depression and the church

[Musician4Jesus]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

 

[eleos1954]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

What is it that people can do to help people with mental illness?

Specifically, what can people do to help people such as yourself?

 

[Bishoftu]

Agree.

Sadly Most people don’t understand mental illness and some will even accuse sufferers of not being “right with God”.

Of course, they wouldn’t treat those with an obvious physical illness in the same way.

Too much judgement when it comes to mental illness and neurological differences too.

 

[Basil the Great]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

I share your concerns and thank you for perhaps the best post that I have seen here all month long. There is no one cure for depression that helps everyone. What helps the first person may do nothing for the second in line. As for the three approaches you listed, #2 is perhaps the best. However, it only goes so far in providing relief. The best approach that I have found is to go out of your way to help others in need. One can volunteer at a local hospital or food pantry or homeless shelter or even do chores for a disabled or elderly neighbor. If none of these are valid options, one can still donate a few dollars on a regular basis to feed the hungry. There are many worthy Christian charities that specialize in relief assistance. Now, there does appear to be a depression gene that we can inherit. For people in this category, they may have to go on medication. I had a friend years ago that was one of them. There are different books that might provide some benefit and they explain many different methods of fighting depression.

As for the church folks, I am not sure what we can get them to do to be more understanding of the problem. Maybe your thread will help a little?

 

[Romans 8]

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

Great Post!! I totally agree. Let me ask you a question: What do you think Jesus' role is in this? Do you believe he can heal you? Because in my opinion, this should be the goal of the church.

I believe Jesus can heal anything, just like in the days of Acts. I don't believe in every healing Pastor out there as many are fake, but Jesus can heal you through some of these pastors who pray for you.

I joined one of the only churches in my city which believe in healing and spiritual gifts but to my disappointment, they have support group meetups for anxiety and depression. It's my opinion that these meeting should be prayer meetings instead which ask for healing from Jesus. "Support" groups mean just that. They are supporting the anxiety and depression. We need faith that Jesus can heal us!

M4J: Do you attend a church where people can pray for you? Are there churches in your area that believe in divine healing?

 

[seeking.IAM]

Posted in wrong thread. Sorry.

 

[Kaon]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

Your depression could be a spiritual barometer for the age in which you live, it could be an oppression, your diet, or it could be something brought about to convict you. Depression always has a constructive purpose, acting like a distress signal for our mind to examine itself.

It is definitely something that is taboo in the Christian religion. However, looking at the history of the patriarchs, most all of them were depressed for a long time. We get to benefit from their trials because through them the Most High God was always with them - refining their thinking so that they would be spiritual-looking as opposed to carnal.

It isn't easy, and it just doesn't go away by thinking happy thoughts, volunteering, riding a bike, sunshine or doing things for others. Those things help, but it band-aids the root of the problem. If it isn't about nutrition, then it is a spiritual opportunity to get close to your Father. Tell Him exactly how you feel - just like you told us (respectfully). Tell Him you are tired of hearing cliches about how to be better, and ask Him for His guidance on what to do with the life He has given you. Then, believe He will answer you.

The "depression" may not go away, because it is a response to something that is off. And, this entire world is off. The best thing to do is to take the opportunity to have conversation with the Most High God, as He is close to those who are low in spirit.

 

[Heavenhome]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

I understand exactly what you are saying and totally agree, I suffer the same thing, chronic and have done for forty two years (am 60 now).

No matter what is "said", many times I have felt on the outside but am so thankful to God that I am (as others) precious in His sight and He knows every single thing about me, how I feel, my past, my failings etc and still holds me in the palm of His hand.

Thank you for your posting and may God bless you dear one.

 

[bèlla]

I am uncertain what you desire. Perhaps you can clarify for us?

I've walked this out with an old friend. We met in my mid-20's and hit it off immediately. She had good days and bad days. But our bond enabled me to bear it because I loved her. She received a lot of time and support. However, that was borne out of our connection. We weren't strangers.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I found one source of depression when I was at a church was some invisible force separating me from the intimate contact with God's presence. A definite litmus test for a congregation for sure. If I was a better person or in a closer walk with God before I started attending, then it's probably not the place God wants me to be.

 

[Yusuphhai]

Distract attention is a good way. I fall into depression every day, it really helps. Visible and invisible church really helps distract attention, let them feel we are serving God and others in an amazing way, which is full of meaning.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

What is it that people can do to help people with mental illness?

Specifically, what can people do to help people such as yourself?

First off (and I'm not saying that's what you're thinking/assuming, I'm just clarifying) I don't expect somebody who doesn't struggle with depression at all to fully understand it; however that's not what I'm asking Christians at my church to do.

The only thing I ask is that people make the effort to attempt to understand it; when all they do is offer oversimplified solutions like the ones I alluded to in my initial post, they are not even TRYING to do that.

Quit trying to fix somebody who has depression, which is what many Christians are OBSESSED with doing. Most of the time somebody who has depression doesn't want somebody to try and fix them; to me when somebody does that (believer or non-believer) even if they're not trying to imply that it's basically saying 'because you have depression (or some other mental illness) that makes you inferior'. The thing a person who has depression or mental illness wants is to be supported.

The last time I tried bringing this up at my small group, the response was 'why don't you (me) try reaching out to us' To me that's the biggest problem, me doing all the work from a communication standpoint. I was so tempted to yell back in response (no I didn't do that) No, why don't you try getting off your ass and YOU try initiating contact first?! I don't have an issue initiating contact in and of itself; that's not the issue I have. It's when I am ALWAYS doing it and it's never reciprocated that angers and hurts me, and the reality is this has been happening with most Christian friendships I've made. If I went to a new church I believe the same thing that is happening with what I've described at the church I'm currently going to would just happen at a new church I tried going to. This is because this issue isn't exclusive to my church. It's an issue that is a huge problem with mainstream Christianity in general with western Churches (specifically the United States, but I think other societies where the emphasis is on the individual and extrovert personality is what is prized applies too).

However then because I've basically become sick of the loneliness, sick of the lack of support, and sick of the stigma then have the audacity to express such exasperation I get smudged/judged and/or Christians get aggravated with me in response because I'm 'not responding appropriately'.

Excuse me for being human! I'm not God and my patience is limited and I have my breaking point! I have been with this treatment for more than a decade and I'm sick of it; however this frustration isn't merely a result of me being treated this way. It's because this has been an issue and continues to be an issue and nobody is even attempting to address it nor are they attempting to make headway with it.

It seems like it's not even seen as a problem which makes me so angry; if IT is seen as a problem and IS acknowledged, it's just swept under the rug because it's not pleasant to deal with.

Most people who struggle with depression struggle with crushing loneliness. I spend most of the time in my own life by myself and it sucks. It's like I mentioned previously I am accepted, but I don't really feel accepted; people at my church SAY I'm included but I don't feel included at all . The reason I feel this way is because outside of church on Sundays and small group (which is during the week) if I didn't go to either I'd never see anybody from my small group in real life. They're too busy with their own lives to care to bother initiating contact. They never invite me out to do anything outside of church-oriented stuff (i.e. Bible study).

The thing that angers me the most about all this I've felt like an outsider my entire life. I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in. I thought when I became a Christian and attended church that I'd finally find my niche, but that hasn't happened. I can deal with this type of treatment from people of the secular world, but when I get treated like this by Christians who are claiming to 'love and care about me' but never initiate contact and it's taboo to talk about something I struggle with on a daily basis, then it makes my blood boil and adds insult to injury.

The other thing that I've seen Christians suggest is why don't you (me) try 'starting a depression support group'. First off I am only one person; it's going to take more than one person (and God, not in that order) in order to make serious headway with improving this. Second what good would it do when the majority of Christians aren't taking this issue seriously? Progress isn't going to be made with an issue/problem until people see it as problem; you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place, or worse you acknowledge it's a problem but do nothing to try and improve it.

 

[eleos1954]

First off (and I'm not saying that's what you're thinking/assuming, I'm just clarifying) I don't expect somebody who doesn't struggle with depression at all to fully understand it; however that's not what I'm asking Christians at my church to do.

The only thing I ask is that people make the effort to attempt to understand it; when all they do is offer oversimplified solutions like the ones I alluded to in my initial post, they are not even TRYING to do that.

Quit trying to fix somebody who has depression, which is what many Christians are OBSESSED with doing. Most of the time somebody who has depression doesn't want somebody to try and fix them; to me when somebody does that (believer or non-believer) even if they're not trying to imply that it's basically saying 'because you have depression (or some other mental illness) that makes you inferior'. The thing a person who has depression or mental illness wants is to be supported.

The last time I tried bringing this up at my small group, the response was 'why don't you (me) try reaching out to us' To me that's the biggest problem, me doing all the work from a communication standpoint. I was so tempted to yell back in response (no I didn't do that) No, why don't you try getting off your ass and YOU try initiating contact first?!

However then because I've basically become sick of the loneliness, sick of the lack of support, and sick of the stigma then have the audacity to express such exasperation I get smudged/judged and/or Christians get aggravated with me in response because I'm 'not responding appropriately'.

Excuse me for being human! I'm not God and my patience is limited and I have my breaking point! I have been with this treatment for more than a decade and I'm sick of it; however this frustration isn't merely a result of me being treated this way. It's because this has been an issue and continues to be an issue and nobody is even attempting to address it nor are they attempting to make headway with it.

It seems like it's not even seen as a problem which makes me so angry; if IT is seen as a problem and IS acknowledged, it's just swept under the rug because it's not pleasant to deal with.

Most people who struggle with depression struggle with crushing loneliness. I spend most of the time in my own life by myself and it sucks. It's like I mentioned previously I am accepted, but I don't really feel accepted; people at my church SAY I'm included but I don't feel included at all . The reason I feel this way is because outside of church on Sundays and small group (which is during the week) if I didn't go to either I'd never see anybody from my small group in real life. They're too busy with their own lives to care to bother initiating contact. They never invite me out to do anything outside of church-oriented stuff (i.e. Bible study).

The thing that angers me the most about all this I've felt like an outsider my entire life. I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in. I thought when I became a Christian and attended church that I'd finally find my niche, but that hasn't happened. I can deal with this type of treatment from people of the secular world, but when I get treated like this by Christians who are claiming to 'love and care about me' but never initiate contact and it's taboo to talk about something I struggle with on a daily basis, then it makes my blood boil and adds insult to injury.

The other thing that I've seen Christians suggest is why don't you (me) try 'starting a depression support group'. First off I am only one person; it's going to take more than one person (and God, not in that order) in order to make serious headway with improving this. Second what good would it do when the majority of Christians aren't taking this issue seriously? Progress isn't going to be made with an issue/problem until people see it as problem; you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place, or worse you acknowledge it's a problem but do nothing to try and improve it.

Thank you very much for your response, and a very honest one ... and that is a good thing.

"you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place, or worse you acknowledge it's a problem but do nothing to try and improve it."

Well, giving them the benefit of doubt, I say likely is ...
"you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place"

likely they just aren't thinking about it.

so ... how does one make them think about it?

Loneliness fuels depression. Have you talked with your pastor privately about your feelings about these things in regard to the congregation/church? Sounds like to me the pastor needs some heartfelt and bold sermons on loneliness, fellowship and friendship, charity and compassion outside of scheduled church and bible studies (church members) and how important the congregation (church family) to be proactive about it.

Have you thought about yourself going and doing some charity work outside of the church? Often when we help others there is a blessing that comes along with it.

I'd say if it's brought to mind by the pastor and nothing changes ... then yeah it would seem they just don't care and then possibly seek out a different church.

 

[SouthernBlessedOne]

Like others have said, I too know depression. Too well. Since I was a teen (now 40). I still struggle with it as it hits me certain days, just out of the blue. I still feel "left out" alot of times, even at church. You are right, it shouldn't be that way in church among brothers and sisters in Christ, but I really think it's a matter of not understanding this disease. I also suffer from social anxiety, so that makes it even harder for me to be active in the church. Not sure if this is how you feel also, but I did read a book recently that helped me look at my conditions in a different light. "Introverts in the Church"
We all have a role in the church. I believe God can use our individual struggles to reach those people who might be going through similar hardships that others may not understand. Not everyone wants to open up to people who are overly peppy and extroverted, but might feel more comfortable sharing one on one with a more reserved person. I have accepted this as a calling for me. I always look for others who may look left out and just go talk to them. Being that I know how it feels, it allows us to be compassionate to what they feel. I have made peace with not forcing myself to be or act like someone I am not, but just doing the little things as God presents them to me. I hope you can find your path and keep faith.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Thank you very much for your response, and a very honest one ... and that is a good thing.

"you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place, or worse you acknowledge it's a problem but do nothing to try and improve it."

Well, giving them the benefit of doubt, I say likely is ...
"you can't make progress with a problem if you don't even see it as a problem in the first place"

likely they just aren't thinking about it.

so ... how does one make them think about it?

Loneliness fuels depression. Have you talked with your pastor privately about your feelings about these things in regard to the congregation/church? Sounds like to me the pastor needs some heartfelt and bold sermons on loneliness, fellowship and friendship, charity and compassion outside of scheduled church and bible studies (church members) and how important the congregation (church family) to be proactive about it.

No I haven't brought this up with my pastor by speaking with him privately about it. The reason I haven't brought it up to him, is because I see no point in doing so. People with depression and mental illness aren't the priority in mainstream Christian culture, families are, my church is no different in regards to this.

It's also not just about struggling with depression; that's bad enough as it's not an issue that's taken seriously. What sucks even more is when you're an older single in the church. This article pretty much sums up how I feel and the struggles I face being an older single.

The Greatest Enemy of Single Christians

My pastor has made it quite clear who the priority, emphasis and focus is on in my church, and the reality is that people with mental problems/depression isn't the focus. It's not seen as important; I think if it WAS seen as important, a sermon would be preached addressing the issues people who face depression battle with on a daily basis; and I don't just mean a part of the sermon being focused on that, I mean an entire sermon (an entire series would be better in all honesty) and that HAS NOT HAPPENED.

I see no point in trying to go to a different church; because again this issue isn't exclusive just to my church, it's an issue that is a problem with mainstream Christianity in america in general.

These are some snippets from an article that I found online:

Yet this is what many are currently experiencing. And I am not speaking hypothetically; I personally know multiple single believers who suffer day in and day out in almost utter isolation. They go to church and community group. They hope that these regularly scheduled events will be places they can find people to develop outside-of-the-church-walls friendship with. But no one ever seems interested in that kind of thing.

I

 

[eleos1954]

Loneliness fuels depression. Have you talked with your pastor privately about your feelings about these things in regard to the congregation/church? Sounds like to me the pastor needs some heartfelt and bold sermons on loneliness, fellowship and friendship, charity and compassion outside of scheduled church and bible studies (church members) and how important the congregation (church family) to be proactive about it.

No I haven't brought this up with my pastor by speaking with him privately about it. The reason I haven't brought it up to him, is because I see no point in doing so. People with depression and mental illness aren't the priority in mainstream Christian culture, families are, my church is no different in regards to this.

It's also not just about struggling with depression; that's bad enough as it's not an issue that's taken seriously. What sucks even more is when you're an older single in the church. This article pretty much sums up how I feel and the struggles I face being an older single.

The Greatest Enemy of Single Christians

My pastor has made it quite clear who the priority, emphasis and focus is on in my church, and the reality is that people with mental problems/depression isn't the focus. It's not seen as important; I think if it WAS seen as important, a sermon would be preached addressing the issues people who face depression battle with on a daily basis; and I don't just mean a part of the sermon being focused on that, I mean an entire sermon (an entire series would be better in all honesty) and that HAS NOT HAPPENED.

I see no point in trying to go to a different church; because again this issue isn't exclusive just to my church, it's an issue that is a problem with mainstream Christianity in america in general.

These are some snippets from an article that I found online:

Yet this is what many are currently experiencing. And I am not speaking hypothetically; I personally know multiple single believers who suffer day in and day out in almost utter isolation. They go to church and community group. They hope that these regularly scheduled events will be places they can find people to develop outside-of-the-church-walls friendship with. But no one ever seems interested in that kind of thing.

I

Hello ... I went and read that article and it is an excellent article ... I'm prayerful those here in CF will go read and heed it, especially those in a position of leadership in a church.

While reading the article and afterwards, I found myself thinking about Jesus and pondering some questions .... Did Jesus have any real friends? Not really. Did He feel isolated? Absolutely.

This verse immediately came to mind.

Matthew 27:46
King James Bible
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

He felt totally isolated ... totally ... even from His own father.

Jesus can empathize with the pain of loneliness because he experienced it.

How glorious it must have been for Him when He returned to heaven. ... I also very much look forward to that day and how glorious it's going to be!

In the meantime we are in this pathetic world. I guess that's why He says to keep focused on the things above.

Colossians 3
King James Bible
Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

I remind myself of this daily. That and be kind. Be kind to everybody ... even if they are not kind to you.

It is amazing to me how mankind has been at odds with one another since the fall and continuously had and have all this strife. The answer is so simple .... yet we are incapable of accomplishing it.

Be kind to one another. Seems pretty simple ... right?

Was thinking about your situation ... have you done any outside charity work? I mean outside of your church charity work? Perhaps exposure still being with like minded people but not necessarily with those within your immediate "church" family? I know church is supposed to be your family ... perhaps look for an extended family and serving the Lord as well? Reach out to others ... just as Jesus reaches out to us, they don't have to be church members.

I don't attend church, quite honestly for many of the reasons you stated and other reasons ... but I do love the Lord and study His word, and know how much He loves me and that is sufficient for me.

May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you and hold you close. Amen.

 

[SouthernBlessedOne]

It is amazing to me how mankind has been at odds with one another since the fall and continuously had and have all this strife. The answer is so simple .... yet we are incapable of accomplishing it.

Be kind to one another. Seems pretty simple ... right?

Amen! I agree with this 100%. We have a tendency to over complicate things sometimes. Jesus came to serve and told us likewise to serve one another. If we all follow His example and serve one another through love, just imagine how it could impact the world around us.

 

[heartsofjoy2us]

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

 

[heartsofjoy2us]

Dear Musician4jesus: I struggle with anxiety and depression and lack of friendship. Would you like to become prayer partners and share our struggles without over complaining, in addition share some of the good things that happen in each and every day? ️️️

I became a Christian since I was 17 (am 35 now) and have for the most part, attended church regularly since I became a Christian (this includes small group, i.e. Bible study; by small group I don't mean you go on Sundays, then go to the regular service in the sanctuary, but small groups that are scheduled during the week).

I speak from personal experience with what I'm about to say. There are certain groups of people that are overlooked/forgotten in the church and the two biggest that come to mind are:

1.Those with mental illnesses (specifically depression).

2.Adults with mental impairments/chronic disabilities (which although can correlate with mental illness are a separate issue).

This frustrates me to no end because mental illness is a huge problem in western society, and lots of people suffer from depression. As a result, it's something that clearly needs to be addressed. No I'm not saying that the church should be counselors/therapists as many who attend church aren't qualified to do that. However, depression is manageable and easier to deal with if you have a support system. You can't talk about depression openly and you receive stigma (in my experience, indirectly). If you can't talk about your depression openly that is NOT being supportive.

The common mantra with mainstream Christianity in western cultures is 'we love and accept you as you are' but quite frankly I think that's a load of bull. You're accepted and included if you are the status quo (middle class, in a happy and stable marriage raising a family and working. If you don't fit this profile, intentional or not you fall through the cracks.

It's true that people with depression are accepted, but I seriously don't feel included. I've tried addressing my depression to people my small group and the typical reaction is this:

1.Be joyful
2.Have an attitude of gratitude/be thankful
3.Be optimistic

I am sick of having this shoved down my throat. It's an oversimplified solution that quite frankly doesn't work. I'm not denying that doing the above things suggested help to alleviate depression, but it doesn't make depression go away. They have become frustrated that I keep bringing it up, but I have become frustrated with them, because the depression I have is CHRONIC. I've dealt with it half my life and unless God chooses to heal me of it, I'm going to have it the rest of my life. It's not being negative, self-defeatist etc it's the reality of the form of depression I have. Depression varies in severity and duration; some is mild and comes and goes. Other types are more severe and are chronic. The type I have is called dysthymia, which is less severe in comparison to other types of depression, but is chronic.

 

[Heavenhome]

Dear Musician4jesus: I struggle with anxiety and depression and lack of friendship. Would you like to become prayer partners and share our struggles without over complaining, in addition share some of the good things that happen in each and every day? ️️️

Hello, I've just been reading this thread and hope that musician4jesus sees this.
That is a lovely offer you have
God bless you. PS I love your cat