How Can You Be Graceful and Tactful With a Judgmental Christian?
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Sometimes you can't be graceful with certain people. You just have to stay away from them. The problem with religion is that it's easy to be convinced that you have an absolute duty to ignore normal standards of decency. After all, someone's eternal destiny is on the line. This kind of thing led people to torture heretics for their own good. If someone is in that mindset, you may not be able to get them out of it.
Leaders are supposed to help with problems in groups. Have you talked with anyone? If this person is out of character with the rest of the church, then it ought to be possible to do something. If a lot of people in the church see people involved in pop culture (I'm assuming that's the issue) as possessed by Satan, you may have a more serious problem with the church. Seeing Satan everywhere is pretty common among some Christian subcultures. If you've inadvertently found yourself there, you may want to move. I hate to see someone miss fellowship with other Christians because she can't trust her church. I would urge you to find a church that will support you. Churches change and needs change. Sometimes a church that was good for a new Christian may not be the best place for the long run.
Leaders are supposed to help with problems in groups. Have you talked with anyone? If this person is out of character with the rest of the church, then it ought to be possible to do something. If a lot of people in the church see people involved in pop culture (I'm assuming that's the issue) as possessed by Satan, you may have a more serious problem with the church. Seeing Satan everywhere is pretty common among some Christian subcultures. If you've inadvertently found yourself there, you may want to move. I hate to see someone miss fellowship with other Christians because she can't trust her church. I would urge you to find a church that will support you. Churches change and needs change. Sometimes a church that was good for a new Christian may not be the best place for the long run.
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Pal Handy
Irregular Member
You need to involve the pastor or minister of the chuch in this matter.
This has become like a case of her stalking you.
Not everyone who goes to church is a Christian following Christ.
Some that go to church are like wolves in sheeps clothing looking
for weak or doubtful Christians to prey upon.
This woman has already driven you away from a group of
people, where will it stop?
Make and appointment and go see the pastor or minister of your church
and explain the problem and let him deal with it.
Matthew 18
Correcting Another Believer
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.
If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
You have already done this and it didn't work.
But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again,
so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
I would go to the pastor at this point and let him deal with it because
you don't know who you can get to go with you at this point.
If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.
Go to the leadership and let them straighten this out.
Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision,
treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.....
In otherwords, have nothing to do with them, avoid them because they
are not repentant and so they are not acting as a Christian would so
treat them as though they are not a Christian and so you cannot trust
them to treat you in Christian love and fidelity.
I am so sorry you have to go through this...
It is the last thing anyone needs when they are trying to grow in the Lord.
The devil fights hard to discourage us when we try to grow in God.
I am not saying this woman is of the devil but she is doing the devils work.
Look at Saul who was putting Christians to death thinking he was doing God's work.
Remember, this person is not Jesus and Jesus want you to press in and
not be discouraged or let anyone or anything sidetrack you.
Many new Christians are shipwrecked in the churches by people who act like the
devil, while they think they are doing Gods work.
This world is hostile to Christians so don't be shocked when one who calls themselves
a Christian acts like the devil...
Sorry you have to learn this lesson but you might as well learn it sooner than later.
This has become like a case of her stalking you.
Not everyone who goes to church is a Christian following Christ.
Some that go to church are like wolves in sheeps clothing looking
for weak or doubtful Christians to prey upon.
This woman has already driven you away from a group of
people, where will it stop?
Make and appointment and go see the pastor or minister of your church
and explain the problem and let him deal with it.
Matthew 18
Correcting Another Believer
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.
If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
You have already done this and it didn't work.
But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again,
so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
I would go to the pastor at this point and let him deal with it because
you don't know who you can get to go with you at this point.
If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.
Go to the leadership and let them straighten this out.
Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision,
treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.....
In otherwords, have nothing to do with them, avoid them because they
are not repentant and so they are not acting as a Christian would so
treat them as though they are not a Christian and so you cannot trust
them to treat you in Christian love and fidelity.
I am so sorry you have to go through this...
It is the last thing anyone needs when they are trying to grow in the Lord.
The devil fights hard to discourage us when we try to grow in God.
I am not saying this woman is of the devil but she is doing the devils work.
Look at Saul who was putting Christians to death thinking he was doing God's work.
Remember, this person is not Jesus and Jesus want you to press in and
not be discouraged or let anyone or anything sidetrack you.
Many new Christians are shipwrecked in the churches by people who act like the
devil, while they think they are doing Gods work.
This world is hostile to Christians so don't be shocked when one who calls themselves
a Christian acts like the devil...
Sorry you have to learn this lesson but you might as well learn it sooner than later.
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Bella Vita
Sailor in the U.S.N
Sorry you are going through this that sounds awful and crazy...
Well the bible gives us ways to handle stuff like this. When there is stiff in the church or with other Christians we are to confront the issue in a meeting with the person one on one you already did this and it didn't seem to work. Next you should meet with who you are having an issue with and with a leader/pastor present also. The Bible tells us we should meet face to face to resolve issues not to just let it go unsaid. I would take this to a leader and set up a meeting with her with the leader present so that she can be held accountable for her actions this way it isn't just your word but hers you have someone else there to mediate the situation. Also if you have the emails she sent you I would print those off and give them to the leader who will be holding the meeting with you two she may try to deny it once confronted by someone with a title. Better to be safe than sorry, and finally get this worked out once and for all asap. So that you can continue with the church or the group or whatever you choose an open wound with a fellow Christian can really hurt your walk it's better to solve it now and forgive so you can both move on.
Good Luck =]
Matthew 18:15-17 ESV
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Ephesians 4:26 ESV
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger
Well the bible gives us ways to handle stuff like this. When there is stiff in the church or with other Christians we are to confront the issue in a meeting with the person one on one you already did this and it didn't seem to work. Next you should meet with who you are having an issue with and with a leader/pastor present also. The Bible tells us we should meet face to face to resolve issues not to just let it go unsaid. I would take this to a leader and set up a meeting with her with the leader present so that she can be held accountable for her actions this way it isn't just your word but hers you have someone else there to mediate the situation. Also if you have the emails she sent you I would print those off and give them to the leader who will be holding the meeting with you two she may try to deny it once confronted by someone with a title. Better to be safe than sorry, and finally get this worked out once and for all asap. So that you can continue with the church or the group or whatever you choose an open wound with a fellow Christian can really hurt your walk it's better to solve it now and forgive so you can both move on.
Good Luck =]
Matthew 18:15-17 ESV
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Ephesians 4:26 ESV
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger
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Maybe the lady is a sincere and harmless person who means well. I have a friend whose father was a pastor and he told me the sickest people are in the hospitals, to explain why there are so many Christians who don't fit the Christ-like example.
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Bella Vita
Sailor in the U.S.N
Did you ask the leaders for a meeting with her face to face with them you and her all together to resolve this one on one so that you can ask her why she feels this way about you what her motivation for this is ect. she is clearly wrong but maybe then you could explain yourself to her...I would ask for a meeting they can't tell you no that is the biblical way of handling it if you tell them you want to handle this biblically they can't deny that from you if they do i would leave that church because that is not how you handle issues
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Bella Vita
Sailor in the U.S.N
Don't give up on your faith because of one person who has no clue what they are talking about... get a meeting and go from there that is your best chance it is the right thing to do
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Good. Because he's not inside you. No way no how. That woman is probably a little mentally...well you know. But that doesn't make it easier. Sometimes people in churches will cover for others by dismissing the issues between believers all too politely. They may have even had run ins with this same woman and they decided that being polite is the best answer. I could be totally wrong but I don't have any more info other than what you gave and I've only read the thread up to your reply above.
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Avniel
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I actually found myself in a similar situation, what I learned from my situation is no matter what don't become upset. When someone is judgmental it normally speaks of a lack of something spiritual. Some give off the appearance of being so holy they feel they have the right to judge others, those Christians have that as a weakness. The bible says whatever you do to least of them you do to Me.
Just let it go and pray for them ask God to forgive them for their judgemental ways ask Him to open their hearts up to mercy and grace. See when you encounter a jugdemental Christian many times the devil uses them to attack you so that you can then become judgemental in judging them. Don't realize that they are people and no body has a heaven or hell to put you in no matter how much they believe they do
Just let it go and pray for them ask God to forgive them for their judgemental ways ask Him to open their hearts up to mercy and grace. See when you encounter a jugdemental Christian many times the devil uses them to attack you so that you can then become judgemental in judging them. Don't realize that they are people and no body has a heaven or hell to put you in no matter how much they believe they do
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@ OP, I reviewed your website. I personally feel this Christian might have been over dramatizing the situation. IMO, there weren't any demonic overtones but you did seem to express some dark (as in depressed and moody) thoughts and the language was a bit abrasive at times, even in some of your most-recent posts. Maybe this is the vibe she was picking up on; however, if she hadn't been so overzealous in her efforts you might have been more receptive to it and perceived it in the light it was intended. Don't let this damper your spirits. Not all Christians are like that. I'm sorry you got bashed by another Christian for simply being yourself while aiming to better yourself through Christ. That happens more often than you'd think. Find the silver lining in every rain cloud. Ask yourself, what can you take away from this experience? Are my actions on par with Christ's teaching, what my pastor says in church, etc? Check out my avatar.
Iow, don't simply write it all off as useless criticisms and personal attacks. A lot of us tend to do that. Oh, that person was being judgmental. They don't know me. Their behavioral critiques were nothing but insults and filled with malice intent. They are just jealous. And, this ^ happens way more often than the former. But there's a grain of truth in every tooth. So, consider how you are portraying yourself to the outside world now that you are saved. Use this moment as an opportunity to grow and mature in the things of GOD.
1 Corinthians 13:11
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
In the Body of Christ, there will never be a day when GOD and Christ will call on us to stop evolving. The person you are today will not be the person you become 20 years from now. Everybody's got to start somewhere, why not start today? Instead of using her behavior as justification to remain the same, reverse this decision and find ways to improve within yourself. You can't please everybody and I'm not suggesting you even try. I'm saying take a long hard look at that woman in the mirror and ask yourself, where might I have gone wrong to cause this reaction? Since NO one's perfect, no one's ever 100% blameless except Christ. So evolve and continue to go to church, but avoid this person in the future if she can't stop obsessing over you. God bless.
Iow, don't simply write it all off as useless criticisms and personal attacks. A lot of us tend to do that. Oh, that person was being judgmental. They don't know me. Their behavioral critiques were nothing but insults and filled with malice intent. They are just jealous. And, this ^ happens way more often than the former. But there's a grain of truth in every tooth. So, consider how you are portraying yourself to the outside world now that you are saved. Use this moment as an opportunity to grow and mature in the things of GOD.
1 Corinthians 13:11
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
In the Body of Christ, there will never be a day when GOD and Christ will call on us to stop evolving. The person you are today will not be the person you become 20 years from now. Everybody's got to start somewhere, why not start today? Instead of using her behavior as justification to remain the same, reverse this decision and find ways to improve within yourself. You can't please everybody and I'm not suggesting you even try. I'm saying take a long hard look at that woman in the mirror and ask yourself, where might I have gone wrong to cause this reaction? Since NO one's perfect, no one's ever 100% blameless except Christ. So evolve and continue to go to church, but avoid this person in the future if she can't stop obsessing over you. God bless.
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bsd31
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Block her from accessing your website (block her ip address or if need be the entire block of ips - eg 123.123.123.xxx) and tell her she is no longer welcome to comment on your life or give her unsolicited opinion regarding you.
Don't be "graceful and tactful" be blunt. It's allowed. Even for Christians. Or rather, especially for Christians.
Don't be "graceful and tactful" be blunt. It's allowed. Even for Christians. Or rather, especially for Christians.
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