My wife should divroce me

[dobieman0488]

for some reason, I looked at inappropriate content tonight, so I cheated on Sarah, and if I tell her, she has every right to divorce me, I am demonic, satanic, and evil.

I cheated on, and betrayed my pregnant wife, and our son, because I got drunk and got curious. I am an evil, evil man.

 

[bethrow]

But we all have an evil nature. Don't beat yourself up. Confess to your wife and take the necessary steps to never do it again. Divorce is such a big word. I'm sure that isn't what you want and I'm sure your pregnant wife and son don't either.
If she's easy to speak with then it shouldn't be a problem with confessing to her.
Take the necessary steps to not be drunk again and not look at inappropriate content again. Being drunk can lead into doing things we shouldn't. A drink now and then is ok...but not getting drunk. It's just too risky.
Have a talk with your wife and tell her you are sorry and how bad you feel about it.

 

[WithLoveFromAlyssa]

I agree with bethrow.
Confession is important, and God doesnt like divorce at all..
I Recommend you tell her what happened..
Dont assume she will divorce you.

 

[Niffer]

Be honest and open.
Explain why it happened, expect that she'll be hurt.
Ask for forgiveness and keep going.

People make mistakes all the time in marriage, and true, some mistakes are a bigger deal than others.
inappropriate content can be one of those, but I get the feeling this isn't an addiction issue, but rather a lapse in judgment and giving into temptation.

Something we're all guilty of. ((HUGS))

Tell your wife, repent and keep going.

~ Niffer

 

[mkgal1]

Dobieman........personally, I HATE inappropriate content (what it steals from men and their relationships).....but, looking one time (out of curiosity) is far different than someone with a habit (or suppressed desire that's not acting out).

Ditch that shame (that's what our enemy wants us to hold onto). Cheating is when you love the inappropriate content----desire it----MORE than you love your wife. That's not you.

 

[Godsgirl79]

for some reason, I looked at inappropriate content tonight, so I cheated on Sarah, and if I tell her, she has every right to divorce me, I am demonic, satanic, and evil.

I cheated on, and betrayed my pregnant wife, and our son, because I got drunk and got curious. I am an evil, evil man.

Read my thread on swinging... that all started after my husband decided to cheat on me the same way.

I want to point out some things that I think just because of my own situation with my husband now that he has cheated on me for real....

First.... god says if we confess our sins he will be faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.. first john. I really believe the key word here is confess.. not make excuses. . This is going to sound harsh. . But this is what I hear u saying right now... "I got drunk... I got curiuos... I'm demonic.... excuses.

A true confession? "I chose to look at naked women behind my wifes back and lust after someone else" ..ironically my husband is also just making excuses himself and still hasn't confessed. He cries fake tears.. blah blah blah.. but the change isnt genuine.

I just think that u nees to be really honest about your sin to god. Then maybe to your wife. We all sin we all make mistakes. Putting yourself down isn't confession or necessary. God will forgive. When u confess it not only helps u get forgivness but also remorse so u don't do it again.

 

[LinkH]

for some reason, I looked at inappropriate content tonight, so I cheated on Sarah, and if I tell her, she has every right to divorce me, I am demonic, satanic, and evil.

I cheated on, and betrayed my pregnant wife, and our son, because I got drunk and got curious. I am an evil, evil man.

It is good when godly sorrow leads to repentance. But I don't think that means your wife should divorce you. You certainly shouldn't develop an attitude that pushes or encourages your wife to divorce you.

If you look at a woman to lust after her, you commit adultery in your heart. That is a sin against the Lord. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart. Your wife is one with you in body. I don't see anywhere the Bible justifies a wife divorcing a husband or a husband divorcing his wife over their partner's thoughts.

That's not to justify what you did. But it is a sin against the Lord. Fortunately, the Lord is gracious and forgiving to those who believe in His Son.

 

[Godsgirl79]

It says if u look at another woman to lust after her then u have committed adultery. . Dont sugar coat it. Itll really hurt your wifes feelings. .. be sure u are telling her for the right reasons.

 

[singpeace]

for some reason, I looked at inappropriate content tonight, so I cheated on Sarah, and if I tell her, she has every right to divorce me, I am demonic, satanic, and evil.

I cheated on, and betrayed my pregnant wife, and our son, because I got drunk and got curious. I am an evil, evil man.

We all have a sin nature. That is NOT to say what you did is in any way okay. inappropriate content is addictive. It can cost you your marriage, your possessions, your children, your job, everything.

I'll take what Christ said and translate it a bit into SingPeace speach.

Christ forgives. DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

for some reason, I looked at inappropriate content tonight, so I cheated on Sarah, and if I tell her, she has every right to divorce me, I am demonic, satanic, and evil.

I cheated on, and betrayed my pregnant wife, and our son, because I got drunk and got curious. I am an evil, evil man.

Well I have some news for you....your human! (insert shocked face)

Was it bad to look at? Of course. But the world does not end. Confess your sin, try to avoid inappropriate content (because now you may want to see it again), talk to your wife and move on. There are men who have inappropriate content addictions and then get rid of them despite maybe having looked again after many years just once. They have managed to keep their marriage afloat.

Looking once is no reason for divorce. As long as you truly regret it, truly are sorry and try hard not to look again then its all good. I'll pray that God gives your wife strength to forgive and realize we all make mistakes.

 

[ValleyGal]

I'm just thinking about confession. I'm not so sure confessing to your wife would be helpful at this point. Imo, it would rather likely just hurt her very deeply and destroy her respect for you. I think - if this is your first time looking at inappropriate content - you should get together with an older married man in your church that you can be open and honest with. Go to him, tell him what you did, and how much you regret your actions. Ask him to hold you accountable, and promise to stay honest with him about inappropriate content. Make a plan with him that if you are tempted, you can call or email him and he can pray with you or for you.

Honestly, I would not tell your wife at this point. I do not believe in confessing if it is going to harm the other person more than not telling. But if it becomes a habit, then yes, it becomes more harmful to her if you hide it because it will affect your sex life and how you think of your wife.

 

[mkgal1]

Valley Gal has a great point about a confession to Sarah may be doing more harm than good.

 

[LinkH]

IMO, you would be best confessing to and praying with a man who is mature in the faith rather than your wife unless the Lord specifically directs you to tell her.

 

[Niffer]

I'm just thinking about confession. I'm not so sure confessing to your wife would be helpful at this point. Imo, it would rather likely just hurt her very deeply and destroy her respect for you. I think - if this is your first time looking at inappropriate content - you should get together with an older married man in your church that you can be open and honest with. Go to him, tell him what you did, and how much you regret your actions. Ask him to hold you accountable, and promise to stay honest with him about inappropriate content. Make a plan with him that if you are tempted, you can call or email him and he can pray with you or for you.

Honestly, I would not tell your wife at this point. I do not believe in confessing if it is going to harm the other person more than not telling. But if it becomes a habit, then yes, it becomes more harmful to her if you hide it because it will affect your sex life and how you think of your wife.

VG, I don't think I can agree with that one, and this could totally be a personal preference thing, but I've had to deal with a lot of pain and "confessing" in our marriage, and though it broke my heart, I always believed I was better off "knowing" than happily ignorant.

This inappropriate content issue really seems like a one time thing (more or less) and I pray that she'd have the wisdom and grace to understand the heart that her husband is coming to her in, and be able to forgive him.
But keeping a hurtful truth from someone, especially your spouse, because you're 'trying to protect them' rarely, if ever ends well.

What if this comes up again? and again?
And he keeps avoiding telling his wife, because he doesn't want to hurt her, then she finds out herself?

The betrayal of him hiding it, will probably cause much more pain, than him actually confessing now. :shrug:

Just my 2 cents, of course.

~ Niffer

 

[ValleyGal]

Perhaps it is a matter of preference, and only the OP knows his situation well enough to determine whether confession will be accepted and forgiven.

In the 12-step program that I facilitate, the way they discuss confession is that they confess unless it would harm them or others. This kind of situation is a tricky one because by telling, harm will be done to her and possibly to their children (if it goes as far as a divorce). But if he does not tell, there could be harm to her by him feeding it more and more and developing an addiction. I think in the case of the OP, since we don't have many details to work from, it would be wise to talk to an elder in the church who he knows and can trust, and work it out with him.

If the OP decides to confess to his wife, hopefully he will be prepared to go all the way with the reconciliation - that is, confess, acknowledge how (specifically) it hurt your wife, ask her to forgive you, and then explain that you are prepared for whatever consequences come from what you did. It needs to be spoken with sincerity that can only come from true sorrow for having hurt her.

I have to say to the OP that if he is 25 and has never looked at inappropriate content before, good for him! After all, it's all over the net, and surely he has been on the net all his life. But....the OP is edited, and I thought I had read that he had been drunk, so one way to prevent looking again is to not drink too much anymore (if that's what happened).

The other part of this is the OP's claim that he is evil, demonic. This is a lie, so don't believe it! All sin is evil, and we all sin. Our righteousness is in Christ Jesus, so that's why we need to stay fixed on him! But if we as Christians still sin, that does not mean WE are evil. It means that we have fallen short and must run to Jesus for his righteousness.

 

[dobieman0488]

I am a total hypocrite, I always said how inappropriate content is evil, and i looked at inappropriate content. I'm not the kind of man of integrity I thought I was. My testimony as a Christian is irreparably destroyed now. I am that hypocrite, the pervert, the sicko now. Looking at inappropriate content cancels out all my supposed good deeds. I contributed to a culture of abuse and shame of women. inappropriate content is also connected to sex trafficking, so I'm kind of implicit in that too. There is no way to sugarcoat the horrible, disgusting, offense I committed against God. I am a pagan worshiper, unfit to claim the name of Christ. Sarah and Gavin and our unborn baby deserve so much better of a man to lead spiritually. I am now a horrible husband and father. This has tarnished and destroyed my testimony as a christian. I am a pervert, plain and simple.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Have you told your wife yet?

 

[Godsgirl79]

I am a total hypocrite, I always said how inappropriate content is evil, and i looked at inappropriate content. I'm not the kind of man of integrity I thought I was. My testimony as a Christian is irreparably destroyed now. I am that hypocrite, the pervert, the sicko now. Looking at inappropriate content cancels out all my supposed good deeds. I contributed to a culture of abuse and shame of women. inappropriate content is also connected to sex trafficking, so I'm kind of implicit in that too. There is no way to sugarcoat the horrible, disgusting, offense I committed against God. I am a pagan worshiper, unfit to claim the name of Christ. Sarah and Gavin and our unborn baby deserve so much better of a man to lead spiritually. I am now a horrible husband and father. This has tarnished and destroyed my testimony as a christian. I am a pervert, plain and simple.

Its good that u have remorse, however let me point something out... christ died on the cross for your sins...for past present and future sins. That is the beauty of his forgiveness. . And what makes us greatful and in debted to him.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I am a total hypocrite, I always said how inappropriate content is evil, and i looked at inappropriate content. I'm not the kind of man of integrity I thought I was. My testimony as a Christian is irreparably destroyed now. I am that hypocrite, the pervert, the sicko now. Looking at inappropriate content cancels out all my supposed good deeds. I contributed to a culture of abuse and shame of women. inappropriate content is also connected to sex trafficking, so I'm kind of implicit in that too. There is no way to sugarcoat the horrible, disgusting, offense I committed against God. I am a pagan worshiper, unfit to claim the name of Christ. Sarah and Gavin and our unborn baby deserve so much better of a man to lead spiritually. I am now a horrible husband and father. This has tarnished and destroyed my testimony as a christian. I am a pervert, plain and simple.

As time passes, you will see this situation for what it is and for what God sees it as.

You making a mistake.

God has already forgiven you. You just need to forgive yourself.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

You know, it's about dynamic. If the dynamic he's got in his marriage is that it's adultery, then I'm not about to tell him it's not. In mine, my husband doesn't view inappropriate content and neither do I, and if I found out he did on one occasion, I don't think I'd be upset, but I'd be concerned in why the sudden change. That said, there are plenty of folks here who feel differently. I'm not about to undermine the trust they've built by interjecting myself and saying it's not cheating when the dynamic they've established is that it is. If you were the wife and this was the expectation and standards you'd set, and your husband were to come to you and say "I viewed inappropriate content, but don't be upset because a bunch of people on Christian Forums said it's not adultery so we're OK," would that make you feel better? I'm guessing no.

Regardless, he's obviously feeling bad about it, I don't think hearing that it's no big deal is particularly helpful.