If you help someone get back on their feet

[cathoaholicliz]

Ask for repayment or write a contract out

But if you do not want repayment then do not make them feel ashamed every waking moment of their own existence.

Either do it because you can and want to or don't.

You can't be a charitable giving and blah blah person...if all you're good at is acting like a big super hero and telling them that they are a fool and or an idiot all the time.

Just a vent.

And for those against state assistance:
Family and friends or neighbors are worse to get help from than "your" tax dollars. So this is why people go running for assistance in hard times.
In general, family sucks, people like to feel good so much that they call you out, or run their mouths.

 

[Satine]

Sounds like someone's tried to put themselves into a 'one-up' position with you after helping. Am I right?

I agree with what you're saying: that it would be helpful if a person who likes that one-up territory were to be explicit about it first, so you knew what you were getting into. But you don't have to accept their one-upness. Perhaps you already recognise that, I get the impression you do. But I hope that not accepting it doesn't feel like too much of a strain.

I hope everything levels out well for you. And for your over-eager superhero, too.

 

[cathoaholicliz]

Sounds like someone's tried to put themselves into a 'one-up' position with you after helping. Am I right?

I agree with what you're saying: that it would be helpful if a person who likes that one-up territory were to be explicit about it first, so you knew what you were getting into. But you don't have to accept their one-upness. Perhaps you already recognise that, I get the impression you do. But I hope that not accepting it doesn't feel like too much of a strain.

I hope everything levels out well for you. And for your over-eager superhero, too.

And I could even see the stupid behsvior if I were an ingrate but I'm soooo grateful I made my own repayment plan but they won't take it because "we aren't asking for the money bck. We r doing it because we can and want to" whatever

 

[Michie]

Stepmom or both?

 

[thereselittleflower]

Ask for repayment or write a contract out

But if you do not want repayment then do not make them feel ashamed every waking moment of their own existence.

Either do it because you can and want to or don't.

You can't be a charitable giving and blah blah person...if all you're good at is acting like a big super hero and telling them that they are a fool and or an idiot all the time.

Just a vent.

And for those against state assistance:
Family and friends or neighbors are worse to get help from than "your" tax dollars. So this is why people go running for assistance in hard times.
In general, family sucks, people like to feel good so much that they call you out, or run their mouths.

((hugs))

 

[cathoaholicliz]

Stepmom or both?

Stepmom but I am over it. My dad builds me up a lot a lot. He thinks I have done such good things with my life and that I am a strong woman only going to get better with some refining.

Sometimes I think she t thinks I am a bad person never was good and shes making me good.

And I was always always a hard worker. I made mistakes but I will never admit to being a lazy careless oaf.

I do careless things. I have procrastinated on unimportant or stupid stuff.

But I love my kids and have tried so hard to do right for them and if only I know that then that is all that matters. There have been times when I worked 70+ hr jobs. But then there were times when I was only able to work 40. I tried going to school and all kinds of stuff which I did get certified in a trade and pursued that as a career for awhile.

I am an idiot and a failure but I love my kids
I have failed them by allowing myself to be put in this position but I will make it right. I will really truly make it right.

And because of the problems I am having now I will be a stronger person. Really she's not a wretch or anything. I just have to vent and its better here than get all p.o'd at someone I care about over something petty.

She's a good person overall. She's t rying so hard to help me and I am trying to straighten out some areas in my life. My dad's helping me pay for driving school since he never taught me and nobody else taught me either.

Hopefully I will get over myself and get a clue soon. I just feel trapped, no friends, no way to get out, and struggling like crazy to get a job.

 

[Michie]

Stepmom but I am over it. My dad builds me up a lot a lot. He thinks I have done such good things with my life and that I am a strong woman only going to get better with some refining.

Sometimes I think she t thinks I am a bad person never was good and shes making me good.

And I was always always a hard worker. I made mistakes but I will never admit to being a lazy careless oaf.

I do careless things. I have procrastinated on unimportant or stupid stuff.

But I love my kids and have tried so hard to do right for them and if only I know that then that is all that matters. There have been times when I worked 70+ hr jobs. But then there were times when I was only able to work 40. I tried going to school and all kinds of stuff which I did get certified in a trade and pursued that as a career for awhile.

I am an idiot and a failure but I love my kids
I have failed them by allowing myself to be put in this position but I will make it right. I will really truly make it right.

And because of the problems I am having now I will be a stronger person. Really she's not a wretch or anything. I just have to vent and its better here than get all p.o'd at someone I care about over something petty.

She's a good person overall. She's t rying so hard to help me and I am trying to straighten out some areas in my life. My dad's helping me pay for driving school since he never taught me and nobody else taught me either.

Hopefully I will get over myself and get a clue soon. I just feel trapped, no friends, no way to get out, and struggling like crazy to get a job.

You are in a tough spot hon. It's never fun to go back to the parents let alone dad & his new wife. I don't know...maybe there is underlying resentment. But just concentrate on you dad's support & do your best to let stepmom's sage advise & opinions go in one ear & out the other. I know it's not fun right now but it's not a good idea raising your children around an addict.

Hang in there & hang tough. This is your launching pad. Not your dead end. *hugs*

 

[cathoaholicliz]

Thanks.