I'm pretty sure God is angry with me.

[JC_Crust]

Right now, I'm just leaning back and letting God do what he wants with my life.
Like last night I told my mother my change in career plans for myself, and she got upset. Started yelling at me about risking my financial opportunity or something...

I went from Getting a double major in Physics and Chemistry to Theological Research and Ministry.

well it wont be "easy" to get a job with that but maybe itll be something that will make you happy. and that will result in good job performance. shell realize that soon once she thinks about it for a bit.

 

[Omceer]

well it wont be "easy" to get a job with that but maybe itll be something that will make you happy. and that will result in good job performance. shell realize that soon once she thinks about it for a bit.

I honestly don't care about easiness.
I've been through very incredibly hard moments lately.
I'll get through more.

I dont care what I fall on in order to make it happen but I know it will happen.

 

[JC_Crust]

I honestly don't care about easiness.
I've been through very incredibly hard moments lately.
I'll get through more.

I dont care what I fall on in order to make it happen but I know it will happen.

well i think it's a good step towards making yourself happy. i changed my major 100,000 times before i found something i liked.

 

[Omceer]

Out of curiosity what did you start and end at?

 

[JC_Crust]

Out of curiosity what did you start and end at?

hahaha wow. what didnt i choose? i started at interior design and now im content with marketing.

 

[razeontherock]

Mike, I hope I don't make you uncomfortable raising this points on open forum, but since they're quoted from your own post:

my girlfriend wants to be at the top of my list,

Is she a Christian? I ask because this is EXACTLY the curse! "Her desire shall be toward her husband, but you shall rule over her." And you're not even married But when you look at the language, it's really saying she wants to be numero uno, as well as being jealous of you having any higher priorities. I bring this up because the good news is we are REDEEMED from the curse! Help her be aware of it. Once you do, you'll be much more able to make her happy! (And for all the right reasons)

they all tell me not to beat myself bloody because I miss a step here or there, but I know I still do because if I don't I will never learn, just by knowing myself I think its pretty safe to say that.

Ok I hope you see what I see, just from reading your own words. Since this is not something to take chances with, let me spell it out:

deep in your thinking, you still tell yourself you need to hurt yourself. Do you see that?

==========================================================


Ok next question: where do you think that comes from?


=======================================================


Now, you absolutely need to realize your only real power over this personal demon is the shed blood of Jesus Christ, which He willingly gave for YOU. If you had been the only sinner in the whole human race, He still would've done the exact same thing! Have you ever pondered this? REALLY LET THAT SINK IN.

"And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony."

This is how you cast down the enemy! And guess which part does more? You know it's the blood. And again, just to be sure; your own blood does no good. You aren't w/o sin. That's why we use the term "the blood of the lamb;" He had to be perfect in every way, the best of the best. Our Champion, the Lion of Judah, and the King of Kings. And all of His precious blood drained from His body, every last drop, all poured out for you, at the end of a sinless life of perfect obedience. That's the significance of the water that flowed from His side, showing He gave all. That's where your power comes from.

========================================================

For everybody participating in this thread: Saints, PRAY! Do we know Him, or just talk about it? This is why our Father revealed Jesus to us, so He could build a Church that when we attack the very gates of hell they will not prevail. This language only makes sense when we are on the offense. In Jesus' Name we approach you Father, for it is your word that hell enlarges it's borders daily; but when the enemy comes in like a flood, we are that standard you raise! Jehovah-Nissi be glorified in Mike and push back the gates of hell that desire to devour and engulf him; translate Mike into the kingdom of your Dear Son and make your countenance shine upon him. Hide him in the shadow of your Wings and be his shield and his sword, be his refuge and his fortress, Bless him and keep him; cause him to dwell in your House forever.

For your Glory Lord - Amen. "If any 2 of you shall agree as touching ..."

 

[Omceer]

Ray:
Yes my girlfriend is Christian.

And yes I see my constant neverending need/desire to hurt myself. Like I said I was well on my way to recovery, before this happened.

And it probably comes from my suicidal past, Ray.
Or the drugs or the fighting or the neglect or something.

And I will continue to let that sink in, day in day out.

 

[razeontherock]

I see my constant neverending need/desire to hurt myself.

I hope you're ready to see this:

when your eyes are on Jesus, it's impossible for you to make the above quoted statement. The trick is to add meaning to the phrase "keeping your eyes on Jesus."

And your new choice of education is very employable.

 

[razeontherock]

Mike, when's the last time you read the parable of the Prodigal Son? Have you ever studied it in depth?

And with you new choice of major, you may be hoping that your time in school will build your Faith. Research shows 50% of College students renounce it, including those in Bible Colleges and Seminary.

Read: it is now time to hide God's word in your heart.

 

[Omceer]

Sorry for my absence.
I had a few personal matters to resolve...not that I totally resolved them all, I just have time to sit down now and be calm for a while.

Ray,
I honestly don't know, and no.
And I know that there is always the possibility of me renouncing my faith.
I hear about it all the time from my college friends, even the ones that were extremely Christian.
But knowing me, I honeslty don't think that will be the case.

 

[razeontherock]

Good to hear! Just making sure you're aware it's not exactly a safe haven of refuge.
The Prodigal Son is about the Father's incredible and extravagant love. It's short, give it a read. I see the Father pictured as daily scanning the horizon, longing for his wayward Son to come home.

This is quite different from the way we picture things, esp when we're not doing so well. That's what the Parables are; God's perspective!

 

[FaithPrevails]

MOD HAT ON

This thread has been moved to the Recovery forum

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Omceer]

Thank You FaithPrevails.
Everyone:
Thank you for your words of advice, and your prayers and your love and kindness.
The support I get from this place is incredible, and to be honest making it through the last couple of weeks would have been hundreds of times more difficult if I didn't turn to here.

 

[Criada]

((((((Mike))))))
You are still in my prayers.
Feeling that you need to hurt yourself doesn't mean that you're a bad Christian... we all struggle with different things, and His love is still unconditional.
Trying to stop never really works until you deal with the underlying reason... which is usually childhood experiences.
Hang in there, brother

 

[Omceer]

Problem is, Criada, I cannot think of any sort of underlying cause that may be contributing to this problem.
I mean, sure yeah I didn't have the greatest chioldhood, I actually despise my childhood and would love to do it over again, But I have come to terms with the fact that I know I won't ever get that chance.

 

[razeontherock]

Well Mike, hopefully you'll be celebrating a different kind of Independence Day

Luke 15:4-24 "What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found [it], he layeth [it] on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together [his] friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance. Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find [it]? And when she hath found [it], she calleth [her] friends and [her] neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

The Prodigal Son​

And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to [his] father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth [to me]. And he divided unto them [his] living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put [it] on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on [his] feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill [it]; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

So I included the context and I ask you the question: the bolded part, why and how did the Father see him when he was a great way off? It would appear that when we are "farthest away" from Him, the it is He that is looking for us with a Great Love that is unfathomable to us. Speaking for myself, I know those times are the most difficult, precisely because I feel I can't access G-d.

Instead of persisting with that very human but carnal mindset, I encourage you to call on the Name of the Lord. There's a promise attached to that, something about being saved. It's not just for initial Salvation, but it applies to our daily bread too. We all have things we struggle with, and g-d wants us to overcome. It's our best way of Glorifying Him!

 

[Omceer]

Just a quick update to those who are wondering where I have been:

My friend that attempted suicide oh so long ago died from a drug overdose. Then one of my free-running partners passed away. My uncle has been hallucinating and passing out quite frequently, the doctors say his kidneys are failing rapidly and he'll be dead by the end of the year unless he gets a transplant. My best-friend's mother has a brain tumor and I'm trying to hold his spirtis up right now, and mine and my girlfriend's relationship is on the verge of ending.

But somehow I have maintained good spirits.
Thank you all, for those who have prayed for me, I hope you continue to do so.

Ray: Thank you for that, you've been a great help.

And P.S. I've been in New York for the last 8 days and I am flying back home to Arizona in two days.

 

[razeontherock]

Wow, that's a lot on your plate all at once. What did you do in NY? I grew up near there; 9/11 my hometown would've been covered in dust if the wind had been blowing in the right direction.

Where in AZ do you live? I went there last Oct.

 

[Omceer]

I was in Cairo for most of my stay, but two days I stayed in the city, been there a lot so I never really sight saw this time.

I live right on the border between scottsdale and phoenix. I love it here really.