It took a combination of things for me John. When I became a believer I did an in-depth study on just what all happened to Jesus the day of His crucifixion, the beatings, being slapped, spit on and etc. then I read about what happens to the human body during crucifixion and that horrified me and by the time I got done and it all clicked into place just what He went through for me it hit me so hard all I could do was cry. To understand the suffering He went through because of His love for me still amazes me. I was a nothing John, I was a broken person, broken by circumstances of life and He took me and put me back together and loved on me. I couldnt understand at first how to love someone I couldnt see but after this He became real to me, more real than you or anyone else is to me. The more I read about Him and His ways and the more I just talked with Him, not prayers but talking with Him as a friend, talking about my fears and anything the more I fell in love with Him. Its basically like any human relationship, getting to know each other. What I like doing most is in the evening after I am sure I wont have company is to just worship Him, first asking Father for forgiveness of my sins then I just thank Jesus for what He has done for me, what He has provided for me, I worship Him for who He is to me, and I tell Him how much I love Him. Sometimes when I first start I have trouble getting my mind to quiet down and quit wondering all over the place. When I am trying to worship the Lord is when my mind wants to figure out my problems in life but I just keep going until it gives up and lets me worship. I do not need music like some but its ok to have music. I keep on with this private worship for hours, once in a while, all night, I may tell Him a thousand times I love Him and He sure doesnt mind. After a while I reach a place of such peace that nothing can upset me. Sometimes we talk, sometimes I just sit in His presence. Even though I know He is always with me there are times I actually feel His presence. When this happens the room fills with His love, its like it is so thick you could cut it with a knife as the saying goes. His love surrounds you and is in you. Its hard to explain. The problem is when this happens I just want to go on home with Him instead of staying here. There is nothing on this earth that even begins to compare to His love, there is nothing I would ever trade for His love. John, you are just going to have to put your self, and your worries to the side and spend lots of time with the Lord if you can. You will never regret spending extended hours with Him. Well God bless John.
