Howdy!
I suppose I need to introduce myself. I' Nick, I joined the forums here quite a while back, and really haven't hung around too much, but just really needed to talk to some folks outside my friend circle.
First off, I'm moderately well versed (pun intended) in the Scriptures and was raised well. Christian (Baptist) teaching took fairly strong root in my young heart. However, due to a mix of a very logical mind and some serious emotional repression in my early to late teens, I have some issues. On top of this, faith does not come naturally to me, and I find myself more at home in philosophy and mathematics then in the Scriptures (I am aware of their connection). However I have sought to take up my cross daily despite my failings.
What I have been struggling with the most in recent days is Hell. It's been a stone in my shoe for the past 5 or so years, but I sort of pushed it to the back of the mind. This summer though, I was working a repetitive cleaning job and my mind just sort of idly ranged around it's collected ideas, and the concept of Hell became a stumbling block to my soul.
I will try to put it succinctly. I am a pretty empathetic person when it comes to injustice. This past year I have gotten a lot closer to unbelieving friends and a bit further from solid Christian ones. Up until this point, I just forced myself to accept that 95% of people around me would go to Hell, and there just wasn't much I could do about it. This addition of new associates in my life (in addition to several friends falling away from their Christianity) put faces to the 95%. Over the course of the summer, the idea of all that inevitable, inescapable pain around me and for all eternity made me almost physically sick, and I almost got suicidal at several points over the pure hopelessness and magnitude of the suffering, as well as the Job-style questioning of its purpose.
I have gotten to the point where I wish that I could go to Hell if there would be a guarantee that no one else would have to. A tryst with TULIP in my early teens did nothing to help my mindset.
So at this point, I'm quite distant from God. My Christian faith and resolve were already crumbling but this has really pushed me away. I don't consider myself an ex-Christian, but this issue has really added a lot more strain to my relationship with the Creator (strain from my end, not his of course).
I understand the arguments for (and against) a literal Hell, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to find out how other people deal with this whole wall of text I dropped up there.
Sorry for the essay, just had to share my heart.
Thanks for reading.
I suppose I need to introduce myself. I' Nick, I joined the forums here quite a while back, and really haven't hung around too much, but just really needed to talk to some folks outside my friend circle.
First off, I'm moderately well versed (pun intended) in the Scriptures and was raised well. Christian (Baptist) teaching took fairly strong root in my young heart. However, due to a mix of a very logical mind and some serious emotional repression in my early to late teens, I have some issues. On top of this, faith does not come naturally to me, and I find myself more at home in philosophy and mathematics then in the Scriptures (I am aware of their connection). However I have sought to take up my cross daily despite my failings.
What I have been struggling with the most in recent days is Hell. It's been a stone in my shoe for the past 5 or so years, but I sort of pushed it to the back of the mind. This summer though, I was working a repetitive cleaning job and my mind just sort of idly ranged around it's collected ideas, and the concept of Hell became a stumbling block to my soul.
I will try to put it succinctly. I am a pretty empathetic person when it comes to injustice. This past year I have gotten a lot closer to unbelieving friends and a bit further from solid Christian ones. Up until this point, I just forced myself to accept that 95% of people around me would go to Hell, and there just wasn't much I could do about it. This addition of new associates in my life (in addition to several friends falling away from their Christianity) put faces to the 95%. Over the course of the summer, the idea of all that inevitable, inescapable pain around me and for all eternity made me almost physically sick, and I almost got suicidal at several points over the pure hopelessness and magnitude of the suffering, as well as the Job-style questioning of its purpose.
I have gotten to the point where I wish that I could go to Hell if there would be a guarantee that no one else would have to. A tryst with TULIP in my early teens did nothing to help my mindset.
So at this point, I'm quite distant from God. My Christian faith and resolve were already crumbling but this has really pushed me away. I don't consider myself an ex-Christian, but this issue has really added a lot more strain to my relationship with the Creator (strain from my end, not his of course).
I understand the arguments for (and against) a literal Hell, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to find out how other people deal with this whole wall of text I dropped up there.
Sorry for the essay, just had to share my heart.
Thanks for reading.
