Marriage is a sham and now we have a child...

[Boss_BlueAngels]

So... yeah. Married 10 years, together 17. Had our fist kid LAST July who is an absolute blessing. My wife has been having a very difficult time and keeps saying how much she hates being a mother and regrets having a kid. Soul crushing to hear those words. I spent a good hour tonight during his midnight feeding (still doing that occasionally) in tears, praying things can turn around. I'm at a loss for how to help my wife. I want this to work but don't know what will make her happy.

Thank you for listening.

 

[Radagast]

Praying for the three of you.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

So... yeah. Married 10 years, together 17. Had our fist kid LAST July who is an absolute blessing. My wife has been having a very difficult time and keeps saying how much she hates being a mother and regrets having a kid. Soul crushing to hear those words. I spent a good hour tonight during his midnight feeding (still doing that occasionally) in tears, praying things can turn around. I'm at a loss for how to help my wife. I want this to work but don't know what will make her happy.

Thank you for listening.

I pray that you will be drawn together with strong ties of love and that the Lord will bless you richly with the knowledge of his love. Lord grant this family the rich experience of knowing you with real certainty and clear understanding. In Jesus precious name

 

[disciple Clint]

So... yeah. Married 10 years, together 17. Had our fist kid LAST July who is an absolute blessing. My wife has been having a very difficult time and keeps saying how much she hates being a mother and regrets having a kid. Soul crushing to hear those words. I spent a good hour tonight during his midnight feeding (still doing that occasionally) in tears, praying things can turn around. I'm at a loss for how to help my wife. I want this to work but don't know what will make her happy.

Thank you for listening.

Have you considered asking your wife to join a parents group with you, it may be the change of perspective and support that could help. wishing you and your family blessings and CAVU

 

[OrthodoxWanderer]

Does your wife have post partum depression? I doubt she actually means the things she is saying. Hormones are a heck of a drug.

 

[tturt]

Really sorry that this is happening. Perhaps asks her what she dislikes the most? Midnight feedings, no alone time, body changes, physical exhaustion, etc Asks the Lord how to help her with it.

btw, it sounds like you help. Just wondering - are household standards perfection? They can be very difficult to maintain with children. Also, help more - let her see you load the dishwasher, etc. (Not expecting you to reply here).

Praying.

 

[LoricaLady]

I think that was something worth considering, above, about post partum depression. If you have been with the woman for 17 years, and she has not been abusive to you, then it seems she is acting atypically for some reason.

Of course I have no clue, but I am wondering if she has some issues from her childhood, some kind of abuse. Maybe having a child would trigger negative emotions. I pray if that is the case that you will help her get healing.

One thought occurs, which I hate to mention, but do you think there is any chance she might be abusive, or neglectful, to the child? Something to maybe be alert about and pray about.

She needs healing for some reason as her responses are not in the normal range for a new mother. I pray for her healing, for your healing as you are being hurt in this scenario, for the baby. I pray for wisdom and light on what to do to help her.

 

[Boss_BlueAngels]

Thank you everyone for your prayers and advice. It's a heck of a situation, for sure. She was adopted, and so this uncovered all kinds of feelings of abandonment. Her dad passed away 12 years ago in her arms as she was giving him CPR with her hysterical mom screaming at her in the background. Her mom is undiagnosed but clinically messed up and has the compassion of a brick. She keeps sharing with my wife all these just horrible things... like how she didn't even realize her baby teeth had come in until there were 9, and that she never bothered to learn my wife's cues as an infant and just on and on and on. Plus the woman is just a terrible human.
And then you add on that the only value she sees in herself is if she has a job, so she sees staying at home as being an ultimate failure. And then COVID happened and the three of us are stuck in this 900 square foot apartment. I'm working from home, so I help every moment I can. And she has no escape. She has alienated all friends and the things she did love are all closed. We won't dare leave our kid with her mom and my parents are in their 70's and in poor health, so... not a lot there.

We did try a parents group at the very beginning, but never connected with anyone there.

We'll see... trying to come up with some support for both of us.

 

[LoricaLady]

Whoa. Those are a lot of issues. I pray you will not feel like you have to somehow fix everything. You seem to be trying to do your very best, and that is admirable, but some things we human can't fix. If you are very healthy I suspect a 24 hour once a week water only fast might help with prayer for strength, healing, help. More fasting than that is not healthy for the body, particularly the adrenals.

 

[tturt]

Also, encourage you to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

There's hundreds on youtube.

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Praying too!

 

[Paul4JC]

Lord we pray for Boss_BlueAngels family. For so much healing and help needed in so many areas. We ask for some miracles here. For your grace and wisdom as to what to do. For your providence in people, and resources for the future. In a impossible situation, we pray for better days. In Jesus name, Amen.

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jer 29:11 NIV

 

[saved24]

Praying for you and your family. God bless.

 

[Stephanie7]

Heavenly Father, reach her heart and reveal the problem to her and to her husband, help her with her lack of nurturing that she should be giving the baby. Help her to open up about how she feels, without judgement, let her speak. Help her to release the problem from within so she can be helped. Encourage her to have hope. Help her to bond with her child and with her husband again, In Jesus Name, Amen

Praying for your wife, it may be PPD until her hormones balance and return to normal. She has been through a lot of change. She may feel tired, with a loss of her identity and freedom as she knew it, and as you said she feels like a failure without a job, and being isolated with the baby and confined to a small apartment? Maybe the baby is getting all the affection and she doesn't feel loved or appreciated in the same way she was before? May God bring the answers.

 

[Joined2krist]

Praying for your wife to be filled with the Holy spirit, to have love and compassion for her child and to be joyful and patient in tribulation

 

[tturt]

I would say affirmation statements to both your baby and her. Speak life, wholeness. God knows everything about us and loves us.

Could do a Bible study together such as studying God's names, titles, and attributes. There are lists online. I select sites that include the Scriptural bases so I can check them out for accuracy. Could do one a day. Also, learn more about how God sees us.