How do I evangelize to my parents?

[grandvizier1006]

I was raised in the church, but sometime after I got into college my parents stopped going to church. I think this was for two reasons: 1) They claimed the pastor at the nearest one we went to "talked about the same thing over and over". Apparently he emphasized God loving us "too much". Sounds ridiculous, I know, but this was what they told me when I tried asking them about it. And 2) A church that we used to go to had a pastor that was on the Ashley Madison list. Ashley Madison was a dating social network designed for married men to discretely cheat on their wives. Most of the women turned out to be just bots, but when a list of all the men who had used it was leaked, it was a devastating scandal. Even though by this point we didn't go to that church anymore, I think it really turned my parents off from church even more than they had already been.

I also feel like I'm to blame a bit. When I was a kid, I didn't like going to church. We had to dress up in fancy clothes, sit still and be quiet, which is a lot of conformity to put onto a child. My parents forced us to go and forced us to socialize with people, and I didn't like getting to know people I was only going to see for one day of the week. I didn't like socializing with people back then. I'm on the autism spectrum and that may have had something to do with it. So maybe me and my twin brother's autism (my twin brother also doesn't believe, but he's in a different state) made it so that church was just a place where we showed up on Sunday for the service, and then left. This was especially prominent once we switched churches (from the church where the pastor was on the Ashley Madison list, to the one where the pastor kept talking about God's love "too much"). At the first church, we stayed for Sunday school, but when we went to the second church, we just showed up for the sermon and then left. It didn't help that the second church was bigger and it was harder to get to know people.

In any case, now my parents won't go to church. They think watching a sermon online is equivalent to going to church. That may have made sense during the pandemic, but it's over now. I've tried inviting them to my Bible study but they claim that they "already know all the Bible stories" and are "too old" to learn anything new. They seem to think that they've "outgrown" church now that all of their children have grown up. I go to a third church now in a different denomination, but it's full of young people and way too loud. I don't think they'd like it, and if I tried to invite them they'd turn me down.

People keep saying I need to just let myself be a light for Christ. But I don't know if that will be enough to bring them back to God.

 

[PloverWing]

You're not to blame at all for the choices your parents have made about church. Yes, you were a squirmy kid who didn't like having to sit still while dressed in fancy clothes. That's true for almost all kids. But that's over, now that you're grown. Your parents now make their own choices about attending church.

I know people who attended church while their kids were small, and then stopped when their kids grew up, as though church is something like piano lessons and soccer, an activity that you take your kids to but that's not really for grownups. I don't quite "get" that, but I've seen it in others, and possibly your parents fit that pattern.

It's possible that your parents do, indeed, know lots about the Bible, and that sermons and Sunday School classes no longer provide them with new information to learn. I think there are other reasons to attend church, though: to gather with other people to make an offering of praise to God, to receive Communion, and to work with other Christians to serve other people.

My best guess is to live your life as a Christian, worshipping regularly, and doing God's work in the world, participating in whatever community service ministries your church engages in. (Which is, I guess, your last sentence, "be a light for Christ".) Your parents might not like the loud service you attend, but you might invite them along when your church is feeding homeless people or building houses or whatever ministry it is that you do with your church. If they see that your faith is motivating you to do things that are out of the ordinary to help other people, it might help persuade them that faith isn't just a thing for kids. But don't stress too much here; again, your parents are making their own choices, and you're not responsible for making them choose differently.

It's tough. People who have already seen Christianity, but who are unimpressed by what they've seen, can be hard to reach.

 

[d taylor]

The important part for your parents is this. That at some point in their life, have they believed in Jesus for God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation.

If they have not, they do not need to go to church to believe in Jesus. So you ask - How do I evangelize to my parents?

Simple ask them do they believe Jesus is the resurrection and the life, the Messiah/Son of God , In other words the only way to receive God;s free gift of Eternal Life is by believing the above about Jesus. If they do believe this then they are a born again child of God

 

[PloverWing]

Here's a follow-up thought: If your parents aren't being challenged intellectually by church -- they feel like they're heard everything that might be said to them in sermons or in Sunday School -- would they be open to reading a book with you, and talking about the book together as you read it?

I've had the experience of feeling like I've reached the end of what Sunday School was going to teach me, so I can empathize with that. But our church has been running a book club for the last few years, and we've been reading and discussing theology books together, and it's been really great, both for connecting with people and for learning new stuff about Christian faith and practice. So, maybe reading a book together could be a possibility.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Here's a follow-up thought: If your parents aren't being challenged intellectually by church -- they feel like they're heard everything that might be said to them in sermons or in Sunday School -- would they be open to reading a book with you, and talking about the book together as you read it?

I've had the experience of feeling like I've reached the end of what Sunday School was going to teach me, so I can empathize with that. But our church has been running a book club for the last few years, and we've been reading and discussing theology books together, and it's been really great, both for connecting with people and for learning new stuff about Christian faith and practice. So, maybe reading a book together could be a possibility.

That sounds like a good diea. I'd have to spend some time looking for a book, though. I was raised Presbyterian but now attend a Nazarene church, but don't really fully agree with either denomination's teachings (so far, haven't looked into a lot of issues). So it would have to be something non-denominational, but also at a level that they could engage with. Too complex and they wouldn't get it, too simple and they wouldn't want to go through it.

 

[grandvizier1006]

The important part for your parents is this. That at some point in their life, have they believed in Jesus for God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation.

If they have not, they do not need to go to church to believe in Jesus. So you ask - How do I evangelize to my parents?

Simple ask them do they believe Jesus is the resurrection and the life, the Messiah/Son of God , In other words the only way to receive God;s free gift of Eternal Life is by believing the above about Jesus. If they do believe this then they are a born again child of God

I have yet to ask them that question. I don't know what I believe regarding whether or not Christians can lose their salvation--different groups use different verses to make their points.

 

[tturt]

Also, attending church is important but I wouldn't gauge their Christianity or faith on that basis - if I've understood your OP. Rather than" the teaching them" approach, you might ask them about a Biblical topic as a better way to talk with them about God and His Word

 

[Thijs Hottenhuis]

I believe we are all called upon to do God’s Work, which may also include evangelizing our parents. Yet when we do this, we cannot judge ourselves by the results. We can pray, teach, preach, and thus sow seeds, which will hopefully bear fruit. Yet maybe, because of free will, they won’t, or not yet. Maybe another action is needed by someone else. In these matters, we can only pray to do what is possible in the situation, and let God / the Holy Trinity be responsible for the result. We have to lay our burdens down and not lean on our own understanding. God is the one who saves us all, through His many Helpers, and we don’t always know how that will look like. Blessings to you.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I was raised in the church, but sometime after I got into college my parents stopped going to church. I think this was for two reasons: 1) They claimed the pastor at the nearest one we went to "talked about the same thing over and over". Apparently he emphasized God loving us "too much". Sounds ridiculous, I know, but this was what they told me when I tried asking them about it. And 2) A church that we used to go to had a pastor that was on the Ashley Madison list. Ashley Madison was a dating social network designed for married men to discretely cheat on their wives. Most of the women turned out to be just bots, but when a list of all the men who had used it was leaked, it was a devastating scandal. Even though by this point we didn't go to that church anymore, I think it really turned my parents off from church even more than they had already been.

I also feel like I'm to blame a bit. When I was a kid, I didn't like going to church. We had to dress up in fancy clothes, sit still and be quiet, which is a lot of conformity to put onto a child. My parents forced us to go and forced us to socialize with people, and I didn't like getting to know people I was only going to see for one day of the week. I didn't like socializing with people back then. I'm on the autism spectrum and that may have had something to do with it. So maybe me and my twin brother's autism (my twin brother also doesn't believe, but he's in a different state) made it so that church was just a place where we showed up on Sunday for the service, and then left. This was especially prominent once we switched churches (from the church where the pastor was on the Ashley Madison list, to the one where the pastor kept talking about God's love "too much"). At the first church, we stayed for Sunday school, but when we went to the second church, we just showed up for the sermon and then left. It didn't help that the second church was bigger and it was harder to get to know people.

In any case, now my parents won't go to church. They think watching a sermon online is equivalent to going to church. That may have made sense during the pandemic, but it's over now. I've tried inviting them to my Bible study but they claim that they "already know all the Bible stories" and are "too old" to learn anything new. They seem to think that they've "outgrown" church now that all of their children have grown up. I go to a third church now in a different denomination, but it's full of young people and way too loud. I don't think they'd like it, and if I tried to invite them they'd turn me down.

People keep saying I need to just let myself be a light for Christ. But I don't know if that will be enough to bring them back to God.

It's not your job to bring them back to God. I tried that with my daughter. It drove a wedge between us and I don't even have her address now. My son gives a little news from time to time.

You can and should pray for them. Show them respect. Your life is a much more effective testimony than your words. It would be different if they were unbelievers, but they know the truth. I have the same issue with my sister and brother in law. I said a few words, they disagreed and I've left it at that. Ask God for wisdom. He will show you how to go about this.

 

[DragonFox91]

I understand. My parents are kind of the same way. They have grown children & have a couple grandchildren from my sister. They are financially good. They don't have major health problems. All their needs have been met. They go to church almost every Sunday but aren’t involved in it at all & don’t meet anyone there. I think they have the same attitude as your parents in some ways. God’s been good to them, they have all they need, they know it all, what can involvement in a church do for them?

I also understand you not liking the pastor preached so much on God’s love. Many many many churches do this. They paint God as all love & ignore other attributes about him. His wrath, his sovereignty, his call for people to repent, & much much more. It’s a HUGE problem.

Like you also, I go to a church separate from my family too.

Some things I’m learning from my own experience in a situation I think is similar to yours: Don’t be too judging on your parents faith life. Have you listened to sermons from their church or attend with them? Is it sound? What do you know for sure they believe? Do they live like they believe? What do they think of your faith life? What do you know of their prayer life? If they have devotion time?

This may sound not very Christian, but different people show their passion for God in different ways. Me & you, I think we both need it constantly. He is our everything. Without him, we’d be lost. Others just aren’t quite so passionate. That doesn’t mean they’re not saved, don’t care about God, & don’t know the true him. It’s sad to see, b/c people should show their passion, but I think sometimes the enemy scares people like me & you into thinking those with less passion aren’t good enough or doing things wrongly.

Pray for opportunities to present themselves where you can show your passion to them, how God is working in your church attendance, & take advantage of it. Tell them how good it is for you & they really s/ do the same.
I pray for those opportunies in my own life that my regularly church attendance & involvement & how God uses it positively for me & others, to witness to my parents.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I understand. My parents are kind of the same way. They have grown children & have a couple grandchildren from my sister. They are financially good. They don't have major health problems. All their needs have been met. They go to church almost every Sunday but aren’t involved in it at all & don’t meet anyone there. I think they have the same attitude as your parents in some ways. God’s been good to them, they have all they need, they know it all, what can involvement in a church do for them?

I also understand you not liking the pastor preached so much on God’s love. Many many many churches do this. They paint God as all love & ignore other attributes about him. His wrath, his sovereignty, his call for people to repent, & much much more. It’s a HUGE problem.

Like you also, I go to a church separate from my family too.

Some things I’m learning from my own experience in a situation I think is similar to yours: Don’t be too judging on your parents faith life. Have you listened to sermons from their church or attend with them? Is it sound? What do you know for sure they believe? Do they live like they believe? What do they think of your faith life? What do you know of their prayer life? If they have devotion time?

This may sound not very Christian, but different people show their passion for God in different ways. Me & you, I think we both need it constantly. He is our everything. Without him, we’d be lost. Others just aren’t quite so passionate. That doesn’t mean they’re not saved, don’t care about God, & don’t know the true him. It’s sad to see, b/c people should show their passion, but I think sometimes the enemy scares people like me & you into thinking those with less passion aren’t good enough or doing things wrongly.

Pray for opportunities to present themselves where you can show your passion to them, how God is working in your church attendance, & take advantage of it. Tell them how good it is for you & they really s/ do the same.
I pray for those opportunies in my own life that my regularly church attendance & involvement & how God uses it positively for me & others, to witness to my parents.

The issue is that my parents only go to church when they're in another city (one that they plan to move to in a few years after my dad retires). They won't go to a church where we live currently. Even though they'd only be at one for two years at most, I think church is important enough to find community if you're going to live somewhere for at least six months. They seem to think that there's nothing more they need to learn from the Bible or a church community, and it worries me that maybe they've just stopped caring about God. And it's especially sad because they were the ones who instilled that faith in my brothers and I.

 

[Hazelelponi]

People keep saying I need to just let myself be a light for Christ. But I don't know if that will be enough to bring them back to God.

Well, according to Scripture a believing wife can potentially lead her unbelieving spouse to Christ through good conduct alone (1 Peter 3:1-2) and Peter expressly states "without a word" so there's no question that just being a good Christian without benefit of anything expressly verbal is in fact, an effective means of sharing our faith.

SInce they are believers who are simply disconnected from the church I would simply use the good example of my life and pray for them. Preaching to them is probably going to be seen as disrespectful from the outset.

When your specifically trying to share your faith without any words, your actions become more pronounced.. which is probably a good habit to be in anyway: extra pronounced actions.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Well, according to Scripture a believing wife can potentially lead their unbelieving spouse to Christ through good conduct alone (1 Peter 3:1-2) and Peter expressly states "without a word" so there's no question that just being a good Christian without benefit of anything expressly verbal is in fact, an effective means of sharing our faith.

SInce they are believers who are simply disconnected from the church I would simply use the good example of my life and pray for them. Preaching to them is probably going to be seen as disrespectful from the outset.

When your specifically trying to share your faith without any words, your actions become more pronounced..

I feel like I need to use words. I feel like I should just keep nagging at them so that they will do it.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I feel like I need to use words. I feel like I should just keep nagging at them so that they will do it.

That would not be honoring your mother and father.

They believe in God, are Christian, have a church picked out that they like to attend in the town they plan to retire in, and listen to online church services.

It sounds to me like they are trying to live out their faith by "coming out of" unscriptural churches and simply haven't found a church home in their area and since they are moving in a couple years don't feel it's overly important to find another church right now.

Nagging them is simply to disrespect them as your parents and as fellow Christians and would not be Scriptural.

I'm certain you can express to them the importance of the physical church in ways that don't involve nagging them. That would make anyone want to turn away.

A sermon to listen to:

 

[Peacemaker1]

here for parents...


Matthew 10:37
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Matthew 12:50
For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

Luke 8:
19 Then came to him his mother and his brethren, and could not come at him for the press.
20 And it was told him by certain which said, Thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to see thee.
21 And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.

 

[DragonFox91]

The issue is that my parents only go to church when they're in another city (one that they plan to move to in a few years after my dad retires). They won't go to a church where we live currently. Even though they'd only be at one for two years at most, I think church is important enough to find community if you're going to live somewhere for at least six months. They seem to think that there's nothing more they need to learn from the Bible or a church community, and it worries me that maybe they've just stopped caring about God. And it's especially sad because they were the ones who instilled that faith in my brothers and I.

Do not be worried. God will open a door for you to share how important it is for you & what it's doing for you & that can lead to them seeing in their heart. Pray!

 

[turkle]

Your question of how do you evangelize your parents presumes that they are not saved. Is this true? If so, my guess is that they are cultural Christians who took you to church as a child because it was the thing to do. They may know most of the Bible stories, but they don't sound like they are searching for the deeper meaning in scripture. Bible study is a life long pursuit, and even the most accomplished scholars are never done. It sounds like they listen to sermons for head knowledge rather than to seek the heart of Jesus.

The best way to evangelize is to share with them what God is doing in your life. You can discuss the things you are learning and how you are applying it to your life. You can share what God is doing for you, and the deeper lessons that you are pulling from scripture. They may become interested in watching how God is changing you, and desire to do the same. But, trying to manipulate them into attending a local church when they clearly don't want to is not going to accomplish anything.

The point is to lead them to desire a relationship with Jesus. If they do, they will make their own decision on whether to attend church or not. That is solely their own choice, so I recommend that you inspire their faith over trying to force church attendance.

 

[Peacemaker1]

we remember the prayer our father who is in heaven, it tells what we are to consider, and it certainly is not parents, although if you manage to honour God in life, ( b y not hearing anyone on forums) you might be in the will of God.


Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:27
And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:33
So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.


Matthew 8:21
And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.
22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.

 

[Avniel]

I was raised in the church, but sometime after I got into college my parents stopped going to church. I think this was for two reasons: 1) They claimed the pastor at the nearest one we went to "talked about the same thing over and over". Apparently he emphasized God loving us "too much". Sounds ridiculous, I know, but this was what they told me when I tried asking them about it. And 2) A church that we used to go to had a pastor that was on the Ashley Madison list. Ashley Madison was a dating social network designed for married men to discretely cheat on their wives. Most of the women turned out to be just bots, but when a list of all the men who had used it was leaked, it was a devastating scandal. Even though by this point we didn't go to that church anymore, I think it really turned my parents off from church even more than they had already been.

I also feel like I'm to blame a bit. When I was a kid, I didn't like going to church. We had to dress up in fancy clothes, sit still and be quiet, which is a lot of conformity to put onto a child. My parents forced us to go and forced us to socialize with people, and I didn't like getting to know people I was only going to see for one day of the week. I didn't like socializing with people back then. I'm on the autism spectrum and that may have had something to do with it. So maybe me and my twin brother's autism (my twin brother also doesn't believe, but he's in a different state) made it so that church was just a place where we showed up on Sunday for the service, and then left. This was especially prominent once we switched churches (from the church where the pastor was on the Ashley Madison list, to the one where the pastor kept talking about God's love "too much"). At the first church, we stayed for Sunday school, but when we went to the second church, we just showed up for the sermon and then left. It didn't help that the second church was bigger and it was harder to get to know people.

In any case, now my parents won't go to church. They think watching a sermon online is equivalent to going to church. That may have made sense during the pandemic, but it's over now. I've tried inviting them to my Bible study but they claim that they "already know all the Bible stories" and are "too old" to learn anything new. They seem to think that they've "outgrown" church now that all of their children have grown up. I go to a third church now in a different denomination, but it's full of young people and way too loud. I don't think they'd like it, and if I tried to invite them they'd turn me down.

People keep saying I need to just let myself be a light for Christ. But I don't know if that will be enough to bring them back to God.

1) I understand, I don’t go to church to hear what I know. I know God loves me, I’ve experienced it, I’ve read it and blessed because of His mercy so I live it.

When I go to church I go to hear a word I haven’t heard before. I need my pastor to be anointed with revelation that heals and changes perspectives. I went to a church in New York, it was on Easter and he preached on your resurrection through Christ becoming a new creature and crucifying your flesh. The message was so powerful 8 years later I still remember it. I went to his church every time the doors opened, he had a great insight into the scriptures. I haven’t found a pastor that lives close to me that’s preaching on that level.

I can’t tell you what my pastor preached this Sunday. It did nothing for me, it was generic, it was bland and the same scripture I read. No reveling anything. I could have stayed home and got the message on an email. I’m more blessed going on YouTube and watching pastors that preach with authority.

I go so my children have a biblical foundation. I get more from YouTube. When my children are older I doubt I’d go if I don’t find an extra irregularly anointed pastor. After church, Bible study I typically go online and find a powerful message

Maybe find a pastor that has a lot of biblical insight and invite them to that church. People get tired of going to church and hearing the same sermons.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

The issue is that my parents only go to church when they're in another city (one that they plan to move to in a few years after my dad retires). They won't go to a church where we live currently. Even though they'd only be at one for two years at most, I think church is important enough to find community if you're going to live somewhere for at least six months. They seem to think that there's nothing more they need to learn from the Bible or a church community, and it worries me that maybe they've just stopped caring about God. And it's especially sad because they were the ones who instilled that faith in my brothers and I.

Your parents are grown up enough to manage their own faith journey with God! If your new church are telling you and your brothers that your parents have "unsaved themselves" please be sceptical on that point!

Your parents are probably not hopeful of persuading you - for the time being - of the sanity of their course given how much under the thumb of the prevalent attitude of church organisations in your neighbourhood you are.

When you become open-minded about them and yourself and your brothers and Jesus, they will see and decide whether and how to explain themselves.

It sounds like your region is riddled with churches that imply strange "conclusions" about everybody that does and doesn't attend them (to cover for their insecurities in belief and / or conduct) (good preachers preach about all sorts of things). And like all churches everywhere nowadays, that they don't have any idea what "evangelise" is.

Remember you are not under any church's authority at all, except in a few rare points like if you were a major volunteer. And especially not in how you should think about any matter. And that anyone's, such as my and especially your and your brothers' opinion can be better than your church bosses'.

I remember with shame those days when I thought religious leaders had to tell me what to think. It held my whole life back considerably.

A problem in lots of localities is that while pretending to be rival and friendly congregations at the same time (and in reality neither) the church bosses and congregations engage in mass neurosis in "analysing" the status of their own and each others' congregants. Your parents wanted to get out of that bad scene altogether and you are free to weigh it up in your own time. If the decency of certain friends outweighs that, then good.

I've left congregations that didn't smell good (the church had no belief though they boasted of their belief) and lost friends because I didn't cultivate them as individual persons. (Maybe it was right for them to cope with that church longer than it was for me.) From now on I have to appreciate people for who they are and not for their convenience in attending where I attend. (In some cases however, they didn't want to keep in touch precisely because I left their church.)

Some churches may be clingy with your dad while he is salary earning hahaha. They may be "projecting" their budget! Please pray that they haven't sent word on ahead to his new region or that it gets ignored if they have.

Also, it's not your and your brothers' fault for trusting in Jesus! Jesus doesn't approve of any of the nonsense!

Sometimes the old can show a good example in the principle of thoughtfulness to those younger. Holy Scripture says we're to always be thoughtful and always to discern, and to seek and value background knowledge on all subjects. I'm sure they would want you to use your own discretion about how you should evaluate and relate to your own chosen church at any time. I'm sure they have had their own hard won learning curve.