discussion on loving others when it is difficult

[MoNiCa4316]

How do you keep on loving someone when it's hard.

I thought this would make a useful discussion

I have all to learn here btw..

But I believe this is something that Christ would have us do...after all, He does this...

For example...how do you not stop loving someone if they've hurt you, and forgive them right away? Or if not right away (God knows we are weak..) at least soon, before we fall into anger and resentment? hmm.. I know that we should remember how God has loved us...well I guess the trick is always remembering that. Once we feel hurt...we tend to forget all else...at least I do, dunno about you.. it's really something we have to use our free will for. In my life...this is a rather trivial example...but sometimes (not on these forums but in everyday conversations) I say something that really means a lot to me, but get laughed at. (not like I've said a joke, but like I said something real dumb). This is hard for me to deal with, and I tend to either say something back, or just walk away. I'm trying to figure out how God would have me react.... or how do you love a person who has betrayed you, or done something really bad against you? I guess forgiveness is the starting point here.

Sometimes it's a real effort to control emotions

and of course we need God to help us here...to give us strength...
and we need His love in us, poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit...

 

[AMDG]

There are different types of love, and I think we are called to the agape love. It is not an emotion. It is an act of will and it is simply wanting the best for the other person. (And even if a person hurts us, we can be capable of at least sincerely praying for that person and IMO that is an act of love since it shows that we are "wanting the best" for that person.)

 

[MoNiCa4316]

There are different types of love, and I think we are called to the agape love. It is not an emotion. It is an act of will and it is simply wanting the best for the other person. (And even if a person hurts us, we can be capable of at least sincerely praying for that person and IMO that is an act of love since it shows that we are "wanting the best" for that person.)

That is true... do you think that when a person hurts us, we must forgive them in order to truly love them? If we hold anything against them then we are unable to love...

 

[AMDG]

That is true... do you think that when a person hurts us, we must forgive them in order to truly love them? If we hold anything against them then we are unable to love...

No, IMO love (wanting their best) comes first. It is an act of will. Forgiveness (not necessarily reconciliation--sometimes that isn't possible) is also an act of will and sometimes it takes time but true love depends on our wanting the person's best (a good relationship with God) and not something built on emotions that can run hot or cold depending on how we are treated.

 

[helenofbritain]

That is true... do you think that when a person hurts us, we must forgive them in order to truly love them? If we hold anything against them then we are unable to love...

I think "unable to love" may be over stating it a bit...

 

[isabella1]

IMO Love is a choice. I also have a book titled "Love is a Choice". I will try to dig it out.

 

[litebrite]

I think too often people think they have to be friends with everyone, but that's not the case. As long as there is respect for that persons life, for their soul, I think you don't need to go farther than that. At least, that's how I live my life, there are certain people who just aren't healthy relationships to have. We have to learn to discern between who is a positive loving influence in our lives and who brings us down. All we can do is pray for them.

 

[Lady Bug]

Yes I had wondered what love means in respect to others who hate us or hurt us, versus love in respect to people we actually have the feelings of love for.

For example if you alienate (unintentionally) from a friend because you are going into Catholicism, you lose feelings for the friend somehow. At least I do. Sometimes the situation feels like there's no choice but to run the risk of the friend thinking you're too full of pride and arrogance to discuss religion anymore...

I have no feelings of "love" for this friend anymore. How am I supposed to love a person with whom I absolutely feel no connection anymore?

 

[benedictaoo]

You make up your mind and choose to love them and you stop waffling about it and just do it.

The hurt, bad emotions, feelings, all those things will be there and now you have a gift-- something to bring to the Lord, something to suffer on behalf of that person and all ppl.

 

[Davidnic]

In my one prayer book there is are prayers for "loving someone when it is hard" and "getting along with a difficult co-worker"

I always thought they were wisely included.

 

[benedictaoo]

LadyBug, Loving your enemies is not about feeling anything for them.. it's just wishing them no ill will, no revenge, not trails to befall them, no catch back for hurting you... it's letting go of the eye for an eye mentality.

You donlt ever have to be around the person again, but when you do think of them, wish them well.

 

[Davidnic]

There is a person I know at work. Kind of a jerk. Tries to get the students in trouble. Selfish. Can be mean.

There are good qualities too. And reasons for the bad. But in general, it is difficult. I run a constant struggle of standing up for what is right and trying to make sure people get along. The person sometimes ends up hurting others emotionally.

I find the person...difficult to like. I mentioned that once to my supervisor. She said, "Not the kind of person you'd take a bullet for right?"

I said, "Yes I would. That's not the issue. The issue is liking them, not loving them."

She found it amazing that anyone would think you could honestly say that you'd take a bullet for someone who you didn't like or that love did not require liking them.

It is about loving them. Looking for the good in a person while not condoning the bad. Desiring the best for them, even when we want to be petty. In everyone there is good, they have a purpose and are in God's image. They may have bad qualities or be annoying or irritating...but sometimes that is because they can not see the good in themselves or for reasons we can't see. And often they hurt us.

Emotions are so hard to reign in sometimes. If we watch for the small moments when we are petty and wish ill...we will move forward. When that happens...pray.

Like my sig says:

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.
- C.S. Lewis, Answers to Questions on Christianity

 

[Tigg]

I think too often people think they have to be friends with everyone, but that's not the case. As long as there is respect for that persons life, for their soul, I think you don't need to go farther than that. At least, that's how I live my life, there are certain people who just aren't healthy relationships to have. We have to learn to discern between who is a positive loving influence in our lives and who brings us down. All we can do is pray for them.

Hi

Nice post. I tried praying for two different people that I did not like at all. One, no one liked in my whole neighborhood for honest reasons. I put this scripture to the test.

"44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." -Matt 4:44-48 NASB

http://bible.cc/matthew/5-44.htm

So I started praying for God to do good, through gritted teeth at first. Over time, my prayer was better and no gritted teeth. I found he changed and big surprise, so did I. The gentleman is well liked by the whole neighborhood now. This prayer to pray for those...does work. God blessed us both. Both the one I disliked and me too. The other person, turned out the same good results.

You are right. Pray for them.

-Peace-

 

[krstlros]

Recently, instead of my praying for the person, I've turned to ask God to pray for me and help me deal with the situation. Because, in actuality, and it has finally sunk in after years and years of hearing it, the only person I can change is myself.

That being said: Included in the prayer for God's help and assistance, is to pray for the person who hurt me that God may also bless them.

If we are to live Jesus' true message of love and forgiveness, we must not only ask blessings for ourselves, but also for those who offend and hurt us as well.

BTW, I'm still working on it.

 

[HisKid1973]

Amen Sis..Thanks for sharing...I've had the same type of experience...You learn to focus on how Jesus views it and not how we view it..

 

[benedictaoo]

There is a person I know at work. Kind of a jerk. Tries to get the students in trouble. Selfish. Can be mean.

There are good qualities too. And reasons for the bad. But in general, it is difficult. I run a constant struggle of standing up for what is right and trying to make sure people get along. The person sometimes ends up hurting others emotionally.

I find the person...difficult to like. I mentioned that once to my supervisor. She said, "Not the kind of person you'd take a bullet for right?"

I said, "Yes I would. That's not the issue. The issue is liking them, not loving them."

She found it amazing that anyone would think you could honestly say that you'd take a bullet for someone who you didn't like or that love did not require liking them.

It is about loving them. Looking for the good in a person while not condoning the bad. Desiring the best for them, even when we want to be petty. In everyone there is good, they have a purpose and are in God's image. They may have bad qualities or be annoying or irritating...but sometimes that is because they can not see the good in themselves or for reasons we can't see. And often they hurt us.

Emotions are so hard to reign in sometimes. If we watch for the small moments when we are petty and wish ill...we will move forward. When that happens...pray.

Like my sig says:

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.
- C.S. Lewis, Answers to Questions on Christianity

Amen. Liking ppl, being willing to be around them is hard.. loving them is easy.

 

[Michie]

LadyBug, Loving your enemies is not about feeling anything for them.. it's just wishing them no ill will, no revenge, not trails to befall them, no catch back for hurting you... it's letting go of the eye for an eye mentality.

You donlt ever have to be around the person again, but when you do think of them, wish them well.

Exactly.

 

[WarriorAngel]

How do you keep on loving someone when it's hard....

Well, what i do is say to myself...
'Ok, so there is their fault. Then i review my faults....
And say to myself...
So should i expect ppl to hate me because of these faults?
I hope not.
So i put myself in their shoes and say..'Do they want to be hated for this fault..?'
The answer is no.
Do they want to be loved in spite of them? Yep.

And then i pray...



Tain't easy, is it?

 

[Rebekka]

subscribing. I struggle with this.

 

[JoabAnias]

How do you keep on loving someone when it's hard....

By a Free Will choice and decision because we have heard the truth from Jesus and believe it.

Mat 5:44 but I say to you, Love your enemies; bless those cursing you, do well to those hating you; and pray for those abusing and persecuting you,

Mat 5:45 so that you may become sons of your Father in Heaven. Because He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and unjust.

Mat 5:46 For if you love those loving you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same?

Mat 5:47 And if you only greet your brothers, what exceptional thing do you do? Do not the tax-collectors do so?

Mat 6:2 Therefore, when you do merciful deeds, do not trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be glorified by men. Truly I say to you, They have their reward.

Mat 6:5 And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the open streets so that they may be seen of men. Truly I say to you, They have their reward.

Mat 22:39 And the second is like it: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Lev. 19:18

Mat 22:40 On these two commandments all the Law and the Prophets hang.

Luk 6:27 But I say to you, Those hearing: Love the ones hostile to you, do good to those hating you,

Luk 6:28 bless those cursing you and pray for those insulting you.

Luk 6:32 And if you love those who love you, what thanks is there to you? For even sinners love those who love them.


etc etc etc....


Peace.