Had enough of Marriage!

[soul2008]

Basically i have had enough of marriage. To me its like a trap you cant escape. Im not sure whether divorce is allowed or not. So im stuck and getting o so bitter.
My husband (who i seperated from, because of past abuse and no love at all) believes i can love him again. Hes so confident in himself which makes me dispise him even further. He is putting so much pressure on me along with my old church. They are saying i will not be saved.
I am doing the wrong thing though as i am having an affair (if thats what you call it) with a man who is so caring and loving and looks after me and hes not christian. And my kids love him so much.

The thought of going back to my husband makes me want to die! How can God expect this from me? So this is when i start to question about my belief. Surely God would not want this.
God didnt make eve for adam so he could abuse her right?
In the bible somewhere it says violence destroys the soul. How true that is. I could never love my husband because all i can remember is the hatred he had for me, his angry eyes i thought would kill me one day.

 

[dayknee]

Ahh I feel badly for you.

First things first..if you believe in the death, burriel and resurection of Jesus and you believe that he is the Son of God and that he was sent here to die on the cross for our sins then you are likely saved..I only say likely becuase I do not know your heart.
You cannot lose your salvation. No where in the bible does it say that is so.

Second, you should not be having an affair. You are still married and you should file for divorce and then move into another relationship that will hopefully bring you happiness and joy. You should NOT be involved with anyone while you are still married.
As far as your church..I'd leave it and find a new one that teaches on biblical values and principles. You will not lose your salvation once you have it..or you were never saved to begin with.
But you need to set an example for your children in following Gods word. If this new man does love you like you say, then he will udnerstand and he will wait until your divorce is final.
Also, it is not Gods design that we be married and divorced. It is his idea that there is reconciliation. However, becuase people are able to excersice free will things will happen sadly and in some cases divorce is inevitable.
I hope you can work through this
Ill be praying for you

 

[DZoolander]

I agree that you need to finish your divorce. Get that taken care of.

Why have you waited to do it - just out of curiosity?

Next...what people say about God - and what God actually is - are two completely different things. The simple fact of the matter is people don't know what they're talking about. When people tell you that "God will do this" - and it flies in the face of common sense - most likely - they're wrong

 

[eatenbylocusts]

No, you should not go back to a man who you fear and who will abuse you or the kids. You should not be in a relationship while married and certainly not in a relationship with a man who isn't a Christian. How did this happen anyway? How does a still-married woman with kids end up hooking up with a non-Christian?

If you are feeling that needy that you compromised so much, you are most likely not going to be ready for a relationship anytime soon. You're going to end up with much more pain going about things the wrong way.

Find a new church that teaches the Bible and cares for its members.

 

[rppearso]

This a catch 22 because finding a chruch and members is not a substitute for an actual relationship. People do get desperate and you cant blame them, they have been abused so long and are finally getting what they need, God did not intend for us to be alone (and by alone he was not refering to meet and greets with church people). This is probably going to be met with some disagreement and is in no way religious advice just my life expereience, I found that you have to tolerate/expect to be used a few times before you find some who is good for you and when you are used you have to recognize it for what it is and not allow it to get to you. Life happens you cant allow mistakes to tie you to the floor you have keep moving otherwise you will never reach a stable point in your life.

It would be nice if we could just find our soul mate at 16 get married as virgins and live happily ever after, wouldent it be sweet if we were in heavan right now.....but we are not so we have to deal with the realities of this world.

Something else you have to ask yourself is this man a vehminate anti christian or has he just never really considered it because there is a HUGE difference, if he is open to it I say you could have a great guy, if he is a self proclaimed vehminant athist that could be not good.

No, you should not go back to a man who you fear and who will abuse you or the kids. You should not be in a relationship while married and certainly not in a relationship with a man who isn't a Christian. How did this happen anyway? How does a still-married woman with kids end up hooking up with a non-Christian?

If you are feeling that needy that you compromised so much, you are most likely not going to be ready for a relationship anytime soon. You're going to end up with much more pain going about things the wrong way.

Find a new church that teaches the Bible and cares for its members.

 

[rppearso]

Divorces and disolusionments can be really onerous its not like filling out a customer complain form at mcdonalds. And if they are in disagreement over assets it can make it really painfull. In the mean time you are sitting around without any physical intimacy, this is where I blame the state for turning divorce into a huge ordeal and not releasing people in a timely fassion because you will sucumb to sex eventually if you are one who burns.

I agree that you need to finish your divorce. Get that taken care of.

Why have you waited to do it - just out of curiosity?

Next...what people say about God - and what God actually is - are two completely different things. The simple fact of the matter is people don't know what they're talking about. When people tell you that "God will do this" - and it flies in the face of common sense - most likely - they're wrong

 

[DZoolander]

Divorces and disolusionments can be really onerous its not like filling out a customer complain form at mcdonalds. And if they are in disagreement over assets it can make it really painfull. In the mean time you are sitting around without any physical intimacy, this is where I blame the state for turning divorce into a huge ordeal and not releasing people in a timely fassion because you will sucumb to sex eventually if you are one who burns.

Ehhh, I've been through a divorce. While I've heard horror stories - mine went pretty smoothly.

However - what I can say is that even if mine had been bad - it wouldn't have changed the fact that it needed to be done - and it needed to be done now.

To be frank - IMHO - people that separate and date while not filing for divorce generally aren't doing it because of how cumbersome the divorce process is. I believe that people who don't divorce are generally trying to keep the option open to return - in case the dating thing just "doesn't work out". Most often - I think they're trying to have their cake and eat it, too.

If they divorce - and dating sucks - then what? Now they're single with no real options. They might have to face being alone. Remaining married (or avoiding divorce proceedings) allows them the option to return to their mate and say "let's give it another shot, on my terms".

I disagree with many of my fellow Christians on the legitimacy of divorce being a real option in most situations. I will support most people's desire to get divorced - and not try to dissuade them. I believe they know more about their situation than I do - and I trust most people's judgment on those matters. Where *I* draw a line is - if you're going to say you want a divorce - then you should follow through with it.

I *don't* believe in sampling the waters to see if you really want to get divorced...which is what I think a lot of people end up doing. Whether or not someone is right for you (your current marriage) should not be contingent upon what you can get next.

 

[Catherineanne]

In the bible somewhere it says violence destroys the soul. How true that is. I could never love my husband because all i can remember is the hatred he had for me, his angry eyes i thought would kill me one day.

If your husband was abusive, of course you must not return to him. No matter how sorry he is, the damage is done, and you must protect yourself, and your children.

I would say, divorce when you can, and then enjoy your new life with your new man. And if any Christians around you are unhappy with that, tell them to go and try living with your ex, and see how they like it.

The sacrament of marriage does not give any person the right to abuse their spouse, nor to put undue pressure on you to return to an abusive man. You have a new life now, so enjoy it, and God be with you.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

This a catch 22 because finding a chruch and members is not a substitute for an actual relationship. People do get desperate and you cant blame them, they have been abused so long and are finally getting what they need, God did not intend for us to be alone (and by alone he was not refering to meet and greets with church people). This is probably going to be met with some disagreement and is in no way religious advice just my life expereience, I found that you have to tolerate/expect to be used a few times before you find some who is good for you and when you are used you have to recognize it for what it is and not allow it to get to you. Life happens you cant allow mistakes to tie you to the floor you have keep moving otherwise you will never reach a stable point in your life.

Church fellowship isn't supposed to take the place of a romantic relationship. Not even close. It is something we're supposed to have as Christians and it can help you to make better decisions if you're hanging around with some wise, mature people, people making mistakes you can observe or be helping you to be less desperate.