"He's with YOU isn't he"

[dayknee]

I get a bit frustrated at the "he's with you isn't he" response.

When your significant other does something that hurts you, say...either looking at inappropriate content, cheats or something of that nature, and you try to talk to someone about it and the response is...he's with you isnt he?

What the heck does that even mean? For crying out loud. Does that mean that even THOUGH he's looked at inappropriate content, cheated or something to that degree that we should be accepting because "he's with you isnt he"...like that makes it okay?!

 

[The Nihilist]

The objection is that your jealousy regarding inappropriate contentography is unmerited, as he's not sleeping with whoever he's looking at. Whether that argument is right or wrong, that's what it means.
What it doesn't work for is cheating, because if the man in question did cheat then he was not, in fact, with you. It seems like you're actually only talking about inappropriate contentography here, and that you're trying to attach it to cheating for some reason. Why are you trying to lump looking at inappropriate contentography together with cheating?

 

[dayknee]

No offense but it would be impossible to grasp the concept of inappropriate contentography and cheating being in the same category since you are not a Christian.

I believe what the Bible says about what constitutes unfaithfulness.

I cannot compete with inappropriate contentography nor should any woman. Hell yes I am jealous! I am also angry and [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off that men would rather look at inappropriate content that take what is right in front of them (their own women).
My jealousy is totally merited. inappropriate contentography is detestable and contrary to your thoughts regarding him sleeping with those he's watching having sex, he might as well be because it is immoral, not from God, not healthy, heart and mind unfaithfulness.

I realize being an Atheist makes it a bit difficult to see the Biblical aspect of why it's wrong and I can't help but feel you really have no ground to speak.

Sure you are completely allowed to voice your opinion and so I take it as such. I respect your thoughts.
I just find that those who do not lump them into the same category are really not understanding of what God's word says because inappropriate content and cheating go hand in hand. One is a physical affair where the actual act is done and the other is an emotional and mind affair.

inappropriate content is cheating! Any man who prefers inappropriate content to the woman he's with shouldn't be with her. Any man who can't get off inappropriate content needs intervention. Any man who thinks it's okay to look at women who could be their OWN DAUGHTERS has a problem.

 

[dayknee]

Hahah
I had not known that Pi-ss-ed off was cussing..

 

[The Nihilist]

No offense but it would be impossible to grasp the concept of inappropriate contentography and cheating being in the same category since you are not a Christian.

I believe what the Bible says about what constitutes unfaithfulness.

I cannot compete with inappropriate contentography nor should any woman. Hell yes I am jealous! I am also angry and [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off that men would rather look at inappropriate content that take what is right in front of them (their own women).
My jealousy is totally merited. inappropriate contentography is detestable and contrary to your thoughts regarding him sleeping with those he's watching having sex, he might as well be because it is immoral, not from God, not healthy, heart and mind unfaithfulness.

I realize being an Atheist makes it a bit difficult to see the Biblical aspect of why it's wrong and I can't help but feel you really have no ground to speak.

Sure you are completely allowed to voice your opinion and so I take it as such. I respect your thoughts.
I just find that those who do not lump them into the same category are really not understanding of what God's word says because inappropriate content and cheating go hand in hand. One is a physical affair where the actual act is done and the other is an emotional and mind affair.

inappropriate content is cheating! Any man who prefers inappropriate content to the woman he's with shouldn't be with her. Any man who can't get off inappropriate content needs intervention. Any man who thinks it's okay to look at women who could be their OWN DAUGHTERS has a problem.

I saw your other thread, and I'm sorry your exhusband was so terrible to you. No one deserves that. Have you thought about taking a break from dating for a while?

Oh, and if it makes you feel better, you can say douche, but you want to be careful while talking about making your morning tea.

 

[dayknee]

I saw your other thread, and I'm sorry your exhusband was so terrible to you. No one deserves that. Have you thought about taking a break from dating for a while?

Oh, and if it makes you feel better, you can say douche, but you want to be careful while talking about making your morning tea.

I had thought about that from time to time, taking a break or something.

And I'm suprised sayind douche is alright but saying pi-ss-ed off and calling it a cuss word by the forums here..is a retarded

 

[citizenthom]

I'm assuming since you are in this section that you are not married.

What that phrase may well mean is that he is your partner, and that despite his error you should be forgiving and patient he tries to change his ways rather than complaining about him to others and browbeating him over his mistakes, however hurtful.

If you are unable to forgive your significant other for a particular transgression, then break it off. Don't sit there browbeating him. Piling more guilt onto him is not going to change him OR you.

 

[The Nihilist]

I'm assuming since you are in this section that you are not married.

What that phrase may well mean is that he is your partner, and that despite his error you should be forgiving and patient he tries to change his ways rather than complaining about him to others and browbeating him over his mistakes, however hurtful.

If you are unable to forgive your significant other for a particular transgression, then break it off. Don't sit there browbeating him. Piling more guilt onto him is not going to change him OR you.

Oh, thom, you missed the other thread. She had a super terrible marriage before with a guy who was really into inappropriate content and hardly touched her, which I think is where a lot of this is coming from.

 

[dayknee]

I'm assuming since you are in this section that you are not married.

What that phrase may well mean is that he is your partner, and that despite his error you should be forgiving and patient he tries to change his ways rather than complaining about him to others and browbeating him over his mistakes, however hurtful.

If you are unable to forgive your significant other for a particular transgression, then break it off. Don't sit there browbeating him. Piling more guilt onto him is not going to change him OR you.

Hey thanks for that Christianly love..

I did not "browbeat" him at all. I expressed my unhappiness for some things he had done (in a different post) and how it hurt me.

I am extremely forgiving of mistakes. I was married for 20 years to a man who abused inappropriate contentography for at least 10 years that I knew of. He was very addicted to it and well..lets just say he never wanted to have sex with me..
My hurt comes from NOT wanting that to be an issue in another relationship that has been long term.
I am well and over what had happened with my current parnter, however, it still stings the ego..(you'd have to read the other thread).

It's fairly offensive that you would assume that I had browbeaten him because I voiced my hurt and anger over a situation that occured.
People do make mistakes..but lets just assume you are one of those men who do look at inappropriate content all the time well then my post would be meaningless to you and you would assume I am bashing my parnter because after all, inappropriate content would be acceptable in your life and after all "your with your wife aren't you"? and that makes it all okay.
Now lets assume you are not into inappropriate content and are a man who feels he has to defend the entire male race from being browbeaten, well that would just mean that you, young man, are browbeaten in some fashion by your own wife and feel the need to defend man.

See this is the thing. I do NOT look at the male gender as a bunch of mindless jerks who's only goal is to have sex. But I do have realistic expectations of what I desire in a relationship with someone.
I realize that inappropriate content is a huge strong painfully sensetive area for me and won't condone it in my relationship.
And so If I vent about what is frustrating me and am trying to make sense of some things...I would hardly call that me browbeating my partner.

 

[dayknee]

Oh, thom, you missed the other thread. She had a super terrible marriage before with a guy who was really into inappropriate content and hardly touched her, which I think is where a lot of this is coming from.

Yes, you are correct!

Having had to....ughh...<shakes her head> go through all of that for so long and feel like a worthless and undesired women..well..the pain is deeper than any I've ever known.

I had loved this man so very very much and would have done anything to make him love me that way.

Meh...I've moved on but when little things come up that threaten what I worked so hard to remove, yeah..I get pretty grumpy about it

 

[citizenthom]

If the pain is so deep, then end the relationship. If you can't let go of the pain and forgive him, then end the relationship. If you complained to strangers about something over a week ago and are STILL complaining about it with the same level of anger now, end the relationship.

Either you love him and will let it go and move on, or you don't and you won't.

 

[Melethiel]

If the pain is so deep, then end the relationship. If you can't let go of the pain and forgive him, then end the relationship. If you complained to strangers about something over a week ago and are STILL complaining about it with the same level of anger now, end the relationship.

Either you love him and will let it go and move on, or you don't and you won't.

This.

I understand you're hurt, and what your partner did was wrong. However, if it's been a week and you're still fuming about it, then you need to step back a bit. A week should be more than enough time to work through any hurt and move on if you're serious about keeping the relationship going. Sure, you may still feel the pain, but to continue harping on it is not going to help you heal.

 

[dayknee]

If the pain is so deep, then end the relationship. If you can't let go of the pain and forgive him, then end the relationship. If you complained to strangers about something over a week ago and are STILL complaining about it with the same level of anger now, end the relationship.

Either you love him and will let it go and move on, or you don't and you won't.

Hrm...Im not harping on anything..Im defending myself against a young boy who seem's to believe something that isn't true.

This is not about ending a relationship..this is about someone doing the wrong thing after this someone promised that he would never do that. Now given my past situation it was pretty important for me to make sure this boundary was there. He agreed it was important and stood by that until his error.
I have forgiven him and moved on from what he actually did, but I am still hurt.
I have no anger inside from it like you are implying..I am not complaining about it like you are implying either.

Like I said before...you seem to be a browbeaten young boy or a boy who enjoys his inappropriate content else you wouldn't be so....idk..what's the word...nasty?

 

[dayknee]

This.

I understand you're hurt, and what your partner did was wrong. However, if it's been a week and you're still fuming about it, then you need to step back a bit. A week should be more than enough time to work through any hurt and move on if you're serious about keeping the relationship going. Sure, you may still feel the pain, but to continue harping on it is not going to help you heal.

A) not still fuming about it (not sure where you got that unless you're going off someone elses response
B) not harping on it..this thread was asking why a person says "he's with you isn't he"?

which by all accounts this thread has been completely detracted from it's orignial title.
So if'n you have something to offer regarding the initial post...please...share that..
An example would be..."hey I know hwat you mean..people have said that to me before......blah blah blah"
KWIM?

 

[citizenthom]

There was no nastiness here until you attacked people who were giving you good advice.

 

[The Nihilist]

There was no nastiness here until you attacked people who were giving you good advice.

Take it easy on her, she sounds like she's in a pretty bad place. Stock christian advice isn't really going to help, I think.

 

[dayknee]

There was no nastiness here until you attacked people who were giving you good advice.

you know..I did not attack you in the slightest. You came out with both guns at me and certainly not in a kind manner.

I accept all advice and I respect all opinions and thoughts christian and non christian alike.

What is hard for me to stomach is someone saying that I have done things I have not done like.."browbeat"..."complaining"...."blasting" my partner.

I had expressed my hurt, anger and frustration. This is a public forum where I know full well that coming here and talking about it will get me some individuals who think I shouldn't post these things..but I am posting about real life things and not just sitting on here commenting to others in a hurtful way.

Be a bit kinder to people and try to see what they are saying and where they are coming from instead of drawing a conclusion that is totally false.

I absolutly adore the person I am with love him but there are things that happened that hurt me and why is expressing that ..wrong?

 

[Luther073082]

I accept all advice and I respect all opinions and thoughts christian and non christian alike.

What is hard for me to stomach is someone saying that I have done things I have not done like.."browbeat"..."complaining"...."blasting" my partner.

No you don't, otherwise you wouldn't get defensive when someone calls you out for what you are doing.

If you accepted advice you might take a step back and look at this and consider the possibility that you may not have handled this in the most christian manner.

You are only listening to the advice that you want to hear. And when people won't give you what you want to hear you get upset at them. Thats not advice, thats a pity party.

I had expressed my hurt, anger and frustration. This is a public forum where I know full well that coming here and talking about it will get me some individuals who think I shouldn't post these things..but I am posting about real life things and not just sitting on here commenting to others in a hurtful way.

Yes and real life hurtful things happen everyday. . . they don't require a
pity party. And they don't require baseless accusations or insulting people who are trying to help you.

Be a bit kinder to people and try to see what they are saying and where they are coming from instead of drawing a conclusion that is totally false.

I disagree everyone was being kind to you until you decided to insult him (citizenthom) for being honest with you. I am trying to be kind in being completly honest with you. If thats not what you want to hear, then too bad, go somewhere else to get your pity party. I've learned many times that pity parties don't pick anyone up or help them progress so I'm not going to be a part of it.

I absolutly adore the person I am with love him but there are things that happened that hurt me and why is expressing that ..wrong?

I'm not sure you do, because you are still on here expressing that hurt and advertising it to everyone waiting for pity. And it upsets you that you have not received it.

Either dump him or work on forgiving him and move on. What you are doing is not fair to him in the least.

Take it easy on her, she sounds like she's in a pretty bad place. Stock christian advice isn't really going to help, I think.

No advice is good for those seeking pity.

I'm not trying to take away from the fact that she went through a bad marriage. But if she can't get past that bad marriage then she shouldn't be dating. She's just not emotionally ready to handle it. I'm not saying the experience won't color her life, thats what experiences do. . . and it will affect her. But from the way she's speaking she is in now way past her previous marriage.

 

[citizenthom]

you know..I did not attack you in the slightest.

you seem to be a browbeaten young boy or a boy who enjoys his inappropriate content

So you not only attacked my youth and my character (accusing me of something you have described as a grave sin), but you implicitly attacked my wife as well. If that's NOT an attack, I'd hate to see what you consider to BE an attack.

You're right: this IS a public forum. And when you choose to vent your relationship issues in a public forum, you are going to get public opinion on the issue. And contrary to your apparent belief, it is not an "attack" or "nasty" to tell you something different from what you want to hear: that is, in fact, often the best advice.

 

[dayknee]

quote=Luther073082;57309471]No you don't, otherwise you wouldn't get defensive when someone calls you out for what you are doing.

If you accepted advice you might take a step back and look at this and consider the possibility that you may not have handled this in the most christian manner.

I have handled every single thing in a Christian manner. I have listened to opinions even when they came from someone who right out of the gate had tremendous attitude and anger, made up false accustations of things that I said.

You are only listening to the advice that you want to hear. And when people won't give you what you want to hear you get upset at them. Thats not advice, thats a pity party.

I have not once only listened to the advice that was what I wanted to hear. I had not created a "pity party", which is another sensless attack from someone (you) who is completely lacking in kindess or compassion


Yes and real life hurtful things happen everyday. . . they don't require a
pity party. And they don't require baseless accusations or insulting people who are trying to help you.

Really? as if I hadn't known that...this thread is evident of that. My accusations are hardly baseless when someone says I am "browbeating" my partner, someting that I had absolutly not done (but then reading the post would be required and not jumping on the band wagon as the defender). The insults that I made were in complete line with the lies that this Citiskfjadfj person made up about what I had said and not said..he read into my post something that was not even there. I had posted a legitimate thought/question regarding why someone says "he's with you isnt' he".and for you to come on here and not use the intelligence that God gave you to see that...well I don't know what to say about that other than gg on jumping on the bandwagon..it's a great ride being in that seat.


I disagree everyone was being kind to you until you decided to insult him (citizenthom) for being honest with you. I am trying to be kind in being completly honest with you. If thats not what you want to hear, then too bad, go somewhere else to get your pity party. I've learned many times that pity parties don't pick anyone up or help them progress so I'm not going to be a part of it.

The only person that has been remotely kind to me is Nil..even if him and I disagree on opinions he has been nothing but kind. I am not looking for a pity party as once again, you drew that conclusion based upon reading the second page of the thread and not the topic. And then you say that "I've learned many times that pity parties don't pick anyone up or help them progress so I'm not going to be a part of it"...yet you would rather be a part of the problem by voicing and opinion that has nothing to do with the actual thread? You don't want to be apart of it yet you are here lecturing ME on what a pity party is and being defender of someone who is trying to create drama ...I'm sorry but that is hysterically laughable. Don't you read what you write and see that you taking the time to call me out MAKES YOU A PART OF IT?! LOLOLOL



I'm not sure you do, because you are still on here expressing that hurt and advertising it to everyone waiting for pity. And it upsets you that you have not received it.

Again, lol...if you take the time to look at post number 1 in this thread..it expresses nothing about me still being angry or hurt. I possed a thought and question and said absolutly NOTHING about being angry or hurt in it..try actually reading it instead of, once again, jumping on the bandwagon. I'm not looking for pity I am looking for caring and compassionate indivudals who actually have something constructive to share that is not meant to slander, be mean, talk down, or act like a total jerk in the process of doing that...something YOU are obviously not capable of.

Either dump him or work on forgiving him and move on. What you are doing is not fair to him in the least.

I've not done anything unfair towards him. If you view coming onto what should be a Christian forums site and asking for thoughts and advice as unfair...I don't know what to say


No advice is good for those seeking pity.

/sighs...had not looked for pity...that is something, again, made up by you and others



I'm not trying to take away from the fact that she went through a bad marriage. But if she can't get past that bad marriage then she shouldn't be dating. She's just not emotionally ready to handle it. I'm not saying the experience won't color her life, thats what experiences do. . . and it will affect her. But from the way she's speaking she is in now way past her previous marriage.[/quote]