I don't want to go on this way anymore

[Christownsme]

My body literally hates me. I'm in so much pain. Emergency room wouldn't do anything good for me. I am tired of life right now. Why does it have to go on?

I guess it's a huge honor though, to be appointed by God to bring glory to him, spreading the gospel thru a body that is half dead. I will live or die according to God's plans. I would never take my own life. God has bought my life with a price, and plans on using me however he sees fit.

 

[singpeace]

Psalm 107:23-30

23. They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters;

24. These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep.

25. For he commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof.

26. They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble.

27. They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wit's end.

28. Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses.

29. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.

30. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.​

 

[Stephanie2381]

Not long ago, I was in the same position, depression so deep that I could not see the reason for me being alive. I wondered why I was so oppressed and why was I going through such sadness when I felt like i was not strong enough to go on.....I am thankful for the family around me who kept me going, and for GOD for revealing each day why I am here -- we are truely here for a reason, HE has a purpose for our lives and HE is in control -- we dont know why we go through what we go through, I know that I have really been able to help so many people in my shoes, and that is such a great feeling, we are here to witness and live for HIM as best as we can, no matter what Satan is trying to do to us, we have to fight and pray for God to heal us and push through all the pain and despair that we feel.... WE CAN AND WILL MAKE IT PAST THIS HURDLE!! There is a reason for it, even when we cannot make sense of it ourselves.

I will pray for your strength and peace, keep strong -- God Bless! Stephanie

 

[Biker Angel]

My body literally hates me. I'm in so much pain. Emergency room wouldn't do anything good for me. I am tired of life right now. Why does it have to go on?

I guess it's a huge honor though, to be appointed by God to bring glory to him, spreading the gospel thru a body that is half dead. I will live or die according to God's plans. I would never take my own life. God has bought my life with a price, and plans on using me however he sees fit.

I am praying that God will ease your pain and apart from that I am too overwhelmed to know what to say right now.

 

[Darling Deedee]

Am praying.
I've been there too.

 

[NewCovenant]

Christownsme,

I'm sorry for your pain. It must be a great burden for you. But don't give up.

I know what it feels like when your body betrays you. About 2 years ago, I started experiencing a little bit of weakness in my right foot. Now I can't use my right leg at all, and my left is on its way out, too. I am confined to a wheelchair, and am unable to move from the waste down. I can't do anything for myself anymore, not even bathe or shower.

But God is keeping me together. I pray, He listens. I am feeling incredibly blessed even though I don't know if I'll ever walk again. (My doctors have not found a cause; I still have no diagnosis.) I know I should be terrified, but somehow, I'm not. Whether I walk again or I don't is in God's hands. I'm not afraid.

This does not mean I don't have bad days. I do. But even on those days, the darkness doesn't last long. My moods are pretty stable -- I'm BPD II. Somehow, I have avoided a major depression. I believe that the "somehow" is God.

I believe you can overcome your depression with the Lord's help. You need support, you have support right here. There is so much love in this community it spills over into the real world. Meanwhile, I will pray for you to find relief from your pain.

 

[Stephanie2381]

Gladys, wow, I am so sorry to hear that you are have lost the use of at least one leg, how many, even I get so down thinking all is lost, and then someone comes along and puts everything into perspective. The positive power that you hold is so inspiring, I will remind myself how blessed I am next time I let the negative thoughts get to me, you are so right on, God is keeping you stable and keeping you from falling into depression, he has a calling for you and a reason for all that happens in our lives -- keep that spark you have alive, it is very inspiring for me to read your post!

God Bless and prayers to you for healing!
Stephanie

 

[NewCovenant]

Stephanie, thank you for your kind words. You are such a sweetheart. I can certainly use the prayer!

 

[Stephanie2381]

I have been having a tough few days myself, I was thinking that the meds were working and that I was getting better, and now my anxiety and paranoia has been kicking in and making me rethink things, like maybe I am not getting better, I have been very anxious and crying and I think that I am cycling again.....I dont want to have to up the meds, but maybe that would help?? I dont want to have to be like this, its so hard to try to get through the day and be a good mom, wife and worker when I have all these thoughts and being scared just over shadowing me -- prayers welcome please! Thank you!

God Bless -- Stephanie

 

[NewCovenant]

You may be cycling. But don't despair. First of all, call your dr. You may only need a very small adjustment in your meds. Just do it.

Secondly, I want you to think about what your feeling. Remember that your feelings lie. Just like in your relationship with God, which is not based on your feelings but on FAITH. Jeremiah 17:9 says: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" You should not act on your feelings, at least, not without a lot of thought. Your feelings will, more than likely, misguide you.

 

[dabro]

Hey I'll keep you in my prayers at night so try to get some relief.

 

[Christownsme]

Things are a bit better now. The meds have caused me the big weight gain, which now I have terrible case of diabetes, and my body is in contant state of flux, including my mental state. I guess now I've been getting my sugar levels down, that is huge. It's just natural I'm going to be moody and emotional about all this, and I'm glad to hear God's love is there to stay and is not affected by my emotions but the fact that I have faith in Him. Thank you so much for helping, everyone.