Thanks for the thoughtful replies!
This is kind of going off topic but I do have one question about the free will issue that was raised. I was under the impression that free will was the central tenet of faith--that God gave us a spirit, a consciousness, that we are in control of...to use for whatever end we wish. And that this is what allows us to be creative, influence the universe, and ultimately, find God through our own volition.
For example, you said "we want what we want but only because something else made us want it." So, we want to find God but only because God designed us to do exactly that. But if he ONLY designed us to find him, then why does it appear that humans can (and do) choose not to?
I admit, my search for God did feel pretty inevitable, looking back. And I doubt I could "go back" on it all now. Almost like I no longer have that choice anymore. So I see what you are saying--that we are all "wired" to find God and nothing will really stop us unless we are interfered with by an outside agent, something like, say...a complicated lie to convince me that there is no God. But how does that square with my first assumption that God created us specifically to HAVE free will to choose him, and that the spirit, the gift to us, is some of his power--his intent, his will, for us to play with, learn how to use, and, ultimately use for it's intended purpose.
Free will is a very controversial term in Christian theology. Everyone agrees that God treats us as responsible. Many of us think that evil exists because God wanted a world that allows us to develop, and this requires an environment where we have difficult choices with real consequences.
But there are limits to our freedom. Particularly in the West, Christians have normally said that no one can find God without him leading us. Our wills are in that sense not free. Sin has corrupted the world, and us, enough that the activity of the Holy Spirit is needed before we can have faith.
The classical position is actually the reverse of "we're hardwired for God, and we'll find him unless something stops us." It is "we are corrupted by sin so that we won't find him unless he does something."
At this point things become controversial. Augustine, followed by the Reformers, said that God intervenes with specific individuals. That is, to overcome sin and let us hear God he doesn't just send Jesus to teach. In addition to this he works in individuals to regenerate them. Only once he's does that can they hear Jesus' teachings in a saving way. For Luther and Calvin, this meant that only specific individuals that God chose to renew ended up saved. Other Protestants have taken the position that while God has to work with each person to renew them, this is a possibility available to everyone, and whether we are saved depends to some extent upon us.
But one way or another, the Western tradition is clear that our wills aren't completely free in this respect. We require God's grace to believe.
This is describing exactly your own experience that faith was in some sense inevitable. Christians have often looked back on their lives and realized that what brought them to faith wasn't that they were somehow better than atheists, but that God had worked with them in specific ways.
I should note that the Eastern Orthodox tradition has a different approach to these questions, which I'm not fully competent to describe.
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