Is your spouse similar to your opposite sex parent?

[jd032700]

The reason I am asking this is that my husband is at my dad's house right now. They went fishing this morning and are now doing some other stuff; who knows what. My DH has been gone since 5:30 this morning.

When I got married I didn't think I was marrying a man just like my husband, but 4 1/2 years later they are exactly a like. Sometimes when my husband is talking I feel like I'm listening to my father. They get along like brothers and I honestly think that they are both enjoying the best friendship they've ever had.

I know that some people who didn't have great childhoods purposely do not marry someone like their parents, but did any of you try to marry someone like your parent. I didn't really try one way or the other.

Just curious.

 

[Ellethidhren]

My Dad, bless his soul, had the most hillarious sense of humor. I think the reason why I did marry my husband is because he's had me laughing since the day we met and married 13 years ago. I think both men and women have a need to have some favorite qualities of their parent in their spouse.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I think my husband and father are very much alike and I think they would be good friends if it wasn't for the fact that they live 5000 miles apart. They have a good relationship now but obviously can't do things regularly together since they only see each other once a year or so. I love that my hubby has some of the qualities that I love about my dad but unfortunately my hubby has some of the less desirable ones too! I love them both anyway

 

[holyroler2]

no way Jose!!!!!!!!!!!!! my Dad tall Blonde, good looking, Irish, foul mouthed violent drunk..... my husband short, dark, good looking, Puerto Rican, sugar wouldn't melt in his mouth(he's so sweet) gentle coffee totaller. BTW his name is Jose'

 

[LiberatedChick]

I never really thought about it but my husband does share some similar interests with my father and they do have some similar personality traits also. However, my dad is so quiet whilst my hubby is more confident and talkative. So there are some differences and some similarities.

 

[jaimegerise]

My STBXH is very much like my father was....emotionally distant mainly.

 

[IrishGrace]

My dad passed away about 4 months before DH & I got married... so they never met... but I think my dad & my DH would have gotten along soooo well... they are/were very much alike.
And my MIL & I are very much alike as well... we get along very well.

 

[Mirelys]

Not at all! (By God's mercy.)
He is, however, a lot like my mom.

 

[indagroove]

Dr. Fraud could have a field day with this poll.

My wife has many of my mother's excellent traits. They would have gotten along very well. Unfortunately my wife never knew my mother.

But my wife in no way, mothers me. And I did not marry her because she reminds me of mom.

paging Dr. Fraud.....

 

[Redguard]

Wifey is nothing like mom.

Wife has a very dominant, outgoing personality. Mom is reserved and very conservative.

I also look at the interactions that take place between my mom and dad. My dad gets away with saying things to my mom that couldn't happen in my house.

 

[Redguard]

Dr. Fraud could have a field day with this poll.

paging Dr. Fraud.....

I think you mean Dr. Freud.

Dr. Fraud is a very very bad man.

 

[angelwings67]

I think that's one of the things that first attracted me to my husband. He reminded me so much of my father, that it was just easy to trust him and to talk to him. Not to mention he has a sense of humor simular to my father.

Perhaps too, I might have been looking for a substitute father. My father has advanced Alzhiemer's (hence the purple ribbon in my armor). My husband and have been married almost five years, and five years ago was about the time my father was first diagnosed. But of course, my husband fill a lot of my needs, that my father never could.

 

[Lena75]

My hubby is nothing like my father! They're complete oppposites. Hubby's tall and pale, dad's short and dark. Hubby has patience like I never knew someone possessed, dad..well, doesn't take much to get him steamed up. Dad has a great sense of humour, though.

 

[chrislife]

My first husband was a lot like my dad. After I divorced, I spent 6 years alone, and got to know myself a lot better... well enough to know that I needed to look for love, not familiarity. My dad does not know how to love, but my husband is the most loving person I know.

---Christina

 

[lin1235]

My husband is a lot like my dad. Not in looks (at ALL), but they both have a great sense of humour, they are respectful, intelligent, caring and giving.

 

[Jengi]

My husband is not at all like my dad but I think he shares some traits with my stepdad. I did not purposely look for someone like or unlike either one of them...just something I have realized since we have been married.

 

[elm0]

My wife is like her mother in a lot of ways, but her mother and mine are very much alike, so that sorta means that my wife is in some ways like my mother.... If that makes sense.

 

[jd032700]

Wow! Thanks for all the responses. It's interesting to me that many more women have said they married men like their fathers than men have said they married women like their mothers.

Anyway, I didn't really mean similar in physical characteristics. My husband is a foot and a half taller than my father, so they don't look alike at all, although they both have blue eyes. I really meant personality traits and thought processes. My husband and father think about things exactly the same and if I want to know what one of them thinks, I just need to ask the other one.

Anyway.... any more responders?

 

[suzybeezy]

I think subconciously, if you have a good example from your parents, you seek out someone similar. That is the example you have growing up as to what a marriage is suppose to be, and if it was a good one, you strive for the same thing.

I always thought my dad was the best guy in the entire world. I never thought I'd ever find a guy as good as him. I thought they were extinct. But all of great qualities my father has, my husband has.

And my husband has said, how much I remind him of his mother, in the ways that she was. She passed away over 20 years ago, but he says it's kind of comforting to him that he found a wife that is just as wonderful as mom was.

Wonder if my kids will repeat the cycle?

 

[Redguard]

It's interesting to me that many more women have said they married men like their fathers than men have said they married women like their mothers.

I can't help but wonder what conclusions can be made from this? I'll pull a few out of the air and some of you can feel free to say which ones apply to you.

1. A lot of women admire their fathers so much, that they really only feel comfortable marrying men like their fathers.

2. A lot of guys like their moms, but don't want to have a romantic interest in someone like their mom.

3. It's no wonder wives and mothers-in-law never get along... they're usually quite different.