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I'm a pedophile

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by templar42, Mar 22, 2012.

  1. templar42

    templar42 Newbie

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    I am 17 and have known for quite some time that I am a pedophile. Let me start off by saying that I have never insulted a child and never will and I do not view any form of child porn. I am a Christian and through Christ I have learned to live with this. It's not an easy life to live but Through Christ all things are possible. I am open to any questions or advice you have, but my question to you is how do you think my parents will react? I have not told them yet but plan to soon, also anyone else that may find out.
     
  2. koshka

    koshka Guest

    I do not know your parents, but I imagine that they may be shocked - after that I do not know.

    If your sexual orientation is just towards children at the moment, have you investigated any of the treatments and therapies that are around?

    I think that while it may be controllable now, especially with your faith, it could still cause problems in the future so its worth doing your research.

    I hear what you are saying about not insulting children - many paedophiles say that they do not want to 'harm' children but do not see that sexual interaction with a child is harmful to the child in itself.
     
  3. koshka

    koshka Guest

    I just wrote that 'I do not know' how your parents would respond. But I've been thinking about how pedophilia evokes a strong negative reaction in most people - and that would be my reaction if my son said something like that to me, but I would wonder if it was a phase - I was just reading that something like twenty percent of men fantasise about children - but only 2-5% of men act on it. Only you know how close you are to your parents.
     
  4. templar42

    templar42 Newbie

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    Thanks for your input, I have looked into therapy and treatments, but not a lot of people are willing to help pedophiles so really no treatments exist, the one I was able to find involves shock therapy so, no. I have considered seeing a psychiatrist but right now know one else in my family knows and it would be difficult for me to get there without anyone noticing, but I may try it in the future. I'm not sure that this would really help though. Seems to me the only cure is control. This is not just a phase, It started when I hit puberty, and have felt the same way for 3 years.
     
  5. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

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    It is possible that you have not integrated your sexuality that well following puberty. You may be holding onto thought patterns that are reinforcing your 'beliefs' instead of taking steps to think more like a normal hormonal teenage guy?

    John
    NZ
     
  6. yanno the meek

    yanno the meek Newbie

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    Your sexuality is still being formed. You are 17 and it seems to me that you shouldn't judge yourself until you are fully mature. Try to have romantic interaction with someone your age and see what happens. I know it may not be easy for you especially if you don't make a lot of headway with the opposite sex but put some time into it. There are a lot of 17 year old girls out there with low self-esteem who would love to be asked out.

    Your future might depend on it.
     
  7. justagirl123

    justagirl123 Newbie

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    Hi!
    So, it is quite obvious that I am a woman by my handle. 22, actually. I have to say that this is something I have struggled with as well... I think for me it is not understanding exactly what boundaries should be in place (even though there is NEVER any excuse for justifying the destruction of a child's innocence or personal sense of safety, especially as the more safety and trusting relationships they have, the more likely they are to become upstanding, moral and flat out loving person.) Let me say the reason I struggle with boundaries is because I didn't have people to help me formulate proper ones. I just wanted to share that I share your pain in this. I often feel very guilty and uncomfortable children. I am a sex addict (mentally and emotionally, I have not had sex in years) and I think this overflows into lots of areas of my life that would remain untainted by sexuality in a prefect world.
    Sorry if I have rambled as it's pretty late and I am somewhat sleep deprived. I was hoping to offer some support :)
     
  8. TheGreenUke

    TheGreenUke Bassist

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    I am in a similar situation to you in that I've also got decently strong paedophiliac feelings, and this is made worse by the fact I am female (so I'm supposed to be this nurturing, caring mother-type).

    I would advise against telling ANYONE unless you really know that it's going to be safe for you to do so. As you rightly say, it may end negatively for you and for the people you tell. At best, they'll get angry. At worst you'll put yourself in physical danger and put yourself at risk of violence (including assaults) and other things such as losing your home (I"m assuming you're living with family?) or finding money and resources withdrawn.

    Assuming you do tell someone, I'd emphasize the points you make above: you've never viewed child porn or hurt a child, and plan to keep it that way. I keep these points in mind all the time, and if it comes to the point where I go public then these two things will be emphasized as well.

    Treatments are scarce too, and you might struggle to find anything unless there is a private practitioner who will take this type of thing on. Some charities might be able to help, but I can't talk for specific areas or countries. Even then they may be limited in the help they can offer.

    It's sad that people with feelings as this have to hide away, as more open discussion of the subject would lead to more support and help, and with it help to PROTECT children.

    I'm always here if you want to PM me.
     
  9. KyrieEleison87

    KyrieEleison87 Orthodox Catechumen

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    I work at a mental health office with a number of doctors and therapists, and I can tell you there IS professional help out there if you want it. There is at least one MFT where I work who I know for a fact has worked with pedophiles.
    If you're looking online, most therapists aren't going to explicitly advertise that they do therapy for pedophilia. But if you search for therapists with experience in sexual disorders, and/or who have worked with sex offenders, you're probably in the right ball park.

    Praying for you...:prayer:
     
  10. SharonL

    SharonL Senior Veteran

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    Have any of you with these feelings been molested as a child? These feelings sometimes enter at that time. I am the mother of 2 children molested at the age of 5 & 7 - totally ruined their lives. Seek help any place you can find it, there is no way you would want to live with the guilt of ruining another child's life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2012
  11. SpaceRobot5

    SpaceRobot5 Distant Traveler

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    I'm not saying this as anyone who has any qualifications/citations or anything. i'm just another guy who is getting help for sexual sin knows how incredibly difficult it can be. here are some thoughts that have helped me:

    1) first acknowledge the fact that we love you, Jesus loves you and you are not alone in your struggle. He died a brutal death on a cross to wipe away your transgressions before God
    2) accepting God's completely free gift of salvation and being truly repentant (wanting to change/take action) are two absolutely crucial things necessary for you to move forward. (It seems like you are in this place, so I do apologize if I'm preaching to the choir. I personally need those reminders for myself)
    3) You gotta get help from someone you trust, who will show you Compassion and be able to give you an objective view on your situation. I don't know your parents, but I know that family tends to take things extremely personally. This was the hardest for me because I felt really uncomfortable sharing my sexual sin with my close friends. I resolved to share it with a pastor over e-mail and we are working through things. It is allowing me time to process and work through my emotions. Perhaps when i am ready, I will share this with a close person I trust and who is 100% willing to help me and see me succeed).
    4) As Paul said, we want to do what is right, but we do not do. Satan is a destructive being who seeks to tear you away from God and every relationship in your life you cherish. Do not allow him to or give him an inch. This means being very proactive and aggressive in addressing and bringing someone into the process (heck for now, that could just be this forum).

    Anyways, take this stuff as you see fit. These are things that have been helping me work through my sexuality, and God bless.
     
  12. TheGreenUke

    TheGreenUke Bassist

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    In my case, I was never physically abused, but events in my early and more recent life served to take a great emotional and physical toll on me. Certainly my counsellor who helps me in managing my depression is in agreement with me that these events physically and emotionally damaged me to quite a severe extent.
     
  13. IsmailaGodHasHeard

    IsmailaGodHasHeard Newbie

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    I do not know what to say to you right now. Are you sure that you know Jesus? I will pray for you.
     
  14. RuthD

    RuthD Forgiveness is so important. Supporter

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    I am praying for you and everyone who has this problem in this thread.
     
  15. raven1

    raven1 New Member

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    He knows Jesus. His problem as with homosexuals is wiring in the brain or some kind of sexual trauma happened to him neither are his fault. It isn't about not knowing Jesus. He knows it is something not to act on and he is seeking help.
     
  16. Aspireman

    Aspireman Newbie

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    I too struggle in this area. I'm a Christian, and have asked God many times to take away these feelings. Maybe it's my lack of faith, or maybe God's telling me that "His Grace is sufficient enough". I have always (since grade school) have been attracted to girls at least 2 grades behind me, and this was in forth grade. Since then it has always been a battle. Throughout my late teens and twenties, I didn't care. I would look at teen girls all the time, with hardly any guilt. I re dedicated my life to the Lord at about 5 yrs ago. I now feel ashamed, guilty and convicted, but still have those urges to look at under aged girls. The more I think about the issue, I think that somewhere along the line my brain screwed up the thought of someone being "cute" as a sexual thing. I read that a lot of people say that it's because they are "innocent" and "helpless" that I find attractive. It's not fun living like this. I'd like to be able to not to only not lust after women, but not under aged girls as well. There are times I hate summer (guys know what I mean). When ever I go out i got to be constantly bouncing my eyes. I wish I didn't have to live with this sin. I told the Pastor at my Church and now I feel like his kids (he has daughters) are making sure I'm not looking them up. I always feel dirty.
     
  17. Jaws13

    Jaws13 Urban Nomad. Literally.

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    I am not directing this post at anyone in particular, I merely wish to provide information. I am currently in the process of writing a book on this subject. There is treatment available for pedophilia and that treatment becomes more effective with the support of friends and family and an externalization of the condition. For example, instead of 'I am a pedophile', saying 'I have pedophilia'. Pedophilia is a mental disorder classified by the DSM-IV: It is a mental illness, and it is not anyone's fault. Society currently views it as the worst of all perversions, so I caution anyone in who they tell. Anyone dealing with this issue should find a clinic specializing in sexual health and has a sex offender treatment program- not that anyone should enroll in said program, but its presence means that they have insight into the condition and can treat it. The process for treatment is intense, and it should not be undertaken lightly or alone. Anyone dealing with this needs the strong support of friends or family and should never try to manage it on their own.
     
  18. templar42

    templar42 Newbie

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    Thanks for all the prayers and advice everyone. Jaws13, now that I think about it it is a lot better to say struggling with pedophilia, and is a better way to look at it.

    anyone who is struggling with the same thing wants to talk<edit> I know exactly what its like to go through this and can share my personal experience.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2012
  19. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

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    "It's not fun living like this. I'd like to be able to not to only not lust after women, but not under aged girls as well. There are times I hate summer (guys know what I mean). When ever I go out i got to be constantly bouncing my eyes."

    I am not in agreement with the bouncing eyes teaching. Ultimately, it reduces people to objectification, of their being little more than sexual temptations. Even more seriously it prevents healthy integration of our sexuality into our values and lifestyle, which would then work against real and lasting changes occurring.

    John
    NZ
     
  20. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Ambassador Angels Team

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    Citation please?

    Pedophilia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Templar, please share with your parents immediately. Pedophilia is illegal and you don't need that on top of the issues you need to work through to curb this sooner than later. It won't go away on it's own hon, but with professional help you can become the best you can be. I can't imagine that you want to ruin any child's life in any way.... seek help now, ok?
     
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