Help please. From Christian to not and back...

[Tranquilseeker]

I was raised Christian but was always interested in occult / new age. Dabbled in both (went to many different churches) throughout teenage and young adult years. As an adult I settled into a Christian church, was baptized and became quite involved in church activities. There were some "political" (lack of a better word) issues in the church and I left rather than become involved in either side. I drifted and became much more deeply involved in new age / paganism, yes, even Wicca for many years. It all started very light hearted, with much "warm fuzzies" but as time went on I allowed myself to be lead further astray (I would almost say brainwashed). I guess the Holy Spirit must have really been trying to get through to me because I started to realize how wrong this was for me. I'm not bashing another other spiritual belief. I gradually came out of the darkness (you have to be careful leaving for numerous reasons), and started attending Catholic mass. I even started RCIA classes but after a while realized that I could not, in my heart, accept some of the doctrine (nothing against Catholics - it's something inside me). I have prayed for forgiveness and to again receive the Lord's blessed grace. I have given up all things relating to occult / new age / pagan.

I am concerned and wonder if there is scripture that may help me to know that I have been forgiven.

Note that I did send an email to the Chaplain board but no response. And I understand it may be too heavy a question. But since I also emailed a non-denominational church that I am interested in and have not heard back from them either, I wonder if others think I am too evil to even be saved.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings to all.

 

[Lukaris]

I was raised Christian but was always interested in occult / new age. Dabbled in both (went to many different churches) throughout teenage and young adult years. As an adult I settled into a Christian church, was baptized and became quite involved in church activities. There were some "political" (lack of a better word) issues in the church and I left rather than become involved in either side. I drifted and became much more deeply involved in new age / paganism, yes, even Wicca for many years. It all started very light hearted, with much "warm fuzzies" but as time went on I allowed myself to be lead further astray (I would almost say brainwashed). I guess the Holy Spirit must have really been trying to get through to me because I started to realize how wrong this was for me. I'm not bashing another other spiritual belief. I gradually came out of the darkness (you have to be careful leaving for numerous reasons), and started attending Catholic mass. I even started RCIA classes but after a while realized that I could not, in my heart, accept some of the doctrine (nothing against Catholics - it's something inside me). I have prayed for forgiveness and to again receive the Lord's blessed grace. I have given up all things relating to occult / new age / pagan.

I am concerned and wonder if there is scripture that may help me to know that I have been forgiven.

Note that I did send an email to the Chaplain board but no response. And I understand it may be too heavy a question. But since I also emailed a non-denominational church that I am interested in and have not heard back from them either, I wonder if others think I am too evil to even be saved.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings to all.

I think sometimes e-mail responses just take a while for some. You cannot be too evil to be saved (I'd probably be out of luck in that were true). There is struggle in salvation & consider that God may just be trying you (see REvelation 3:19-22). The Lord just asks that we abide in Him & strive to love Him & neighbor (see John 15:7-14) & much easier said than done of course & we can confess our sins as we go (see 1st letter of John chapter 1). Our total confession is for our faith in the Lord & His resurrection (see Romans 10:4-13). Just try to do the good you can towards others in your faith (Matthew 7:1-12, 22:36-40, Ephesians 2:8-10) & know by the Lord Jesus Christ we have our salvation in God: the Father, Son & Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 2:18). Read Luke 12 & Romans 11 though to understand that we have to stay on the path & if we falter then just get up & try again but do not lose vigilance. I would think any right thinking Christian church (Roman Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox etc.) should find what I have said at least adequate. Hoping you will find a church that has the Holy Spirit & does not impose burdensome works to live one's faith in. All I can say for now.

 

[vespasia]

From your OP you sound like a heartfelt spiritual seeker.

I always found the best way to leave any group was rather simple- just stop paying your subs.

God so loved this messed up hurting world Jesus came [John3:16] the work Christ did impacted on a nasty legalistic piece of work called Saul. Saul authorised the killing of Christians until he had a life changing encounter with Christ [have a read of Acts]. He spoke and wrote from his changed heart and this inturn had an impact upon others [Acts 19 esp verse 19]

All of this could only happen because of Gods love and Christs action reconciling a sinful man with God. Gods spirit inspired him to go to the people he had persecuted and whilst I suspect it was one heck of a hard sell because they believed in forgiveness they eventually accepted aul on seeing his changed life.

Sadly some christians do fear people who have looked for God in darker places. God may be love but ordinary people can be scared of things that are outside of their comfort zones. This does not mean you have not been forgiven by God. It is simply like the early Christians finding themselves faced with the person they knew as Saul claiming to know be on their side because Christ told him to. It takes a bit of getting used to.

Just in case your wondering on the possibility of being too evil there is a verse that says no one is beyond the reach of the love of God, sorry its late and I am way too tired to recall the referance.:o

If you are feeling stuck it might be worth looking for a church that can offer what is known penance, absolution and reconcilliation. This could be a catholic church, an anglican church, a free church with a minister or pastor who undertsands that some people simply need them to be Christ's ears and eyes to hear a persons heartfelt confession and in turn bless them with words of Gods forgiveness from scripture.

Be wary of just walking straight in and dumping a query about forgiveness with your past- ask God to help you find a pastor/minister/priest who is bombproof [resistant to being harmed by what you may have to say and therefore less likely to become scared and reach for the matches]


Be blessed as you journey with Christ, may God bless you with the support you need.






Note that I did send an email to the Chaplain board but no response. And I understand it may be too heavy a question. But since I also emailed a non-denominational church that I am interested in and have not heard back from them either, I wonder if others think I am too evil to even be saved.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings to all.

 

[joey_downunder]

What you are experiencing is what every person who has realised they have sinned much against God goes through.

I relate to your description of being seduced (in your case by another religion) very well. Feelings can be very deceptive. People who fall into great sin are seduced by their temptations; my case it was a very bad relationship.

I did believe in God, but I wanted to "feel love" more than please Him. My sinful choices led to very deep scars and a real struggle to believe that God would ever forgive me.

You will have to do what I did:
I had to make the decision to believe the Bible and what God promises to all Christians and NOT my feelings that God wouldn't ever forgive me because I'd strayed too far. Listening to my feelings is what got me into trouble in the first place.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

God is able to turn anything in a Christian's life- even the darkest, ugliest things possible - to be used for good. As a result of what I experienced I am able to communicate and empathise with sexual abuse survivors, domestic violence survivors AND can read (or hear) tell-tale signals that people like my ex- can usually hide from people.

I pray that God does exactly the same thing for you - uses what Satan meant for harm, to bless you and bless others in a very special way. Who knows, in time you may help others coming out of a similar belief system!

Right now you need to find a good Christian church and find some good mature Christians for support ASAP. Finding the right people to share your struggles with can be challenging. Definitely err on the side of caution (you can't "unsay things" after all) and pray that the right people come your way.

Showing God's unlimited forgiveness: Luke chapter 15

If you're a listening person: Luke 15 Sermons - SermonAudio.com

Feeling condemned? There’s hope! How to cope when riddled with guilt. Christian answers

 

[Tranquilseeker]

Thank you to those that responded. Guess I need to learn not to be so open about my life. It's difficult because I've learned over the years to be open - sometimes it comes back to bite me and I guess this is one of those situations. It almost feels dishonest to hide it but maybe this is what I'll have to do for a while until I'm accepted. Seems many others may have difficulty with "judge not".

I will continue to pray, study my bible and start earnestly looking for a new church home.

 

[paul1149]

When I find it impossible to believe that I could be saved, I look to the Cross. I spent some time a few years ago watching the painful scenes in The Passion of the Christ. To think that Jesus went through that when He did not have to! What amazing love. And now that the price has already been paid, how could He NOT forgive if we ask? You see that the Cross has completely reversed the moral grid of the universe, and has given mercy the legal right to triumph over judgment.

So when your conscience condemns you, God is greater than you conscience - and He knows all things. The Cross has created a moral dynamic that is greater than our inherent sense of self-judgment. This is why you must stand on the Word rather than your own feelings when your new identity in Christ is under attack like this. God's forgiveness in Christ is objective. Our feelings about ourselves are subjective and, in the beginning especially, are not reliable. But they can be trained over time as we become more mature in the faith.

 

[Tranquilseeker]

Thanks again everyone. I've given this much prayer. I KNOW that I am forgiven in HIS eyes and how grateful I am! Hopefully, some day, I will be able to use my experiences to help others that may be lead to temptation in that realm. First step, finding a church home. I realize that Christian fellowship is something I deeply need.

 

[Radagast]

I am concerned and wonder if there is scripture that may help me to know that I have been forgiven.

Psalm 103:10-13: He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

May God bless you.

 

[joey_downunder]

Thank you to those that responded. Guess I need to learn not to be so open about my life. It's difficult because I've learned over the years to be open - sometimes it comes back to bite me and I guess this is one of those situations. It almost feels dishonest to hide it but maybe this is what I'll have to do for a while until I'm accepted. Seems many others may have difficulty with "judge not".

I will continue to pray, study my bible and start earnestly looking for a new church home.

It can be quite challenging for us open people!

I have learned to take this approach:
you don't tell your medical history to just anyone - some people wouldn't understand (no medical knowledge), or misjudge (unfairly blame patient) or would betray your confidentiality (gossipers) - it's the same for your spiritual history.

Tell people who have the right or need to know.

 

[salida]

Remember the prodical son.