How long has it been since the loss of your spouse?

[Terri]

My dear husband Jim went to be with the Lord May 8, 2005.

 

[CountryLady]

Hello Terri, So sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you joined us here. It's nice to meet you. My late husband passed away three years and eight months ago.

 

[Terri]

Thank you CountryLady. I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear huband also.

I can't believe it has almost been 7 months of just barely making it from one day to the next. I find that it is even harder now if that's possible.

It's very difficult for me to talk these days. Still very emotionally numb. Is that a common experience?

 

[Manna]

Yes, Terri, emotionally numb is a good way of putting it. I just passed the one-year mark of DH's death (Nov.8th), and it HAS gotten easier. I think it started to ease up around the 9-month mark for me, but everyone's different. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

 

[robert adams]

My wife died unexpectedly on Jan 18th, 2004.

I was an emotional basket case. I broke down into a sobbing mess in a depression group meeting at church. After that, I seemed to stabilize.

Bob (in Houston)

 

[robert adams]

Terri,

I found what you wrote to be part of my experience.

Bob (in Houston)

 

[Terri]

Yes, Terri, emotionally numb is a good way of putting it. I just passed the one-year mark of DH's death (Nov.8th), and it HAS gotten easier. I think it started to ease up around the 9-month mark for me, but everyone's different. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

Hi Manna I'm so sorry Manna for the loss of your dear husband.

Be careful what you offer--I'm a real basket case and I might just take you up on that offer to PM you!

 

[Terri]

My wife died unexpectedly on Jan 18th, 2004.

I was an emotional basket case. I broke down into a sobbing mess in a depression group meeting at church. After that, I seemed to stabilize.

Bob (in Houston)

Hi Bob (in Houston)

Could you please teach me how to stabilize Bob.

My dear Jim's death was sudden too. I still have flashbacks of watching him die. Wonder if they will ever end. I even loose my breath when I have these flashbacks--adrenalin I guess. Anyone else experience this? Sometimes when it flashes in my mind I feel like I am going to be sick too.

Terri (in Baton Rouge)

 

[robert adams]

Terri,

I don't think I could handle what happened to you. I have flash backs, also. My wife had a heart attack - which I did not realize what was going on. I called 911 and she seemed ok when she was taken to the hospital. I went to pick her up (supposedly) and found out she died in the ER.

I went to counseling at church. That did not help much. I took part in an overcoming depression class and, on one exercise, we tried to verbalize what was depressing us. I I had avoided talking about it (denial?) until then. When I started talking about it, I totally broke down sobbing/crying uncontrollably. For some reason, I stabilized somewhat after that. For awhile, I had problems with dreams about my wife being outside of my apartment complex, in a car, waiting for me. That was an emotional gut-wrencher, but I seem to be past that. I still have moments when some memory will flash in my mind and I will spontainiously start crying.

Bob

 

[McWilliams]

To those of you with your loss still so very new and the pain so acute, I do remember those feelings! Thankfully it does diminish with time! There is actually a morning coming when that person and loss isnt the very first thought when you awaken! No one can remain in a state of such acute pain for extended time! We are protected at first by shock, then acute pain which is variable then for periods! I still have days with much difficulty, usually brought on by special memories, holidays and anniversaries! But as time goes by I am so occupied with projects I enjoy, church, friends, reading, CF and such that my life is now great and the loss manageable! This has become the 'good ole days' and I've adjusted, can eat, read, watch TV, sleep, go, all when I choose!
My husband died on Mothers Day 1996, so will be 10 yrs next May. It is a slow progression of healing! You will come to terms with time but never stop the caring or missing that special person!

 

[Terri]

Terri,

I don't think I could handle what happened to you. I have flash backs, also. My wife had a heart attack - which I did not realize what was going on. I called 911 and she seemed ok when she was taken to the hospital. I went to pick her up (supposedly) and found out she died in the ER.

I went to counseling at church. That did not help much. I took part in an overcoming depression class and, on one exercise, we tried to verbalize what was depressing us. I I had avoided talking about it (denial?) until then. When I started talking about it, I totally broke down sobbing/crying uncontrollably. For some reason, I stabilized somewhat after that. For awhile, I had problems with dreams about my wife being outside of my apartment complex, in a car, waiting for me. That was an emotional gut-wrencher, but I seem to be past that. I still have moments when some memory will flash in my mind and I will spontainiously start crying.

Bob

Oh Bob, I can't imagine your shock when you just went to pick your dear wife up and was told the news of her death. That had to be so hard.

I'm so glad that you found the overcoming depression class that seemed to help you stabilize and that you have moved past your bad dreams. I know what you mean about he spontanious crying. I'm still having terrible crying spells.

My husband had his heart attack in the chair that I am now sitting in as I type this. He was going to do some work on the computer. I was right around the corner from him. He never made a sound. I heard a strange sound and went in to find that he had stiffened backwards in his chair and was jerking, moving the chair which was the sound I heard. He did not appear to be conscious at all and never resonded to my speaking to him. I called 911. I had to pull him out of his chair and try to do cpr as 911 told me. But, I don't think I did it right. The ambulance was there very quickly though so I think that if he could have been saved they could have done it. But, immediately upon finding him in his chair I knew that it was so bad that he was probably gone.

The shock of speaking to someone as we had less than 5 minutes before and then them being gone is so hard to take.

 

[Terri]

To those of you with your loss still so very new and the pain so acute, I do remember those feelings! Thankfully it does diminish with time! There is actually a morning coming when that person and loss isnt the very first thought when you awaken! No one can remain in a state of such acute pain for extended time! We are protected at first by shock, then acute pain which is variable then for periods! I still have days with much difficulty, usually brought on by special memories, holidays and anniversaries! But as time goes by I am so occupied with projects I enjoy, church, friends, reading, CF and such that my life is now great and the loss manageable! This has become the 'good ole days' and I've adjusted, can eat, read, watch TV, sleep, go, all when I choose!
My husband died on Mothers Day 1996, so will be 10 yrs next May. It is a slow progression of healing! You will come to terms with time but never stop the caring or missing that special person!

Oh McWilliams I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. My husband died on Mother's day also. We never had children though and both of our mothers had gone to be with the Lord so it was just a nice Sunday afternoon for us. Sundays are still the hardest for me.

 

[McWilliams]

It is just so soon for you Terri and I'm so sorry! Mother's Day is not far behind us! I pray our sweet Lord will comfort and protect you and guide you through to a good life! We just keep moving forward, knowing some days are bad, some even worse but there will be increasingly a number of good and even great days!

 

[Terri]

It is just so soon for you Terri and I'm so sorry! Mother's Day is not far behind us! I pray our sweet Lord will comfort and protect you and guide you through to a good life! We just keep moving forward, knowing some days are bad, some even worse but there will be increasingly a number of good and even great days!

Thank you Mc

 

[soblessed53]

My DH died unexpectedly from a heart attack 8 years 2 1/2 months ago, when he went to get gas for the lawnmowers. The day does finally come when you can remember them without pain,but I think the truest thing I ever heard or read about healing is figure about 1 month for every year you were together, before you are really,really healed. I went straight from my parents home to setting up my marriage home,so this is the first time I have ever been alone in my life. I am a different,stronger,more independant woman than my husband knew,but the longer I am single,the more I love the freedom and independence. I thank the Lord so much for restoring my joy,something I never would have imagined could be possible.

 

[Terri]

My DH died unexpectedly from a heart attack 8 years 2 1/2 months ago, when he went to get gas for the lawnmowers. The day does finally come when you can remember them without pain,but I think the truest thing I ever heard or read about healing is figure about 1 month for every year you were together, before you are really,really healed. I went straight from my parents home to setting up my marriage home,so this is the first time I have ever been alone in my life. I am a different,stronger,more independant woman than my husband knew,but the longer I am single,the more I love the freedom and independence. I thank the Lord so much for restoring my joy,something I never would have imagined could be possible.

Hi Soblessed53!

I am so sorry Soblessed for the loss of your dear husband.

But I'm very happy to here that you are enjoying your freedom and independence and that God has restored your Joy.

 

[CjBabe]

I lost the love of my life in August at the age of 37. The thought of not seeing his face, hurts my heart so terribly I am nauseous more than not. Some days, I am not sure how I breathe. But I get up, and try to do what he would want me to...not be happy...just take care of myself and get through everyday the best I can.

When I wake up, regardless of time of day or night, my first thought is oh Lord, it was a nightmare. I look over, and he isn't here and I swear my heart is ripping from my body.

I can not imagine how I will live many years without him. I pray the Lord will make my time on this earth fruitful for his word to do his work. And then I want to be with the Lord and the love of my life.

 

[BeanMak]

It will be 10 years this May for me too. My husband died unexpectedly at the end of the month. I remember working SO hard for everything to be "ok" that first year, that the second year was really a shock of how crummy I was really doing. Therapy and anti depressants for a short time (less than 6 months) really helped a lot. I am busy and happy now, I still miss him.

 

[Terri]

I lost the love of my life in August at the age of 37. The thought of not seeing his face, hurts my heart so terribly I am nauseous more than not. Some days, I am not sure how I breathe. But I get up, and try to do what he would want me to...not be happy...just take care of myself and get through everyday the best I can.

When I wake up, regardless of time of day or night, my first thought is oh Lord, it was a nightmare. I look over, and he isn't here and I swear my heart is ripping from my body.

I can not imagine how I will live many years without him. I pray the Lord will make my time on this earth fruitful for his word to do his work. And then I want to be with the Lord and the love of my life.

Oh CjBabe, I am so sorry for your loss of your dear husband.

I know how difficult it is to just make it from one day to the next. It's been 7 months for me and I still feel like I am waiting for my dear Jim to return.

I know that it is not logical, but I feel like I loose a little bit more of Jim with every change that takes place in my life. Such simple things as having to get a new coffee pot because the one we used together broke makes me so sad. It's like you just want time to stand still and everything stay just as it was because with every change you feel your loved one slipping further and further away.

 

[Terri]

It will be 10 years this May for me too. My husband died unexpectedly at the end of the month. I remember working SO hard for everything to be "ok" that first year, that the second year was really a shock of how crummy I was really doing. Therapy and anti depressants for a short time (less than 6 months) really helped a lot. I am busy and happy now, I still miss him.

I am so sorry BeanMak for your loss of your dear husband.

I can't believe that 7 months have passed since my dear Jim went to be with the Lord. It seems as if he was just here yesterday and then in other ways sometimes I feel like he never really existed, that somehow I made him up. Now, I know that I didn't make him up, but his absence is just so unbelievable to me.

I imagine that it is hard for you to believe that it has been 10 years. Does there ever come a time when the shock of it goes away?