In a Relationship: When to Draw the Line?

[xDoglate]

I don't mean to put up a relationship post, but I realized that there's so much gray in between the lines of good and bad and what is appropriate vs. inappropriate in a relationship...

I'm two months into a relationship, 18 years old, female. He's 18 as well, rather timid, but a boy and we all know what boys are looking for. For the past month he'd been working hard to finally kiss me. Each time I'd get so nervous I'd practically shove him off and I could tell it upset him. It upset me, too! Hoping he wasn't thinking that something was wrong with him. (It was both of our "first kiss.." so I was very nervous.) Well, just two nights ago... He was trying quite hard again, to kiss me, actually after I had literally physically removed him from my personal space a few nights before (I was very surprised he was trying again so soon!). Now, it's not like I didn't want to kiss him, I was just so nervous! But I kept thinking and trying to muster up the courage to let him get close, and well.. a kiss on the neck, I knew, would have made me surrender.. So I actually told him to start there. ..And eventually, it worked out and now I cant stop smiling.

Now, however, I'm wondering if that was a little bad for me to do.. I mean, this is.. also my first relationship. My family is very private about this stuff, I'm rather private, and there's no way I'm talking to my parents about anything; It just doesn't work that way for me. So my point is, I'm completely in uncharted territory, knowing not what little things might be inappropriate, and I have nobody, really, to learn from. And the bad thing about going to a public school, and actually most things in this generation, is any dating advice I get is worldly. Where we, Christians, believe that certain things should be left for marriage and whatnot, they just see it as a common thing you do to show your love, just a part of it, like holding hands or something.

My boyfriend would never force me to do anything, nor would he intend to do anything "unpure," but he just hasn't been raised in the same conservative way I have. He's been conformed by the world to see things more worldly, not feeling it necessarily wrong, as I would. So, if I unintentionally leave myself open, not thinking or knowing it may be bad, he may not view it as bad and what boy would not take up an offer?

I mean, I know the obvious, no "touching," no exposing myself, all of that.. but the little stuff.. (like certain kisses or things to say) Is that bad? From a Christian view?

Thanks

 

[Hammster]

From a Christian view, you should talk to your parents. At the very least, your pastor.

 

[98cwitr]

My wife's family is also very private about intimate matters as well. It wasn't until the night before our wedding when her mother asked if they needed to talk about anything.

I strongly disagree though with this lack of communication within a family. It is very unhealthy and ultimately irresponsible to leave a child to their own curiosities without instruction and direction.

I really encourage you to speak to your parents on the issue, even for the sake of having open lines of communication. If they choose not to continue the subject, then that is their choice.

To the topic at hand. You know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Never ever ever let a boy/man pressure (there is a big difference between "force," as you put it and "pressure"...even passive aggressive pressure) you into doing anything you don't want to do. If you feel the relationship may suffer or end because you wont do something, then the relationship isn't worth staying in. Have enough respect for yourself to do the right things, and demand that this boy show you the same respect. It sounds like he need to man up himself. You should definitely sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, because this "pushing him away" just encourages his boy-brain into the "thrill of the chase" and isn't doing anything to communicate your actual feelings, but is misleading him.

I am not here to tell you whether or not kissing your boyfriend is right or wrong. That is for you to decide. I suggest you go to the Lord and prayer and ask Him to guide you...and I really encourage you to speak to your parents about this matter.

 

[4x4toy]

kissing ok , sex no .. date in groups , stay beautiful for your husband

 

[com7fy8]

Not all "boys" want the same thing.

If he can push and pressure, this is not loving.

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

In Christian relating, we are mutually submissive, no one lording it over and controlling and pressuring the other >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

So, yes it is good to be in groups, not to get isolated with someone you don't really know and you don't have communication.

prayer

 

[skittlesgirl]

Be careful to not let kissing lead to anything else, as you may regret it later. I went farther than I intended to with my first boyfriend when I was 19 and I regret it since we were not married. I completely understand with having a private family. My parents and I rarely talk about anything relationship-related, let alone the physical side. I encourage you to wait, as hard as it is!

 

[Bluelion]

there is a show on tlc called 19 kids and counting which shows good christian values regarding this. As always you should speak with parents. But you asked what is Christian.

Kissing is to much because it leads to other things fast, touching other than holding hands or a hug is to far. You should wait till marriage or you will regert it. Kissing or touching was not allowed in Bible times until after marriage. That is Biblical. there is your answer.

Praying for you.
blu

 

[Fortran]

I personally do not feel confident enough to universally declare kissing "bad"; however, in your instance I would not advise it. I am by no means attempting to be rude when I say this, but the reasoning behind my former statement is this - a small compromise often precedes a great one.

To me, it sounds like allowing the kiss meant compromising your values - just a bit. You were questioning the act at one time (and even now I suppose) but eventually allowed it. While, at present you may never see yourself engaging in extramarital sex, I think the human mind has a funny way of mentally justifying an act one knows to be unethical in the passion of the moment. I, personally, just feel every little sexual act in a relationship outside of marriage may just be the thing that lays down the planks necessary to build the bridge to the ultimate compromise - sex before marriage.