Do you raise your voices in an argument?

[MERCY@GRACE]

I can say this is not a "problem" for us but not an "issue" for us (if that makes sense) For almost 3yrs my hubby has been working in a job where he *has* to yell at his subordinates (*hint* we are military) and at times this has spilled over into some of our disagreements. I am the one that remains calm and level headed. I can really honestly say that I've only raised my voice one time at him,and it involved our dc (kids weren't involved in yelling,but I yelled b/c of something he did)


If you are a yeller, do you loathe being told to keep your voice down? For some reason telling him to keep his voice down angers him more causing him to get defensive!

If you are the one that gets yelled *at* how does it make you feel?

The reason why I ask is b/c I'd like to see the diff between men and womens responses. I was reading aother thread in this forum where a lady said when her dh yells it can be very intimidating and scarey. I Actually feel the same way sometimes! My dh has NEVER gotten phyisical with me, but yet when he yells there is always that "what if he flies off the handle and goes there" feeling!

Do men feel the same way if their wife is a yeller?
Btw-dh and I have a great relationship, even tho he isn't saved, but this is one area( since NO relationship is perfect) that could use some tweaking!

~In him

 

[LiberatedChick]

My husband and I have never raised our voices to each other. Neither of us see the point in shouting at the other person, we don't think this solves anything and often just makes thing worse. I can imagine that being yelled at would be intimidating. I did hear my parents yelling at each other sometimes and I found it pretty scary....no idea how they felt just that if one yelled the other yelled back. A kind of "If you're going to yell at me I'll yell louder" thing.

 

[E_Powers]

i used to all the time. now ,its still hard but i try to prevent it from happening

 

[Gwenyfur]

When the DH yells at me, I walk away. I go to another room, go to the bathroom, my computer room, the basement and do laundry, or turn the water on in the kitchen. When he yells, he get *no* response from me at *all*.

I completely ignore anything he's yelling...he calms down eventually, and when he starts in a "normal" tone of voice again, I turn and listen "Oh, were you saying something?"

Mind you it's not been an issue for a while now, since he figured out that the louder he yells, the more "deaf" I become in that situation.

It wasn't always so, I used to yell back. Until I figured out it accomplished nothing other than getting my blood pressure up.

But, I also warned him that I would ignore him if he yelled. Told him how it made me feel, and warned him to expect it next time he raised his voice to me....And yes, there were times he'd follow me, that's when I'd go for a drive, or take out the door and go for a walk, or a ride on my bike.

 

[mostie]

I have to laugh, because my SO (who is canadian, im an american) tells me that when we talk and im getting riled because of something, I 'rev up' as he calls it. True enough. But he turns around last nite and tells me how american's are louder than canadians...that when they go to an airport and hear someone yelling, it's usually an american- as he's telling me this, he's yelling it...."americans are louder and more obnoxious than canadians!!!'.....I had to stand there and laugh at the absurdity of what he was saying, as he boomed it- heh heh!

 

[Henaynei]

yes, I yell - was brought up in a yelling home and try as I might - I still do it.

 

[Jenna]

We don't really yell. From time to time, one of us will raise their voice a little when very passionate about something, but not to the point of yelling or screaming. There have been the small number of times when things have gotten that heated, and by that point we were both pretty hysterical and/or insane. lol It's a wonder that we both came out with all of our limbs intact. However, this is BY FAR the exception. Normally we just have conversations. It may even take us a few rounds before we clear the air completely, but it usually gets the job done.

 

[InTheFlame]

I occasionally do. I try not to, and it's generally only to loud speaking volume (rather than yelling) but still something I'm working on.

Hmmm... being given an order during an argument will almost ALWAYS rile me. A gentle request to lower my volume would be received with much more grace by me, I think

 

[okiemommy26]

I do sometimes it depends on what we are fighting about. Usually when I do it is cause when I talk normal its not like he is even listening and it gets on my nerves when he doesn't listen. Its aggravting but yelling isn't any better.

 

[clarkkent79]

Me and my fiance are yellers, it is a normal way of communication for us. ( we are currently seeking help for this) It is horrible and gets worse over time if you don't relize there is a problem. Makes you lose respect for the other person casuing you to yell more. Very damaging to the relationship especialy when bad language enters the argument.

 

[Southern Cross]

I'm not a yeller in arguments with my wife, neither is she. We occasionally raise our voices. I tend to get very quiet. But I can be very cutting, very caculating in my responses, seems like I have an innate ability to identify a weakness and go right for the jugular, which in some ways is way worse than yelling. I've learned how to control that fairly well over the years. God has really helped me to bite my tongue and pick the right battles.

 

[yeshuaskid]

I'm the yeller in our house. I recently stopped taking anti-anxiety meds and without them everything just seems worse. I wish I wasn't a yeller. To make matters worse, my husband just sits there and takes it! It makes me so angry that I've been known to thrown things, on occassion. Not at him! We discuss how to make things better but that is all it really is...discussions but no actions. I think I'm going to go back on the meds and keep praying.

God Bless...

 

[Henaynei]

I find that I yell the most when I am feeling insecure in some way.....

 

[Yitzchak]

I don't think it is a man/woman issue so much. Because I have seen both men and women do it. My ex used to yell and get quite abusive at times in her language and tone. It did bother me a little but I was never intimidated by it. I just found it unpleasant and unnecessary.

I think a lot of it goes back to childhood and learned communication patterns. I think those patterns can be relearned. However, your husband probably gets annoyed because it is not a concious thing on his part.

 

[hygienemom]

We both can sometimes tend to yell...it's mostly out of frustration for me...he begins to talk over me and i end up yelling to be heard. Lots of lessons to be learned here!

 

[suzybeezy]

We both can sometimes tend to yell...it's mostly out of frustration for me...he begins to talk over me and i end up yelling to be heard. Lots of lessons to be learned here!

That's me, I get frustrated because I feel I'm not being heard, so I yell. I know this is my major flaw that God really wants me to work on. It's so difficult for me. I just normal for me. I don't know how to get my point across (or more accurately get my way) without yelling.

 

[lsrichey]

I raise my voice a lot, unaware that I am doing it. I do it when fighting or when I get excited about something.