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brokenarrow
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Welp I guess there is going to be alot of ups and downs in all this... I still have hope... I still have love... and I still have forgiveness...
At this point there is only one thing that will set us back hard... and that is if she talks to him again. Maybe I am wrong... but I told her that if she does... then as far as I am concerned then she has made her choice. I am gone. She has promised me numerous times that she wouldnt talk to him any more... but then she goes right back to him... next time she does... she has chosen.
I know it was my neglect that broke her heart, but just like with Adam & Eve... the blame game doesn't work with God...
My wife chose to love another... whether I was the worst.. or best husband... that willingness to break her marriage vows was in her... I told her I would never... and she said i dont know that... well sorry.. but i do... I know I would never.
I have repented of the neglect... and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.. i know what the word "repent" means... and all the while she is telling me i have to quit bringing up her "cyber-love"... but she is looking at me with disbelief with everything I do now. She believes everything i do is for an ulterior motive... that I am not sincere in my wanting to change to be a better husband to her. Then If I do anything that she thinks is a mistake... instead of it being a pot hole in the road.. you would think i set off an atom bomb there!!!
For instance... I had a youth event this weekend... I had a number on my caller id that i thought would have been a call about the event, so i rang them back and it turned out to be one of her friends that apparently she tells everything too... b/c her friend called and told her that i was checking up on her... when it wasn't even that at all but... next thing I know I am getting an email with alot of capitalized letters in it and how i am "spying" on her... and now we have been fighting all morning... becuase it is like a string you pull and then everything comes unraveled... sigh...
All i want is for her to forgive me.
All i want is for her to know i forgive her.
All i want is for her to know i love her... and for her to love me.
All i want is to rebuild our trust for one another and to get on with our lives and get past all this.
Every story has two sides.. and I am really trying to see things from her side.
She is reading these post now... and says that i am painting myself to be all good... and her to be all bad... There are alot of things that she accuses me of that I haven't put in here becuase they are not true. For example there are teen age girls that call the house "needing" to talk to me... she says that she knows my heart and that i would never do anything unappropriate... but then everytime she gets mad she always makes the accusation... "what about all those young girls calling the house?"... and it kills me inside every time she does it... becuase she knows my heart... that i would never ever do anything to hurt any of them... and that i know everything i do i do before God...
so...If she wants to post them... she knows how... she can do her own dirty work.
Keep us in your prayers...
brokenarrow
At this point there is only one thing that will set us back hard... and that is if she talks to him again. Maybe I am wrong... but I told her that if she does... then as far as I am concerned then she has made her choice. I am gone. She has promised me numerous times that she wouldnt talk to him any more... but then she goes right back to him... next time she does... she has chosen.
I know it was my neglect that broke her heart, but just like with Adam & Eve... the blame game doesn't work with God...
My wife chose to love another... whether I was the worst.. or best husband... that willingness to break her marriage vows was in her... I told her I would never... and she said i dont know that... well sorry.. but i do... I know I would never.
I have repented of the neglect... and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.. i know what the word "repent" means... and all the while she is telling me i have to quit bringing up her "cyber-love"... but she is looking at me with disbelief with everything I do now. She believes everything i do is for an ulterior motive... that I am not sincere in my wanting to change to be a better husband to her. Then If I do anything that she thinks is a mistake... instead of it being a pot hole in the road.. you would think i set off an atom bomb there!!!
For instance... I had a youth event this weekend... I had a number on my caller id that i thought would have been a call about the event, so i rang them back and it turned out to be one of her friends that apparently she tells everything too... b/c her friend called and told her that i was checking up on her... when it wasn't even that at all but... next thing I know I am getting an email with alot of capitalized letters in it and how i am "spying" on her... and now we have been fighting all morning... becuase it is like a string you pull and then everything comes unraveled... sigh...
All i want is for her to forgive me.
All i want is for her to know i forgive her.
All i want is for her to know i love her... and for her to love me.
All i want is to rebuild our trust for one another and to get on with our lives and get past all this.
Every story has two sides.. and I am really trying to see things from her side.
She is reading these post now... and says that i am painting myself to be all good... and her to be all bad... There are alot of things that she accuses me of that I haven't put in here becuase they are not true. For example there are teen age girls that call the house "needing" to talk to me... she says that she knows my heart and that i would never do anything unappropriate... but then everytime she gets mad she always makes the accusation... "what about all those young girls calling the house?"... and it kills me inside every time she does it... becuase she knows my heart... that i would never ever do anything to hurt any of them... and that i know everything i do i do before God...
so...If she wants to post them... she knows how... she can do her own dirty work.
Keep us in your prayers...
brokenarrow
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It's not right for her to keep contacting him. That being said, it's probably hard for her to break that bad habit. Keep going to counseling. Maybe you need to get those teen girls another person (preferably female) to confide in. If you keep bringing up the cyberguy, have you really forgiven and put it behind you? Still praying for you both.
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brokenarrow said:
In nearly 24 years of marriage, my husband has never given me any reason to feel jealous of another woman. Even so, it would be no small matter to have teen-aged girls calling him up and asking for advice or attention. That would be entirely inappropriate, no matter how secure I felt in our marriage. In your situation, it must be terribly unsettling to your wife.
It's not just a quesion of whether you're vulnerable to temptation right now. It's the fact that it looks questionable in the eyes of the world and the church, that it may encourage those girls (unwittingly) to develop an unhealthy dependence on or infatuation with you, and most importantly, it makes your wife feel insecure. For all those reasons, especially the last one, it will be much better for everyone involved if you take Selune's advice and refer those young women to a woman counselor from now on.
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Okay...this is "Broken Arrow's" wife....Yes, I have read every post on here from the very first one. I did NOT know that a certain person had even changed his name on Christian Forums...I read the Marriage Ministry section a lot. It has helped me through a lot of things. Reading where everybody else is and how they are working on things has been a big encouragement to me to stay and try to work things out.....Broken Arrow...when I called you at work and told you that I read the post you started under Marriage Ministry about "Neglecting my Wife....," you denied it and said, "I don't know what you are talking about. And all along, yes you did...you knew I recognized that was you posting....The "teenage girls" that call our house...you met through Christian Forums...Ministry is FINE...you spent countless hours talking to those girls from "out-of-state" on MSN, then they started calling the house. Sometimes, every night...or you called them and talked for hours. The whole time you talk to them....you didn't speak to me or the kids ALL NIGHT, because after getting off the phone with the girls, you got back online on MSN, "ministering" to more kids, sometimes to 12:30 am or later...TELL ME HOW can there be a relationship with 2 people when so many others are in the middle? Yes, I began talking to another man. That was wrong..I know that. I regret it...I will never get in chat rooms again. I was left home with the kids a lot when you were gone more than you were home with either youth events or something you just had to go do with the church or the teenagers. I was hurt and I became friends with somebody online...It did get emotional...We became too close....What I did was wrong....I know that...I chose to stay with you...I chose to work out things with you....I know it was wrong...I've asked God to forgive me, and I've asked you to forgive me....It's not just the girls that have called the house and taken priority over me, and our children. I quit going to the teenagers ballgames because instead of sitting with the wife and kids, you had to sit with the teenagers. I quit going out and eating after church with you, and I began taking my own car to church, because when we went out to eat....you didn't want to sit with the "wife and kids..." you had to sit with the teenagers....had teenage girls hugging all over you, also...that really makes you mad for me to say that...I reached out to a lot of teenage girls at that church we were at...but I sat back and saw for myself...they did like me...but they would much rather be around you and "hug on you..." and how hurtful is it to your wife that after you got home...there were no hugs left for the wife and kids? And when you got home from "ministering..." I was questioned as to WHY didn't I try to minister to those kids? Why did I just sit back and do nothing...? It ripped my heart out watching you love everybody else and pour yourself out to everybody and then you come home and you are like a stranger...You were one thing in front of those teens and the church, and totally different at home...You couldn't love us at home...you took advantage of us...and although I have been a Christian for 15 years now...a person can only take so much...You post in here and blame everything on the "cyber boy"...he was the icing on the cake, so to speak...I literally spent years of deliberately ignoring when men would try to talk to me...I avoided all tempation...I goofed up by thinking it was okay to "talk online..." It wouldn't hurt anything to be friends with somebody...Well, I was wrong to have done that...I'm sorry...I honestly believe you that all you ever intended towards any of those teens was to be there for them and reach out to them...Totally inappropriate...but especially the ones that call the house...they have became so dependent on you...if they don't get to talk to you...they get upset and freak out and then they are sending you emails to every email address that you have...so the only thing you did different is to tell them to stop calling the house every night...they are still contacting you...at your work email, your other emails..you call them, etc..I am really mad and irritated right now. I probably shouldn't have even wrote any of this. The reason I thought you were "checking up on me...." you have asked before whose phone number that was on the caller I.D., and I've told you...You saw that it was a "man's name" that showed up on the caller I.D....the phone is listed in her husband's name...most phone #'s are listed in the husband's name...so it was hard for me to believe that you didn't know who it was...I'm sorry for getting upset over it....I probably said a lot of things in here that I should not have said....I am sorry....I'm hurting...Things didn't get like this overnight, and it won't go away overnight...This is just how I feel about some things....I have a lot of changing to do and seeking God myself...so I know I have my faults...I don't know where we go from here...I have days where I want to just give up...
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Hmmm, well, I have two thoughts. First, get professional Christian counseling. Secondly, let nothing keep you from your marriage. If ministry keeps you from your marriage then get another job. I know something about protecting a ministry, and one important precaution has to do with male-female relationships. Females ministry to females MAINLY and males to males. There should not be long phone conversations between male minister and a female. Counseling of that nature should be done with a female witness and the door open. There should be no hugging from female teenagers to male ministers, except brief side hugs occasionally. Perception is reality. If you are perceived to have wrong relationships, then you do. And you may as well kiss your ministry goodbye because eventually someone is going to call you on it and its going to ruin your reputation. Maybe this isn't the case for you, but its the impression I get.
It sounds like your wife has a problem with your relationships with female teenagers. What are you going to do about it?
It sounds like your wife has a problem with your relationships with female teenagers. What are you going to do about it?
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brokenarrow
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Ministry is not a job. It is who you are.
A very sad reality today is that there are twice as many kids living without a father at home as there are that do have fathers... and the ones that do have fathers half of them would probably be better off with out fathers... and yes.. I had become a father figure to alot of the kids... that is why they loved me so dearly. (and that did take alot of energy and effort.. the laborors are few.. but not "ALL" like my wife sugests... alot.. is not all... she over exagerates to make her point.)
Maybe there did seem to be more girls that were attatched to me becuase it was easier for girls than guys to hug me... but I always made it a point to hug the guys as much as they would let me becuase they need them too... I couldnt tell you how many kids i have talked to that told me that I was the only person to give them hugs for months... some even years on end. One young man in paticular told me that he didn't know if he had ever been hugged before... he would cry in my arms during prayer time.
I could care less what "the pharasees" said about it... because God and the kids knew the truth (and so does my wife) and knew what i was about and the kids knew that they could completely trust me... that i was the real deal for God...
My wife not only has a problem with teenagers... i am suprised she hasnt mentioned all the adult men i have reached out to also that she cant stand now.
If i were Satan... and I saw someone messing up my kingdom... several kids every week getting saved... or being talked out of suicide.. then i would do exactly what he did... attack her... and I believed in "us" so strongly that I never guessed that he could ever turn her against me... I was wrong to leave her on the sidelines... i admit that and I am doing my best to change all that... but I begged her to get in there and help me... i just didnt see the attack the devil was making... i didnt see it coming until it was too late.
My wife didn't mention up above the timeline and that since I have become aware of her intentions to leave over a month ago now... (before i even knew about cyber-boy) that I have changed. There was NEVER hours on the phone... at the longest maybe 40 minutes and most of that was prayer with them... and she talks to the same kids... i have encouraged her to... and all together we are talking about maybe a dozen - sixteen phone calls all totalled up...
I understand that to please God I must also do everything within the confines of His word to make my wife happy... and at that I have failed... but I am trying... and there is no doubt in my heart that if called to i would lay my life down for her...
But...
What IF my wife is in error... and willfully chooses to completely forget all she has learned in the word.. then no... she does not come before God. She has free will to choose life or death. We ALL do...
My wife could see me hug a teenage girl and tell someone... "Isn't it awesome how God has used my husband to be a father figure to her and bring her out of her shell and help her heal from all the horrible things in her life"...
or... My wife could see me hug the same girl and tell someone... "Isnt it wrong for her to be so attatched to him... after all we all know her background... I dont think it is right for her to look up to him like she does... it is unnatural"...
... So do you see that the same situation can be read two totally different ways... and amazing the effect that it will have on the perspective of others... that is what is happening here now.
I hear alot of emotion... I hear alot of suspician and "what will people think" in your response to this... well none of it really matters... becuase we are to please only ONE... and that is God. My wife will say to this.. "Who do i think i am.. Jesus..?"... no... of course not... but I am trying to be as much like Him as I possibly can... aren't we suppose to be doing that?
My wife has the same calling on her life as I do... she knows that. What happens when you run from your calling..? I know from my own experiance that you are a person most miserable... and you begin to look around for those to blame for your condition. I know that is what I did...
I love my wife with all my heart... God makes it possible for me to love her like i never could on my own... but she can not be before God in my life... and neither would i expect her to put me before God in her life.
Balance...
I know there is a place that I can love her... and make her feel fulfilled... and love God and do what He has called me to do. And He HAS CALLED me to be His hugs... to show His love... to let His light shine through me... to reach out to a lost and dying generation with out fathers... with out hope... with out love...
What are the two great commandments?
This isnt the vain babblings of some misguided preacher... this is truly my heart...
I have not been a good steward of my family... I am well aware of what the bible says about the qualifications of a bishop... but I have repented of that... and I also know what God says about that.
We saw the minister Friday... she hardly said a word to him... I didn't bring up anything but that I had failed her and God in focussing so strongly on the ministry...
She told me today she doesn't want to go back to him because He is to denominational... ??? I don't know what to say to that.
What am I going to do about it you ask...? The only thing I can do... and that is give all of this to God... put my faith... hope.. and trust in Him that He will work all of this out and show me where I should change... my reputation is the least of my concerns... people of "low reputation" need ministering to also if the more "reputable" people around judge me...
What ever the cost... I will be faithful to Him... and keep my heart pure before Him. He sees all. He is Judge.
brokenarrow
A very sad reality today is that there are twice as many kids living without a father at home as there are that do have fathers... and the ones that do have fathers half of them would probably be better off with out fathers... and yes.. I had become a father figure to alot of the kids... that is why they loved me so dearly. (and that did take alot of energy and effort.. the laborors are few.. but not "ALL" like my wife sugests... alot.. is not all... she over exagerates to make her point.)
Maybe there did seem to be more girls that were attatched to me becuase it was easier for girls than guys to hug me... but I always made it a point to hug the guys as much as they would let me becuase they need them too... I couldnt tell you how many kids i have talked to that told me that I was the only person to give them hugs for months... some even years on end. One young man in paticular told me that he didn't know if he had ever been hugged before... he would cry in my arms during prayer time.
I could care less what "the pharasees" said about it... because God and the kids knew the truth (and so does my wife) and knew what i was about and the kids knew that they could completely trust me... that i was the real deal for God...
My wife not only has a problem with teenagers... i am suprised she hasnt mentioned all the adult men i have reached out to also that she cant stand now.
If i were Satan... and I saw someone messing up my kingdom... several kids every week getting saved... or being talked out of suicide.. then i would do exactly what he did... attack her... and I believed in "us" so strongly that I never guessed that he could ever turn her against me... I was wrong to leave her on the sidelines... i admit that and I am doing my best to change all that... but I begged her to get in there and help me... i just didnt see the attack the devil was making... i didnt see it coming until it was too late.
My wife didn't mention up above the timeline and that since I have become aware of her intentions to leave over a month ago now... (before i even knew about cyber-boy) that I have changed. There was NEVER hours on the phone... at the longest maybe 40 minutes and most of that was prayer with them... and she talks to the same kids... i have encouraged her to... and all together we are talking about maybe a dozen - sixteen phone calls all totalled up...
I understand that to please God I must also do everything within the confines of His word to make my wife happy... and at that I have failed... but I am trying... and there is no doubt in my heart that if called to i would lay my life down for her...
But...
What IF my wife is in error... and willfully chooses to completely forget all she has learned in the word.. then no... she does not come before God. She has free will to choose life or death. We ALL do...
exercise in perspective...
My wife could see me hug a teenage girl and tell someone... "Isn't it awesome how God has used my husband to be a father figure to her and bring her out of her shell and help her heal from all the horrible things in her life"...
or... My wife could see me hug the same girl and tell someone... "Isnt it wrong for her to be so attatched to him... after all we all know her background... I dont think it is right for her to look up to him like she does... it is unnatural"...
... So do you see that the same situation can be read two totally different ways... and amazing the effect that it will have on the perspective of others... that is what is happening here now.
Jesus was in His early 30's during His ministry here on earth... WWJD...? Did he send the female children away becuase he was afraid what people would think? Someone show me one scripture that shows that! NO!!! He willingly took flack for eating with the "sinners and tax collectors"... some of the most dispised people of thier day...
I hear alot of emotion... I hear alot of suspician and "what will people think" in your response to this... well none of it really matters... becuase we are to please only ONE... and that is God. My wife will say to this.. "Who do i think i am.. Jesus..?"... no... of course not... but I am trying to be as much like Him as I possibly can... aren't we suppose to be doing that?
My wife has the same calling on her life as I do... she knows that. What happens when you run from your calling..? I know from my own experiance that you are a person most miserable... and you begin to look around for those to blame for your condition. I know that is what I did...
I love my wife with all my heart... God makes it possible for me to love her like i never could on my own... but she can not be before God in my life... and neither would i expect her to put me before God in her life.
Balance...
I know there is a place that I can love her... and make her feel fulfilled... and love God and do what He has called me to do. And He HAS CALLED me to be His hugs... to show His love... to let His light shine through me... to reach out to a lost and dying generation with out fathers... with out hope... with out love...
What are the two great commandments?
This isnt the vain babblings of some misguided preacher... this is truly my heart...
I have not been a good steward of my family... I am well aware of what the bible says about the qualifications of a bishop... but I have repented of that... and I also know what God says about that.
We saw the minister Friday... she hardly said a word to him... I didn't bring up anything but that I had failed her and God in focussing so strongly on the ministry...
She told me today she doesn't want to go back to him because He is to denominational... ??? I don't know what to say to that.
What am I going to do about it you ask...? The only thing I can do... and that is give all of this to God... put my faith... hope.. and trust in Him that He will work all of this out and show me where I should change... my reputation is the least of my concerns... people of "low reputation" need ministering to also if the more "reputable" people around judge me...
What ever the cost... I will be faithful to Him... and keep my heart pure before Him. He sees all. He is Judge.
I love you babe... I really truly do...
brokenarrow
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brokenarrow
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lol.. what she didnt say in her post... was that when she ask if "brokenarrow" was me... I laughed and told her " I dont know what you are talking about" in my joking voice... and 10 seconds later admitted that yes it was me... she makes it seem like i have lied about all of this the whole time... again... perspective...
but it still doesnt mean that I don't love her
that i still dont forgive her..
I do... I do... I do.
brokenarrow
but it still doesnt mean that I don't love her
that i still dont forgive her..
I do... I do... I do.
brokenarrow
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brokenarrow
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I won't be posting in here anymore. This was a place for me to vent... and to ask for prayer... but it seems to be causing even more strife at home so no more...
Please keep us in your prayers...
I do love her very much... more than she will ever know...
brokenarrow
Please keep us in your prayers...
I do love her very much... more than she will ever know...
brokenarrow
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Yes we definitely don't want this thread to make more trouble at home but I would like to reply to the issue of ministry not the situation in your marriage.
I know that ministry is not just a job, but it should be lower priority than your marriage. Many of my husband's ministry training books will even tell you that, but so many ministers put ministry first AT THEIR OWN PERIL. The moment ministry causes neglect in a marriage it is no longer serving God. So they should get another job. It is better to have a strong family and marriage than to have a strong ministry. I believe this is God's will.
Secondly on the issue of ministering to teenage females. My points are still valid. You need to protect yourself and the reputation of your ministry AND you need to protect their hearts. I have seen too many ministers who are "father figures" to their students only to hear a year later that they fell in love with a student. Or their student fell in love with them but they were only ministering. Or more likely and more common, a girl accused them of something falsely. I know one man whose story goes like this: He had a great ministry in a church and decided God led him to another church. So he told his students he was leaving and less than a week later a girl accused him of having an inappropriate relationship with her. Her parents got her a lawyer, the man went through a court trial. He had no defense because there were numbers of times where they were alone together with no witnesses. He hugged her a lot, he talked to her on the phone a lot. But he hadn't done anything. Finally near the end when he was about to be convicted to go to prison the girl calls him at his house and says "I'm sorry! I know you didn't do anything to me, I just couldn't let you go to another church! Its like you didn't care about us anymore!" Luckily he had the conversation taped and did not get convicted. But he was never able to get into ministry again because his reputation was destroyed. And his only crime was not being wise in his relationships with teenage girls.
So you can give me the "I'm their father figure!" stuff and let it bounce off on my end, or you can consider what I said and make a change. In this day and age unwise relationships are likely to bite you one day.
I know that ministry is not just a job, but it should be lower priority than your marriage. Many of my husband's ministry training books will even tell you that, but so many ministers put ministry first AT THEIR OWN PERIL. The moment ministry causes neglect in a marriage it is no longer serving God. So they should get another job. It is better to have a strong family and marriage than to have a strong ministry. I believe this is God's will.
Secondly on the issue of ministering to teenage females. My points are still valid. You need to protect yourself and the reputation of your ministry AND you need to protect their hearts. I have seen too many ministers who are "father figures" to their students only to hear a year later that they fell in love with a student. Or their student fell in love with them but they were only ministering. Or more likely and more common, a girl accused them of something falsely. I know one man whose story goes like this: He had a great ministry in a church and decided God led him to another church. So he told his students he was leaving and less than a week later a girl accused him of having an inappropriate relationship with her. Her parents got her a lawyer, the man went through a court trial. He had no defense because there were numbers of times where they were alone together with no witnesses. He hugged her a lot, he talked to her on the phone a lot. But he hadn't done anything. Finally near the end when he was about to be convicted to go to prison the girl calls him at his house and says "I'm sorry! I know you didn't do anything to me, I just couldn't let you go to another church! Its like you didn't care about us anymore!" Luckily he had the conversation taped and did not get convicted. But he was never able to get into ministry again because his reputation was destroyed. And his only crime was not being wise in his relationships with teenage girls.
So you can give me the "I'm their father figure!" stuff and let it bounce off on my end, or you can consider what I said and make a change. In this day and age unwise relationships are likely to bite you one day.
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It's at times like this that I wonder if Catholics have a fantastic idea of not letting the Fathers be married. There is no home-life that would suffer when they throw themselves whole-heartedly into the ministry. My prayers cry out for your home. Please, listen to each other and get some more counseling.
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I must say that as an neglected wife myself (for years) that I have to say turning to someone else to talk with online probally kept her from actually breaking down emotionally . Having someone to talk with about things can release some of the stress we carrry with us daily. I too have turned to another to confide in. (or did). I did not have an affair physically with this man but was emotionally attatched with him not even realizing this until it had already happened. This was not an online affair but with someone i saw on a regular basis. I had absolutely noone to turn in life at the time i began talking with him. My husband has been verbally abusive now with me and my son for years. My father had been dyeing a horrible long death and my husband wasnt there for me at all and made matters worse by abusing my feelings about everything even more until i began to have panic attacks and was afriad to leave the house for about three months. i honestly was wanting to die. i prayed GOD would go ahead and take me now. He didnt of course. I prayed he would send someone to help me and i believe he did. this other person gave me the will to live and a stronger person. i did not realize i had been emotionally attatched to this person until it was too late. i dont regret it one bit. i did not do anything phyically wrong. My husband tried to make amends with me at least three times. Each time i said i forgave him each time i came home only to be dissapointed again. How much forgiveness should one have? I am to the point now where I am not happy with this relationship. it only gets worse. I have no more feelings for someone who treated me so wrong for SO LONG. Time does that. it erases all the feelings one has for anything if there isnt respect love honesty there. I suspect you have neglected your wife for quite some time . she is only human. did you not think she could ever find another way of getting the attention she deserves?you have three kids and your wife and you are always gone. what do you expect her to do? love something that isnt there ....for her...for the kids...
Life isnt perfect. you can try all you want to make it that way it wont happen. you sound like someone who is trying really hard to be perfect. you made it real easy to talk about her faults when all you wrote about yours is you neglected her . from her side there is more to it than that. you expect her now to give up the one who has kept her sane when you werent there. i am sure she is trying. but remeber there is a friendship there one that wouldnt have bonded had you not been so neglectfull.her chatting with a man is no different than you allowing these young girls to contact you all the time. which should not be done in my eyes by someone claiming to be a minister. that shows no respect for you family at all. if there is no respect no love no attention why should she put up with it. Why should anyone?people should be happy and if they try and try and it doesnt happen move on. GOD may want us to stay married but do you honestly think he wants anyone to live unfullfilled or unhappy . I honestly do not. I am trying with my marriage and if it does not work out then i know that i gave it my all and move on and try to make better decisions in the future.People need to listen to what GOD tells them not what other people are saying about GOD.
Do more husbandly things and less preaching.
Life isnt perfect. you can try all you want to make it that way it wont happen. you sound like someone who is trying really hard to be perfect. you made it real easy to talk about her faults when all you wrote about yours is you neglected her . from her side there is more to it than that. you expect her now to give up the one who has kept her sane when you werent there. i am sure she is trying. but remeber there is a friendship there one that wouldnt have bonded had you not been so neglectfull.her chatting with a man is no different than you allowing these young girls to contact you all the time. which should not be done in my eyes by someone claiming to be a minister. that shows no respect for you family at all. if there is no respect no love no attention why should she put up with it. Why should anyone?people should be happy and if they try and try and it doesnt happen move on. GOD may want us to stay married but do you honestly think he wants anyone to live unfullfilled or unhappy . I honestly do not. I am trying with my marriage and if it does not work out then i know that i gave it my all and move on and try to make better decisions in the future.People need to listen to what GOD tells them not what other people are saying about GOD.
Do more husbandly things and less preaching.
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I am not sure if this thread is still being followed by the OP but it might do him and his wife some good to read 1 Corinthians 7 again. I too, believe that Gods intention is for him to put his marriage before his ministry and not the other way around. How can one have a strong ministry without a strong marriage to back it up?
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Ephesians 5
5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
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That is a good point. But think about what is also lost. A married minister has more experience to help with marriage counseling. A married minister can give the greatest example of how to treat your family to the congregation. A married minister doesn't have to deal with wanting a family and not being able to have one. I think it is best a personal decision and if a person wants to throw themselves "whole heartedly" then maybe they should decide to not get married.selune said:
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Not being Catholic, I can't speak for what their beliefs are, but I wonder if not having priests marry also keeps them from being biased in marital situations (having had a situation in their own marriage that left a bitter feeling and then trying to "act out" through another's problems. And as we've seen here, a married minister can get overridden by feelings to take care of the world before family. It's a tough situation.
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brokenarrow said:
Broken Arrow, you've said you love your wife, but surely you know love isn't just a feeling; love is how you treat people. I've seen such bitterness against her in your posts. If her cyberfling is offensive to you (as well it should be), how much more offensive is it to her to see you having repeated physical contact with young, adoring, impressionable women? Much less for you to claim that it's some kind of "hugging ministry." Where, in all of the New Testament, does Jesus ever have a "ministry of hugs" to any member of the opposite sex? Given the culture of the time, it's highly unlikely that He would even have considered such a thing! It would have been asking for trouble back then, and it's still asking for trouble today.
And if your wife is suffering, how must your kids feel, to know that you're willing to be a loving "daddy" to everyone but them? I've seen what happens in a family when kids feel rejected by their dad. I can just about promise you that they'll be dealing with the pain and the consequences long after you've gone on to your reward.
The people of this board have taken the time to pray for you, counsel you, and try to warn you that you're playing with fire. You've responded by implying that we are Pharisees. Based on what you've written here, I truly believe that you, Sir, are deceiving yourself. As far as I can judge from your posts, Satan isn't attacking through your wife, he's attacking through your very understandable need to feel like you're accomplishing something in your ministry. You don't seem to understand that Satan has already derailed you in the most important ministry of your life, your ministry to your wife and kids.
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