I did good

[Amanafterherheart]

Now I can answer that she called me and asked me what I want and she said we needed to talk in person. So we did and I don't know if it was good or bad even though it was wonderful in some ways. We had dinner early and then we ended up sitting in her car in a parking garage and we ended up being physically intimate right there. I do not know where that leaves us because I am afraid to ask. I will not let it change my goals and just being sure to not let it hurt me more if it was something unexplainable.
I was not trying to get sex from her it was not my goal.

 

[ChildByGrace]

I could cry for you because to me it seems like you are desperate for your wife back whereas she is out for all she can get from you; money, affection etc.
Whilst she is still married to you, it is wrong for her to cheat on her new man with you

 

[dorig59]

I agree. She's really messed up in the head.

 

[sdmsanjose]

I do not know where that leaves us because I am afraid to ask.

Amanafterherheart
You are so needy and want your wife back so bad that you compromise two of the main requirements for a healthy relationship. Those two are respect and accountability. Your wife shows you no respect and is not accountable to you. You replace your self-respect and accountability with your need to have your wife come back to you.Your wife is cheating on you and the other man.


You are either a saint or a needy self imposed martyr, living outside reality, and a man without any cajones.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Amanafterherheart
You are so needy and want your wife back so bad that you compromise two of the main requirements for a healthy relationship. Those two are respect and accountability. Your wife shows you no respect and is not accountable to you. You replace your self-respect and accountability with your need to have your wife come back to you.Your wife is cheating on you and the other man.


You are either a saint or a needy self imposed martyr, living outside reality, and a man without any cajones.

Agree wholeheartedly.

 

[dorig59]

Me, too. I actually thought their little encounter was rather disturbing.

 

[McScribe]

This kind of thing happens. Your morale and resolve gets worn away. And frankly there are women and men who are very good at this each in their own way, at getting what they want without taking any real responsibility for it. They're especially good at doing it to kind and generous people.

As hard as it sounds to do, you need to walk away from your wife. If you don't believe in divorcing her, at the very least separate and refuse to enable what she's doing. Refuse to support her. Draw some kind of line in the sand.

I'll be really honest here--I hate my ex with a passion. But I pray for her every day and I don't give in to my hatred. That's what loving someone who is hurting you means; it doesn't mean catering to their every whim and hoping they'll love you for it. You can act with courtesy and decency without being a complete chump about this. The only reason she got intimate with you in the car is probably out of habit. As hard as it sounds you need to just get up and go, and stop talking to her except about practical matters.

 

[Conservativation]

This story is getting more interesting as it develops. It could be one of those Telemundo soaps, the way its going. I am sorry to say that.
manafterheart,.....try to meet some new people, men and women, as friends. Get out and about and find some FUN. Do things you did before you met her. At a certain point, imagine yourself in that car, and she makes her move, and you kiss her cheek and say g'nite gotta go now, and leave. The sense of victory alone would be (I hate the expression because its questionable) "better than sex"

 

[Amanafterherheart]

I guess I can see the soap opera part. Thats funny. I guess you need to really know us to understand what I am trying to do because it is not as sad as it seems. I will admit in a minute when I think clear it can be sad for sure.
I have some new friends I guess but its not clicking yet. I mean they are each with a certain thing we do like to play golf or to go fishing or some music we like or whatever. But they are not personal yet too much and wont be more than buddy friends. My old friends are uncomfortable because they are couples friends and they now are hanging with her and Dan. I was having a bad minute and wondered to record her in the car with me and send it to Dan but that's just a wild fun idea that will stay in my mind.
I was thinking about the idea of walking away and wondered if that would be better after she has sex with me. I can be mean too.

 

[McScribe]

Well...it's not about being mean, I think. I don't understand how it would be mean to her to walk away. I thought she had chosen another man.

 

[girly64_99]

hmm a bit bizarre

 

[Amanafterherheart]

I did it guys. I took a stand. She came to my work saying she wanted to see me, I said she could see me after and she was waiting outside in the lot at my apartments and we went in and she seduced me and I was very fast and cold and asked her to leave after. I felt I was in control for the first time in years. It may be morally wrong I am not sure but it sure is nice to be the one taking the advantage.

She is welcome anytime for twenty minutes. I didn't let her even talk about whatever she was wanting to soften me about, and I didn't cry at all. Should I now start just dropping by her place?

 

[c1ners]

No! Right now you're giving her exactly what she wants from you. Sex and only sex. She is happy to have only that! You're playing right into her hands. She doesn't want a relationship with you right now. All she wants is SEX!

I would advise you to take a step back. Do not see her, text her, call her or have any contact with her at all for two weeks. If she calls or drops by to see you, tell her that you're busy. Heck, tell her the truth! Tell her that you need a couple weeks to clear your head and figure out what it is you want out of your relationship.

Nobody wants a desperate person. Let her know that you can stand on your own two feet without her and DO it! After two weeks with no contact, (and hopefully by then you've cleared your head a little) you can call her up and have a sit down dicussion about rather or not you BOTH want to continue on with your marriage. However, if you decide to continue on, I would make it very clear that she is expected to act like a wife and to be with you only.

She can't have it both ways dude. She either wants you or the other guy. Make her choose.

 

[dorig59]

I agree 100%. Very well stated.

 

[McScribe]

No! Right now you're giving her exactly what she wants from you. Sex and only sex. She is happy to have only that! You're playing right into her hands. She doesn't want a relationship with you right now. All she wants is SEX!

I would advise you to take a step back. Do not see her, text her, call her or have any contact with her at all for two weeks. If she calls or drops by to see you, tell her that you're busy. Heck, tell her the truth! Tell her that you need a couple weeks to clear your head and figure out what it is you want out of your relationship.

Nobody wants a desperate person. Let her know that you can stand on your own two feet without her and DO it! After two weeks with no contact, (and hopefully by then you've cleared your head a little) you can call her up and have a sit down dicussion about rather or not you BOTH want to continue on with your marriage. However, if you decide to continue on, I would make it very clear that she is expected to act like a wife and to be with you only.

She can't have it both ways dude. She either wants you or the other guy. Make her choose.

This.

 

[dorig59]

This.

That.

 

[McScribe]

That.

The other thing.

 

[Conservativation]

Thang

 

[mkgal1]

Amanafterherheart
You are so needy and want your wife back so bad that you compromise two of the main requirements for a healthy relationship. Those two are respect and accountability.

This really cannot be repeated too many times. Why would you want a relationship based on being used and using in return? Where there is no respect and any behavior goes?

 

[McScribe]

This really cannot be repeated too many times. Why would you want a relationship based on being used and using in return? Where there is no respect and any behavior goes?

And this too. Love doesn't mean being a doormat, punching bag or an indentured servant, especially when its a spouse. And the whole having sex with her and leaving first thing--it's not really much better.

I wonder what prayers are going on about this marriage. I pray that this man has a sense of clarity, wisdom, strength and power in him to be able to be forgiving and yet not at the mercy of this marital merry go round.