Prayer Request He's so depressed. It's hurting our relationship and we've only been married a month.

[Ruthie Cano]

We are newlyweds, no children involved. I'm 28 and he's 32. We've been together for two years and got married a month ago. When we were first together, everything was completely opposite than it is now. We were both social butterfly's, and he was so happy-go-lucky. He was so positive and so motivated. It motivated me too. Fast forward to now. He hates his job so much, it's making him hate life and himself. He works at Costco and has worked there for 8 years. He is very under appreciated, he has gotten so many awards and has been incredibly accurate but his coveted position for supervisor has been given away to other people who have been there for 2 years, and are now telling him what to do. He is miserable and numb inside. He hates his job, he feels like a failure. He has a real-estate degree, has worked flipping houses, has worked for a CPA firm, and has a leader spirit. He's just incredibly lost. He's been so depressed for a long time now. I want to say probably for about a year now.

I blamed myself at first, I thought I wasn't giving him what he needed to succeed, but he said I was the only thing in his life keeping him sane. Sometimes I think he says that because he doesn't want to lose me, and he can't handle any more hurt. Every day he comes home from work and his stress is taken out on me. He yells at me for little things, he doesn't eat because he's so depressed. I have to make sure he's eating. He doesn't play music anymore-a passion of his. We are no longer social butterfly's. I stay home on the weekends now. My family and friends are far away and I feel guilty leaving him home while he's severely depressed. I'm home about 90% of the time. The other 10% is just for food, or window shopping. I have no life and I'm getting depressed. But I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my husband. I feel trapped in my own home.

I've never been more stuck in my life. I'm so lost, and so is he. I love him, and I want this to all work out. I want everything to be okay. He's been so angry lately and has lashed out. His mental health is going downhill and so is his physical health. He picked up smoking and is starting to smoke alot. I'm so worried about him. If anyone reads this, first of all, thank you for taking the time to hear me out. Also, please just send a little prayer for me. I need a miracle. We need a miracle.

 

[Odetta]

Certainly I will pray. I have personal experience with this level of depression. He needs a doctor. There are treatments for depression - medication and/or therapy/counseling. Don't wait to get him help.

 

[ISTANDBYJESUS]

We are newlyweds, no children involved. I'm 28 and he's 32. We've been together for two years and got married a month ago. When we were first together, everything was completely opposite than it is now. We were both social butterfly's, and he was so happy-go-lucky. He was so positive and so motivated. It motivated me too. Fast forward to now. He hates his job so much, it's making him hate life and himself. He works at Costco and has worked there for 8 years. He is very under appreciated, he has gotten so many awards and has been incredibly accurate but his coveted position for supervisor has been given away to other people who have been there for 2 years, and are now telling him what to do. He is miserable and numb inside. He hates his job, he feels like a failure. He has a real-estate degree, has worked flipping houses, has worked for a CPA firm, and has a leader spirit. He's just incredibly lost. He's been so depressed for a long time now. I want to say probably for about a year now.

I blamed myself at first, I thought I wasn't giving him what he needed to succeed, but he said I was the only thing in his life keeping him sane. Sometimes I think he says that because he doesn't want to lose me, and he can't handle any more hurt. Every day he comes home from work and his stress is taken out on me. He yells at me for little things, he doesn't eat because he's so depressed. I have to make sure he's eating. He doesn't play music anymore-a passion of his. We are no longer social butterfly's. I stay home on the weekends now. My family and friends are far away and I feel guilty leaving him home while he's severely depressed. I'm home about 90% of the time. The other 10% is just for food, or window shopping. I have no life and I'm getting depressed. But I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my husband. I feel trapped in my own home.

I've never been more stuck in my life. I'm so lost, and so is he. I love him, and I want this to all work out. I want everything to be okay. He's been so angry lately and has lashed out. His mental health is going downhill and so is his physical health. He picked up smoking and is starting to smoke alot. I'm so worried about him. If anyone reads this, first of all, thank you for taking the time to hear me out. Also, please just send a little prayer for me. I need a miracle. We need a miracle.

Chasing after the things of the world, will lead a man to ashes: that will be forgotten and stepped on by righteous men.

 

[Swan7]

 

[HondaMan]

midlife crisis?

 

[Niblo]

We are newlyweds, no children involved. I'm 28 and he's 32. We've been together for two years and got married a month ago. When we were first together, everything was completely opposite than it is now. We were both social butterfly's, and he was so happy-go-lucky. He was so positive and so motivated. It motivated me too. Fast forward to now. He hates his job so much, it's making him hate life and himself. He works at Costco and has worked there for 8 years. He is very under appreciated, he has gotten so many awards and has been incredibly accurate but his coveted position for supervisor has been given away to other people who have been there for 2 years, and are now telling him what to do. He is miserable and numb inside. He hates his job, he feels like a failure. He has a real-estate degree, has worked flipping houses, has worked for a CPA firm, and has a leader spirit. He's just incredibly lost. He's been so depressed for a long time now. I want to say probably for about a year now.

I blamed myself at first, I thought I wasn't giving him what he needed to succeed, but he said I was the only thing in his life keeping him sane. Sometimes I think he says that because he doesn't want to lose me, and he can't handle any more hurt. Every day he comes home from work and his stress is taken out on me. He yells at me for little things, he doesn't eat because he's so depressed. I have to make sure he's eating. He doesn't play music anymore-a passion of his. We are no longer social butterfly's. I stay home on the weekends now. My family and friends are far away and I feel guilty leaving him home while he's severely depressed. I'm home about 90% of the time. The other 10% is just for food, or window shopping. I have no life and I'm getting depressed. But I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my husband. I feel trapped in my own home.

I've never been more stuck in my life. I'm so lost, and so is he. I love him, and I want this to all work out. I want everything to be okay. He's been so angry lately and has lashed out. His mental health is going downhill and so is his physical health. He picked up smoking and is starting to smoke alot. I'm so worried about him. If anyone reads this, first of all, thank you for taking the time to hear me out. Also, please just send a little prayer for me. I need a miracle. We need a miracle.

Hello,

Your husband needs to get away from his present job; not necessarily from Costco, but certainly from this particular branch. Things will not improve for either of you while he is there; indeed they will almost certainly get worse.

I’m not suggesting that he simply walk out, especially if he has no other job to walk to. Can he request a transfer to another branch (but only if he wishes to remain with this particular organisation)? In any event, he should begin to search elsewhere, and sooner rather than later.

You say he has a real-estate degree, and that he has been successful in other areas. This doesn’t sound like a failure to me. He needs to focus on his successes, and not upon what he perceives to be his failures. This is far easier said than done, and will require courage.

Apportioning blame solves nothing. Both of you should avoid doing this, especially when it comes to blaming each other! ‘If only’ are the most futile words in the English language, so kick them out of your head before they begin to poison you (both of you).

You are both young, and appear to have no ties - except those you impose upon yourselves. Sit down together, and agree some goals. Decide what you want out of life, and go for it. No excuses. It will be hard to get started (because of his depression); but this must be done. I wish both of you the very best, and may God give you the strength - and the courage - that you need.

 

[GirlonFire89]

My marriage was like this in the beginning. We pulled away from everyone and started pulling away from each other.
I realized how stressful it was just to be married to someone. There needs just as important if not more important then your own. But you cant let that drag you down. While your standing on Gods Foundation (the bible), you need to be the pillar of strength while he might be weak. And PRAY PRAY PRAY for him.

Gods many blessings on you.

 

[Ruthie Cano]

My marriage was like this in the beginning. We pulled away from everyone and started pulling away from each other.
I realized how stressful it was just to be married to someone. There needs just as important if not more important then your own. But you cant let that drag you down. While your standing on Gods Foundation (the bible), you need to be the pillar of strength while he might be weak. And PRAY PRAY PRAY for him.

Gods many blessings on you.

Thank you so much, I am stronger than I thought. I am continuously praying for him. I know he is capable of doing great things.

Certainly I will pray. I have personal experience with this level of depression. He needs a doctor. There are treatments for depression - medication and/or therapy/counseling. Don't wait to get him help.

Thank you Odetta.

Hello,

Your husband needs to get away from his present job; not necessarily from Costco, but certainly from this particular branch. Things will not improve for either of you while he is there; indeed they will almost certainly get worse.

I’m not suggesting that he simply walk out, especially if he has no other job to walk to. Can he request a transfer to another branch (but only if he wishes to remain with this particular organisation)? In any event, he should begin to search elsewhere, and sooner rather than later.

You say he has a real-estate degree, and that he has been successful in other areas. This doesn’t sound like a failure to me. He needs to focus on his successes, and not upon what he perceives to be his failures. This is far easier said than done, and will require courage.

Apportioning blame solves nothing. Both of you should avoid doing this, especially when it comes to blaming each other! ‘If only’ are the most futile words in the English language, so kick them out of your head before they begin to poison you (both of you).

You are both young, and appear to have no ties - except those you impose upon yourselves. Sit down together, and agree some goals. Decide what you want out of life, and go for it. No excuses. It will be hard to get started (because of his depression); but this must be done. I wish both of you the very best, and may God give you the strength - and the courage - that you need.

Thank you Niblo. He has tried transferring but it would require a huge pay cut as he'd have to start all over again on the pay scale. The good pay-he's earning $26 hourly is what has him trapped. He's tried for months to apply for other jobs that have that same amount of pay but no luck. I have told him that I don't mind downgrading our house or expenses as long as he's happy but I believe he puts too much pressure on himself. I agree with you. He is incredibly intelligent and just needs the right push and motivation to get going again. I know it's going to take some looking inward for him. Thank you for your words, they've helped me. We've pondered on the idea of moving out of state and renting our home out, and living with a sole parent for a few years just until we figure things out. At that time, we can save money and figure out what we should do while working. He'd transfer to a Costco there and he has many connections for work. He'd be closer to his family and his friends, and I think that would benefit the both of us if he had that support system. I just need to find a job in that state in order to move. I guess that's our next step. One that I'm trusting God to lead me. Again, I appreciate your prayers and your words. It's nice to hear some advice when I have no one to really discuss this with (I'm too guarded to talk about our issues with family).

Chasing after the things of the world, will lead a man to ashes: that will be forgotten and stepped on by righteous men.

Agreed.

Thank you

midlife crisis?

I don't know, maybe. I think he's just felt that he hasn't been "up to par" with his goals and I guess that can lead to questioning themselves and into a rabbit hole. i know he's capable of doing the things he wants, he just has to feel passionate about his abilities again.

 

[Niblo]

Thank you Niblo. He has tried transferring but it would require a huge pay cut as he'd have to start all over again on the pay scale. The good pay-he's earning $26 hourly is what has him trapped. He's tried for months to apply for other jobs that have that same amount of pay but no luck. I have told him that I don't mind downgrading our house or expenses as long as he's happy but I believe he puts too much pressure on himself. I agree with you. He is incredibly intelligent and just needs the right push and motivation to get going again. I know it's going to take some looking inward for him. Thank you for your words, they've helped me. We've pondered on the idea of moving out of state and renting our home out, and living with a sole parent for a few years just until we figure things out. At that time, we can save money and figure out what we should do while working. He'd transfer to a Costco there and he has many connections for work. He'd be closer to his family and his friends, and I think that would benefit the both of us if he had that support system. I just need to find a job in that state in order to move. I guess that's our next step. One that I'm trusting God to lead me. Again, I appreciate your prayers and your words. It's nice to hear some advice when I have no one to really discuss this with (I'm too guarded to talk about our issues with family).
.

Hi.

I don’t know a lot about Costco, apart from the fact that they pay well! I’m almost seventy, and have seen this situation many times, both within my family and with friends and colleagues. I’ve yet to see things put right without radical ‘surgery’. I’m quite certain - and so is your husband, no doubt - that the pain of losing $26 an hour is nothing compared with that of losing himself, you and everything else.

You sound very positive in your post - far more so than in the first. This is great. The Japanese have a saying: ‘We are what we think.’

Looks like you have a good plan. See that you stick to it - come what may - and continue to put your trust in God: ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ (Romans 8:28).

May the Beloved bless and keep you - both of you - and guide you always.

Paul.

 

[Dave-W]

The Japanese have a saying: ‘We are what we think.’

The bible agrees:

Prov 23.7a For as a man thinks within himself, so he is.

 

[Niblo]

The bible agrees:

Prov 23.7a For as a man thinks within himself, so he is.

Exactly. Thank you.

 

[mkgal1]

He's been so depressed for a long time now. I want to say probably for about a year now.

Like Odetta said, "get him to a doctor". The changes at his job may just be reflective of his depression (not that his depression is coming from his job). You said he's not even interested in music any more. I doubt a new job will be a positive change (it may bring more stress---and he can't go back to having the same seniority he has now).

 

[mkgal1]

What were you doing a month ago---before you got married? You said you feel stuck now---what's changed (besides the obvious of getting married)? Is it that all the wedding preparation is now done and you don't have a huge "project" to work on?

 

[LinkH]

I'll pray for him. You can't give him what he needs to get out of this. You can do your part, but it's not all under your power to get a man out of depression. You can help by encouraging him to surrender these struggles of his to the Lord and find peace in the Lord. You can also prepare healthy food for him, maybe do something that involves exercise with him because that's supposed to be good for stress-relief and depression. You can also give him the affection that only a wife can give. Those are good things, but they may not be enough to get him out of this slump he's in. But the Lord can help him with this on an emotional level. I think he should step up his prayer life. Psalm 42 is a good psalm to read and meditate on about this issue.