Give "Bad" Advice

[Matthew-59]

Go outside and find a metal flagpole and stick your tongue on it... this will protect your toes.

Any advice on a good healthy diet?

 

[country woman]

eat all the junk food you want

drive home drunk

 

[seeking Christ]

Yes, you should always drive home when drunk. You wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone, and I'm sure the Police will understand.

Ok I have my toes protecting from the rapidly falling temperatures, as advised. Now I have a funny lisp, what can I do about that?

 

[MissRowy]

well you could tie your lips together with barbed wire...that should help the lisp somewhat

how can I relieve sunburn?

 

[brinny]

put butter on it n' fry some eggs

what should i do with all these catalogs?

 

[lucypevensie]

Use them for the purpose they were intended. Order some stuff out of each one. The companies will surely appreciate it and will send you the next catalog as a thank you gift.

How do you remove nail polish if you don't have any remover?

 

[seeking Christ]

Just hit your finger with a hammer hard enough, and the nail will fall off sooner or later.

Should I include roofing experience on my job application for the nail salon?

 

[country woman]

yes that would be ok I guess

do I nee to cook a steak blue rare for you

 

[lucypevensie]

Well done is the only way to eat a steak. mmm... Nice and chewy. And charred. mmm...

How can I keep my car doors from freezing shut?

 

[MissRowy]

heat them up til they are red hot and then they wont freeze shut for awhile

where should I apply for a job?

 

[lucypevensie]

Down at your local hospital. I hear they are hiring brain surgeons.

How can I take my dog for a run when it's below 0 outside?

 

[seeking Christ]

There's no temperature, so nothing to be concerned about.

I'd like to pull a prank on the snow plow driver; would a tack strip at the apron of my driveway be a good idea?

 

[MoneyGuy]

I'd like to pull a prank on the snow plow driver; would a tack strip at the apron of my driveway be a good idea?

A rifle shot or a bomb on the road should teach him for cleaning your streets.

What should I watch on TV tonight? Or should I spend qual time with the missus?

 

[seeking Christ]

Spending quality time with Miss US might make your wife jealous.

I'm bored. Can I go do doughnuts in traffic?

 

[MoneyGuy]

I'm bored. Can I go do doughnuts in traffic?

Of course. Offer a donut to the cop who pulls you over.

When there are only a couple of hours left in the work day, should I go home early on a Friday? I'm self employed.

 

[lucypevensie]

You could do that, but do so honestly. Don't pay yourself for those 2 hours you take off early.

any ideas for a dairy-free dessert I need to bring to a dinner party?

 

[Matthew-59]

Lizard lips on rye bread toast and just a touch of cow tongue is always a big hit at parties. However, if you want it to be dairy-free, then skip the cow tongue.

How do ya cure a bad case of dandruff?

 

[lucypevensie]

You need to exfoliate your scalp. To do this gently, pour a cup of gasoline on your head, place a plastic cap over your hair, and sit under a heat lamp for 30 minutes. Take the cap off and scrub head under running hot water. This will help remove all those nasty flakes.

How to motivate myself to get up early tomorrow.

 

[MissRowy]

Why would you want to get up early?? Just stay up all night and then go out when you need to

How can I get rid of maggots?

 

[Matthew-59]

That all depends on how many maggots you want to get rid of. If you're talking about all of the maggots in the whole world, then about 5 million nuclear bombs will be needed. If you only want to get rid of just a few that might be lurking in your back yard, then perhaps a few sticks of dynamite would work. Before you proceed, let me know which one you plan on using... and give me at least two weeks notice if you plan on using that first one.

How can I fix my computer problems?