He's just not that into you...

[Redstiletto]

Have any of you read this book?? If so what are your thoughts??

It has really opened my eyes to a lot of misinterpreted signals... caused some pain and taught me a lot... and I am only on chapter 2!!!

Anyways, just wanted to know if anyone else has read it!

Nic

 

[jenptcfan]

I haven't read it yet, but it's on my wish list at paperbackswap.com, so hopefully it will become available soon. Have you seen that there's another book called something like, "Face it girls, you're not that into him either"? I think it's about the mixed signals we send out.

 

[Redstiletto]

Yeah I heard of it, havent gotten my hands on it yet though!

 

[Matt.9:22]

hmmm...I've heard of it but the jury is still out on whether or not I'll actually buy it.

 

[Blank123]

I've heard of it, but I don't think I'll be buying it. I actually couldn't care less if I'm reading some signals wrong - I figure if its meant to be it'll happen, if not then the worse that happens is I feel embaressed for misinterpreting the signals and I can move on.

 

[Hope_0004]

I haven't read the book but I saw the guy on Oprah and even though I thought it was a stupid concept, he actually had some really important things to say. It's kind of an extreme though... as in, the women who need to hear, "He's just not that into you" are kind of out there. I mean, most women just know that if a guy doesn't call you back, or doesn't show for a date, or doesn't want to meet your family, or doesn't... well, you get it, he's just not that into you. The women who do not get this are the ones who might benefit from the additional drilling of the concept into their heads.

We all know that one girl right, that one who just won't admit that a guy doesn't like her? Keeps making excuses for his awful, not-into-her behavior? "Oh, he is just so busy with his job" or "Oh, he just knows I'm going to call so he doesn't want to bother me..." etc.

Funny thing is, these are the type of women who probably would not buy a book called such a name.

And "Face It, You Weren't That Into Him Either"? Maybe. But I think these are for entirely different sets of women.

 

[jenptcfan]

It seems like such a simple concept, yet I know lots of girls who don't seem to get it.

I have one friend who has a boyfriend who is lying to her about whether or not he's maintained contact with his ex (she caught him lying), he refuses to take a stand and tell his ex that he's in a committed relationship and won't accept her calls/emails anymore, etc., yet my friend continues to hang on.

I have another friend who dates a guy off and on who spends lots of time with her/tries to cuddle with her and smooch on her one day and the next day will say something like, "do you mind if I bring my girlfriend to church tomorrow?" Yet she makes excuses for him and accepts him back into her life over and over again when things don't work out with other girls or he gets bored and needs something to do.

Unfortunately, it's a lot more common than you might think.

I've probably been there before too, but not in a long time.

 

[Hope_0004]

Why do y'all think some girls just don't get it?

 

[jenptcfan]

Because if they "got it", they wouldn't keep hanging on to relationships where they were being treated badly or making excuses for unacceptable behavior.

*edit*

However, I think it probably runs a lot deeper than just "not getting it"....I think a lot of it runs into "I'm just going to have to accept this because this is better than being alone." A lot of it is probably a self-worth issue more so than a not getting it issue.

 

[Evie1980]

I have read the book and found it interesting, funny and fascinating. I guesss it was hard for me as it made me realise that in the past I have made a lot of excuses for my now exes behaviour (I thought I was being legitimate at the time). He never did anything really bad - just didn't give me enough respect and although my friends and family tried to explain that the behaviour wasn't right, I defended him anyway. I thought that was what love was all about - the big compromise but alas it wasn't.

The book isn't to everyone's tastes but I do think that it has some merit. A lot of women (and a lot of men) feel pressured to find their 'soul mate' and I am not just talking about non-Christians here. Instead of waiting for God's timing we try to solve the problem ourselves. If you don't believe me ask some people whether they would like to wait until they are 50 to get married or better yet just ask if they are happy being single. I am not having a go - the other night I was sitting in church looking at thie one guy thinking he was cute and how I would love to get to know him better when I realised that all of a sudden my focus wasn't on God but was on me finding a partner so I prayed that God would take these thoughts away and re-focus my life on what His will us.

I guess the temptation is always there - to focus our lives on marriage, kids and the 'family life' but it won't be like that for all of us. We have to trust God in all things and I think that that book showed me some of things that I and others comprimise upon when we try to find our own pertner rather than the one God wants us to have.

God bless, Evie

 

[chanis]

I liked the book...a friend of mine got the book for me because I was going through issues with a dude I was "talking" to...I laughed all thorugh the book becuase i could totally see some of the stuff I was doing and how I'd try to make excuses...I totally enjoyed the book...

 

[Hope_0004]

Okay, someone mentioned this earlier... about how maybe it isn't that a woman doesn't "get" that a guy's "not that into her", but it's still better to stick with him than be alone.

I have had a lot of my friends make this argument to me, and of course I've always been like, "No, it's better to be alone than be with a pig", but what if it is not for her? Is it possible that there are some women who will deal with not being called every day (or on time, or whatever) because he finally does show up and there's someone to cuddle with while watching "The Late Show"? Maybe so.

I think my argument, "It's better to be alone than be with a pig!" is really more like, "You can't find the prince if you're slummin' it with the pig!"

So can you really tell someone they'd be better off alone, or are we really just trying to be available for Prince Charming?

 

[jenptcfan]

I think my argument, "It's better to be alone than be with a pig!" is really more like, "You can't find the prince if you're slummin' it with the pig!"

This is a very good point too.

I talked to one of my friends this week and told her that she shouldn't have to put up with some of the stuff she's putting up with and she said, "I know, but I'm afraid that if I leave I'll just end up with something worse."

I told her that I know it's hard to make big changes (and take chances), but what if she's sticking with this guy who totally isn't right for her and because she's with him she misses out on a wonderful guy?

 

[Hope_0004]

I guess it is possible that you could end up with worse - I think the key here is to figure out if you are really happier putting up with all the BS and getting the occassional "good day" with the guy or if you'd rather have a more balanced life, albeit without this particular guy.

Always easier to say though when you're not in the middle of the deal yourself

 

[JPPT1974]

You don't need people like that.
Because you need people to treat you right.
And that the Lord will lead you to that person.
In thy will and way.
Just lean onto the Lord for help & guidance.