I'm lost - Is being a sensitive (effeminate?) male such a horrible thing?

[Winter]

Hello,

I am a depressed, social-anxiety afflicted man in my mid-twenties - and I feel completely lost with no identity.

All my life I've been a kind and sensitive soul. I possess a balance of masculine and feminine characteristics mentally, and I suppose I may, without my facial hair, also look sort of like a girl, or at least a very pretty man (Was always teased as being a 'pretty boy' in school)

I always seem to be reduced to tears when arguing with people I love, or during sad/powerful scenes in movies. I remember as a kid, my friends found a baby rabbit when we were playing, and they wanted to feed it to one of my friends pet snake. I caught it before they could and I ran to set it free over a fence and they were yelling at me, and ya know...I cried as I let it go.

Even spiders, I capture and set them free outside so they can eat and try to survive. To me, all life is precious, even those who have done horrible things...No matter what people do to me, I can't help but forgive them, I've never done the "I'm mad at you so I'm not talking to you" thing...I always think of how I'd feel if somebody did that to me, so I always forgive. Even if a friend, looked me in the eyes and stabbed me in the chest with a knife, I'd still forgive them.

Since becoming a Christian, I was told by a girl who helped me find my Faith, that I needed to find my identity in Christ. I never had an identity to begin with...I'm so impressionable...I mimic whoever I'm with. If they say something, I agree with it. I don't have my own opinions. I tried being gruff and manly, I got into body building for a while and tried to be tough and ONLY masculine but I just felt broken and awkward.

I feel happy when I am at a happy medium, watching beauty videos on youtube, shopping for and owning cabinets full of hair and skincare products, as well as yelling with my buddies playing FPS games, and working on my car, lifting weights ect.

I will admit, I have gotten to a point of cross-dressing a little, I guess. Girls have some of the most comfortable clothes, like when I'm just by myself, I'll wear a floofy girl hoody in the winter, and sometimes their jean cuts are more accomodating, and the material is stretchier then some of my jeans for men which feel stiff and scratchy.

Fellow Christians have smashed me into the ground for being this way saying: Deuteronomy 22:5, "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this." -- which confuses me because it seems only society decides what is "mens clothes" and "womens clothes"

Also “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” I Corinthians 16:13 --- Saying my personality is not like a mans and that I need to change.

They tell me I need to be assertive and have strong leadership all the time. I love God, with all my heart. But I feel my personality is how God made me, and it's where I truly feel myself. I can jump into any role when I need to, I can lead, I can be assertive, I can be tough and fight. In a relationship too, I can do all that with my wife/gf, but I'd also love deep emotional discussions, snuggling on a couch and watching a chick flick.

One person at Church once said that I would need to discipline my wife when she misbehaved, and I was appalled, I asked "Why not put yourself in their shoes? See things from their point of view, and just be there for them." and they said "What? That's not what a man does. You're too diplomatic. You have to not be afraid to hurt somebodys feelings if you're going to be the man of the house, whether its your wife or kids."

Sorry...I just don't know what is right. I've prayed on this and I just got the feeling to write this here. I know it's a lot to read, but I had a lot bottled up. I just don't want to live in sin if being myself is what it is. Heelp

I'm a little late in my reply but I would say to you to just be the beautiful person you are. Don't conform to what society tells you. Align yourself with Christ and His word, don't align yourself with what you think the world wants you to be. I am the same way, with the insects and all. And good for you for saving that rabbit. You are a compassionate person who loves God and His creation. You stay on that path and never let anyone dissuade you. God bless you.

 

[God's Child]

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[miss-a]

I think sensitivity is a great thing. There is not enough of it on this planet. However, my concern whenever I hear someone, man or women, is crying at the drop of a hat is that there is a chemical imbalance or unhealed past issue that's creating an unnecessary emotional burden on the individual.

Before depression was managed in my system, though I was sensitive and I still am, I was so sensitive it was draining me. The difference is that now the sensitivity is not a burden. There was a time when I was crying everyday about something. I was so consumed by emotion that I could not reach the point of reasoning things out, getting clear that there is always hope and that saving the entire world was not on me. I was drowning in my own emotion and that ultimately led me to a dangerously dark place.

So, yes, I do think we can be too sensitive. And while it is not my place to say what is too sensitive for another person, I think it is wise to consider that if the sensitivity is a burden, then there might be a chemical imbalance that needs healing or a past issue that needs healing.

As for the cross dressing, etc. No judgments, friend. I just don't think it's helping you. And honestly, I suspect there might be some enemy activity deceiving you. I'm not kidding when I say there's very little about women's clothing that's comfortable, except maybe sweat pants. The first thing I do when I get home from work is get out of my work clothes,ditch my shoes, take off my earrings, and put on my sweats. And makeup, quite honestly, is yucky too. It's a drag to put on and it feels yucky on your skin. Most honest women will tell you that, although we're not supposed to. And it's really bad for your skin, too, and actually ages you. I wear as little as possible, none when I'm in a situation where it doesn't matter how I look.

As for disciplining your wife, that's nowhere in the Bible or in God's heart. So it's a good thing it's not in yours. You get to love your wife and she will appreciate that you are sensitive to her.

So please beware that there is likely some enemy activity taking advantage of your sensitivity. The enemy will try to use even a good qualities to take you down. And there is no winning with him. If you quit being sensitive and turned in to Rambo, satan would condemn you for that. If he told you to become a 24/7 cross dresser and you did that, he'd still condemn you and tell you it was great all at the same time. That's what he does. So, please do spend some time in prayer and see what the Lord, who loves you and never condemns you, would have you do. And get yourself a comfy pair of men's sweats. Or some of those great baggy flannels. You'll be glad you did.

Blessings on you, friend!
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