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Living together before marriage

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by superjsuh, Feb 7, 2003.

  1. vibrant

    vibrant now more than ever, i cherish the cross

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    in a way you should be concerned with how people view you because others should be able to see Christ in you. if you think you're living a christian life, but if others don't see it then you've tainted your testimony and lost out on the most powerful witnessing tool - your actions.
    ...
    well said freeophelia
     
  2. Malachi383

    Malachi383 New Member

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    Jill-

    This doesnt make sense. If one person thinks is just a roomie situation, they wouldnt get married in the first place. They would end it before the marriage, not after.

    Broke? Jobless? LIVE WITH THE PARENTS!!!! Yes, the economy sucks. But in the end, there is no way to justify living together if you are going to truly follow Christ. It can be found in Genesis as from God, or you can find St. Paul referencing it, a man leaves his mother and father to become one flesh with a woman. Does he leave and then live together with her before becoming one flesh? NOPE! He leaves ONLY TO BECOME ONE FLESH. So unless you are married, and one-flesh, DONT LIVE TOGETHER!

    Also, you have been in the same bed three times. That is nothing compared to living together. With sharing a bathroom and/or bedroom, you are more likely to see the other person either naked or in skimpy clothing, something which does not generally incite purity of intetion or deed. Also, 3 times is nothing compared to every single night. And as time draws on, you will get more comfortable together in that you might be a little lazier about what you wear around the house, etc.

    Just because you havent yet and have had 3 occasions, doesnt mean that you wont. The temptations will be much stronger, as there will be countless situations.

    I know some of this is redundant to what other people have said, BUT IT IS WORTH REPEATING. LOVE BEARS A RESPONSIBILITY, AND DEMANDS MUCH MORE. If you truly do love each other, you will continue down the path you have decided, separate places. There are going to be things that might tempt you to move in together, finances, whatever. BUT FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE DONT!

    God bless
     
  3. JillLars

    JillLars It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07

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    Actually a lot of people do get married for that reason, the girl may have a whole scenario worked out in her head, and they guy  might not be ready to get married but will do it anyways....and it can go both ways, don't tell me it can't because my parents did it and they're getting divorced now.



    I can't live with my parents because they live over an hour away from my school and work.  Not to mention the fact hey no longer have a room for me.  Please don't judge my situation without knowing the facts.  If you can give me some biblical evidence about what constitutes "one flesh" please see my other post on it. 



    If he can't handle living with his girlfriend now, dealing with the laziness and the messes would he be able to handle it when they are married.  I moved in with my boyfriend knowing we are going to get married, and so far we do the dishes together and we manage, he deals with my junk all over the bathroom counter and I deal with his dirty socks on the floor...I don't see how wedding vows make those things any easier or more pleasant to deal with. 
     
  4. OLDoMiNiON

    OLDoMiNiON Senior Member

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    lol, obviously not, but thats not what was being said!
    I think you are just skirting around the problem here. Why do you think that you are any stronger than anyone else?

    In the "Kissing: When is it right" thread a conversation went like this:

    why do we, as younger christians not listen to older, possibly much wiser christians, who have experienced the same thing as us? Because we are self-righteous, and think we know best!
    Have you noticed that all the people here who are actually married, wish that they hadn't lived together... - why, because it spoils that special day wereyou "leave your father and mother, to be united with your wife" (or husband!) thats why! God created it that way... and i believe that is the way we should do it!

    But, fine, if you want to ignore the wise words of more experienced people on here - go ahead!

    I'm not aiming to be mean or condemning, i'm just illustrating what an important issue this is, and how strongly i feel about it.

    love in christ
    Chris
     
  5. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Caribbean Queen

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  6. hotknikkels

    hotknikkels ™Barbarian Christian™

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    For the record, here are the 10 top reasons why men are "slow to commit:"

    1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.

    2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying.

    3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.

    4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.

    5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.

    6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate, and she hasn't yet appeared.

    7. They face few social pressures to marry.

    8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.

    9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.

    10. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.

    Wow - so true and so sad.

    Live together before marriage? Don't, plain and simple.
     
  7. Evening Mist

    Evening Mist gentle mother

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    Actually, it takes 2 people to complete this picture. And there are a fair number of reasons that women are not comitting as easily these days. Not the least among them is that women are able to pursue success in other ways than through marriage. Women are less dependent on men for survival and fufillment. Thanks to birth control, women are less likely to get pregnent "by accident" and so are less conscerned about stability for children.

    I'm not making a value judgement about any of this, just trying to point out that isn't all about men who are afraid to committ. Current statistics show that men are happier when they are married, and women are happier when they are single. No -- I don't have a reference.

    The old "Whey buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," is incomplete and kind of demeaning. Women like milk too.
     
  8. OLDoMiNiON

    OLDoMiNiON Senior Member

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    yeh, thats all true. But is it wrong for us to think like that? I mean, shouldn't we want the best marriage, and the best wife we could possibly have?!?!
    I think that Christian couples quite often get married too early (and we all know why!). I mean take a look at your parents, they probably didn't get married until they were in their early, even late 20's, maybe even later! (with a few exceptions of course). but i know lots of people who have got married at very early ages of, 16 or 17, and it's been a big shock to them! i think it could be wise *for somepeople* to wait until they are settled down, and have a sucure income etc, before they take such a huge leap!
     
  9. hotknikkels

    hotknikkels ™Barbarian Christian™

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    Oldo - I was not saying that we think like that - the world thinks like that!

    Anyway I am 22 and still not thinking of getting married for a few more years - that is because I believe I am not ready and that God is gonna work on my character while I am single and help prepare me for when I get married and then when it is His timing, I believe that I will know!
     
  10. OLDoMiNiON

    OLDoMiNiON Senior Member

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    na, some of them apply to us too! I was reffering to those!


    and, yeh, i respect your stand. It's a hard one to make, but i know u can do it!
     
  11. Dawn Marie

    Dawn Marie Lips are turning blue...

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    I see nothing wrong with living together before marriage as long as you know the other person is the right one for you. I'll probably live with my boyfriend before we get married...:)
     
  12. OracleX

    OracleX Healer of Broken Hearts

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    Living together before marriage is such a dangerous thing to do. I can not find any verse that says 'though shalt not live together before marriage,' but I can not find any reference to God honored sort of arrangement in the Bible. The risk is so great for adultery and fornication. I don't understand how anyone who seeks to be holy before God would want to try that. The Bible tells us to flee from the apperance of evil. Flee, run and stay away from evil. Living together is running in the wrong direction, you are running right in to a situation where the Devil is rubbing his hands together plotting against you. Remember the adultery doesn't even need to be something that is physically done - you can commit adultery in your thoughts and in your heart. For two people in love that love God, this shouldn't even be a consideration. I don't mean that to be harsh. It is that we have enough problems in our daily lives and enough temptations to deal with, that living together is just like straping a big hunk of meat to you and jumping in to a piaran tank and expecting not to get hurt.
     
  13. seebs

    seebs God Made Me A Skeptic

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    The Bible is very quiet on what does or doesn't count as marriage, what the requirements are, and so on. Actually, it does say specifically once: You move out from your parents' place and become one flesh.

    It's good enough for God, I'm not gonna condemn it.

    Same reason they get out of bed in the morning; because you've got a life to live, and God may not be very glorified by hiding from it.

    It's not as if people are sitting around trying to invent ways to push the boundaries of holiness. People have emotions and desires, and frequently act on them. Whether or not this is holy is a very interesting question; I'm inclined to think it's not inherently unholy.

    Indeed, I suspect it isn't a consideration; as you say, they're in love, and they love God. Sounds to me like Satan lost.

    Why does Paul recommend marriage, even though he doesn't like it? "It is better to marry than to burn." A committed, monogamous, sexual relationship is better for you than wishing you had one.
     
  14. S Walch

    S Walch -

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    Yes, but he says get married - not live together, see if you like it and then get married.
     
  15. OracleX

    OracleX Healer of Broken Hearts

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    First lets get the definitions out of the way.

    Main Entry: for·ni·ca·tion
    Date: 14th century
    : consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other -- compare ADULTERY

    Main Entry: adul·tery
    Date: 15th century
    : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery

    Main Entry: cov·e·nant
    Date: 14th century
    1 : a usually formal, solemn, and binding agreement
    2 b : a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action b : the common-law action to recover damages for breach of such a contract

    Now that you understand that fornication is between two persons not married and that adultery is also done with someone that you are not married to. Here are some scriptures that are very clear that these are not good things and are sin and despised by God.

    Matthew 15:18-20
    But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man."


    Exodus 20:14 & Deuteronomy 5:18
    "You shall not commit adultery."


    Proverbs 6:32
    "The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it."


    Hosea 4:1,2
    "Listen to the word of the LORD, O sons of Israel, For the LORD has a case against the inhabitants of the land, Because there is no faithfulness or kindness Or knowledge of God in the land. There is swearing, deception, murder, stealing and adultery. They employ violence, so that bloodshed follows bloodshed."


    Matthew 5:28
    "but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."


    1 Corinthians 7:9
    "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."


    We could go on an on with more verses but I think that this is clear enough. Fornication is sin. Fornication is sexual relations with someone outside of marriage. Adultery is sin. Lusting for anyone outside of marriage is sin. There is also the story of Jesus with the woman at the well in John 4.

    John 4:17,18 “The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have correctly said, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly."

    Jesus says very clearly here that the person that she is living with is not her husband. She is living with him and that does not constitute a marriage.

    As far as marriage goes, the Bible is not very clear or specific on what acts need to be done to be married. However, just as the Bible does not say ‘though shalt not listen to rock music,’ you can gather by looking at scripture and the character of God that it is not right. Marriage is the same. There are many verses that speak of marriage but do not speak to that acts that made the two married. But again, taking scripture as a whole and the character of God, we can come to some conclusions about marriage.

    Weddings are public events
    The Bible talks of weddings and how it was public event where people are invited to witness the covenant between the two getting married.
    • Matthew 22:1-13 is a parable that Jesus tells of a wedding. People are invited, it is an event with many witnesses.
    • John 2:1-12 Jesus is at a wedding because He was invited to it along with many others.
    • Ruth 4:10 Ruth is purchased and is taken as the wife as Boaz in with presence of many witnesses.

    There are other passages as well but as you can see, weddings we events that people were invited to and were celebrated things. The taking of a wife was something that there were witnesses to. There are verses that talk of weddings being public events where witnesses gather together. What I was not able to find was verses that said that weddings were secret or hidden or that they just happened in peoples heart. There are passages that don’t give detail as to what happened but the ones that do, they state a public event and witnesses.

    Another way to look at this is that in the Bible marriage was binding. A married man or woman just couldn’t walk away from a marriage. They were binded by the covenant that they made when they got married. Here is an example of where one is bond to the covenant of marriage.
    Malachi 2:14 “Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
    Here it talks not about people being witness but God. It also says that there is a covenant between a husband and a wife. Going back to the definition of covenant it is a binding agreement. Also Deuteronomy 24:1,3 talks about a certificate of divorce. Why would you need a certificate of it was never a binding agreement in the first place? Matthew 5:21 states that if anyone sends away his wife that they must send them with a certificate of divorce. Again why bother if there was not a binding agreement? Why all the paperwork? Note that it is a piece of paper, a certificate. It is officially dissolving the marriage agreements between two people. If there is a certificate of divorce that makes the dissolving of a marriage official, wouldn’t it make sense that there is a certificate or a piece of paper making it official between them in the first place? If you are just living with someone, do you have this certificate? If something were to happen and you walked away, would you have a divorce certificate. No, because you we never married in the first place.

    If you add it all up you get that marriage is a binding agreement that is witnessed by others and God that has a paper trail. We also see that in most of the references that it is a public event where people are invited and it is a ‘feast.’ So living together before marriage and having sex and loving each other with all your heart does not make you married. And since you are not married then what you are doing is fornication and adultery which is sinning against God.
     
  16. S Walch

    S Walch -

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    *applaudes Oracle X*

    /me thinks that the topic question has now been answered *
     
  17. milly2

    milly2 New Member

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    [countup=Dec 25, 2003;Pray a lot.;BLUE]My Countup[/countup]
     
  18. OLDoMiNiON

    OLDoMiNiON Senior Member

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    yup - spot on milly
     
  19. Exodus

    Exodus New Member

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    I have a question that maybe a little off the topic. but I didn't know where else to post it. Here is my question:

    How much weight should one give to great physical attraction or lack thereoff when considering a marriage partner?

    Thanks for the help.
     
  20. hotknikkels

    hotknikkels ™Barbarian Christian™

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    very good question - think of it this way - yeh you gotta be attracted to the person but all that will fade away when you are both 50 - 60 years old and then you have to think what is left???

    I think attraction is part but not parcel of marriage to start of with - there are loads of other elements to consider - for example, what you both like, what are your dreams, are you friends, are you compatiable - spiritually as well as emotionally, and loads of other stuff...

    But would you wanna be with someone you are not attracted to??? I know that I wouldn't!!!