Well, I've also heard (and you've probably heard this too) that prayer doesn't change God; it changes us!
There have been a lot of circumstances in my own life where if I prayed for a certain outcome, that outcome never came to fruition; or at least it never came to fruition in the way that I thought it should!
But I realized that if I prayed for God's will to be done (because I certainly had to admit that I didn't know what God's will was) then eventually I found the place that I could come to peace with what ever the outcome was. So eventually my prayers became ones for wisdom, than they became ones for outcomes. And I still pray that God give me strength to deal with whatever the outcome is; and what action should I take as I am inevitably part of that outcome. Because it's true; there are things that happen in this life that are just heartbreaking.
I've prayed for the salvation of family members who died in their sin. I prayed for at least a decade for my mother who was an alcoholic. She went to her grave shaking her fist at God and angry at the world because she was going to die.
Now I'm not the kind of person who "sees demons under every rock". I don't generally think (or worry) about the spiritual realm; but I do believe my mother was possessed by something. We found out about the beginning of April 2002 that she had lung cancer and her funeral was the first week in May of 2002. My son was only 3 months old. It was a very psychologically stressful time in my life.
Mom had gotten out of the hospital and I distinctly remember the first time I went to my parent's house after she was home. As soon as I opened the door; I felt this incredibly heavy oppression. That's never happened before and I've never felt it since. I'm not a "woo woo" looking for ghosts or demons type of person. But the first thought that came to mind was the book of Revelation. The lid of hell had been peeled back and all these demonic forces were spilling out into my parents' living room. I even (later when we were in the kitchen) asked my dad if he felt this presence too and he said "yes". Other family members described feeling the exact same thing. My one sister (who's very "ghost paranoid") didn't want to go in the house.
Mom though, had some REALLY twisted "dysfunctional" thinking and said some really strange and twisted things when she was drunk. (My brother is a pedophile and my mother was... somehow OK with that??) I don't understand that and it's not that mom couldn't admit that she knew morally that my brother's behavior was wrong. But in her eyes he was somehow worthy of getting what ever in life he thought or felt that he wanted or "needed". So that environment, for the dynamic of my entire life was the psychological environment of my family of origin.
My dad, who I saw as kind of like Lot stuck in the middle of Sodom; was not an immoral person. He certainly didn't have the same "illness" my brother had. But I found out a lot about my mother's side of the family from my dad after my mother died. Dad was psychologically tormented for decades. Mom had told dad that if he called the authorities or reported any of what my brother was doing that she'd tell the cops dad was the guilty party. Dad had told me that he talked to a lawyer at one point about filing for divorce but was told he'd never get custody of his daughters because of what the courts at the time called "mother doctrine". So dad stayed, despite the fact that he felt absolutely helpless about being able to stop what was going on in the house. He did his best to instill in his daughters the right to defend ourselves. And he'd made it clear to us that he didn't have an issue with us telling the authorities "if these things are happening to you". And CPS did come into the picture on several occasions. The "family secret" did get told, but because it was the 70's and things were very different then; it was never "medically verified" and myself and my sisters had never been removed from the home. For me, the abuse stopped when I was 10 years old when I threatened to bite my brother's... body parts.
So in the wake of my mother's death. I learned to pray for wisdom and strength because I could not look at my infant son and not protect him as no one protected me. So I'd go visit dad when no one else was around and that was it.
Only a couple of years passed before dad died too and in the process of cleaning out the house, he'd found photos of underaged girls (whom neither dad or myself could identify) that had been taken by my brother in my parent's bedroom. We talked about taking the photos to the police. I think dad had a friend who'd given him some legal advice about the subject; and he put the photos in a safe deposit box with some other things he'd found (that I never saw) and instructed a friend of his who was in the legal field to retrieve the contents of this safe deposit box. (I'd found child inappropriate content in some of things my brother had left behind when he moved out. That may have been the other content of things dad put in the safe deposit box.
When dad had died, the safe deposit box had been emptied by someone who the family didn't know the identity of and the bank would not disclose because none of the family were named on the safe deposit box. I tried to track down who I thought it was. (I think I was correct in identifying the other party who had access to the box); but for "legal reasons" the person stated that they could not speak to me about anything my dad had disclosed, or given to them. I had contacted a police investigator about the photos. But because of the age of the photos and that we had no current victim to come forward; the police told me there wasn't anything they could do. We need a current victim.
So today, I pray that either one of my brother's daughters come forward; or that God just "take him out" by death, because at this point, it certainly doesn't look like my brother is going to genuinely repent of this. In the past, my brother had admitted to myself, dad and a therapist that he had indeed done the things that I'd accused him of; but he didn't see that there was anything wrong with that! The therapist was a bit shocked. She did call me the next day and I told her I was cutting off contact for the sake of my son's safety. My brother's oldest daughter is 6 months older than my son. The therapist should have called CPS (she was a mandated reporter); but I doubt she ever did.
I knew subsequently on the very few times after that that I've seen my niece; that she was being sexually abused. I knew that based on things that she would say to my brother. Yet, he is still not in prison.
At this point, his girls may have come forward and told their grandparents. I know their grandmother was suspicious because she'd heard about my having been hospitalized with PTSD because of sexual abuse; but it had never been disclosed to her who the abuser was.
Today, I believe both my nieces are living with their grandmother. Their grandfather died within the past couple of years. I think my brother and his wife have split up; but the girl's mom keeps trying to "fix the family issues" (without actually addressing what the family issues really are). Her way of "fixing the problem" is to say that anyone who accuses my brother of sexual abuse has "Borderline Personality Disorder". She knew about me, from when I was in the psych ward way back in 1998. At that time, she worked in that hospital on the child / adolescent psych ward; but later took a job in a halfway house for.... (get this) sex offenders.
I have one baby picture of my brother's first daughter. The second one was born after I exited the family. In that frame; I've put a copy of this picture: A friend of mine had given it to me for my son. I put the prayer card in the frame with my niece, because she needed that angel more than my son did! Because my son had a mom that was going to protect him!
View attachment 318930
So, (yes though I know this is a long story); there is where the decades of prayers in my own life still reside. I know eventually God will deal with my brother. I know this is true. I don't understand why this continues; but it does.
I pray a lot for wisdom. If my nieces are ever put in my path that I can help them some how. (They are both now adults.) I pray that God reveal to me how I can help them.
God's wisdom is above our wisdom. (Again, as I said I don't understand any of this.) But I trust in the sovereign will of His plan.
There are a lot of circumstances in life that we don't like. We're not commanded to like them. We are told to "cast all our cares on God for He cares for us".
My son has epilepsy and is considered developmentally disabled. How God is going to use my son despite these challenges; I have no idea. But I know God has a plan for his life too.
I recently played him this song:
And I pray this for my nieces too:
May you find peace for your situation.
