Feel like I'm hearing God wrong now...

[Yukatan]

Hello,

I'm a newb here, but I've lurked here and there on the forums. I'm a Christian and have been for maybe a decade.

Recently I'm going through some serious spiritual confusion. I feel like I don't know how to hear God anymore. To hear God I've always had the following criteria (no particular order):

1) Conviction from sermons - esp. the ones where it feels like God is speaking directly to you.
2) Quiet time
3) Prayer/fasting
4) Christian peers/elders (eg people you spiritually trust)
5) The Word

Now 99.9% of the time, this works. Actually it pretty much worked all the time--except for this one "thorn" at my side that won't die. To make a long story short, it's with regards to a girl... a girl I can't really say I'm that interested in anymore. I pursued her, she shot me down. Under normal circumstances, I'd just move on. Yet it seemed like God was telling me to pursue her... so I would... then get shot down hard--she doesn't want anything to do with me. Yet still felt like God was convicting to pursue again, and so I do... only to get shot down harder.

But I know what you're thinking--"the heart is deceitful above all things"... and especially with something as emotionally intense as liking a girl, it's hard to see things spiritually straight.

Problem is, I'm at a point emotionally, intellectually and rationally that I don't want to think about her anymore. I really think I can find somebody else. Spiritually, I don't think she's that amazing (which can sound condescending I know)--but she's never really been dedicated to church, she's always been on the outside and not too committed. Physically/emotionally, I'm not and never was infatuated with her or anything (I have with other girls in the past). I don't at all think she's "the one." We go to different churches now and I haven't seen her for years. She seems to have trouble opening up to people in general, too. There are red flags independent of my convictions that seem to say I shouldn't pursue.

So what's the problem? The problem is that my internal spirit seems completely broken. I consistently get the conviction to lift her up, to pray for reconciliation. I can spend a day fasting/praying, and I still have the conviction. I haven't gotten one in awhile, but I'd get sermons convicting me of the same thing. Quiet times would also give me the conviction to pursue her. I never dreamed much about girls I dated in the past, but I get dreams about her over and over--reoccurring dreams (was pondering putting this in Dreams and Visions subforum) with the same theme, over and over.

You know the sense you get when God slams doors? I get that whenever I try to pursue other women. God quickly shuts opportunities down, to the point where I don't even want to date. Too much trouble.

If I were to look at my story from the outside, I know it sounds crazy. That's also the problem. I KNOW it does, which is why I loathe the conviction (I've loathed it for awhile). Trusted Christians (leaders, longtime friends) recommend I move on. Friends who knows us both think she's not exactly a "catch." I *know* I should move on... but the spirit inside thinks I shouldn't. I've never had such a disagreement internally with the Spirit before. I don't even know if it's the Holy Spirit anymore, which may teeter on blasphemy.

It's to the point where I assume the conviction is false, and I'm trying to bury it. But it's always there, ugh. For example on her birthday I had the strong conviction to send her a b-day card--I really had to fight it off and not do it. This internal struggle has been going on for years, and it drives me nuts. I can't tell you how happy I'd be if one day I found she's married to someone else--that'd finally bury the hatchet on this thing!

If anybody else had a similar experience, I'd love to know your advice =)

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi Y , and welcome ,

I'd be interested to hear the dream(s) .

Maybe post here if / when you post there ( Dreams + Visions ) .

Otherwise , I'd say don't fight that she's on your mind a lot , look at it as , you've been assigned to intercede to Christ for her soul's well being , to a more than usual degree .

May The Lord Be Pleased to Bless !

wm

 

[Yukatan]

Well if it were just matter being assigned to intercede for her, I'd be fine with that, but the conviction (unfortunately) goes a lot farther than that =P I get the conviction to pray that God would bring us together, which is the furthest thing I want at this point. Every Christian I share this with says I shouldn't pursue this.

I've had so many dreams, I guess I'll just describe the last dream I had and the general theme:

The last dream, I was meeting up with somebody in a foreign country, the country I was saved in and that I currently want to go back to (sorry for being vague, I'm paranoid of the extremely unlikely chance she'd read this). I dunno who this somebody exactly was, he might be an old high school friend who I recently found out is Christian and in ministry. He also might go to this country and do missions, which is why he might've popped up in the dream.

So I land in the country, and while we're walking to the trains I somehow get the sense that she's nearby. I figure she wouldn't want to talk so I don't try looking for her. She then calls my name, and I then look around to find her. I see her at a grocery check-out, and she's with a friend. I'm thinking "oh wow what a coincidence, I don't expect her to be in this country." I say "hi," and she looks very disinterested/displeased to see me. Awkwardness ensues as she walks by.

The reoccuring theme is this: we coincidentally stumble into each other's presence, and we're both conscious that we're nearby. I pretend like I don't see her and avoid contact, since I've been shot down and am sick and tired of pursuing it. She's always the one that initiates the "hello," I follow suit to say hello reluctantly. Awkwardness. The dream typically ends there.

In another dream, I'm in my parent's house (their old house I grew up in), and my mom tells me she's calling. I get excited. When she calls and I pick up, I'm annoyed of having a conversation with her. She's wanting an excuse to see me, suggesting we carpool to work together. I'm annoyed at the conversation and I end the phone conversation.

But the annoying thing is, the reality is the exact opposite to these dreams. In real life, I pursue her (albeit reluctantly), she shoots me down. In the dreams I'm annoyed because in real life I'm sick and tired of pursuing her and getting shot down. She's the one that initiates in the dreams, I'm the one that initiates in real life. I suggested we catch up by grabbing a cup of coffee sometime ago, she doesn't even want to do that. She wants nothing to do with me, so I don't understand these dreams at all.

Recently, the dreams have changed a little, in that now she's not happy to see me either. But she still initiates the hello, go figure.

 

[oi_antz]

The eternal soul communicates to us constantly. In dreams it has the ability to inject understanding right into the self without the mind to impair it. I seem to think that the conscious mind can be attacked by confusion while the mind which sleeps is purely under the will of our eternal soul. I think this is why we wake refreshed the next day with a new sense of understanding and why our dreams may carry messages of significance to confront when we consider them and derive a conclusion.

I think your demon has found a weak spot in your flesh, since you desire a relationship of love with someone who is clearly not consenting, it has given an inch of wiggle room to exploit your nature of greed. I think it is important that when you get these thoughts you tell the demon to depart in Jesus' name and then open the Word and read until you find help from Jesus to put your mind at peace.

Bear in mind that Christ's Love gives us the power to Love everyone as they are, and as many people will say "there's plenty of fish in the sea". My presentation of Christ's Love states that there is nothing but fish in the sea and until you reel your catch you shouldn't get too fixed on the one you can't land.

My understanding of the matter is that you are falling victim to idolisation, which comes from worshipping things of the world (such as emotional love in your case), and your only way to redeem yourself now is to rekindle your relationship with God The Father and His son Jesus Christ that their Love will consume your life instead of your love for one person being the thing that consumes you.

I have a question regarding your faith: you must have been baptised already, have you genuinely asked Jesus into your life? The reason I ask is because I went for 9 years before I did that, and I was always susceptible to evil spirits until Jesus performed the exorcism, which is known as the second death in Revelation 2 and the purification by fire, which may be what you are experiencing at present.

 

[Yukatan]

No, I don't think you at all understand the predicament I'm in. I don't idolize her, that's precisely the problem. I don't want a relationship with her. You clearly did not comprehend my original post. In terms of the flesh, I don't want anything to do with her, yet I feel a conviction for her.

Before impetuously questioning my salvation, you should understand what I'm saying. It sounds like you're more quick to provide a canned response rather than actually listening to what I'm saying.

 

[visionary]

Then pray for her, but you do not have to contact her, or put yourself in any position of pursuit. Your dreams have already shown that it will be her that pursues.. So just pray and get on with your life in the mean time.. if it is of God, let Him work out the details..

 

[Yukatan]

Then pray for her, but you do not have to contact her, or put yourself in any position of pursuit. Your dreams have already shown that it will be her that pursues.. So just pray and get on with your life in the mean time.. if it is of God, let Him work out the details..

Hmm, you know I never interpreted the dreams as such--that she's going to be the one that pursues, interesting.

As far as impacting my life, practically it isn't at all. I have long since got on with my life and it's on the backburner. But that fact that it still feels unresolved is frustrating, I just want it to end. Not my feelings for her, because that's long ended, rather the burden/conviction. This has been going on for a long time, for years and years.

 

[oi_antz]

No, I don't think you at all understand the predicament I'm in. I don't idolize her, that's precisely the problem. I don't want a relationship with her. You clearly did not comprehend my original post. In terms of the flesh, I don't want anything to do with her, yet I feel a conviction for her.

Before impetuously questioning my salvation, you should understand what I'm saying. It sounds like you're more quick to provide a canned response rather than actually listening to what I'm saying.

I'm sorry it came across like that, I tend to see trouble as being the work of the enemy. Our faith is strengthened by overcoming tests. I am still inclined to suggest your demon needs to be confronted and rebuked in Jesus' name the next time it hounds you. No offence intended at all.

 

[Yukatan]

Well if it's a demon as you say, then that means it's a demon that feels exactly the same as the Spirit leading, which is pretty problematic.

 

[ezeric]

Dear Yukatan


I think there is a deeper lesson to all this that we may be missing.

You pursue this girl, and she flat out turns you down, normally after getting clear signals like that - you (like most of us guys) would move on.

The troubling part is that your 'knower' (GOD SPIRIT inside you) is telling you to pursue and you are wondering 'why'? Or, is my hearing GOD'S voice on the fritz?

I think its a parable or metaphor if you will.

Its a 'life lesson' from GOD to you (and to all of us too).

Here is the scripture:

"I have spread out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, Who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts" Isaiah 65:2

The girl represents the 'bride of CHRIST' or HIS CHURCH.
You represent 'CHRIST' or the bride-groom as scripture describes HIM.

GOD tells you to keep pursuing because HE does. (like the shepherd searching for the lost sheep).
HE also, does most of the pursuing to those of us that are not the 'super in the church' type christians, but rather the ones on the outside.

They are in their heart wanting HIM (you in the dream) and never really connecting (although HE is right near them).
Hearing but never really understanding, seeing but never really connecting. Mark 4:12

The quicker you learn what the LORD is showing you here, the deeper your roots grow in HIS LOVE and HIS kingdom to be a better minister/priest to HIS people that HE loves.

-eric

Note: Hosea also had a similiar but much more complicated lesson too.

 

[oi_antz]

Well if it's a demon as you say, then that means it's a demon that feels exactly the same as the Spirit leading, which is pretty problematic.

Yes they can do that, I have been deceived by a demon to think masturbating to a homosexual fantasy was ok - it sounded like God's voice so I indulged, but immediately Christ spoke to me through a flatmate and corrected me. I'll never believe that lie again

God speaks like a gentleman and to give us strength, not to tear us down. I see this problem you are having is creating division in your relationship with that person. I think it would be good to see a priest to confront the demon, that's my opinion and it is only intended to be helpful.

 

[Jpark]

Never mind.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

At one point in time I was having issues with whether or not I should date a girl. After weeks of prayer, I heard Him reply, "Just love her."

All the time, I was so focused on the relationship aspect of being together that I was ignoring God's commandment to "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34)


Now whether or not God wants you two to be together - I don't know. But I do know that He would want you to love her as He loves you.

Just something for you to think about. Hope this helps!

 

[Yukatan]

GOD tells you to keep pursuing because HE does. (like the shepherd searching for the lost sheep).
HE also, does most of the pursuing to those of us that are not the 'super in the church' type christians, but rather the ones on the outside.

You know this application did occur to me, that it could be a reflection of God's heart in how He pursues people even though they reject him. Lesson learned, so can't God stop giving me this lesson now? Lol. It's really draining.

Yes they can do that, I have been deceived by a demon to think masturbating to a homosexual fantasy was ok - it sounded like God's voice so I indulged, but immediately Christ spoke to me through a flatmate and corrected me. I'll never believe that lie again

God speaks like a gentleman and to give us strength, not to tear us down. I see this problem you are having is creating division in your relationship with that person. I think it would be good to see a priest to confront the demon, that's my opinion and it is only intended to be helpful.

Well I'm not Catholic, so not sure about seeing a priest.

As for masturbating to homosexual fantasy, that wouldn't be a struggle to discern whether it's God's will or not, because the bible is explicit enough where the scriptures say the opposite (flee from sexual immorality, etc). In this instance, there isn't an explicit prohibition from scriptures about pursuing a girl that keeps shooting you down, so it's more of a gray-area issue.

 

[oi_antz]

At one point in time I was having issues with whether or not I should date a girl. After weeks of prayer, I heard Him reply, "Just love her."

All the time, I was so focused on the relationship aspect of being together that I was ignoring God's commandment to "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34)


Now whether or not God wants you two to be together - I don't know. But I do know that He would want you to love her as He loves you.

Just something for you to think about. Hope this helps!

That is well said! God gives us free will so He would never say "this is the person you should be with" unless we have specifically asked Him to make that decision for us.

You mention conviction in sermons - it is important to realise that sermons are often driven by the Holy spirit and the divinity of the sermon can speak to many people in their own personal way, however it is not as divine as the Holy Bible. Trusting that every word of the sermon is meant to be gospel can get us in trouble. I had that experience today where I felt convicted that I should remain in my current employment, which conflicts with the decision I have made. When I felt this conviction, I immediately consulted the Bible and heard God tell me I should continue with my decision - so the message I heard in the sermon was not from God for me.

I think we should run everything by God in prayer and reading of the Word before we decide to believe a feeling we get.

 

[oi_antz]

Well I'm not Catholic, so not sure about seeing a priest.

I'm not catholic either, but God has told me I am a priest forever:

Hebrews 7
15And what we have said is even more clear if another priest like Melchizedek appears, 16one who has become a priest not on the basis of a regulation as to his ancestry but on the basis of the power of an indestructible life. 17For it is declared:
"You are a priest forever,
in the order of Melchizedek."

I am an independent Christian who is not committed to any denomination, nor ranked by any other but God Himself.

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi Y ,

Several things come to mind , some of which have kinda already been referred to ...

In the analogy of Christ and His bride to be .

Jesus is not pleased with pursuing us , or with the way in which we pursue Him , when we are glad at first for our meeting / being acquainted , but then straightly shrink away from any kind of committed relationship .

And in this matter we are largely as the one described as the second son in the parable below -

But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard.
He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.
And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.
Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.
For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him. <-----> Matthew 21:28-32

And it appears that The Lord has chosen to share a taste of what this is like for Him , with you - likely because He is calling you to witness unto yourself , and others , of our need to seek , accept , and experience a deeper / closer walk with The Lord .
No longer acting , or thinking that we're satisfied / complete , simply because we've received His Invitation .

Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:
And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.
And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.
And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.
And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.
So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.
And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper. <-----> Luke 14:16-24

This can indeed be a difficult calling , because most of us don't want to hear a message which reproves us , and challenges the very basis for our confidence .

Yet , if indeed our confidence is misplaced ... those who will be helped towards gaining the really unshakable assurance , which comes from intimately following Christ , will truly love our efforts , though perhaps not at first .

And this distress you experience is meant to enlarge your heart ( even though it often feels like the opposite , like when one feels weak from heavy lifting , but afterwards is strengthened from that kind of being made to feel weak ) , and with a greater capacity to sense how The Lord is not at ease over this , ( because God's Love compels Him so ), and we who undergo this experience , are better equipped to witness of this great spiritual need , even though many will attempt to " shoot us down " , and treat us with contempt , at least initially .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once the message of the analogy has been received and is fixed in mind and heart , the situation with the girl in question , can be moved on from , leaving her with the certain promise that whenever she has the urge to seek your warmth / friendship / love , then you'll receive her with open arms ... For this also represents The Lord's regard for us who skirt around becoming seriously involved + singularly devoted .

Also this correlation applies with those to whom this message is given , and then rejected , in whole , or in part - even as The Lord said to Jeremiah , after he had witnessed to the people who were round about him :

Therefore thus saith the LORD, If thou return, then will I bring thee again, and thou shalt stand before me: and if thou take forth the precious from the vile, thou shalt be as my mouth: let them return unto thee; but return not thou unto them. <-----> Jeremiah 15:19

Though The Lord pleads with His people , it's incongruous to His Holy Nature to harass unbecomingly .

May The Lord Be Magnified !

wm

 

[Peripatetic]

Remember that the Holy Spirit can lead us to do something, but it may not yield the result that you expect. In other words, maybe pursuing this girl is what you were supposed to to. Maybe it was an important part of your spiritual growth for some reason... lessons learned, building of character, life experience? But maybe actually getter her was not part of the plan.

I had a similar situation with a job. I felt firmly convicted by the Holy Spirit to accept a position that I had reservations about. It turned out to be a very bad choice on the surface. It consumed me with anxiety and stress, and had negative effects on my family and relationship with God. Less than two years later, I found a different role that is a much better fit. Now, did I "mishear" the Spirit? I don't think so. That job was part of the roller coaster that is shaping who I am. It ultimately lead me to be even closer to God than before the bad job.

 

[Phil1992]

You are doing what you want to do rather than what God wants for you. He doesn't want you to go after every girl you see, that is why you see the slammed doors.
I h

 

[Phil1992]

You are doing what you want to do rather than what God wants for you. He doesn't want you to go after every girl you see, that is why you see the slammed doors.
I had a similar experience in which I was doing what I wanted to do. I changed myself for a girl and when things looked bright, I showed her my true self and she did not accept it. I tried to do it because I wanted it, but God didn't want it. I was depressed for a while and was weak with faith, unlike you, because you are having internal struggles, but you are not using drugs or alcohol; that is what I did. For three weeks I drank and smoked weed and on one day God communicated with me from a car. I had a near death experience, it was a slap in the face.
I am not saying to do anything bad, but try and listen to what God wants for you because he certainly does not want to see you unhappy.
If there are any people you can talk to like a youth pastor, I would highly recommend you seek help because they will ask you questions that you will answer and realize why you are feeling like this.
God only wants the best for you and getting all of these slammed doors means something.
There are going to be many girls in your life where they will be madly in love with you, you think you will marry, you will be madly in love with, and it is all from these experiences it will be very simple when you visit your wife; at least this is what my youth leader taught me from his experiences.

I have a question...
Would you rather get a girlfriend through you or through God?