I'm a guy, and I like women's shoes

[sparkydave]

I don't know if this is the right forum, but here it goes.

Ever since I was little, I've been intrigued by women's shoes. They have so many different styles, and they are so much prettier than the otherwise boring shoes that guys have. I'd always long after the shoes that girls in school wore and wish I could wear ones like them.

When I met my ex-wife, we got to talking about what turns us on, and said I liked high heels. She would indulge me and wear them occasionally. One day I nervously asked what it was like to wear them. She didn't freak out and admired that I had the courage to speak up. She bought me a pair of high heels and thought I walked in them better than she did. I started buying more pairs, some for her and some for me, and she didn't mind if I wore them around the house. She figured there must be lots of guys who secretly wonder what it's like to wear them, but fear the shame of it. She also pointed out that women regularly wear pants, tuxes, and all sorts of items that men wear, so it seems silly that people freak out if a guy wears anything women would wear. She even admitted that I looked pretty good in them and had good taste.

We split for reasons other than the shoes, but we stayed friends. I found a forum online and I've actually met several guys in person who are straight, married, and yes, they wear high heels. Some of their wives are tolerant, others encourage it wholeheartedly. I also found forums for crossdressers, where many guys go the whole nine yards and impersonate women, even having a whole female persona. Surprisingly, even many of them are straight and some have wives who support and encourage it.

My ex-wife said I shouldn't settle for anyone who didn't accept it, and my last girlfriend certainly didn't. When I shared that I wear women's shoes, I may as well have been telling her I wanted to get a sex change. Lots of nasty text messages sent my way calling me "gay", "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]", <staff edit>, etc.. I did some soul searching and decided to get rid of them. We made up, but not long after her true colors came through and we split up again. Once again, lots of name calling thinking that I must be "gay".

I'm torn on what to do. I really don't think I'm gay; I don't find guys attractive, I don't even like giving my dad a hug. I have worn women's shoes in public, and I even get compliments from men and women alike. Why do I wear them? Because they look nice, they sometimes fit me better than men's shoes (I have small feet for a guy), and why should women have all the fun? Still, I feel like I must be the village weirdo for wearing them, and it would make it hard to date.

Any thoughts? Am I a bad person because I like women's shoes?

 

[raven1]

No dude your not bad. Everyone has chemicals in there brain some are not where they are supposed to be that's why people are gay, over eat to dull their emotions, and like women's shoes. Everyone one has something messed up somewhere. A cross to bare. I think your lucky that's the only one you have

 

[Contrar]

Liking women's shoes doesn't make you a bad person, however, wearing them isn't honoring your masculine identity in christ. We see in 1 corinthians 11:14-16,
"Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice--nor do the churches of God. "
Paul admonishes the church to honor god in theire respective feminine and masculine identity. Since high heels are a distinctly feminine expresion, for you to wear them, is a disgrace. Leave it to be a women's glory. Additionaly, as you have already noticed, this unnerves others. Out of respect for the culture aound you, don't wear the shoes.

As to people calling you gay, they are just being mean. There is no good reason to think that you are gay. Don't worry about that at all. Farewell.

 

[elephunky]

No dude your not bad. Everyone has chemicals in there brain some are not where they are supposed to be that's why people are gay, over eat to dull their emotions, and like women's shoes. Everyone one has something messed up somewhere. A cross to bare. I think your lucky that's the only one you have

<staff edit>

In response to the OP, I personally dont see why men cant wear womens clothing since women wear a lot of mens style clothing (like jeans, sneakers etc). They even have makeup for men now.

If someone cant accept the fact you like womens shoes than I honestly would say that it is their problem and not yours. I am sure that there are women who wouldnt mind, it just might take time as its not socially popular.

 

[apologia25]

Hey,
I wouldn't say your bad because of your love for shoes. I would say however that there are specified gender roles set forth in the Bible. And for most people this is a stretch. You have to realize your identity is much more than your love for shoes. If you keep thinking that people have to accept this you're asking a lot. We are called to avoid the appearance of evil. And if people associate this with being gay then you should avoid that appearance of evil. In the end you have to decide whether you want the shoes or a normal relationship.

 

[elephunky]

My response has disappeared so I will post my response again.

This does not make you a bad person in any way, shape or form. If women can wear what was once considered clothing for men (trousers, jeans etc) then I cannot see why a man cannot where shoes that are considered shoes for women.

 

[sparkydave]

Thank you all for your insights. dGirl1986's point is the same argument that many of the guys on the forum I mentioned have said; women wear whatever they want, but woe unto the guy who thinks the same.

Apologia's last sentence sums up my problem exactly. It's a tricky balance. On the one hand, if people can't accept you for who you are, then you don't need them. But if the majority of people can't accept you because of some quirk, then do you better yourself to get over that quirk?

As far as gender roles, clothes do not determine your gender. A man wearing a sarong in Africa would be perfectly normal; here people might think he's wearing a skirt and it would seem strange. If you go back in history, guys were the ones wearing high heels about the time of the French Revolution, and women didn't wear them. Around the 1900's women weren't supposed to wear pants. Don't get me started on the latest trend of women's "boyfriend" jeans, "boyfriend" shirts, and "menswear" styles.

 

[sparkydave]

I prayed Sunday evening for strength, not just about this unusual shoe fixation, but for other things; having some negative thoughts toward my ex-wife, and a bad habit of picking at my pimples (yep, 38 and I still get zits).

Monday morning, I woke up refreshed and well rested. I had had a compelling urge not to pick at my pimples, and caught myself a few times. I had good feelings toward my ex-wife. Most importantly, I didn't feel at all like wearing those shoes. I visited the forum for guys in heels and actually found some of the pictures a bit of a turn off. Perhaps I'm improving, but it's one battle. Still more battles to come.

 

[Truth Conquers]

Sparkydave, I definitely don't think you're a bad person or weird in any way. I myself wear nothing but women's shoes and everyone thinks I look great in a business suit and black strappy sandals. It's just a fashion choice and has nothing to do with morality. Clothing is just a technology, and technology can't be male or female even if it wanted to. My girlfriend of 29 years loves the way I look and about 3 years ago encouraged me to get my nails done up French style, and I haven't looked back since. Sounds weird, I know, but that's just the way I am. I also have a feminine hairstyle, and again, that's just a fashion choice. Unlike some of the other guys who wear women's shoes I've never experienced any negative reaction in over 20 years, but then again I live in Belgium, and the only negative reaction I ever had was when I started and couldn't walk straight in high heels. At that time, I was working for a company that threatened to fire me for this, and I had to say that I was gay (which I'm definitely NOT) just because they would've been in violation of Belgium's anti-discrimination laws had they fired me. 2 days ago I was finishing my cigarette in front of a hardware store and I saw this very old man struggling to put a lawn mower into his car. Without even thinking, I rushed over and helped him. Then I get inside the store and some people were talking about it and I overheard them saying "and some guy in ladies' shoes helped him." I just smiled. I consider myself to be a highly moral person and I actively help people all the time. And believe me, when I'm going to be at that final judgement, God is certainly not going to be looking at my shoes.

 

[Truth Conquers]

Dave, please don't think of yourself as a weirdo or anything like that. Your choice of footwear has absolutely nothing to do with morality, religion, or your sexuality. Do what I did: find yourself the best looking women's shoes that fit you. In my case that was strappy sandals. Step two: buy them. Step three: wear them! Even better looking is if you shave your legs. I started doing that about 20 years ago because I figured if I can't stand hair on my face, then why do I have it on my body? Keep in mind that all the Bible prohibitions from men wearing women's clothing are OT, where that was a Canaanite ritual involving human sacrifice. Jesus Christ never said anything about that. Matter of fact, he cured the Centurion's servant. He wasn't a servant but a male lover because women were prohibited from serving in the Roman army and it was common for high-ranking men to have gay lovers. Remember that incident where they were about to stone that poor woman and Christ said "let him who has no sin be the first to cast the stone" and they all left? Remember that? So please, don't feel bad about yourself. You didn't get to pick your race, nationality, sexual orientation, or fashion choices. And believe me, God does not condemn anyone based on what they wear, but how they act toward other people. Trust me, I'm the most moral person I know. I even saved someone's life once!!!

 

[sparkydave]

Thanks Truth Conquers, wow, it's been a while since I started this thread. Yes, I've wondered and gone back and forth. I've got several pairs of shoes, and I've purged a couple times in the past and regretted it. Some friends of mine are accepting, and I've decided that while it may be unusual, it's part of who I am.

 

[Truth Conquers]

Your toughest moment is going to come once you confront your parents with this, not so much your friends. In my case I purposefully left a pair of my ladies shoes right on the hood of my car when my parents came to visit. They reacted very astonished but after some time came to accetp it. <staff edit>

 

[elephunky]

Your toughest moment is going to come once you confront your parents with this, not so much your friends. In my case I purposefully left a pair of my ladies shoes right on the hood of my car when my parents came to visit. They reacted very astonished but after some time came to accetp it. <staff edit>

I am glad that you were able to share this with your parents. It can be tough.