Judgmental christian co-worker

[newbiebeliever]

As you can tell, I am a new Christian by my name. However, I need some
Christian advice.

I recently started a new job and met a christian co-worker, however I have been here for slightly over a month and I find her very judgemental if not down right selfish. I need help on how to deal with her.

I find it hard to believe that I am saying this but then there has been a chain of events that have happened to make me realize that this is really happening from another Christian. I am disappointed and trying to remind myself that Christians are only human and that if God can forgive our sins, I should be as well...but....its quite hard when you see her 5 days/week.

First of all, she has told me that she has been a Christian longer than me and said her whole family are Christians. She said to me, "you've only been to church for less than a year? oh....." The tone was unfriendly and the look on her face was not that nice. Anyways, I forgot about it after a while since I didn't think anything of it at the time.
A few times recently at work, she has basically not been sharing her work with me and is not telling me anything on how something should be done, even though CLEARLY our boss/manager has told her to pass on the stuff to me. Maybe she feels threatened that I might take over her job, but that is not the case at all in my mind. Another time when I performed a task, she did not tell me there was an error until it was too late even though i have told her to look at the whole report long time ago. My boss said she should be looking at it for me before it goes out to the other departments. There have been a few more events but I tried to brush it off since I cannot believe it is happening. The last draw happened recently when she decided to dump a pile of paper on my desk with no explanation and said "boss said you're doing this so here it is." then she walked off.
I am having a hard time believing this is happening and trying my best not to judge her, but some of the comments and her hostility is making me realize I am not imagining things.....

How should I be facing her from now on since from her hostility, it is quite hard to deal with since she is quite selfish and sometimes, I do need her help at work but she has been very unco-operative. I have not yet told my boss since I am new here and don't want to cause a stir of things.
How do I keep my faith strong in this case since it is very disappointing to see other Christians acting like this?(I still find it hard to believe this is happening.....sigh)

 

[LadyDJ]

First I would document everything so that you have a record of these events. Secondly (if I were in your position) and the hostility from the co-worker continues and she doesn't respond to my attempts to talk to her about the situation, I'd either have a talk with an HR person or the boss.

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

Talk to her first, and tell her how you feel. Tell her it really hurts you, and that you want to help her and that you look up to her. That should definately break some ice. If that doesn't work, talk to someone above her or whatnot. That should not be happening, especially if you talk to her about it.

 

[allieisme]

Maybe she does feel threatened by you, and maybe thats the cause of her attitude. Doesnt excuse her actions by far though. Even though you've been a christian less than a year and her, her whole life, or part of it, sounds like you've grown more spiritually than she has.
Maybe one of these times, she's harsh, or sarcastic towards you, maybe you should ask her...Now is that what Jesus would say? It might change her outlook.
Another thing you can do and continue to do is pray for her, pray that Jesus will change her heart into what He wants her heart to be.

 

[mister_p]

Pray first, talk second. I would ignore the Christian thing - in the sense that you are right, it shouldn't be happening but it is. Your focusing on the contrast might stress you out even more.

Follow Matthew 18:15-17, with a few modifications. Talk to them on the quiet, then speak with a supervisor or such, asking them to help. Then get HR involved or whatever dispute resolution system you have.

 

[Lay down all]

I would say to you suffer it, keep turning the other cheek, keep showing her love from your heart.
Be an example to her, i wouldn't reccomend to go running to the boss.
I know it may be hard but don't let it get to you, keep the love in your heart towards her, take this as a great oppurtunity to witness to her of Gods love.
Pray for her, so she may see the bitterness in her own heart and the love in yours.
Don't make yourself self righteous as she may be doing, but be humble before her, suffer by her hand, show her your happy to.
When you think the time is right show her the error of her ways gently, give her no reason to think evil of you, but let her be convicted by your love.

 

[bliz]

Check out Peacemaker Ministries at www.hispeace.org They have a wonderful outline of how to handle conflict using the Biblical method.

They spell out the procedures... starting with prayful self examination... looking for the log in your own eye... evaluating if this is an offense you can quietly walk away from (I do not think this one is) and the approaching her directly, alone and on from there.

I hope you'll cheak out the site. Remember to ask for some others to pray for you in this matter - they do not even need to know any details, simply that you are going to be following the principles of Christian conciliation at work and you are asking for their prayers.

Keep us posted!

 

[Rafael]

Promotion comes from the Lord. This may be a test of your faith, so be kind and forgiving, and above all lift it up to God in prayer with trust and faith that He hears and sees the situation. HANG IN THERE with a smile, even if you have to force it. Do something kind to her. Repay her wrong doing with good. It is an opportunity to grow in faith or just fold and quit.

James 1:2 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.
3 For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Proverbs 75:6 For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south.
7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Proverbs 19:11 A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.

James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

Matthew 7:12 In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Proverbs 16:18-19 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly than to divide the spoil with the proud.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Newbiebeliever,

I know it's difficult, but perhaps you could approach her alone and say something like, "I sense some tension between us. Did I do something to upset you?". Even though you know she's wrong, this is a way to address the situation without making her defensive. She is probably upset with her boss and is taking it out on you. I'm not making excuses for her, but you probably have nothing to do with how she's feeling, but she can't express herself freely to her supervisor. Also, maybe she has conflicts or troubles at home.

Pray for God to give you the right words. Tell her you don't want to have animosity between the two of you. She will probably be relieved and appreciate your extending an olive branch.

God bless,

Jill