(for girls and for guys) I am alone in this one....

[12Joseph12]

Hi everyone...well this one goes just for the girls…last weekend I went out with great friend of mine. She is my best friend. Well, last weeked we were talking about our relationships when we started talking about sex. She is a non christian. I told her that I have decided to wait to have sex with my girlfriend after marriage. Not only because it the way God wants but, it is something that you should do with your true love (and that means that your true love is your wife, or it is going to be). Then, she told me that she thinks it is normal to have sex with someone you love, but I told her how come you love more than one person (she has already had sex with her past boyfriends). But she said again that it is normal. Moreover, she said that if she had a boyfriend that doesn’t want to have sex with her she would think this guy doesn’t like her.
A week later I was talking to my friend’s girlfriend (that is another friend and I just met his girl friend) and she told me about this guy she thinks he is gay. That is just because he doesn’t want to have sex with a single girl (he is also single). Just to have a good time.the girl who told me that is also a non christian.
These two stories, one from my best friend and the other from my friend’s girlfriend, made me feel weird. One both conversations I was afraid to defend my point of view because I was afraid of what people might think about me. Well, I told my best friend because I trust her, but even though I felt weird. A bunch of different thoughts have passed through my mind about it. To make things worse my girlfriend thinks that is normal ato have sex with someone you like (she is a christian). And she said that it is OK to not have sex with me because she respects me. That drives me crazy because she disn’t see the brig picture. The God’s way. Suddenly I realize that I am in danger of extinction. I don’t like the idea of going to church, pray, wash your sins out and later, go home, and have sex with you girlfriend or boyfriend. I realize there are a lot of people who say they are christian but they do exactly like that. I have a friend like that…He goes to the church, pray and everything…but he loves have sex with her girlfriend.
Well…that made me feel said…that I am wasting my time..something..like that…I try to be strong, have faith..but sometimes(actually most of time) it is hard..even my girlfriend….I don’t know what to think..what to do…I don’t know anybody to talk to…I am alone( really alone ) in this one…Have you ever felt like that? What did you do?How about my grilfriend… Help…good advices and experiences are very welcome..God bless

 

[SoC]

First, let me say, good job standing up for your beliefs. Not only is that the right thing to do, your beliefs in this area are the right ones. Waiting for sex until marriage is what God intended and says many times throughout the Bible.

I also want to encourage you to be strong in this. The world is very sex-oriented and that will make it hard to stand for that. Just lean on God and keep on persevering.

You are not the only one like this. I, too, am waiting until marriage to have sex. It will be one of the best nights of my life when I give myself to my wife and can tell her that she is the only one who has or ever will be with me. I hope you can have a wedding night like that as well, so stay strong.

 

[Leanna]

If your girlfriend has no problem having sex with her boyfriends and is a non Christian, then maybe you shouldn't be dating. She doesn't sound like a good match for you.

 

[Ceris]

Hi Joseph,

It seems you have a few different things that are ultimately related. If I read correctly (and forgive me for any wrongful assumptions - all I know about you is the few paragraphs you wrote) it seems that you often feel that you are the only one with your sort of view - or at least one of very few people that believe sex should be reserved for a husband and wife. I'm hardly the one to give advice on much of this, as I would feel like a hypocrite. However, if I may offer advice on two things -

1) It is OK to defend your position. When defending it with someone who is non-Christian, a good way to defend it is simply say that you believe through your religious conviction that it is best to have sex only when you're married. There are plenty of reasons that you could give for this. However, I have found that if you tell most people the short honest truth (saying "I'm a Christian and I believe that marriage is the place that sex was meant for) they will respect your belief and leave it at that. As for speaking with someone who says they are a follower of Christ, ask them why do they believe it's ok to have sex with their bf/gf when it's pointed out so clearly in the Bible and Christ's teachings (and in your case as well, the Catholic Church's teachings) that it is wrong to have sex before marriage. My suggestion for this is if you go this route, make sure not to come across as overbearing/uberjugemental, but rather as someone who is truly trying to understand how they justify it.

2) Have you been with your girlfriend for a while? It seems to me like you two have a major difference on this (and for a bf/gf relationship that is quite significant). I'm not one to go and say "Oh my gosh! She believes that! Break up with her now!!!!111" However, I will say that if my girlfriend had the view (when I met her) that having sex before marriage is ok, I probably would not have gotten involved with her too much.

 

[12Joseph12]

If your girlfriend has no problem having sex with her boyfriends and is a non Christian, then maybe you shouldn't be dating. She doesn't sound like a good match for you.

She is a christian. We both fell in temptation some time ago but then we decided to wait. However, that was my suggestion after I started reading the bible. She says she is fine with it but it doens't seem that she get the real idea of if. That God wants us to wait...

 

[12Joseph12]

Hi Joseph,

It seems you have a few different things that are ultimately related. If I read correctly (and forgive me for any wrongful assumptions - all I know about you is the few paragraphs you wrote) it seems that you often feel that you are the only one with your sort of view - or at least one of very few people that believe sex should be reserved for a husband and wife. I'm hardly the one to give advice on much of this, as I would feel like a hypocrite. However, if I may offer advice on two things -

1) It is OK to defend your position. When defending it with someone who is non-Christian, a good way to defend it is simply say that you believe through your religious conviction that it is best to have sex only when you're married. There are plenty of reasons that you could give for this. However, I have found that if you tell most people the short honest truth (saying "I'm a Christian and I believe that marriage is the place that sex was meant for) they will respect your belief and leave it at that. As for speaking with someone who says they are a follower of Christ, ask them why do they believe it's ok to have sex with their bf/gf when it's pointed out so clearly in the Bible and Christ's teachings (and in your case as well, the Catholic Church's teachings) that it is wrong to have sex before marriage. My suggestion for this is if you go this route, make sure not to come across as overbearing/uberjugemental, but rather as someone who is truly trying to understand how they justify it.

2) Have you been with your girlfriend for a while? It seems to me like you two have a major difference on this (and for a bf/gf relationship that is quite significant). I'm not one to go and say "Oh my gosh! She believes that! Break up with her now!!!!111" However, I will say that if my girlfriend had the view (when I met her) that having sex before marriage is ok, I probably would not have gotten involved with her too much.

Thanks...as I said before, wehave fallen into temptation...but I repent it and now I want to do what it is right. But it seems she agrees based on the wrong reasons....And yes we have been toguether for a long time now..but just recently I have repented and decided to change my life...it is not a easy task though...

 

[Ceris]

Thanks...as I said before, wehave fallen into temptation...but I repent it and now I want to do what it is right. But it seems she agrees based on the wrong reasons....And yes we have been toguether for a long time now..but just recently I have repented and decided to change my life...it is not a easy task though...

Well, all I can say with that task is I wish you the best of luck Joseph . . . and sorry that you're in a tough situation.

 

[ByLoveAndGrace]

Without reading the other posts

I think that you are not alone. I too, am waiting to have sex until I am married, and I have been in these situations too. I have been treated awfully by people that I thought cared about me, because they didn't think the same as me. I know exactly how you feel. The thing is, you are right in what you say, and feel. God's way, is to wait. I hope you can remain strong, and continue to lean on God for his guidance. As far as the girlfriend goes, I have no doubt that you care about her, I am a little worried though, I hope that most of your moral beliefs match up with hers or vice versa, because relationships can be very difficult if they don't. It's good that she respects your decision, but maybe you can talk to her and find out why she thinks it's okay, even though God say it isn't? That's a very tough decision to be in. Just pray about it, and let God lead you.

 

[12Joseph12]

Without reading the other posts

I think that you are not alone. I too, am waiting to have sex until I am married, and I have been in these situations too. I have been treated awfully by people that I thought cared about me, because they didn't think the same as me. I know exactly how you feel. The thing is, you are right in what you say, and feel. God's way, is to wait. I hope you can remain strong, and continue to lean on God for his guidance. As far as the girlfriend goes, I have no doubt that you care about her, I am a little worried though, I hope that most of your moral beliefs match up with hers or vice versa, because relationships can be very difficult if they don't. It's good that she respects your decision, but maybe you can talk to her and find out why she thinks it's okay, even though God say it isn't? That's a very tough decision to be in. Just pray about it, and let God lead you.

It is good to know that there are people who think like me. Even though it is a though fight. I feel sad every time I hear a story like that, specially if it comes from a friend of mine. When I hear, I feel like my life is passing and I am not enjoying it. TV really doesn't help. And there is the fact that when I want talk to someone, I don't have anybody to talk about it. I have to swallow and move on...but the thing is always there in my mind. When I hear my friends histories, i really wished they were like me, not only them, but the whole world...but I guess that is a big thing to wish for....

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You just need to bring a little light to this dark world. You are not alone, even though there are far too many Christians willing to compromise in this area. I was married and I have not had sex since the break up of my marriage. Having sex with my ex before marriage is what made me feel like I should marry him. I'm not about to make that same mistake again. I also want to be able to look my kids in the eyes and say it is possible for an adult to wait until marriage.
My best friend was divorced and had decided that she was not going to have sex until she was married. She had never tried to abstain while she was dating before. Her first Christian bf didn't see anything wrong with sex before marriage either so they ended up falling. Now she can't seem to let him go even though he is not a mentally well person. She's tied to him and that is such a good reason to wait.
I work with singles and marrieds and none of those who know I'm waiting for marriage think it's a good idea. I also learned from experience that engaging in racy conversations did not help at all in keeping my resolve to wait. Be careful in this area. It would be helpful if you had some singles around you who were waiting for marriage too.

 

[princessellie]

if this is something that you truely believe in then dont think for a second about changing your mind, she needs to understand why you feel this way and as she is a non christian that might be a hard thing to get her to see, we are called to be 'equally yolked' and it doesnt seem that you are, my bf wants to wait til he is married and i find that to be very appealing (comming from a non christian background, i too now dont want to have sex again til i am married)

if she pushes to bring sex into the relationship RUN, god calls us to flee from temptation and if you stay with someone who wants these things in your relationship you may end up being tempted to give in, you need to be (and stay) on the same page, there is another thread in here somewhere on setting boundries, which i love

stick to your beliefs like glue, you are not the only one out there who has these feelings and not all girls feel the same way as your gf, i guess thats one of the problems with dating a non christian

 

[ByLoveAndGrace]

if this is something that you truely believe in then dont think for a second about changing your mind, she needs to understand why you feel this way and as she is a non christian that might be a hard thing to get her to see, we are called to be 'equally yolked' and it doesnt seem that you are, my bf wants to wait til he is married and i find that to be very appealing (comming from a non christian background, i too now dont want to have sex again til i am married)

if she pushes to bring sex into the relationship RUN, god calls us to flee from temptation and if you stay with someone who wants these things in your relationship you may end up being tempted to give in, you need to be (and stay) on the same page, there is another thread in here somewhere on setting boundries, which i love

stick to your beliefs like glue, you are not the only one out there who has these feelings and not all girls feel the same way as your gf, i guess thats one of the problems with dating a non christian

He's not dating a non-christian. He said she is a christian but she feels it's okay to have sex.

 

[Rin4Christ]

I understand your feelings. I get so frustrated sometimes wondering if I am the only person in my generation who still believes that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Even my Christian friends (who would never admit in a church setting if they had had sex) will treat me as if I am a naive child. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I didn't have such strict beliefs, then I could "fit in and enjoy the fun the others are enjoying." (My strong beliefs and common sense kick in soon after, and I try not to entertain such thoughts for long.) Old friends who used to stand by me on the belief of saving sex till marriage have called me and told me about "a pregnancy scare" or "a probable miscarriage." At least 4 of my ex-boyfriends who "agreed" with me that you should wait untill marriage before having sex later went onto sleep with their girlfriends. You are not the only one, and I wish it were more socially acceptable to stand up for such beliefs. It is so frustrating sometimes. It is somewhat conforting to know there are others out there feeling just as frustrated and alone as I am. But i still feel like a small minority, about to drown in todays society (like the OP's extinction comment)

(I'm not sure if that rambling made sence- I kept adding sentences in the middle of the paragraph. I may come back and edit...)

 

[Aggiegal]

I also have a SO (my fiance actualy) who doesn't really have any problem with sex before marriage. Sometimes it is really hard for me to deal with this fact. I have saved myself for him and for God, and he doesn't really think it is a big deal. He is very respectful of my beliefs, and never pushes me, but it is still upsetting sometimes. He thinks that if 2 people both want to, then there is no problem. moral, and religion just doens't play a role... He actually brought it to confession (he is catholic) and he said the preist didn't seem to think it ws a big deal relative to alot of other things. Yes, there are worse sins, but it seems that even in churches, it is becoming somehwat accepted and expected. He understood before we started dating what my stance was, and he respects it, so between the 2 of us we are waiting till marriage.

Sometimes I feel very alone, like I'm the only one in the world who has this "silly" notion of waiting till marriage. even the love of my life doesn't agree with me on it. I see people on these boards who have the same belief, but I never seem to meet anyone in real life. Like you, I get very sad about it, and wish more people were willing to standup and and stand by their beleifs.

 

[12Joseph12]

I want to thank you for everything... It is realy good to know that there are lots of people who think like me...That I am not alone...And you are not alone too...
Thanks...