Do you pray about your future spouse? If so do you pray for anything "unusual"

[leothelioness]

Also, its a really bad example if you guys arn't still together lol.

Just because they are no longer together does not invalidate what he said.

 

[Toro]

I just pray I have the energy left to treat her as she deserves.....

Id hate to give her only half of what Im capable of because Im old and tired.

Id also like to meet her soon, but, its not my timing and I can not speed it up so. I just enjoy the time I am in, heal and better myself. I will meet her somewhere on the journey that lies ahead.

 

[Megablue]

Well, I don't me that she is going to compare us on purpose, I just think its inevitable. She may never speak of it, she may never even recognize she is doing it. Think of it this way, if you shake someones hand, and they give you a weird handshake, you might say to yourself "wow, that was kinda weird", but if have never shaken a hand before, and you shake someones hand, you have nothing to compare it to.

Also, its a really bad example if you guys arn't still together lol.

Best hope for a girl who has never dated then. Best hope for a girl who has never talked to or seen another man. You're going to be compared in a lot of ways.

Also it is a perfectly fine example. Your implying that our marriage ended because she compared me to another man. It didn't. You don't know the reasons and I would thank you not to make judgments about my relationship of which you know nothing about.

 

[anewman1993]

Best hope for a girl who has never dated then. Best hope for a girl who has never talked to or seen another man. You're going to be compared in a lot of ways..

I'm not talking about in day to day life kind of stuff, just sexually. I don't really even understand WHY I need to explain why I want someone who is as unexperinced as me, and held to gods word on the issue. Of course I'm going to be compared to other men she has known in her life, thats fine, but I'm talking about sexually, i don't want to be compared sexually to other men, and I don't want to compare her to other women.

Also it is a perfectly fine example. Your implying that our marriage ended because she compared me to another man. It didn't. You don't know the reasons and I would thank you not to make judgments about my relationship of which you know nothing about.

I wasn't implying that your marriage ended because she compared you to someone else, rathter I was saying I would rather not take advice on the subject of marriage from someone who had serious problems in there (I think its safe to say there were serious problems if you split up). Its not got to do judging you.

 

[Megablue]

I wasn't implying that your marriage ended because she compared you to someone else, rathter I was saying I would rather not take advice on the subject of marriage from someone who had serious problems in there (I think its safe to say there were serious problems if you split up). Its not got to do judging you.

Considering my advice was directly about comparing a husband to a previous man that's exactly what you implied with your comment.

Let's ignore that however and attribute it to an inability to adequately express your meaning. Instead lets focus on what else you said. You would rather not take advice from someone who had a marriage that had serious problems. Firstly my marriage had problems yes. All do. None so serious that we couldn't get over. My marriage was actually very good. What ended it more than anything else was severe mental illness and what happened during that illness. That's really none of your business however. My point is even had my marriage ended because of serious issues, perhaps I had learned something from that experience. Perhaps I had learned what works and what doesn't. Perhaps I had learned what are big issues and what are not. Regardless I definitely have a lot more knowledge and insight into marriage than someone who has never been married.

 

[anewman1993]

Considering my advice was directly about comparing a husband to a previous man that's exactly what you implied with your comment.

Well, it doesn't change anything, its still an issue for me. I'm not going to feel sorry for wanting a marriage the way god intended it.

Let's ignore that however and attribute it to an inability to adequately express your meaning. Instead lets focus on what else you said. You would rather not take advice from someone who had a marriage that had serious problems. Firstly my marriage had problems yes. All do. None so serious that we couldn't get over. My marriage was actually very good. What ended it more than anything else was severe mental illness and what happened during that illness. That's really none of your business however. My point is even had my marriage ended because of serious issues, perhaps I had learned something from that experience. Perhaps I had learned what works and what doesn't. Perhaps I had learned what are big issues and what are not. Regardless I definitely have a lot more knowledge and insight into marriage than someone who has never been married.

I'm sorry that your marriage ended because of mental illness. I assumed you got a divorce because of either someone cheated or you just decided you didn't want to be together anymore. Thats completely my fault for assuming that and I'm sorry if Insulted your or the marriage. I know that every marriage has its own problems, I guess I just want to avoid certain ones in mine that would come from someone not waiting.

 

[m.a.r.X]

A big bosom....er..I mean two...or should I say say "a"... ...... whatever, would be cool

 

[Megablue]

It is good you want a marriage the way God intended. That's something we should all strive for. It is definitely your choice on the virginity issue. My comments more had to do with the comparison issue. For myself I don't think that someone not being a virgin necessarily means the marriage can't be the way God intended. That however is my own theological stance and it's okay that it differs from yours.

 

[anewman1993]

It is good you want a marriage the way God intended. That's something we should all strive for. It is definitely your choice on the virginity issue. My comments more had to do with the comparison issue. For myself I don't think that someone not being a virgin necessarily means the marriage can't be the way God intended. That however is my own theological stance and it's okay that it differs from yours.

Yea, I think marriages that where one or both people arn't a virgin can still work, My own parents marriage is that way (mother was divorced when she married my father, I'm going to go out on a limb and say say she wasn't a virgin, and thats ALL I'm thinking about on the subject, no one wants to think of there parents sexual relations lol). My parents have...decent marriage. I think at this problems most of the problems are from them both being stubborn though.

I just know thats what I want, which kinda throws a huge wrench into the whole dating things, because I have to bring it up earlier enough in the relationship that we don't waste each others time but at the same time far enough into it that we can talk about stuff like that. Though If I'm going to be honest I would be happy if a christian woman would even show interest in me at this point.

A big bosom....er..I mean two...or should I say say "a"... ...... whatever, would be cool

I would be lying if I said there weren't physical traits that I found more attractive than others, but I think I would consider any woman god gave me to be beautiful. The whole "beauty in the eye of the beholder" thing holds pretty true to me as I don't typical fall for women who are "traditionally" considered pretty. But so long as I'm attracted to her, nothing about her looks are going to be a dealbreaker for me, or even high on the want list.

 

[AztecSDSU]

Bro, you were watching 8 hours of inappropriate content a day. I'm not even sure how you'd find time to make inappropriate content viewing into a full time job. But at any rate, it seems you have a lot of hang up's about sex. I'm not a huge believer in therapy in a lot of cases, but in yours talking to someone might help. Besides, if we take Jesus at his word, looking at a woman with lust is the same as actually doing the deed. So on those terms I'd imagine someone with an 8 hour a day inappropriate content habit would be less pure than some hookers.

 

[anewman1993]

Bro, you were watching 8 hours of inappropriate content a day. I'm not even sure how you'd find time to make inappropriate content viewing into a full time job. But at any rate, it seems you have a lot of hang up's about sex. I'm not a huge believer in therapy in a lot of cases, but in yours talking to someone might help. Besides, if we take Jesus at his word, looking at a woman with lust is the same as actually doing the deed. So on those terms I'd imagine someone with an 8 hour a day inappropriate content habit would be less pure than some hookers.

it wasn't 8 hours EVERY day, that was like, the top end. Yea, I actually don't have a lot of hang ups about sex, in fact, pretty much the only hang up I have is I want someone who is a virgin.

In the eyes of god they are the same, but much like with hate being murder, there are consequences for actually following through with it. I just don't want to marry someone who is experienced in that way.

 

[SnowyMacie]

At least you aware of the fact that your chances of actually finding one are slim to none.


I can understand about not wanting to be compared to another guy, but here's the thing about sex I want you to think about: the more you do it, the better it gets.

 

[AztecSDSU]

it wasn't 8 hours EVERY day, that was like, the top end. Yea, I actually don't have a lot of hang ups about sex, in fact, pretty much the only hang up I have is I want someone who is a virgin.

In the eyes of god they are the same, but much like with hate being murder, there are consequences for actually following through with it. I just don't want to marry someone who is experienced in that way.

Watching enough inappropriate content to make Larry Flynt blush would tend to indicate some issues on it's own. Coupled with a virgin obsession, when you yourself are far from chaste, seems a bit off to me. As in you've developed this obsession with virgins because after 8 hour inappropriate content screenings featuring comically large penises you've managed to give yourself crippling inadequacy issues.

 

[anewman1993]

Watching enough inappropriate content to make Larry Flynt blush would tend to indicate some issues on it's own. Coupled with a virgin obsession, when you yourself are far from chaste, seems a bit off to me. As in you've developed this obsession with virgins because after 8 hour inappropriate content screenings featuring comically large penises you've managed to give yourself crippling inadequacy issues.

I actually don't have any qualms about my size .

Ok, let me try to put this a different way. If you look in the bible, look at how the old testament deals with people who have sex outside of marriage. There are generally 2 options, you have to marry them,or you die. Now, REALLY think about that, let it sink in. God considered it so detrimental to a relationship that he didn't say "don't do it again" he said "MARRY THEM", spend the rest of your life with them, they are the person you are going to go to sleep beside every single night, the person you are going to have in your household and who is going to help raise your children. Its THAT important. I don't know the exact reasons god has for that, but he obviously thought it was a pretty freaking important in a relationship.

I'm not saying if you mess up and have sex outside marriage you should marry the person you did it with or be stoned to death, we are forgive and living under grace now. However those reasons that god had , whatever they are, are still valid reasons because its still a sin. If I was to falter and have sex outside marriage then it would no longer be an issue for me, but because I AM a virgin, then I want a virgin. I'm not "obsessed" with it, I don't walk around all day thinking about how much I want a virgin, but it IS something I desire in my wife.

As far as the inappropriate content goes, I would thank you if you didn't attack the sin I struggle with since I've brought it before god asking repentance and am doing my best not to give in to those desires.

Also, look at inappropriate content use this way. Yea, Ive watched inappropriate content, a good bit of it, but I still haven't had sex. Thats like telling someone who has never touched a skateboard in there life but has spent years watching skate videos that he is an experienced skater, no he isn't, he hasn't gotten on a board, has no Idea how to balance on it, and is probably going to fall down a whole lot when he actually starts skating. I'm not minimizing my inappropriate content use, because it IS a sin and a form of adultry, and it IS the same when I stand before god as if I had sex, HOWEVER the consequences in this life of me watching inappropriate content are very different than if I had been sleeping around.

At least you aware of the fact that your chances of actually finding one are slim to none.


I can understand about not wanting to be compared to another guy, but here's the thing about sex I want you to think about: the more you do it, the better it gets.

yes, but I would rather have a woman who sucks at it and develop that "skill" together than have someone who has had sex a hundred times and can give you the most sensual experience ever.

 

[SnowyMacie]

yes, but I would rather have a woman who sucks at it and develop that "skill" together than have someone who has had sex a hundred times and can give you the most sensual experience ever.

I'm not saying it is better to marry someone who isn't a virgin because their experienced. I'm saying that no matter where the two of you start, 5,10,15,20 years after you marry, that other guy won't matter to her.

 

[anewman1993]

I'm not saying it is better to marry someone who isn't a virgin because their experienced. I'm saying that no matter where the two of you start, 5,10,15,20 years after you marry, that other guy won't matter to her.

I know that, and I can't really express WHY I feel that way. I just do.

One thing I meant to add above and I didn't. Because I have struggled with inappropriate content, I would not be concerned if the woman I was interested in also struggled in that way, well, I wouldn't be concerned so long as she acknowledged it was wrong and was trying to stop. In many ways that would almost be a relief because I would know she wouldn't look down on me for that struggle like many people in churches do. However I would like her to be a virgin, I can't explain why, and I feel like I'm doing an absolutely horrible job trying to.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I know that, and I can't really express WHY I feel that way. I just do.

One thing I meant to add above and I didn't. Because I have struggled with inappropriate content, I would not be concerned if the woman I was interested in also struggled in that way, well, I wouldn't be concerned so long as she acknowledged it was wrong and was trying to stop. In many ways that would almost be a relief because I would know she wouldn't look down on me for that struggle like many people in churches do. However I would like her to be a virgin, I can't explain why, and I feel like I'm doing an absolutely horrible job trying to.

I want to try something. When I say "virgin", write down the first three words that come to mind, don't think about them, just react.

 

[ColoradoGrrrl21]

I do, but not for anything unusual. I pray that he is finding success in his career and/or education, that he is making smart choice and being actively discipled in a good Christian community. I pray that he'll have the courage to pursue my heart and not expect me to take the lead. And, of course, I pray that I'll know when I meet him and that he'll know I'm the one quickly too.

 

[AztecSDSU]

I actually don't have any qualms about my size .

Ok, let me try to put this a different way. If you look in the bible, look at how the old testament deals with people who have sex outside of marriage. There are generally 2 options, you have to marry them,or you die. Now, REALLY think about that, let it sink in. God considered it so detrimental to a relationship that he didn't say "don't do it again" he said "MARRY THEM", spend the rest of your life with them, they are the person you are going to go to sleep beside every single night, the person you are going to have in your household and who is going to help raise your children. Its THAT important. I don't know the exact reasons god has for that, but he obviously thought it was a pretty freaking important in a relationship.

Actually no, it was more a of a property crime issue and you could buy your way out of it. Divorce was also option, and not exactly a difficult one. Also, Jews being polygamous and all it certainly didn't mean you were only going to be sleeping with that one for the rest of your life. Just until you could put enough money together to get yourself another one.

As far as the inappropriate content goes, I would thank you if you didn't attack the sin I struggle with since I've brought it before god asking repentance and am doing my best not to give in to those desires.

So in other words you want something extended to you that you don't extend to other people?

Also, look at inappropriate content use this way. Yea, Ive watched inappropriate content, a good bit of it, but I still haven't had sex. Thats like telling someone who has never touched a skateboard in there life but has spent years watching skate videos that he is an experienced skater, no he isn't, he hasn't gotten on a board, has no Idea how to balance on it, and is probably going to fall down a whole lot when he actually starts skating. I'm not minimizing my inappropriate content use, because it IS a sin and a form of adultry, and it IS the same when I stand before god as if I had sex, HOWEVER the consequences in this life of me watching inappropriate content are very different than if I had been sleeping around.

Yeah, I suppose they are. I think actually having normal sex is a lot less damaging than getting all twisted up watching freaky nonsense on the internet.

 

[anewman1993]

So in other words you want something extended to you that you don't extend to other people?

I didn't say that at all. I'm not harping on people arn't virgin, I mean most of my friends arn't man. I wouldn't harp on a woman who hasn't either, that doesn't mean I want to marry her.

Yeah, I suppose they are. I think actually having normal sex is a lot less damaging than getting all twisted up watching freaky nonsense on the internet.

Your assuming I watched the super weird stuff. I won't deny that near the end it started getting into some weird stuff, but I KNOW its weird, I know its not normal at all and I know its nothing remotly related to real sex. There is a BIG difference in doing something and watching other people do something.

I want to try something. When I say "virgin", write down the first three words that come to mind, don't think about them, just react.

"hasn't" "had" "sex".

I'm not really sure what your looking for here, You probably though I would have some list of tributes or something but thats bull. I know that it doesn't change a persons character, doesn't make them better or worse, but that doesn't change the fact I want that. Honestly, Im getting REALLY sick of you people, you can't seem to accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with wanting a wife who is also a virgin. Sorry, I mean biblically, its obviously pretty freaking important, so , you know, I don't care what you say. You can stand there and berate me all you want, because that doesn't change the fact, thats what I want, I'm sure you have dealbreakers that are equally weird, but guess what, we have those for a reason.