Is Spanking Teenagers for Discipline Appropriate?

[keith99]

Exactly.

I will not be the disciplinarian in my household though, so if my wife wants to spank our younger children, that is going to be entirely up to her, I will not be apart of it. I was not abused as a child, but I have a very short and strong temper that I inherited from my dad. The times that he did spank me, which I'm sure I did something for, I simply remember him getting mad and spanking me. Due to my own experience, I have a hard time understanding how you can spank child when not angry at them. I simply don't trust myself to not cross over the line between discipline and abuse.

My professional opinion: It's lazy parenting.

With any discipline if what the child remembers is they made making someone angry the discipline failed and I'd say at least borders on abuse.

 

[SnowyMacie]

With any discipline if what the child remembers is they made making someone angry the discipline failed and I'd say at least borders on abuse.

Maybe. I'm sure I never did whatever I again. My grandfather has said he had to spank me once or twice as well, which I don't remember at all. I don't trust myself to stay away from the border.

 

[Avniel]

Exactly.

I will not be the disciplinarian in my household though, so if my wife wants to spank our younger children, that is going to be entirely up to her, I will not be apart of it. I was not abused as a child, but I have a very short and strong temper that I inherited from my dad. The times that he did spank me, which I'm sure I did something for, I simply remember him getting mad and spanking me. Due to my own experience, I have a hard time understanding how you can spank child when not angry at them. I simply don't trust myself to not cross over the line between discipline and abuse.

My professional opinion: It's lazy parenting.

That's how I feel. My wife she believes in spanking I don't but I am certainly not going to let my daughter get hit as a teenager. There is a difference between spanking and fighting, if you hit a person that has passed puberty you are physically fighting that person. It has nothing about discipline and it's more about fear and anger.

I can understand how spanking can is affective in controlling a child. The problem is when we move that control from children to young adults it's abusive. It's not about anything more than a power struggle, using old tactics to gain control vs respect.

Spanking teens is pretty disgusting to me.

 

[SnowyMacie]

That's how I feel. My wife she believes in spanking I don't but I am certainly not going to let my daughter get hit as a teenager. There is a difference between spanking and fighting, if you hit a person that has passed puberty you are physically fighting that person. It has nothing about discipline and it's more about fear and anger.

I can understand how spanking can is affective in controlling a child. The problem is when we move that control from children to young adults it's abusive. It's not about anything more than a power struggle, using old tactics to gain control vs respect.

Spanking teens is pretty disgusting to me.

It's not only physical, it's borderline sexual assault at that point and depending how you spank children it's borderline sexual assault. Personally, I think spanking as your primary form of discipline is lazy parenting, there are other ways to displine your child, that require more time and effort from the parent, but aren't less effective at teaching whatever lesson. It's one thing completely different to swap your kid's hand away from electrical socket or spanking you child for running out into the street, things are immediate. The argument I can't stand is "I was spanked and I still love my parents and turned out fine." since you can't know if you would be worse or better if you, personally, were not spanked as a child.

 

[Avniel]

It's not only physical, it's borderline sexual assault at that point and depending how you spank children it's borderline sexual assault. Personally, I think spanking as your primary form of discipline is lazy parenting, there are other ways to displine your child, that require more time and effort from the parent, but aren't less effective at teaching whatever lesson. It's one thing completely different to swap your kid's hand away from electrical socket or spanking you child for running out into the street, things are immediate. The argument I can't stand is "I was spanked and I still love my parents and turned out fine." since you can't know if you would be worse or better if you, personally, were not spanked as a child.

Right, people always love to use that.....in response ask them if they have any flaws, if they answer yes say "well there you go clearly youre not fine." People are so close minded they can't examine themselves, if a culture accepts it most people will follow along and be ok with it. Me, I question everything and anything. I did research on spanking, the rod was a staff used to guide the sheep nobody was beating sheep with a stick to get them to comply. The animals didn't even get that type of treatment. I always find it so strange that america is so pro-animal "rights" but when it come's to children they just drop the ball. You can't dog outside for to long but you can beat your child with cane. That's highly questionable.

I agree it does seem to have some sort of sexual nature to the act. I've heard of bare bottom beatings as teenagers, that's to far on a road that shouldn't even be traveled on.

Right, spanking is about assuming control immediately. My daughter is a 1 yr and 8 months now, I haven't spanked her nor will I allow my wife to. Fear can grab you and make you overreact to a situation out of love, I don't believe that's abuse. For example my daughter started coughing, I got scared and pat her back to hard. It was one of the most fearful moments I have had in my life, I felt awful afterwards because she cried. I thought hurt her, probably did hurt her a little. That fear of her choking took over and I ran you know. In that fear, with that desire to protect your child, yes it's ok to slap away a dangerous something.

It's about the power, that why it's abusive to me. It's about gaining control that's it. When I a child touches a knife and you pop them to make sure they know. You pop that child because you want control of the situation, you just don't have the time due to the level of danger to reason it out. Any time you hit a child you are taking away that person's freedom. It's about total control.

It's really lazy, because discipline without is hard work. I have to be constant so my daughter can learn a concept. I get tired of saying no too, but it's work that has to be done.

 

[Dave-W]

The argument I can't stand is "I was spanked and I still love my parents and turned out fine." since you can't know if you would be worse or better if you, personally, were not spanked as a child.

For me as a child spanking was with a belt and usually to the edge of unconsciousness. My wife says I still have scars from it back there.

I am thinking I probably would have been better off without all that.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Personally, I think spanking as your primary form of discipline is lazy parenting, there are other ways to displine your child, that require more time and effort from the parent, but aren't less effective at teaching whatever lesson. It's one thing completely different to swap your kid's hand away from electrical socket or spanking you child for running out into the street, things are immediate. The argument I can't stand is "I was spanked and I still love my parents and turned out fine." since you can't know if you would be worse or better if you, personally, were not spanked as a child.

I agree here. I determined not to spank my daughter, but I did react when she tried to run into traffic and popped her bottom on one or two occasions. I don't think it registered as "hitting". I don't think I ever swatted her hand away from an electrical socket or anything similar as a toddler, but I wouldn't have felt badly if I did. (I remember I told her they would "bite" and that kept her FAR from them until she was old enough to understand, though some kids might have wanted to test that - but she was especially cautious child.)

(She did get one spanking for willful, repeated disobedience when she was about 4-5, she purposely disobeyed over and over, and I finally told her I would spank her. She did it again - she later told me to find out what a spanking was. I felt obligated and did spank her, but I know I barely touched her. It was nearly impossible for me to "hit" her purposely - one of the hardest things I've ever done!)

My mother on the other hand spanked me when she was angry - I can't remember how many times. She did spank me as a teenager, and it was completely out of line on her part, and in front of my best friend. I still remember that scenario. I have forgiven her, but I resented it for years. And my best friend still remembers and mentioned it recently - this is decades later. I can't condone the way my mother did it.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

For me as a child spanking was with a belt and usually to the edge of unconsciousness. My wife says I still have scars from it back there.

I am thinking I probably would have been better off without all that.

I'm sorry you suffered through that abuse in your youth. My gosh.

I think even if a teen hasn't been physically scarred from corporal punishment it can cause intense psychological scarring. In the past perhaps if it was a more common part of the culture perhaps the emotions about it wouldn't be as complex, but today the abnormality of it would further intensity the emotional detriment. I also think that it can be very counterproductive because the teen simply obeys out of fear of punishment rather than developing the critical reasoning skills to understand on his / her own why the action is inappropriate and self-regulate.

 

[Dave-W]

I think even if a teen hasn't been physically scarred from corporal punishment it can cause intense psychological scarring. In the past perhaps if it was a more common part of the culture perhaps the emotions about it wouldn't be as complex, but today the abnormality of it would further intensity the emotional detriment. I also think that it can be very counterproductive because the teen simply obeys out of fear of punishment rather than developing the critical reasoning skills to understand on his / her own why the action is inappropriate and self-regulate.

IMO that is the issue right there. "Critical thinking" was frowned upon. You obey your parents. You obey law enforcement. You obey your boss at work. You obey your church or synagogue. If you are a wife, you obey your husband. No questions asked. Emotional response was limited.

I know in my case, a good percentage of the beatings I got was for crying during the last beating. So by the age of about 5 or 6 crying was purged from my system. Today we see that as "psychological scarring." Then it was looked at as proper preparation for manhood.

 

[Saricharity]

IMO that is the issue right there. "Critical thinking" was frowned upon. You obey your parents. You obey law enforcement. You obey your boss at work. You obey your church or synagogue. If you are a wife, you obey your husband. No questions asked. Emotional response was limited.

I know in my case, a good percentage of the beatings I got was for crying during the last beating. So by the age of about 5 or 6 crying was purged from my system. Today we see that as "psychological scarring." Then it was looked at as proper preparation for manhood.

I know I'm just being overly sensitive this morning but your post made me cry. I'm so sorry that happened to you. This whole thread just makes my heart ache. .
The older I get and the more I live life, I just think spanking is wrong on every level. I can see how a parent might swat a child if they were to run out in traffic or reach for a pot on a hot stove....I can understand that and even might agree with it. But to actually purposefully spank a child or teenager to cause pain as discipline? I just don't think Jesus would ever do that. Everything I have read and know about Jesus tells me he would be proactive in parenting and would never spank a child. If we strive to be like Jesus then we need to not even entertain the thought of corporal punishment. Life has plenty of natural consequences that hurt without a parent hitting us or beating us in the name of discipline.

I agree here. I determined not to spank my daughter, but I did react when she tried to run into traffic and popped her bottom on one or two occasions. I don't think it registered as "hitting". I don't think I ever swatted her hand away from an electrical socket or anything similar as a toddler, but I wouldn't have felt badly if I did. (I remember I told her they would "bite" and that kept her FAR from them until she was old enough to understand, though some kids might have wanted to test that - but she was especially cautious child.)

(She did get one spanking for willful, repeated disobedience when she was about 4-5, she purposely disobeyed over and over, and I finally told her I would spank her. She did it again - she later told me to find out what a spanking was. I felt obligated and did spank her, but I know I barely touched her. It was nearly impossible for me to "hit" her purposely - one of the hardest things I've ever done!)

My mother on the other hand spanked me when she was angry - I can't remember how many times. She did spank me as a teenager, and it was completely out of line on her part, and in front of my best friend. I still remember that scenario. I have forgiven her, but I resented it for years. And my best friend still remembers and mentioned it recently - this is decades later. I can't condone the way my mother did it.

How did it effect you? I can't imagine that happening in front of a friend. It must have been horrible. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you are able to forgive her. Have you ever talked to her about it as an adult? Clear the air as an adult? If so, how did you go about it?
My mom was spanked as a teenager right until she was 18 and engaged to marry my father. Her last spanking probably affected her the most. She was late coming home because my dad was on a missions assignment. She was with him and had no way to contact her parents. She tried in vein to help my dad understand how she couldn't be late but he had no idea why she was so anxious. He simply said her dad would understand because he was a pastor. She was too embarrassed to tell him what would happen if she came home late. They ended up coming home in the wee hours of the morning. My grandpa was pleasant to my dad, listened to what had happened and seemed fine. Once my dad left, my grandpa gave my mom one of the worst spankings she had ever received from him.
It took my mom years to get over it and it wasn't until my older brother was born when my mom even told my dad about it. It's taken years for my mom and grandpa to repair their relationship but thankfully they have. It's so hard for me to see my grandpa as someone who would do that to his 18 year old daughter. He's a completely different person now. He explained the pressures he was under as a pastor and how people judged him all the time. My mom was the youngest girl and had older rebellious sisters. Her dad felt he had let his older girls run wild and it was his fault. He had purposed in his mind to not let it happen to his youngest child. Parenting is hard I guess and being a pastor makes it even harder...that stupid fishbowl mentality...your life is on stage for all to see and judge.

 

[Dave-W]

They ended up coming home in the wee hours of the morning. My grandpa was pleasant to my dad, listened to what had happened and seemed fine. Once my dad left, my grandpa gave my mom one of the worst spankings she had ever received from him.

Wow. That is just unreal.

But at least he waited until your dad left. A guy I knew brought his gf home late from a date and she got a spanking in front of him (bare bottom and all). I absolutely cannot understand that. The spanking was bad enough - but to expose her like that to her boy friend?

 

[JaapAap]

My ex gives our kids a small hit now and then if they are really doing something very bad, not too hard. I always learned that was evil and bad and it's forbidden here, but my dad never hit me, yet he yelled and cursed and everyone was afraid of him. I prefer someone staying calm and just give one hit, although I don't like it, but they listen very well. He only had to do it a few times to show the borders and now they know the consequences and just behave well.
I saw supernanny. Kids were just awful, getting out of bed 20 times a night, very disobedient and the parents should lay them back and stay calm. I was like: would one hit be that bad? This is insane that you may never get angry and let them walk over you. No wonder parents get abusive if they aren't allowed to ever get angry. If you look at kids and people these days they don't listen at all, not to authority, not to God. That's abusive too to just let them. If you love your kid you hit him so he doesn't go to hell, wasn't that a Bible text? If people spank their kids for nothing, that's abusive and insane, but teens that do drugs and everything, it's: ooh sweety, Jesus loves you, better not do that kiddo, but it's up to you. Or kids hitting their parents and not having any respect. Rodney Howard Browne got a teen boy in his prayer line who always hit his mom. The poor cuty needed deliverance. He said: If you do that one more time I'm gonna hit you so hard you will regret it.
He said he was delivered immediately.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Wow. That is just unreal.

But at least he waited until your dad left. A guy I knew brought his gf home late from a date and she got a spanking in front of him (bare bottom and all). I absolutely cannot understand that. The spanking was bad enough - but to expose her like that to her boy friend?

It is very unreal and sad. If I saw my gf's dad spank her, I'd call the cops.

 

[Saricharity]

Wow. That is just unreal.

But at least he waited until your dad left. A guy I knew brought his gf home late from a date and she got a spanking in front of him (bare bottom and all). I absolutely cannot understand that. The spanking was bad enough - but to expose her like that to her boy friend?

Gasp! How horrible!! I can't imagine. That's wrong on so many levels that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

 

[Dave-W]

If I saw my gf's dad spank her, I'd call the cops.

And that would fly today. The man surely would have been arrested.

But that was a different time and place. Most likely back then you would get no police response at all; and if they did bother to stop by, they would probably just tell the dad that showing off his daughters back side was not a good idea.

 

[SnowyMacie]

If you love your kid you hit him so he doesn't go to hell, wasn't that a Bible text?

NO IT IS NOT. The verse that people use to justify spanking children is "Spare the rod, spoil the child."

 

[SnowyMacie]

And that would fly today. The man surely would have been arrested.

But that was a different time and place. Most likely back then you would get no police response at all; and if they did bother to stop by, they would probably just tell the dad that showing off his daughters back side was not a good idea.

In today's world, the man would absolutely be arrested and forever be registered as a sex offender.

 

[Dave-W]

In today's world, the man would absolutely be arrested and forever be registered as a sex offender.

Arrested? absolutely; but as to whether he went on the registry or not could vary by jurisdiction.

 

[JaapAap]

NO IT IS NOT. The verse that people use to justify spanking children is "Spare the rod, spoil the child."

People use all kind of verses to justify their behaviour. Spanking is child abuse unless someone really beats his mom up all the time or something, I don't think it's bad to hit them on butt then a few times, but I think you did something wrong earlier on if that is necessary.
He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
I think using a rod is child abuse. My ex was abused as a kid with that, that was demonic.
Just asked my son. He said: dad only gives us a hit on the hand, but he doesn't do it hard. I don't see what's wrong with that, he also gives them good rules and raises them very well, which makes it a lot easier for me. If I say: stop it or I call dad, they stop.
I take the text more as: discipline them correctly, which may be giving a hit, not for me though. I couldn't do that. I'm like: dads discipline your kids. That's also a text. Good luck with it! We'll just go play lol.

 

[SnowyMacie]

People use all kind of verses to justify their behaviour. Spanking is child abuse unless someone really beats his mom up all the time or something, I don't think it's bad to hit them on butt then a few times, but I think you did something wrong earlier on if that is necessary.
He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
I think using a rod is child abuse. My ex was abused as a kid with that, that was demonic.
Just asked my son. He said: dad only gives us a hit on the hand, but he doesn't do it hard. I don't see what's wrong with that, he also gives them good rules and raises them very well, which makes it a lot easier for me. If I say: stop it or I call dad, they stop.
I take the text more as: discipline them correctly, which may be giving a hit, not for me though. I couldn't do that. I'm like: dads discipline your kids. That's also a text. Good luck with it! We'll just go play lol.

My dad did not discipline me correctly as a young child, all I remember his him getting mad and then I was getting spanked. I'm sure I did something, but I have no idea what I did. I was grounded from an earlier age than most, like 8. My mom suspects, and my dad sort of confirms, that he was abused as a child. I think that he realized he was continuing the cycle and that's why I started getting grounded much earlier than most kids.