told me how the bible says the world is around 6000-10000 years old. But this was coming from god. 6000 years old to god could be billions of years to humans. She did not deny dinosaurs the formation of the earth scientifically or anything. She believes that A humanoid like species evolved up to Neanderthals. But she believes Adam and Eve were created soon after. With no relation to Neanderthals. She told me all about her church and how it is nothing like an average church. The people there communicate directly with god and the Holy Spirit. Some of the members actually have there own abilities for healing and other things. My step mother can never get lost. When we take a wrong turn when we are on the road she sits and waits for a minute. Then a route just comes to her she tells me. And we always get to where we are going. It does not matter were we are at. It amazes both me and my father. My brother can confirm this church is real. He says it is a lot like a rock concert. People running around happy and free with the Holy Spirit. Everybody speaks there own tongues. I still have yet to ask to see the church for myself perhaps I should ask my step mother to take me there. My step mother and brother also both talk about exorcisms and people actually walking into the church “possessed”. I have yet to see this yet. Another reason Why I should go and see for myself. My father on the other hand is more of a catholic. He grew up in a catholic church. His ideologies at times are beyond me. He is very cryptic when he talks. Questioning him only leads to more confusion. He does not know as much as I know about my step mother’s church. He only really ever heard about the exorcisms and my step brothers and stepmother dealing with demons in the home when my stepbrothers were young. Anyways one night my father, step mom, and another one of my step brothers who knows nothing of my step mom’s church for whatever reason. We were all sitting in the kitchen discussing difference between faith and religion. My step mother basically argued that organized religion was not the way to go. My father said differently. My step mom came out and asked my father when has he ever experienced anything from god through is so called “Religion”. My father got rather angry. That anger quickly settled into sorrow. He told my step mom He experienced gods grace when my beloved cousin Amanda died. She was only 19 years old. I was about 9 at the time. I remember an overpowering feeling on that day. All these people coming together to see this Childs passing. The energy in the air could only be explained as god like. I will never forget that feeling. My dad was starting to cry. (I am starting to cry as I type this. This will be explained later.) My father was a strong man. To see a man like him cry was an anomaly. He talked briefly through his sobs about Amanda as a child. His tears got heavy. I hugged him. My step mom said let him finish Nick. He kept talking. I was fine just a little teary eyed. He put his hand on my face (Crying now as I type this). And then he said that’s when I knew my faith was true. I felt some kind of unexplainable force move through his hand, into my face and all through his body. I broke into tears out of nowhere (I still get teary eyed just thinking about it even today). My Step mother said the Holy Spirit has made its move. I don’t cry over really anything. I have been through a lot mentally in my young life. From being completely lost to deep depression. I always pulled through though. Anyways life carried on after that day. I still argued against Christianity. With unanswered questions from that day. What was that force etc. Getting into arguments how Adam and Eve couldn’t exist. Poking large amounts of holes into the bible and the teaching of Christianity in general. On March 4th 2012 I went with my mom to her church because she signed up to bring snacks to the people of her church. I really did not want to go because I denied god but I love my Mother and she needed help. I sat through the service. In the middle of the service Again I felt this urge to just start crying when the minister was talking about how we should love and care for everybody regardless of denomination, religion, color, Gay or straight, etc. This is a very opening and welcome church. They believe god is a very loving but stern deity. Everybody is welcome. Gay, Straight, different ethnicity’s, etc. Everybody is equal. Anyways even though I believe Christianities teachings are wrong along with the bible I always feel this pull on a very deep level to the churches of Christianity. There is just something about it I cannot turn away from. With my deep knowledge of the occult and psychology I poke holes into Christianity. I still can’t deny its spiritual pull on my soul per-se. I am looking for a denomination of Christianity that accepts me. I do not feel this pull with any other religion. I don’t care to join my step Mom’s old church because I do not believe in the literal meaning of the bible. I am very heavy based on science and understanding of the universe. I have studied rather deep into quantum string theory and similar things in quantum physics. I have actually felt the power of ritual and “Magick” (spelled with an M to differentiate between stage magic and ritual) Whether or not this is just the way my subconscious works or not I have yet to understand. I have heard of the Gnostics in Christianity but can not find a modern group. I Just see the bible as a set of stories or a way to explain things which has and has not been explained. I am not looking to get into a cult because of the fear of getting wrapped up with ingrates and degenerates like the people of the cult heavens gate (who committed mass suicide). I don’t want to be part of future history because I got stuck under the command of some “Ultimate prophet” or leader who leads me to my death. A form of modern Christianity would be nice were I am not sitting on the pew for 20 years looking for something I will never find. But a group that accepts my occult knowledge and experience would be nice. If not I will find a church that lets me bring about my own interpretation and leave it at that. If you’re still around thank you for reading! And sorry you had to hear my whole life story if that bothered you any. Any suggestions would be nice. Especially more if I can go to a website instead of a church if possible. I hope I am not asking for to much. Thank you.

 

[drich0150]

i do not think very many denominations will appreciate all of the knowledge and experience of the occult and science you will have to offer. You will find Christianity is more about surrendering to God and less about your personal contributions to the religion. That said i am sure there will be a ministry somewhere that could use your knowledge as a way to help those who are trapped as you once were. Who these people are i personally do not know. Maybe do a search like this one, trapped in the occult need help - Google Searchand find a site and then back track to a good Jesus Christ centered Church.

 

[joey_downunder]

Your story is quite interesting and you deserve a good answer. If it helps I'll give you a quick journey through my somewhat colourful past through different denominations.

I have a Catholic upbringing, then went to a hypercharismatic church several times (too scary for me!), then Baptist church, then backslid for several years, then went to a Uniting Church that became a non-denominational/charismatic church (pastor did not accept pro-gay policies adopted at the time), then I moved to another city, then backslid (had no christian churches nearby), then moved to another city and went to an Assembly of God Church (charismatic denomination but relatively subdued compared to other AoG churches I had been to it in the past), moved to outback mining town where there was no church I felt comfortable attending (didn't want RC again) and explored mysticism a little but via online biblical preaching returned back to mainstream doctrine, moved cities (yet again!) then went to Baptist Church again last year where I finally felt comfortable and got baptised. One of the downsides or upsides of being an army wife travelling all around Australia - got to see many denominations at their best and worst.

So I have been through too rigid and traditional but very family-focused (RC), too extreme and assuming every spirit is from God but very powerful and moving services when Holy Spirit truly present (1st charismatic), slightly legalistic but extremely good at Gospel message that I finally heard in full for the first time (1st Baptist Church),
quiet bible focused church that gradually sacrificed Biblical teaching for political correctness (UC), fairly charismatic, slightly Word of Faith friendly, too focused on worship experiences but again very open to Holy Spirit (UC -> non-denominational), very musical gifted performers, great women's group support that I needed at the time but light-weight preaching that left me very dissatisfied at times (AoG), back to Baptist Church that had a good mixture of music and Gospel but slightly unfriendly to differences of opinions with other denominations. At least you know for sure where they stand....

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If you are asking for denominations that best suit your needs/background then probably a good bible-focused charismatic or non-denominational church is best. Charismatic churches tend to be more open to spiritual warfare and moves of the Holy Spirit. The latter category seems to to be a major need of yours at the moment to counteract your occult/paganism background.

However it sounds like you need a lot of Biblical teaching to explain WHY christians believe what we believe to counteract all your doubts about christian doctrine. That may be a bit uncomfortable and challenging at times but you'll have to stick through it to overcome the struggle you're going through with doubt.

You also seem to want somewhat liberal churches who are more open to evolution, open to discussion of challenging issues and passages, accepting of all people (those last two I definitely agree with!) but also a denomination that a lot of christians think are too soft on sin and anything goes (that I do not agree with because the Bible is quite specific on certain issues). The several charismatic churches that did have moves of the Holy Spirit tended to take the Bible fairly literally e.g. were openly creationists not evolutionists.

You need to do a lot of careful self-examination AND study of the Bible to figure out where to go next.

As for christian apologetics website to help you:
basic apologetics and doctrines CARM - Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry

middle-range apologetics: Tekton Education and Apologetics Ministries.
Preventing Truth decay - Helpful Resources
bethinking.org
Answering Skeptics -- Apologetics

advanced apologetics: Apologetics 315 This one has a fair few debates between christians and non-christians. Including the man who Dawkins refuses to debate..... Apologetics 315: William Lane Craig

 

[razeontherock]

Hi Radion!

I'm a bit puzzled by your inquiry. If I understand you correctly, you went to your (Step) Mom's Church today for the first time. Everything was wonderful. You are afraid they will try to somehow "force" you into some unknown beliefs that you think you won't like.

You say you want to be somewhere you are accepted, and able to make up your own mind.

Do I have that much right? If so, I hope you can already see where I'm going with this. They can't force you to think anything, and furthermore they aren't trying to make you drink the kool-aid. Don't be afraid to open up to them. They're accepting so far, right? If anyone has anything to offer, these people do. And they're accessible to you, NOW. I'm sure they aren't perfect, but you will be hard pressed to find another Church even as good.

Question yourself: are you telling yourself this has to be wrong just cuz it's Mom's Church?

As far as denoms go, I've run the gamut and what matters is people who are accepted by G-d, as evidenced by the seal of His Spirit. They have that AND YOU KNOW IT. Don't discount that, don't harden your heart, and don't take it for granted! Do be patient with those people there who aren't perfect. Even when you become aware of them making a mistake. Try to talk to the appropriate leaders about your concerns. Hopefully those involve your own continuing quest for Truth.

 

[Sketcher]

Hello. I read it all.

I can't really recommend anything other than what I believe, which looks like it's somewhere between your stepmom's beliefs and your dad's. I suppose you could say I'm conservative in doctrine but not traditional in style. Stylistically, my church sounds like hers, but we're more conservative than that theologically. And we believe that motivates us to be who we are - compassionate truth-teachers. We strive to make our church a safe place for seekers to ask their honest questions, but we don't change our doctrines. We will happily take converts from any background, even yours. As such, we wouldn't care that you used to study the occult so long as you don't keep practicing any of it, because we believe it to be a trap for your soul.

Now, one thing I did notice you have is a pattern of joining a spiritual or religious group, poking holes in it, and leaving. Is this a pattern you would like to break?

Also, I believe you're doing the right thing by moving towards giving Christianity another chance. If you want to pursue this further, I recommend you find out just what Christianity teaches - after all, what you've poked holes in is a perception of Christianity that you had since you were a youth. I think you'll find that true Christianity, when you account for everything, will be both correct and consistent. At very least, this investigation will do you no harm and you will have done the right thing by checking it out.

 

[vespasia]

You are not the first nor will you be the last to become disenchanted with childish form of Christianity to the point you go seeking elsewhere. You walked into a group based on Thule which has everything to do with the worst aspects of human nature and prejudice. You were clearly in the wrong place and then went for an eclectic pick and mix. Sadly not the first person to seek God in that kind of darkness so I'm not surprised once again you are questioning who Christ is.

Just as Satanism and various other LHP groups splinter and schism so does Christianity because both involve humanity. Christ is perfect and you will quickly learn his people are not nor will they agree with each other all of the time. It is also important to grasp the major metanarratives used to describe religious experiences within various Christian groups. It would be rather unusual to meet a charismatic Pentecostal Christian talking of having a vision of Mary any more than it would be to encounter an Anabaptist preaching on God TV.

Just because somebody has all feels an affiliation to a particular denomination doesn't mean they have understanding or knowledge of structures, hierarchy, who founded it and why, the theological thinking and so on. Just stop and think how many angry teenagers will claim to be Satanists yet have no basic grasp of occult philosophy in any form.

Different people will have different experiences of God because God is perfectly capable of meeting them where they are and God knows what will help a person to develop a relationship with God. An extrovert is unlikely to find a contemplative form of Christian spirituality very helpful and equally someone who is systematic and analytical may struggle with the expressive charismatic spirituality. We can have real problems when one person squares up to another and insist their way is right and should be applied to absolutely everyone.

When you speak of the dying remember it is a sacred space the ultimate liminal moment between life and what follows it will be emotionally charged by those who fear being left behind for the dying retreat into a space inside themselves with occasional moments of lucidity that is beyond the livings comprehension. Nobody expects a child to die before an adult yet this happens and when it does it will deeply challenge how we consider the world should be ordered. In such situations to not cry would be the anomaly. Strong men do cry but rarely for the death of a child is worth anyone's tears.

God is love beyond any concept of love frail humans can conceive but pure love that was capable of looking upon this world and all humanity and still having the compassion to come and live amongst us in a now that would transcend all of time and space so that the grace of God becomes available for repentant sinners today. Love does not collude with sin for all it is willing to hold out its hand to the sinner.

So what if you have knowledge of other things, compared to a relationship with God it is ash. There are those with knowledge of other things who have come to Christ because they realise knowledge on its own is nothing. It is also okay to spend time seeking asking questions and even if you feel able to do as God for help to find out who God is. It is the start of the journey that will last a lifetime for even if we live many decades we will only ever know a tiny fraction of God. God has however revealed himself in the incarnation of Christ who is fully man and fully God. The Gnostics can't cope with an entity that would sally itself with corporeal form yet God loves humanity so much he entered our domain and experienced it as we do and still continued to love us.

There are Christians who are scientists who love Christ. You may find it helpful to actually read some of their writings on the subject of critical thinking and faith. http://www.cis.org.uk/

The Gnostics cannot show you Christ only a parody created in man's image not Gods. The Bible isn't simply stories, it is poetry, history, prophecy, practical advice on daily living and much more. I have spent the past four years in the seminary studying applied theology and biblical studies and I've only scratched the surface I will spend the rest of my life with this book of simply stories because I know there is truth within it.

If you want to be accepted within the church stop treating Christ's people as sheeple for if you treat others as things they may well return the consideration. Currently you are already following someone who could easily lead you to your death and that is yourself. Remember it is not others who will be responsible for you spending 20 years sat on a pew not finding anything it will be you. You claim to be experienced in magick so take responsibility for yourself and start reading that book you have disdained.

There is no single website, online church or similar you can select the equivalent of a nice chocolate from there is only yourself stood before God with a heart that is looking for God as God truly is that will make any difference.

 

[lucaspa]

Try www.umc.org or the official site of the Episcopalian Church. You might also like the United Church of Christ. Good luck.

 

[Radion]

Thank you guys your combined knowledge is much appreciated.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

But a group that accepts my occult knowledge and experience would be nice.

Repent.
Why would any group that opposes JESUS be acceptable to you ?
Outside of JESUS, there is no help. No deliverence from satan.

 

[food4thought]

The question is, Radion, do you want a church that will help you to find a real faith in the Jesus of the Bible, or do you want a church that will make you feel comfortable and not challenge what you believe? I really don't think you will find one that does both.

If you want to find a real experience with God, and find good solid Bible teaching, I would suggest an evangelical charismatic church such as an Assembly of God or a Calvary Chapel (which is open to the Holy Spirit, but doesn't have everybody speaking in tongues in service). If you only want to be comfortable, and not be challenged doctrinally, I would think that a United Methodist or a Presbyterian USA church might be more to your liking. I would also recommend that you don't get hung up on whether a particular church is young earth creationist or old earth evolutionist, but just find a church that will teach the Bible consistently and verse by verse (not jumping all over the place from one sermon to the next).

It's easy to poke holes in what the Bible says if you come at it from a skeptical mindset, but I suggest to you that if you come to the Bible with an open heart and mind, you will find that it's words will have a transforming and healing effect upon you. And, in time, you will find that it is very consistent with reality.

Praying for you;
Michael

 

[1watchman]

This OP sounds like one who wants relief of a troubled mind and soul, but does not want God. If one does not want to know God and read His Word to learn of Him, then I don't think there is a real remedy.

 

[Lukaris]

There is a strong mystical strain within the Orthodox Church since our faith is focused on our Lord’s salvation of our souls in His entire sinless, incarnation: birth, life, the cross, resurrection, ascension. The transformation of our Lord on Mt Tabor ( Matthew 17:1-9 etc. ) is an annual liturgy.

I am only discussing a strong aspect of Orthodoxy to you. Most of us in the laity ( myself included) do not fully grasp this mystical aspect of Orthodoxy.

Still it is clearly evident in our worship. An ancient czar of Russia was deeply moved by it ( how much of Matthew 4:17 affected him I do not know ) and converted ( his emissaries had observed other faiths).

There is a book titled: The Mystical Theology of the Eastern Church by the late Russian theologian: Vladimir Lossky which seems to deeply discuss the mystical aspect of Orthodoxy. I have not read it. See: Amazon.

 

[1watchman]

This OP sounds like one who wants relief of a troubled mind and soul, but does not want God. If one does not want to know God and read His Word to learn of Him, then I don't think there is a real remedy.

I will make one further effort to show the path of God for an earnest seeker: read John 1; John 3; John 14 in a sound Bible like the venerable KJV, and see the invitation and truth of God for mankind in this general overview. One must first accept that there is a Creator-God who loves mankind and ever seeks their salvation ---so much that He gave "...His only begotten Son" (John 3:16) to suffer and die to redeem lost sinful souls to the holiness of our holy God. One needs to receive Him before it is too late (note 1 Jn. 5:10-12). Delaying and arguing about God is simply foolhardy, for tomorrow one may not be in this world.

See the urgency, friend; and you may write me personally if you wish to know more about Bible truth. I will pray now for you.

 

[Radagast]

Ok get ready to read a ton.

Why are you posting tiny text without paragraph breaks? It's impossible to read.

With my deep knowledge of the occult and psychology I poke holes into Christianity.

Such as?

And I think you will find that Christianity and the Occult are inherently opposed to each other.

In terms of general advice, I would recommend reading Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, which explains the basics of Christianity.

 

[PROPHECYKID]

Ok get ready to read a ton. If you are not understanding/or at least accepting of the occult and have a short attention span leave. If you know nothing of the occult but wont freak out when you hear my story then you are welcome to stay. I need people with Experience in multiple forms or denominations of Christianity on this one (less mainstream forms are much needed also). Ok let’s start. Were do I even begin? I am stuck on my faith right now. I have no idea what to believe. Let me tell you a little about myself. When I was a little kid my parents were both Christian. We went to a Lutheran church with a rather big congregation. When I turned about 10 years old we stopped going to church. Over the next couple years I still believed in god but it slowly started to slip away. I started to explore other religions. I came upon Wicca which I quickly lost interest in. Soon after I began to deny god. I started to poke all sorts of holes in the teachings of Christianity. I ran across Satanism just out of curiosity. Got involved in Anton lavey’s style of Satanism for a while. Then things got more out of hand. In 2010 I ran across a cult called the joy of Satan. I quickly became brainwashed from there powerful yet corrupt teaching. I blasphemised god. And dedicated my soul to “Satan”. With my analytical mind over about a year I began to poke all sorts of holes in this group (Around that time my father got me a book called the idiots guide to Paganism.). Satan was not a real god to them. They worshiped a deity named Enki. I realized nothing about the group or what they taught me was true. I rebelled from the group actually taking a chunk of people with me. Turns out they were trying to brainwash people along with children into a neo-Nazi group. Depression actually began to take me over when I was in this group. Another reason why I left. To seal the deed I actually did a ritual called a reverse dedication rite. I blasphemised Enki one day after I got home from school. The burden on my mind lifted and I could finally breathe. I felt so relived to be free from that group. I took the book my father got me and got an interest in Paganism. Over about 4 months I got more and more books. Stuff on Shamanism, Runes, Chakras, etc. I constructed my own pagan altar. I felt good with Paganism. I began working with positive energy. Studying different forms of paganism along the way. I never really had any pagan deity’s I followed however. I was more of a pantheist. I believed that the goddess and the god are just a mix in the universe. If the universe was nothing but goddess it would be a dark mass of nothing ever happening. If the universe was nothing but god the universe would be nothing but a big mass of energy; exploding, destroying, moving, etc. They balance each other. About 3 months ago I began really starting to pay attention to Christianity again. Noticing the obvious flaws in the bible and Christen teachings. I talked to both my Step mom and my father about what there differing Christen beliefs were. My stepmother belonged to a church that was non-denominational. She believed that the bible was the word of god. And people should let there selves be free with the Holy Spirit. I talked to her for over an hour one day. She told me how the bible says the world is around 6000-10000 years old. But this was coming from god. 6000 years old to god could be billions of years to humans. She did not deny dinosaurs the formation of the earth scientifically or anything. She believes that A humanoid like species evolved up to Neanderthals. But she believes Adam and Eve were created soon after. With no relation to Neanderthals. She told me all about her church and how it is nothing like an average church. The people there communicate directly with god and the Holy Spirit. Some of the members actually have there own abilities for healing and other things. My step mother can never get lost. When we take a wrong turn when we are on the road she sits and waits for a minute. Then a route just comes to her she tells me. And we always get to where we are going. It does not matter were we are at. It amazes both me and my father. My brother can confirm this church is real. He says it is a lot like a rock concert. People running around happy and free with the Holy Spirit. Everybody speaks there own tongues. I still have yet to ask to see the church for myself perhaps I should ask my step mother to take me there. My step mother and brother also both talk about exorcisms and people actually walking into the church “possessed”. I have yet to see this yet. Another reason Why I should go and see for myself. My father on the other hand is more of a catholic. He grew up in a catholic church. His ideologies at times are beyond me. He is very cryptic when he talks. Questioning him only leads to more confusion. He does not know as much as I know about my step mother’s church. He only really ever heard about the exorcisms and my step brothers and stepmother dealing with demons in the home when my stepbrothers were young. Anyways one night my father, step mom, and another one of my step brothers who knows nothing of my step mom’s church for whatever reason. We were all sitting in the kitchen discussing difference between faith and religion. My step mother basically argued that organized religion was not the way to go. My father said differently. My step mom came out and asked my father when has he ever experienced anything from god through is so called “Religion”. My father got rather angry. That anger quickly settled into sorrow. He told my step mom He experienced gods grace when my beloved cousin Amanda died. She was only 19 years old. I was about 9 at the time. I remember an overpowering feeling on that day. All these people coming together to see this Childs passing. The energy in the air could only be explained as god like. I will never forget that feeling. My dad was starting to cry. (I am starting to cry as I type this. This will be explained later.) My father was a strong man. To see a man like him cry was an anomaly. He talked briefly through his sobs about Amanda as a child. His tears got heavy. I hugged him. My step mom said let him finish Nick. He kept talking. I was fine just a little teary eyed. He put his hand on my face (Crying now as I type this). And then he said that’s when I knew my faith was true. I felt some kind of unexplainable force move through his hand, into my face and all through his body. I broke into tears out of nowhere (I still get teary eyed just thinking about it even today). My Step mother said the Holy Spirit has made its move. I don’t cry over really anything. I have been through a lot mentally in my young life. From being completely lost to deep depression. I always pulled through though. Anyways life carried on after that day. I still argued against Christianity. With unanswered questions from that day. What was that force etc. Getting into arguments how Adam and Eve couldn’t exist. Poking large amounts of holes into the bible and the teaching of Christianity in general. On March 4th 2012 I went with my mom to her church because she signed up to bring snacks to the people of her church. I really did not want to go because I denied god but I love my Mother and she needed help. I sat through the service. In the middle of the service Again I felt this urge to just start crying when the minister was talking about how we should love and care for everybody regardless of denomination, religion, color, Gay or straight, etc. This is a very opening and welcome church. They believe god is a very loving but stern deity. Everybody is welcome. Gay, Straight, different ethnicity’s, etc. Everybody is equal. Anyways even though I believe Christianities teachings are wrong along with the bible I always feel this pull on a very deep level to the churches of Christianity. There is just something about it I cannot turn away from. With my deep knowledge of the occult and psychology I poke holes into Christianity. I still can’t deny its spiritual pull on my soul per-se. I am looking for a denomination of Christianity that accepts me. I do not feel this pull with any other religion. I don’t care to join my step Mom’s old church because I do not believe in the literal meaning of the bible. I am very heavy based on science and understanding of the universe. I have studied rather deep into quantum string theory and similar things in quantum physics. I have actually felt the power of ritual and “Magick” (spelled with an M to differentiate between stage magic and ritual) Whether or not this is just the way my subconscious works or not I have yet to understand. I have heard of the Gnostics in Christianity but can not find a modern group. I Just see the bible as a set of stories or a way to explain things which has and has not been explained. I am not looking to get into a cult because of the fear of getting wrapped up with ingrates and degenerates like the people of the cult heavens gate (who committed mass suicide). I don’t want to be part of future history because I got stuck under the command of some “Ultimate prophet” or leader who leads me to my death. A form of modern Christianity would be nice were I am not sitting on the pew for 20 years looking for something I will never find. But a group that accepts my occult knowledge and experience would be nice. If not I will find a church that lets me bring about my own interpretation and leave it at that. If you’re still around thank you for reading! And sorry you had to hear my whole life story if that bothered you any. Any suggestions would be nice. Especially more if I can go to a website instead of a church if possible. I hope I am not asking for to much. Thank you.

I took the time to read through everything. This is one of the longest posts I read .lol.

Firstly, I can't really relate to a lot of what you have experienced in your life. I do know someone who can better relate to you. This guy grew up Catholic, became an athiest in his teens, got deep into the study of science, married the daughter of a very high degree freemason and learned/practiced many things in the occult such as astral travel from him. He was a professor at a university and head of a science department where he taught evolution.He had a child who had episodes of demon possession and the catholic priest was the only one who was able to cast it out. He later found out the reason for that and its sinister. He tells his life story on youtube and how he eventually choose Christianity and the bible. If you will like to hear his story let me know.