How Normals Think

[Timuchin]

Normals are such an enigma!

We've all had Normals avoid us or persecute us because we are "strange" and "loners" according to their criteria. Well, what IS their criteria?

When a Normal gets into a conversation, they try to identify with the person they are talking with by creating a simulated persona of the person that they fill in from interaction and "put on." They try to empathize by 'becoming' the other person, so their subconscious can catch subliminal nuances about the person and 'fill in' the persona. When the persona is satisfactorily filled in, they say they "understand" the other person.

When a Normal gets into a conversation with an ASD and they try this trick with us, they eventually start feeling anxious and "turn off". The persona their subconscious comes up with is incongruent. There are "strange" parts between the "normal" parts of the persona. Their "intuition" (subconscious socializer) gets them away from this source of "crazy." They walk away and avoid you as well as they can. They consciously can't say why, because only their subconscious knows why.

A Normal is defenseless to manipulation in this area because they have never had to consciously think about what they are doing. Advertisers have made a study of how these normals think so they can be manipulated. That's why some successful advertising just doesn't touch us.

When a Normal says, "Everybody knows...." or "Nobody does...." what they mean is the blank persona they first apply to new people is pre-loaded with those characteristics. Unbeliever Normals assume everyone is also unbelievers. Christian Normals assume everyone is a potential Christian and feel bad about their sins. When 9/11 occurred, they had to readjust their model to include possible mass murderers. When the television and movies show violence and promiscuity, their model is adjusted to assume that of others. If they have been abused, their model will have characteristics of their abuser.

Normals can quickly and easily be disingenuous by switching to a persona that's good at that. We can't. We are who we are and any attempts to be dishonest comes across as contrived. That's why we stick with honesty. We "wear our feelings on our sleeve" because there is only one persona in here. Since God hates liars, they have a big temptation to overcome to be righteous.

Since they have this large number of persona, they tend to generalize and compromise. In a church, this means they aren't too concerned about Jesus' unconditional call to dedication. They are more apt to "go with the flow" -- holy or unholy. They have a large number of "old natures" to renounce.

From what I have read, it appears that Rev. John Wesley and his mother had Aspergers. He had unusual dedication. He had trouble with reading people and dealing with people. He was focussed and a genius in his field of Christianity, to the extent that he swayed Britain and America away from atheistic Humanism.

Unfortunately, his followers had kids who were Normal. These kids liked their culture, but cut corners on the dedication. As a result, there are numerous splinter denominations caused by the fight between the Aspergers and the Normals.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

What you're saying about the "normals" makes a lot of sense. Normals have never understood me. Weirdos have never understood me. That's because a lot of weirdos are "normals" who are trying to be anything but. So they bend the rules of culture to the extreme. As an Aspie, I am so uncomfortable with either side. I'm a horrible lier. If it's even slightly questionable, I'm uncomfortable with it. I obsess over things people think are weird. So the "normals" lump me in the weirdos and the weirdos don't own me because they claim I'm a prude.

What gets me is the "normals" seem to have a facade all the time, they just can't be themselves. Or do they really have a "themself?" Is it just us ASD people that figure out who they are? At any rate, they want US to change.

 

[Timuchin]

You've really got it tough as an ASD woman; minority of a minority! Have you been out to wrongplanet.net?

Do Normals have a "self?" A little. Remember the stories of feral humans? That's what they are without socialization. But even they have variations in their instincts which could be called personalities. Praise be to God, He takes us wherever we start from and builds from there.

There have been times I have been around people enough that I could have a good guess as to their nationality by the way they hold their faces. That includes Canadians from Americans!

Our biggest problem in business is the manager who uses shortcuts for telling us priorities and preferences, assuming we understand him. Do you let him leave and try to guess at what he might have been inferring, or do you keep asking him to elaborate and repeat what he said until you get it? In other words, to you act like an irresponsible Normal or a pain in the neck? The only way out of that trap is to feign deafness and tell him to send the instructions by email. But even then, he can presume upon linguistic shortcuts.

Places where we can meet a higher percentage of people like ourselves: engineering, military, musicians, mathematicians, college teachers, esoteric computer science, Physics, artists, nursing, AA meetings, Alanon meetings, etc. We tend to be clumsy, so computer gaming would be a partial draw, but our scores wouldn't be that good.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I know one other Aspie, my fiance. We're both more verbally inclined. Although I took speech and debate and he was in theatre, we both really have a hard time starting conversations with others- heh, it's a miracle that we even started talking to each other!

My fiance has had more difficulty than I have, I think. He is more clumsy than I am, since I developed more fine motor skills through playing concert-level piano, but he has NO musical or sports ability whatsoever. Also, since he has lupus and it has made him pretty weak, he can't do physical labor, and he's not to the point where he can handle going back to university to study. Ideally, he wants to be a writer, in the same vein as J.R.R. Tolkien, complete with world and language creation. He gets lost in his little world.
I understand this, as I went through that phase about 8 years ago, but I'm more of a musical Aspie, although math concepts completely allude me.
It's funny that you mention video games. I love them but they hate me. I am inclined to do message board RPGs though, and I thought I had stopped it but it came back to me!
At any rate, the normals can't stand me, and I have a hard time standing them.

 

[rizzla]

An enigma? If youd dropped the letter ‘g’ and said some ‘normals’ are an enima, I’d agree with you totally. Especially after this afternoon.

Yes, I can handle my son being excluded mid way through a two week summer camp because of his ‘bad behaviour’. Yes, I can also handle examples of ‘bad behaviour’ including things like stopping every few feet or so to smell flowers instead of paying attention on a nature walk, or occasionally upsetting other children by invading there personal space.

Yes, I can even handle being told that ultimately he’s being chucked out because there aren’t enough supervisors to watch over him and still maintain discipline/security of the others in the class, (“but he was really enthusiastic, and I’m so sorry to see him go, but hopefully next summer funding will be in place for volunteers and you can re-enroll him then&#8221.

But I confess I have just a little difficulty handling my sons supervisor (a qualified sports teacher) telling my wife that when she spoke to him she was “amazed to see his eyes dilate; no wonder he was having difficulties for in her experience that normally means there’s a lot of adrenaline pumping around his body. Its like he was possessed”.

Possessed?? Good job she didn’t see ME a few hours later when I found out what she’d said; I’d probably have scared her half to death. Grrrrrrrr!!

“How Normals Think” – That’s a serious oxymoron.

 

[Timuchin]

Well, Revenwyn, count yourself blessed to have a spouse on the same wavelength with you! When I met a psychologist at the CARD center in town, she was very surprised to find out I was married. All the other Aspergers she knows are men who aren't. She invited my wife to the Aspergers meeting so she would have someone to talk to!

Rizzla, I can feel for you. The Normals are very chauvinist,
because they don't really know we exist. In Jacksonville, the local ASA chapter all go out for a day at the zoo or something. Nobody understands ASD kids like parents of ASD's.

I didn't have kids, even though I biologically could have. The enormous stress of trying to earn a living in a Normal-oriented world with no extended family support or social support was bad enough. Throw in marriage to a quirky Normal and I was tempted to be an alcoholic. Add the stress of kids to the mix and my stress level would have doubled -- way into the red zone for me.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Actually, it was pretty humorous that you mentioned wavelength.

One of the things my fiance and I used to say to each other when we had the same brilliant idea was "get off my WAVELENGTH!" and then the other would say, "But I want to be on your wavelength!"

Sorry, that just brought it back up to me.

 

[liketotalk]

An enigma? If youd dropped the letter ‘g’ and said some ‘normals’ are an enima, I’d agree with you totally. Especially after this afternoon.

Yes, I can handle my son being excluded mid way through a two week summer camp because of his ‘bad behaviour’. Yes, I can also handle examples of ‘bad behaviour’ including things like stopping every few feet or so to smell flowers instead of paying attention on a nature walk, or occasionally upsetting other children by invading there personal space.

Yes, I can even handle being told that ultimately he’s being chucked out because there aren’t enough supervisors to watch over him and still maintain discipline/security of the others in the class, (“but he was really enthusiastic, and I’m so sorry to see him go, but hopefully next summer funding will be in place for volunteers and you can re-enroll him then”).

But I confess I have just a little difficulty handling my sons supervisor (a qualified sports teacher) telling my wife that when she spoke to him she was “amazed to see his eyes dilate; no wonder he was having difficulties for in her experience that normally means there’s a lot of adrenaline pumping around his body. Its like he was possessed”.

Possessed?? Good job she didn’t see ME a few hours later when I found out what she’d said; I’d probably have scared her half to death. Grrrrrrrr!!

“How Normals Think” – That’s a serious oxymoron.

Hang in there! God bless you and your family.

From a Mom w/ a 7 yo boy on the spectrum.

 

[Ivy]

Well, I presume I am a normal......and I figure "normal" means "the most frequently occurring type of brain damage in the society."

"Dain bramage," I mean.

 

[Timuchin]

Hang in there! God bless you and your family.

From a Mom w/ a 7 yo boy on the spectrum.

What kind of social support do you have?

 

[Timuchin]

The ASA group in my town is dominated by exasperated Normal mothers of ASD kids. They were able to force the state CARD center to cater to their needs. My first board meeting I went to was full of acrimony back and forth. When they ran out of steam (after two hours), I raised my hand and asked if I could share something. I told them that they should spend some resources helping ASD's transitioning into adulthood, considering what a gauntlet it is for us to run. We are what the whole organization is all about ...

It got pretty quiet. The parents of ASD teenagers allowed as how that was going to be a problem. They are cranking out all sorts of teaching programs for us finally.

The ASA group in my town is: http://www.asagjax.org/
The state CARD center is: http://www.centerforautism.org/

 

[mityaman]

Thanks for interesting information, Timuchin! I just realised i never tried to "simulate" the way of thinking of a person i was talking to. maybe that's why a freind of mine once told me that when i talked to someone it sounded more like an interview (me being the journalist). And i never really noticed it that a keep on asking questions all the time to learn more about those i'm talking to. guess it's just unnatural for normals...

 

[kyle123]

first of all i wouild like to say its not healtly to see urself as abnormal becuz of aspbergurs and then view the rest of the world as normal. yes we are diffrent. but what is normal? didnt god create us in his image just as he did those without aspbergurs? u do have a very in depth view into the minds of non aspbergur human beings. maybe u should be a psycologist or something like that.

 

[mityaman]

By "normals" I only mean the majority of people who don't have AS or anything like that. but I don't think I have that deep view into people's mind. what I believe their thoughts and intensions to be usually turns out to be naive and having nothing to do with what they actually think or mean. I sometimes can't even analyze myself... Maybe the deeper study of psychology would help, because I can hardly remember what I was taught in the university.. but I'm not pretty sure i can be a great psychologist..

 

[Timuchin]

its not healtly to see urself as abnormal becuz of aspbergurs and then view the rest of the world as normal. yes we are diffrent. but what is normal? didnt god create us in his image just as he did those without aspbergurs? u do have a very in depth view into the minds of non aspbergur human beings. maybe u should be a psycologist or something like that.

Well, we do a lousy job of being "normals;" but we do a great job of being Apergers!

When I say "normal" I am referring to the statistical definition; the majority of a population of whatever you are studying. I don't mean they are healthy. What's healthy is not normal and what's normal is not healthy!

God created us in His spiritual image. God is justice. He will reward us for the harrassment and persecution we have undergone. He will also penalize us for the bad stuff we did in return. Unless we confess it and give it to Jesus to carry on the cross.

More important than being a psychologist is being a fruitful Christian. I have seen God heal things that no psychiatrist or doctor could. I have seen lives changed. I have seen them turn around and change other lives as well. And I don't charge!

 

[Timuchin]

If Aspergers were the normal or majority population, the world would certainly be different. We would have uniforms designating our specialties. Everything would run like a clock. Dishonesty would be a jailing offense. Non-Aspergers would be looked down on as devious and dishonest.

 

[mityaman]

If Aspergers were the normal or majority population, the world would certainly be different. We would have uniforms designating our specialties. Everything would run like a clock. Dishonesty would be a jailing offense. Non-Aspergers would be looked down on as devious and dishonest.

But are these the main and necessary features of AS? I never thought of having unforms, and I often lie to avoid punishment.. but also i tend to tell very personal facts about me to people i've just met but who seem to me friendly and reliable...

 

[Sabertooth]

Lies, even when justified, are incredibly difficult to maintain and defend. I prefer to just withhold information. Then it is no longer necessary to expend unnecessary energy maintaining lies; just a more efficient short list of who is privy to greater details.

 

[gracechick]

So do Aspies have a hard time controlling their emotions and having the "correct" response in social situations? & do you have a difficult time with eye contact and overall job performance?
What other characteristics do you here struggle with?

I'm asking, bcause I am probably borderline. I have a Social Work degree, but have not held down a good job. I am more isolated then ever eventhough I like people. Interaction is difficult for me so my present dx is Social Phobia. I just never seem to fit in and have walked up on coversations where I here, that's just the way she is, I've never met anyone like her and so on. & I'm guessing they were referring to me, bcause they stopped as soon as I walked up. These were both friends and coworkers.

So do you have to have a pyschologist dx or can a councilor?

Any comments would be helpful.

Thanks

 

[Timuchin]

Here, try the Autism Spectrum test online:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Check out: http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/