Is it Depression..?

[Jakkaru]

http://www.christianforums.com/t5033732 <-- Read this first, it explains where I am and how I think mentally and emotionally (or in my lack theroff) as I post a question. Is this depression?

Recently my therapist or should I say my new therapist has came upon the notion that my "symptoms" are depression in disguise. As I don't feel emotion, he believes that I have no been fully able to reconize them as such. For example he attributes my emptiness to a feeling of unfulfillment and hopelesness. I don't know, sometimes the assumptions they come to make no sense to me but who am I to question a licensed doctor. Anywho, he wants to put me on anti-depressants, I don't know what yet as it is just merely talks and meetings with my folks but, I need others opinions. Should I take them? I would rather not as I feel and still feel this is just my personality and not a disorder nor depression but at the same time, I know I am not happy and could these make me happy or artificially happy?

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I never thought about that. Depression is usually emotional pain combine with the mind constantly reminding oneself of how...pathetic or failure one is. Sadness gets overwhelming that one seeks ways to escape it. From diverting pain, self medicating(alcohol/drugs) to eventually suicide.

Really it is how you percieve yourself. If you been convinced that you are a waste of space, then self hating will follow.

Trying to pull away from depression is when that person for one reason or another starts to question all this sadness. Slowly believing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or the simple are fed up and want to be free of it all.

Now usually it is when emotion center is out of control, the opposite side of the mind is rational thought. I usually tell people let their spirit use the rational side of the mind to help combat all these out of control emotions. I not heard of a case where rational mind is in the majority and little to no emotional side.

Look at it this way.

if you are self hating
think everyone around you thinks your defective or flawed but they not said or done anything
really want people's help but your mind convince you to pull away from life.

You probably have some sort of depression. Maybe try meds for trial period, unless you want to tackle it yourself. I wish I could be more helpful.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

A therapist cannot prescribe drugs, although from what I understand, sometimes they can suggest to a psychiatrist what to prescribe. (If the person you are seeing is a psychiatrist, he is a medical doctor and can both prescribe drugs and provide therapy for you.) If you are depressed then there is a chance that anti-depressants can help you feel better and if a psychiatrist is recommending you take them then he probably has a good reason for it. However, I don't see any problem with questioning a licensed doctor. They are absolutely capable of making mistakes. Go with your gut feeling when it comes to mental health professionals; if you don't feel comfortable with your doctor or therapist, please keep looking until you find one you are comfortable with. I do think it sounds like there is something wrong and that it probably is depression or a disorder, but it is important that your doctors figure out what it is and AGREE with each other on what it is; they don't need to be playing a psychoanalytical guessing game when it comes to putting a 16 year old on psychiatric drugs.

 

[GryffinSong]

I'm not a doctor or therapist, but it sounds like you're in a downward spiral and that meds might help. I think if I were in your place I'd seriously consider trying the drugs and see how it feels. If you are depressed (in that thread you mention another condition) antidepressants will likely make you feel more yourself. They are not fake happy pills. When I'm on my antidepressants, I feel alive. I feel creative, and like myself. Sometimes a little fuzzy-headed, but I feel my emotions. When I try going off them I head toward a flat place with little feeling, lots of apathy, and no motivation. Depression isn't necessarily about sadness. It can, and often is, about a flat affect. A lack of feeling and motivation. That's how I experience it. And that's how a friend of mine experiences. She is so profoundly depressed that she's essentially turning into a hermit. It's been five or six years since she's been able to work, she's running out of money, and she can't seem to figure out how to dig out. Meds tend not to work for her.

Please don't let yourself become like my friend.

 

[Jakkaru]

When I try going off them I head toward a flat place with little feeling, lots of apathy, and no motivation. Depression isn't necessarily about sadness. It can, and often is, about a flat affect. A lack of feeling and motivation. That's how I experience it. And that's how a friend of mine experiences. She is so profoundly depressed that she's essentially turning into a hermit. It's been five or six years since she's been able to work, she's running out of money, and she can't seem to figure out how to dig out. Meds tend not to work for her.

Please don't let yourself become like my friend.

First of all, the person is a psychiatrist I have to see to continue to go to school. I just use the word therapist in the same canonation one would intertwine a broad thing like plane with someone in it's group, like jet.

Anywho, that is actually pretty similiar to how I feel, a flat place of nothing, no emotion, motivation, as you said, wallowing in apathy. Even things that are damaging to me, like my bad grades, I know they are bad and I know they do not reflect my intellegence and need to be corrected but I can't find the motivation or energy to do it. A sickening circle where I am content with my failures and just accept it as something I have no control in. Like your friend I am kind of a hermit. As myself I really don't like being around people and I don't know how to act correctly to emotions unless I am faking it with my fake side and working from knowledge I have stored over the years on HOW to react but it is nothing but me acting. If I was alone, I would feel more or less the same.

The problem with medicine however though is as much as I really don't care for myself, changing is kind of frightening. The biggest fear of a Schizoid is being restricted, held down my relationships, aggrements, promises and commitments. Anything that can hold me down and stop me from being what I want and medicine seems like it would. Plus, I don't remember feeling emotions so feeling things like sadness or heart broken would probaly kill me considered I have no experience of them.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

First of all, the person is a psychiatrist I have to see to continue to go to school. I just use the word therapist in the same canonation one would intertwine a broad thing like plane with someone in it's group, like jet.

Anywho, that is actually pretty similiar to how I feel, a flat place of nothing, no emotion, motivation, as you said, wallowing in apathy. Even things that are damaging to me, like my bad grades, I know they are bad and I know they do not reflect my intellegence and need to be corrected but I can't find the motivation or energy to do it. A sickening circle where I am content with my failures and just accept it as something I have no control in. Like your friend I am kind of a hermit. As myself I really don't like being around people and I don't know how to act correctly to emotions unless I am faking it with my fake side and working from knowledge I have stored over the years on HOW to react but it is nothing but me acting. If I was alone, I would feel more or less the same.

The problem with medicine however though is as much as I really don't care for myself, changing is kind of frightening. The biggest fear of a Schizoid is being restricted, held down my relationships, aggrements, promises and commitments. Anything that can hold me down and stop me from being what I want and medicine seems like it would. Plus, I don't remember feeling emotions so feeling things like sadness or heart broken would probaly kill me considered I have no experience of them.

Sometimes it really sucks since it is hard to relate to your situation. My ADD makes my emotions bit unstable or easily amplified. Just add 2 things and maybe they can be useful.

I noticed you said schizoids fear. Now fear is an emotion. If you pinched yourself do you feel pain? or touched silk and it feels soft?

Reminds me of problem I have with motivation triggers. ADD person has very few motivational triggers, usually instant gradification/appresiation/high intrest/fear/guilt other than that nothing there. I felt like I was trapped on my bed and all sudden I had to go to the bathroom. Oh man I moved quick. Pondered on that, if I had an itch the body reacted without a thought. If I was hungry, I get up and check the refrigerator. Like I had no control over myself, yet i do. Tested it by challenging myself to raise my hand, do something weird with it. Worked just fine, just I felt nothing to start the process of doing it.

Other thing is self affirmation. I recently had emotional attack because I placed way too much weight on recieve love on others. My friends where out enjoying the sun for few days and like I lost my stablility. I don't believe myself when I say certain affirmations and even when I recieve awesome comments I water them down.
Like I need people around me to prove that I am useful or helpful. Instead of just knowing for myself. http://www.coping.org/growth/affirm.htm

Hopefully this not been a waste to ya.

 

[Jakkaru]

Sometimes it really sucks since it is hard to relate to your situation. My ADD makes my emotions bit unstable or easily amplified. Just add 2 things and maybe they can be useful.

I am the complete opposite here. I am emotionless pretty much.

I noticed you said schizoids fear. Now fear is an emotion. If you pinched yourself do you feel pain? or touched silk and it feels soft?

Every human no matter what knows when a situation is hazerdous such as a pit of alligators. So yes I fear, but not a huge extent, I willnad have hurt myself for really no reasons. Schizoids rarely face stress as we eliminate from our lifes but when we do, it crumbles us. beind held down, means stress and stress means I fall apart.

Reminds me of problem I have with motivation triggers. ADD person has very few motivational triggers, usually instant gradification/appresiation/high intrest/fear/guilt other than that nothing there. I felt like I was trapped on my bed and all sudden I had to go to the bathroom. Oh man I moved quick. Pondered on that, if I had an itch the body reacted without a thought. If I was hungry, I get up and check the refrigerator. Like I had no control over myself, yet i do. Tested it by challenging myself to raise my hand, do something weird with it. Worked just fine, just I felt nothing to start the process of doing it.

I have no problem doing things. Such as eating, or whatever else. I can always move and DO somethingf but when it comes to doing things that matter, I just have no motivation which is in a way painful as I have a very creative mind, always come up with ideas for all these wonderous things I can do but robbing me of the inspiration to truly do them. Lord only knows how many stories of mine have ended at the first pages all the great plots and character sremain trapped in my head to haunt me.

Other thing is self affirmation. I recently had emotional attack because I placed way too much weight on recieve love on others. My friends where out enjoying the sun for few days and like I lost my stablility. I don't believe myself when I say certain affirmations and even when I recieve awesome comments I water them down.
Like I need people around me to prove that I am useful or helpful. Instead of just knowing for myself. http://www.coping.org/growth/affirm.htm

Hopefully this not been a waste to ya.

Praise and criticism has no effect on me. And thank you for the website, least now I know the blocks I have.

 

[Jakkaru]

I have decided not to take the pills.

 

[Akathist]

I have decided not to take the pills.

Please reconsider. Depression can show itself in many ways. Lack of any emotion at all is one of them. If your doctor feels that you need these meds then please take them. Talk to the doctor about your opinions about it, about any side effects but don't stop taking the medication until you and the doctor agree to that.

In addition, given your age, your parents play a role. Before you stop taking medicine the doctor gave, talk with them.

 

[Jakkaru]

They agree with the doctor. More then like either my parents or school will FORCE me to take them.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Reading about how stress breaks you down. Share some scripture, I know your views of God but never hurts to share.

Phillippians 4:8

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Proverbs 19:8

8 To acquire wisdom is to love oneself;
people who cherish understanding will prosper.

I found these be good stress relievers along with forgiveness of self and others. Try to derail negitive thoughts or stressed thoughts by looking at anything just puts you in awe or wonder or reminds you of a good moment in life. Other is understanding, when you understand something then you know why things happen as they do. When you do not understand, frustration and anger can easily follow.

 

[Jakkaru]

Seems like good advice on paper.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Seems like good advice on paper.

It is most likely your condition and your age. If you believe that you are wiser than everyone else or no one can help you. Then you are going to be stuck where you are until you question your decissions.

I went thru the same where my Mom trying to help me but went in one ear and out the other. Once I started to believe maybe people who lived longer and been thru more experiences than myself might accually be wiser than me. I am still learning from her every time we chat now, specially since she grew up in age where life wasn't instantly gradified and Cold war area. Same thing with bible and people I talk to in Christian Advice.

http://www.coping.org/growth/pride.htm

Proverbs 15:33
Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom;
humility precedes honor.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction,
and haughtiness before a fall.

We tell you these things cause we want you to live a better and full life. It is always difficult to get started and our disabilities can get in the way. I would rather go against all the poison my sinful nature feeds me than be a slave to it. I pray you do too.

 

[Jakkaru]

I am not prideful, I just I guess you could say fear the effects of the medicine on me. I really don't care how my life goes but at the same time know it is not what is best, but at the end of the day if i take those pills I will feel I am living a false me. Also, for someone who can't remember what emotions, love, hate, etc feels like after seeing them on otehrs for years and the horrible feelings they seem to cause, it is slightly terrifying invisioning yourself with them, especially when those things are so complicated.

 

[Jakkaru]

Guess no one understands then.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Guess no one understands then.

nah, can't help someone who won't accept help. You are young my friend. We all gone thru that stage(lol which is where "youth is wasted on the young" came from).

I am helping a young man who has same attitude. It never occurs to him maybe his way of thinking may be what got him into the problems he has. Well it is really lack of understanding. All well.

I will pray to the Great Father for you both.

BTW I was watching good movie last weekend. There was quote that summed up lot for me.
"Why do we fall?" "So we can learn how to pick ourselves back up."