How to break free?

[Passion with Purpose]

I have never used a site like this, but felt as if it was a good step in working through some of the pain that I still have from my past. I can tell you that my heart is beating like crazy right now. I am so incredibly nervous. It's been nearly two years, and I fear that the pain is never going to go away. I have tried hard to both work it out, and block it out, but I watch a movie, get a phone call, and my mind and heart go back to those nights. I want to cry and to break down, but I can't. I fear what this makes me. I fear the tears and the pain. I don't want this to always be part of me. I want to be able be alone at night and not travel back to those nights. I want to not be ashamed. I want to be free. I don't know how to do this, but I think that the more I am open about what happened, and the more I seek the guidance and wisdom of others, the more I will be free. How do you make the most use of forums?

 

[RuthD]

I'm sorry you are suffering so. It is a great step to reach out here! Everyone here is so caring and kind. Seems like you are having horrible flashbacks. Let Jesus guide you by getting closer to him. Also, if you have not already, you may want to see a good therapist and psychiatrist. They can be very helpful. God bless you.

 

[Passion with Purpose]

I am looking for one, but I have tried them in the past, and not found much success.

 

[Criada]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Talking here does help, I've found I can say things here which I couldn't tell anyone 'face to face' at first... and doing that, and seeing the support and acceptance has helped to trust people in 'real life'.

The first thing to try to accept, sweetie, is that there is no need to be ashamed. I don't know the details of what you went through, but from what you have said, you were a victim, sweetie, and it was not, in any way, your fault. I know the feeling of shame and self-loathing.. but it isn't the truth, and you are not to blame.

Try to keep telling yourself that

Here if you need a listening ear sweetie... PM me if you want to talk. (You'll need to make a few more posts first, tho.. I think you need 15 to PM)

I hope that being here can help you to work through the issues of the past and enjoy life again.

 

[RuthD]

I am looking for one, but I have tried them in the past, and not found much success.

That is good you are looking for one. It took me a long time to find a good one but I took the good stuff out of the sessions and left the rest. Reaching out is a good thing, too. There are a lot of caring people at CF.

 

[Johnnz]

Finding the person who is right for you can be very frustrating. It is not just a matter of professional expertise. real human and relationship factors are important too as well as the appropriate knowledge and skills.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[raekae]

I understand exactly where you're coming from... I feel like we're very similar. I tried therapy once, and it didn't work out for me. In fact, my experience was so bad I refuse to seek professional therapy at all.

I also just found these forums. So hopefully we both can get good use of them. If you wanna talk ever, you can PM me.

 

[RuthD]

Generalizing that all therapists are bad when you had one bad experience is not very useful for the person. There are many more therapists who are very good. Looking for one who specializes would be helpful.

 

[spazlegs]

Okay, I've used four, three weren't worth much to me, but the fourth! I do better with someone who is directive and gives me assignments, tells me to hush when I interrupt when it was family therapy time and generally told me the truth. The oh so sympathetic, how do you feel about that folks didn't do bupkiss for me. As for psychiatrists, I've been with three, the first was great but he went to a boutique style where he didn't deal with insurance anymore. That was too expensive after a while. The second was dud. The third is pretty darn good.

The forums people are pretty good especially those of us who've been there in some shape or form and can tell you how they deal with it. You are pretty anonymous unless you choose not to be. So it's pretty safe to talk, and reveal your struggles.

Just remember though as a Christian (i presume you are one since you are here) you have Jesus to bear your pain, The Father to direct angels and other humans into your path to help, and the great counselor and healer who lives within you, the Holy Spirit.

Man oh man, you are so loved by God. If you ever really get a feel for how much you are just going to be awestruck.

 

[Passion with Purpose]

Thank you for all of your advice...I sought out another counselor and found one that I figured I would give a shot. I have to work through this so that it no longer controls me. It is a scary reality, accepting weakness, and need, but this is so reflective of how we need to approach God. Accepting that we are weak and cannot do it on our own, and asking for his help and guidance, for his grace, and his love, even though we feel unworthy and undeserving. I had my first appointment this morning, I'm not completely sure how I feel about it, but I know that it is going to take time. Which is a strange reality, but an important one I think.

 

[Passion with Purpose]

Some days I feel strong, but others, incredibly weak and needy.