How to Handle Disagreements Properly

[Christsfreeservant]

I am a writer of Christian devotions, as one who is called of God to this ministry, and as I am being led of the Holy Spirit in what to write. And so I take the Scriptures very seriously. And I am one who prayerfully and diligently searches the Scriptures, looking at the context, comparing Scripture with Scripture to make certain that, to the best of my understanding, I am teaching the truth of what the Scriptures teach. I look up word definitions, too, to make certain I am getting it right. I am not claiming perfection in this, but by the grace of God I am one who does my best to rightly handle the word of truth. And God is blessing this ministry.

The Lord has me post these devotions on at least 8 different internet locations, and on most all of them the readers are free to comment on what is being posted, although I do monitor some of those responses. I have no control over the responses on at least 3 of these locations. And so sometimes I get some pretty harsh and nasty and even slanderous comments from people who disagree with what I am teaching/sharing from God’s word and who contend with my understanding of what I believe the Scriptures are teaching. And 2 of those 3 sites are called “Christian” sites. And “Christians” can sometimes be the nastiest in their responses.

So, I am being led of the Lord today, I believe, to address the issue of how we, as Christians, should respond to one another if we disagree with what another is sharing or teaching. And so I want us to consider the following Scriptures as teaching us how we should and should not respond to others if we disagree with what they are sharing:

Proverbs 12:18: “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”​

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Proverbs 16:23: “The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.”​

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Romans 14:19: “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”​

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Ephesians 4:15: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”​

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Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”​

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Colossians 3:8: “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”​

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Colossians 4:6: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”​

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Titus 3:2: "to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.”​

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Exodus 20:16: “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."​

So, what can we learn from these passages of Scripture regarding how we should respond to one another, especially if we are disagreeing with what another person wrote? This is what I am getting out of this:

Shoulds and Should Nots of Communication

1. Don’t be reckless in what you say, be wise and discerning.​

2. Speak what is helpful and educational and biblically wise.​

3. Make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification.​

4. Speak the truth, but make sure it is truth, and speak it in love.​

5. Don’t be nasty. Don’t be hateful. Don’t be slanderous.​

6. Don’t be accusatory without facts, and without proof.​

7. Don’t be name callers who make slanderous accusations.​

8. Say what is helpful that it may benefit those who listen.​

9. Don’t respond in anger or in malice but in love and kindness.​

10. Speak the truth, but gracefully, but without biblical compromise.​

11. Don’t give false testimony against your neighbor.​

Basically, stop, think, and pray before you respond. Then address the specifics of what was shared and what it is you disagree with and why, and then be prepared to give a biblical rebuttal to those specific things said with which you disagree. Name calling and false accusations and generalizations are not only not helpful, but they are unkind, and they are unchristian, and they resolve nothing. We don’t all have to agree with each other on everything, but we can all learn to disagree in a way that is respectful and kind and not slanderous and not condescending, too.

Oh, to Be Like Thee, Blessed Redeemer

Lyrics by Thomas O. Chisholm, 1897
Music by W. J. Kirkpatrick, 1897

Oh, to be like Thee! blessèd Redeemer,
This is my constant longing and prayer;
Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,
Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

Oh, to be like Thee! full of compassion,
Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,
Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,
Seeking the wandering sinner to find.

O to be like Thee! lowly in spirit,
Holy and harmless, patient and brave;
Meekly enduring cruel reproaches,
Willing to suffer others to save.

O to be like Thee! while I am pleading,
Pour out Thy Spirit, fill with Thy love;
Make me a temple meet for Thy dwelling,
Fit me for life and Heaven above.

Oh, to be like Thee! Oh, to be like Thee,
Blessèd Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.

 

[dwb001]

So we should not use terms like "whitewashed tombs" or "den of serpents" or "your father is the devil" or "get behind me Satan"?

Anyone who uses terms like these should be corrected and told to clean up their language.

I understand you have pointed out the positive things about how we should communicate.
But this is far from a complete Biblical picture.

When is it right to use tough love? When is it right to kick someone from the Church? When is it right to confront a brother?
And "how" to all the above and more questions beside.

Thanks for your sugar coated study... It was nice... but now get some meat and potatoes on that plate.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

So we should not use terms like "whitewashed tombs" or "den of serpents" or "your father is the devil" or "get behind me Satan"?

Anyone who uses terms like these should be corrected and told to clean up their language.

I understand you have pointed out the positive things about how we should communicate.
But this is far from a complete Biblical picture.

When is it right to use tough love?

When: When a fellow Christian is living in sin in broad daylight and, without compunction, keeps living that way without any indication of trying to work through his problems toward repentance. Kind of like that one guy in the Corinthian church whom Paul the Apostle dealt with.

Then again, Paul was an Apostle; and I'm just an average dude making his way in the world today, taking everything I've got. Wow! ... Suddenly the theme to 'Cheers' is singing in my head.

When is it right to kick someone from the Church? When is it right to confront a brother?
And "how" to all the above and more questions beside.

Thanks for your sugar coated study... It was nice... but now get some meat and potatoes on that plate.

How about this: Don't be looking for opportunitoes to swat people, unless they become an obvious pain in the posterior to the entire Church? Remember what Jesus said about step-by-step escalation in and among the Church for Church discipline of an individual.

But what do I know: I'm just an existentialist.

 

[dwb001]

When: When a fellow Christian is living in sin in broad daylight and, without compunction, keeps living that way without any indication of trying to work through his problems toward repentance. Kind of like that one guy in the Corinthian church whom Paul the Apostle dealt with.

Then again, Paul was an Apostle; and I'm just an average dude making his way in the world today, taking everything I've got. Wow! ... Suddenly the theme to 'Cheers' is singing in my head.


How about this: Don't be looking for opportunitoes to swat people, unless they become an obvious pain in the posterior to the entire Church? Remember what Jesus said about step-by-step escalation in and among the Church for Church discipline of an individual.

But what do I know: I'm just an existentialist.

Correction is not swatting.
Pain is a great motivation to change.
The Church needs more pain and less coddling.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Correction is not swatting.
Pain is a great motivation to change.
The Church needs more pain and less coddling.

You're not authorized to be the deliverer of "that pain."

 

[emily93]

I would love to get these by email away from the forums

Is there any chance you'd consider doing that if I was able to post my email address to you?

thanks

 

[dwb001]

You're not authorized to be the deliverer of "that pain."

Why not? Show Biblical references that show who/when/how/why.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Why not? Show Biblical references that show who/when/how/why.

Y'know, I should track down a former member here on CF and have the two of you talk. His name was Nihilist Virus.

That would be an interesting chat, for sure.

 

[dwb001]

Y'know, I should track down a former member here on CF and have the two of you talk. His name was Nihilist Virus.

That would be an interesting chat, for sure.

Why... are you not capable of discussion on this topic?
Do you not have the ability to talk on the subject you are currently discussing?

 

[Christsfreeservant]

I would love to get these by email away from the forums

Is there any chance you'd consider doing that if I was able to post my email address to you?

thanks

Emily, if you want, you can go to my blog and sign up there to be on an email list. Run With It Let me know if that works for you.