Have you heard...?

[BlueJay180]

"Why do you keep reading God's Word all day long?" a youngster demanded of his grandfather. "Well," he explained, "you might say I was cramming for my final examinations."

 

[BlueJay180]

A preacher asked a little girl what she thought of her first church service.
"The music was nice," she said, "but the commercial was too long."

 

[BlueJay180]

"Mommy," said little Jennifer, "did you ever see a cross-eyed bear?"
"Why, no, Jennifer," chuckled her mother. "But why do you ask?"
"Well, in Sunday school this morning, we sang about 'the consecrated cross-eyed bear [cross I bear].'"

 

[BlueJay180]

Little Mark, the son of a radio disk jockey, was invited to a friend's house for dinner. The hostess asked if Mark would honor them by saying grace.
Delighted, the little boy cleared his throat, looked at his wrist watch and said, "This food, friends, is coming to you through the courtesy of Almighty God!"

 

[BlueJay180]

I was touring the Capitol in Washington, DC and the guide pointed to a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain.
I asked, "Say, what does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or the House?"
The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at the entire Congress, then prays for the country."

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

"Mommy," said little Jennifer, "did you ever see a cross-eyed bear?"
"Why, no, Jennifer," chuckled her mother. "But why do you ask?"
"Well, in Sunday school this morning, we sang about 'the consecrated cross-eyed bear [cross I bear].'"

Major groaner. In a good way though. If you get a groan from me you're doing good.

 

[BlueJay180]

A couple in Hollywood got divorced. Then they got remarried. The divorce didn't work out.

 

[BlueJay180]

A newsman sent a letter home from China. At the end he put a note, "I hope this letter reaches you. The censors are very tough." When the letter arrived, another note had been added, "There are no censors in the People's Republic of China."

 

[BlueJay180]

Now for a couple of dillies: DILLY, DILLY!

 

[BlueJay180]

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Who can name another plant prefixed by 'dog'?"
"I can," shouted a boy in the back row. "Collie flower."

 

[BlueJay180]

Q: What simple affliction brought about the death of Samson?

A: Fallen arches

 

[BlueJay180]

Sign on the tomb of an atheist at a cemetary in Thurmont, Maryland (true story):
HERE LIES AN ATHEIST - ALL DRESSED UP AND NO PLACE TO GO

 

[BlueJay180]

The preacher of a small congregation in West Virginia disappeared one night with the entire church treasury, and the sheriff's deputy, who is also a member of that church, set out to capture him. This he did, bringing him back in custody a week later. "Here he is, brothers and sisters," announced the deputy grimly. "I'm sorry to say he's already squandered our money, but I brought him back so we can make him preach it out."

 

[BlueJay180]

Did you hear the one about the ministers who formed a bowling team? They called themselves the Holy Rollers.

 

[notanordinarygirl]

Lols to all of them!

 

[eturner74]

lol

 

[oy!]

lol

 

[MICHAEL_rocks]

those ae funny jokes

 

[BlueJay180]

those ae funny jokes

Glad you liked them, Michael. More are coming...

 

[WWbettyD]

lol i like the first joke haha im gonna have to use that one and the rest too very silly!!