Excluding a friend

[BroncosFan83]

If you have a friend who is behaving in an inapproriate and unacceptable way that is causing destruction, should you exclude them and basically stop being friends with them until they start behaving properly?

Suppose they have been avoiding a Bible study group and events because they cant get over/cant handle what happened with another person in that group. Even a few times has shown up, but left the room when that person showed up.

Wouldnt being friends with them commend their behavior, make them think its ok to avoid going to church events to avoid being around someone that hurt them? The idea is to stop being friends until they get over things and stop avoiding this other person.

 

[MarkEvan]

I don't know what the background situation is here so it is a little hard to give advise but i'll say what I see the scriptures as teaching.

First if the person is sinning then you need to sit down with them and outline what the bible says about continuance in sin and the consequence that that will have on the persons life and ultimately their relation with Christ.....I don't know how many will agree with this but as a believer this is part of what it means to love our brothers and sisters.

Secondly you need to tell this person that they need to forgive any wrong that has happened to them for if we can't forgive others how can our heavenly Father forgive us! Easy to say not so easy to do but if they truly want to then that's where you need to help as much as you can.

Thirdly if there is a legitimate reason for that person leaving the group (which there could be) then maybe encourage them to attend another church with sound teaching and practice.

 

[Forealzchola]

if your friend does not want to attend church, that is their business not yours.

 

[NewHope2010]

If you have a friend who is behaving in an inapproriate and unacceptable way that is causing destruction, should you exclude them and basically stop being friends with them until they start behaving properly?

Suppose they have been avoiding a Bible study group and events because they cant get over/cant handle what happened with another person in that group. Even a few times has shown up, but left the room when that person showed up.

Wouldnt being friends with them commend their behavior, make them think its ok to avoid going to church events to avoid being around someone that hurt them? The idea is to stop being friends until they get over things and stop avoiding this other person.

Here are some scriptures to shed some light on the subject for you, all from the New Living Translation...

Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. (Romans 14:1)

The Lord's servants must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone. They must be able to teach effectively and be patient with difficult people. They should gently teach those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will believe the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the Devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. (2 Tim 2:24-26)

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Mat 7:3-5)

So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say, “As surely as I live, says the Lord, every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will confess and give praise to God. Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” (Romans 14:10-13)

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15)

 

[TigerKanga]

I avoid people who try to hurt me. God forgive me.

 

[ezeric]

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

We are obligated (and we do this by HIS POWER and our willingness) to
forgive and love even our enemies.

But that doesn't mean we have to 'hang' with them, or spend time with them.

The term 'friends' can mean different things to different people at different times.
Also, there are certain times, we have friends with some and they were there at those times because we needed each other but maybe not today.

-eric

 

[rocklife]

Here are some scriptures to shed some light on the subject for you, all from the New Living Translation...

Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. (Romans 14:1)

The Lord's servants must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone. They must be able to teach effectively and be patient with difficult people. They should gently teach those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will believe the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the Devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. (2 Tim 2:24-26)

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Mat 7:3-5)

So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say, “As surely as I live, says the Lord, every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will confess and give praise to God. Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” (Romans 14:10-13)

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15)

I would balance that with the scriptures Matthew 18:15-17 Dealing With Sin in the Church
15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "

talking things out or writing them down in e-mail/letter is helpful. I do believe sometimes if a "friend" is turning poisonous to someone they should separate, hopefully other christians (hopefully even some family members) could be there for support, don't be unequally yoked. I have some distant relatives who are career criminals basically, I avoid them because they love to break the law with drugs and stealing and violence, I pray for them and have tried talking with them but you can't be friends with everyone, some people like to be evil and we don't have to pamper everybody. Jesus called some people satan's children, I'm sure that wasn't nice to hear

 

[wayfaring man]

Such things need to be weighed.

If continuing the friendship is evidencing a positve, spiritual effect upon the one struggling; then it appears it should continue.

But if continuing the friendship is not helping them, and especially if it is hurting you and /or others - then distancing oneself is appropriate; until or unless something changes which would alter the main influential elements of said frienship.

Also, (with the possible exception of cases of extreme offense), we ought to exercise a measure of patience and forebearance towards each other.

wm

 

[wayfaring man]

As the Muslim saying goes, "Believe in Allah -- but tie up your camel."

Yet this saying is off the mark -

For faith is not about "believe but", it's about "believe and"

Hence the saying ought to be -

Believe in God and tie up your goat, or pony, or camel, etc..

For our works should be done in faith, not done as an alternative to faith (which is what the word "but" implies - wrongly suggesting that belief and sensible actions are somehow separate/contrary to each other).

This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men. <-----> Titus 3:8

 

[kellyc]

have you asked the person in the group who hurt them to apologize? i think by punishing the person who was hurt by not being their friend until they behave as you would like, you are not faciliting peace in the group.

 

[Sketcher]

Eventually, if the situation warrants it, we should cut people off. If that's what it takes to get them to repent, then that's what it takes to get them to repent.

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." - Matthew 18:15-17

"When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord." - 1 Corinthians 9:4-5

"The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him." - 2 Corinthians 2:6-8

 

[forGod1]

If it's effecting your walk with Christ negatively, well, yea, you should avoid this person. Just pray and keep your distance until you notice some change.

 

[BroncosFan83]

Thanks for the advice. I dont have a personal problem with anyone nor was this person affecting my walk with Christ. The whole situation is just annoing and I dont want to do anything that makes it look like I think its ok to avoid people and not get over things.