Hello, new here. Made this thread just for this.
In summary im legitimately terrified that there may be no hope of salvation for me due to professing faith, then falling away for years into horrible sin and now repenting and giving my life to God only to think that scripture may say that its hopeless... (My story of the application of Hebrews 6:4 & 10:26)
I grew up in a Christian family and always went to church, but to be honest was never really excited about it. Mostly went because of my parents. However, I always knew the truth about God and what Jesus did for us. Guess i was sort of indifferent but still lightly considered myself a christian I guess. When I moved out at 20 I may have only went to church every few weeks or so when my parents asked. Instead I was usually hungover or something stupid. I always knew what was right but just cared too much about my own desires, but still when anyone would speak of being atheist or God not being real I would always disagree because I still believed in God. Blah blah, living my early 20s partying and sleeping around with a couple girlfriends. Still go to church now and then but wouldnt think much of it. Occasionally a message would speak to me but I wouldnt think much of it after service.
I remember one time around 22 or so I was camping alone and was thinking a lot to myself, thinking about God, got pretty emotional about my life and asked the Lord to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins. From what I recall I was genuine, but then I never really applied it to my life as my life just continued in the same sin as usual. Same life as said earlier, rinse and repeat. I would very seldom pray, and don't even ask about reading my bible because that was such a rare occurrence and if I did i would read maybe a chapter and just look forward to finishing the chapter so I could close it. I still believed in God and salvation though. I would sometimes say that I was a Christian but "not a good example of one".
Around 24 I really fell hard into unrepentant sin. Hard drinking, smoking weed and psychedelic drugs, my language was vile, always angry, and though I had always been sexually immoral with girlfriends and inappropriate contentography, now I was paying for sex with escorts on multiple occasions. At this point I still knew that my behavior was wrong, but I would think of it less and less as "just having fun, I can turn my life around (and even get saved) later". This practically became my life for the last year and a half.
I recently moved out of state on my own (another long story) and before leaving home my dad asked if I was going to bring my bible, which I wasnt planning on it but said sure, and I did. I continued this lifestyle after moving. However, I did decide to find a local church to go to. I went to a few services about every other sunday while still living in filthy sin. I made another confession of faith but continued to live in sin. Skip to one day a few weeks ago I was sitting in my apartment getting high and watching TV like usual, when I honestly felt like I heard the Lord say to me, out of nowhere "Nomegusta, if you love Me, youll read my word" or to that extent. I immediately opened my bible to Hebrews (Randomly) and started reading. Then I got to Hebrews 6:4-6 and 10:26 and felt my soul practically fall to a void of dread. I felt like this was me. I had heard the word, I had made a profession of faith, and had continued to live in unrepentant sin because I always thought I could change later because I was just having fun. Never before had I realized the severity of the things I was doing. "Crucify again the Son of God" I practically had an emotional breakdown and begged God to forgive me of my sins, to take it all away and wash me clean, and I was terrified but honest. I went to bed shaking that night. Since then I have honestly been serious about my commitment to God. I have honestly asked God to save me and live in me daily. I go to church several times a week and ask God every day to give me the strength I need to overcome the world. I have been reading scripture daily not because I feel like I have to, but because I have a genuine desire for God. At first I was terrified, but now I genuinely Love God and Christ and want nothing but Christ in my heart. I honestly feel like a new person. I feel like a genuine Christian. I have read of many passages of God forgiving anyone who has the genuine desire to repent and desire for Him, and Gods mercy is endless to all who seek it. However, I cannot get this out of my head whenever I think of it. If someone is honestly saddened by their past sin, genuinely repentant, has a desire for God, will he turn them away like these two verses seem to say? Sorry for the long post and God bless anyone who is willing to help...
In summary im legitimately terrified that there may be no hope of salvation for me due to professing faith, then falling away for years into horrible sin and now repenting and giving my life to God only to think that scripture may say that its hopeless... (My story of the application of Hebrews 6:4 & 10:26)
I grew up in a Christian family and always went to church, but to be honest was never really excited about it. Mostly went because of my parents. However, I always knew the truth about God and what Jesus did for us. Guess i was sort of indifferent but still lightly considered myself a christian I guess. When I moved out at 20 I may have only went to church every few weeks or so when my parents asked. Instead I was usually hungover or something stupid. I always knew what was right but just cared too much about my own desires, but still when anyone would speak of being atheist or God not being real I would always disagree because I still believed in God. Blah blah, living my early 20s partying and sleeping around with a couple girlfriends. Still go to church now and then but wouldnt think much of it. Occasionally a message would speak to me but I wouldnt think much of it after service.
I remember one time around 22 or so I was camping alone and was thinking a lot to myself, thinking about God, got pretty emotional about my life and asked the Lord to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins. From what I recall I was genuine, but then I never really applied it to my life as my life just continued in the same sin as usual. Same life as said earlier, rinse and repeat. I would very seldom pray, and don't even ask about reading my bible because that was such a rare occurrence and if I did i would read maybe a chapter and just look forward to finishing the chapter so I could close it. I still believed in God and salvation though. I would sometimes say that I was a Christian but "not a good example of one".
Around 24 I really fell hard into unrepentant sin. Hard drinking, smoking weed and psychedelic drugs, my language was vile, always angry, and though I had always been sexually immoral with girlfriends and inappropriate contentography, now I was paying for sex with escorts on multiple occasions. At this point I still knew that my behavior was wrong, but I would think of it less and less as "just having fun, I can turn my life around (and even get saved) later". This practically became my life for the last year and a half.
I recently moved out of state on my own (another long story) and before leaving home my dad asked if I was going to bring my bible, which I wasnt planning on it but said sure, and I did. I continued this lifestyle after moving. However, I did decide to find a local church to go to. I went to a few services about every other sunday while still living in filthy sin. I made another confession of faith but continued to live in sin. Skip to one day a few weeks ago I was sitting in my apartment getting high and watching TV like usual, when I honestly felt like I heard the Lord say to me, out of nowhere "Nomegusta, if you love Me, youll read my word" or to that extent. I immediately opened my bible to Hebrews (Randomly) and started reading. Then I got to Hebrews 6:4-6 and 10:26 and felt my soul practically fall to a void of dread. I felt like this was me. I had heard the word, I had made a profession of faith, and had continued to live in unrepentant sin because I always thought I could change later because I was just having fun. Never before had I realized the severity of the things I was doing. "Crucify again the Son of God" I practically had an emotional breakdown and begged God to forgive me of my sins, to take it all away and wash me clean, and I was terrified but honest. I went to bed shaking that night. Since then I have honestly been serious about my commitment to God. I have honestly asked God to save me and live in me daily. I go to church several times a week and ask God every day to give me the strength I need to overcome the world. I have been reading scripture daily not because I feel like I have to, but because I have a genuine desire for God. At first I was terrified, but now I genuinely Love God and Christ and want nothing but Christ in my heart. I honestly feel like a new person. I feel like a genuine Christian. I have read of many passages of God forgiving anyone who has the genuine desire to repent and desire for Him, and Gods mercy is endless to all who seek it. However, I cannot get this out of my head whenever I think of it. If someone is honestly saddened by their past sin, genuinely repentant, has a desire for God, will he turn them away like these two verses seem to say? Sorry for the long post and God bless anyone who is willing to help...