Dealig with the silence?

[ynotstone]

I am a 51 year old man who had a beautiful marriage of 18 years, 2 beautiful children, and in just 40 days I went from happily married to hell. On January 27th 2023 God needed my wife to make heaven a better place. For me the hardest thing about being a widower is the silence. It is coming up on one year and I am grieving more now than on February 11th. I am disabled and extremely lost. How do y'all deal with the greif and silence. Remember that there is nothing bigger than the little things. I miss my wife. God bless you and your family. Merry Christmas .

 

[mourningdove~]

I became a widow (for the second time in my life), in April.
So I understand what you mean, about the silence.

For me, my pets help alot with the otherwise emptiness and silence in the house.

When I was widowed the first time, I did not have any pets. I could barely stand to be in the house alone.
I spent hours in bookstores and places like Walmart, just avoiding going home to the empty house.
Within a couple months, I did get a cat, and then another, a few months later.
It helped, to bring new life into the house.

This time, my husband was ill for a long time.
We already had pets, and I knew in some way that they would be helpful to me after he was gone.
They have been, and are.

The pets provide some companionship, and yes, I do 'talk' to them some! (3 of them even 'meow' back!)
And on hard days, having them reminds me that I must get up and out of bed and feed and take care of them.
They are dependent on me. Sometimes I need that responsible 'push', to get moving.
And it helps.

The first time I was widowed, I did find the 2nd year to be harder than the first.
I think it may be because the reality and permanence of the loss can hit alittle harder in the 2nd year.
Much of my first year was sort of lived out in abit of an emotional fog, where one day sort of blended into the next.
I am finding that to be true this time, also. Much of the past 7 months I don't remember well.
But with time, my mind is clearing ... my emotions are stabilizing.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I do understand the pain, and especially when the marriage was a good one.


Having gone thru widowhood before, I can tell you ... promise you ... that God will get you through this.
He really will.

My relationship with God changed greatly, in a very good way, when I became a widow.
I learned I could trust Him to always 'be there' for me ... especially in those quiet and lonely times.

Reading the Bible, listening to praise music, listening to good preachers on tv, too ... those things helped me alot.
And of course, 'talking' (praying) with God.

Being around other Christian people can be very helpful, too.
If your disability keeps you homebound often, places like Christian Forums can be 'a helpful distraction' from the silence.

Prayers for you, 'Stone'. Keep trusting God, and know that He will get you thru this.
Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.

God bless.

p.s.
Have you heard of a grief recovery program called "GriefShare"?
They regularly meet locally in many places, but I see that they also have groups that meet online ... using Zoom.
If interested, you can learn more at:

Need Help Dealing with Grief? - GriefShare

GriefShare is a grief recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of losing a loved one.

www.griefshare.org

To find online groups, select "Find a Group", and then for Location Type select "Online".

I've been to Griefshare and found it to be informative, and helpful.
Lots of nice, understanding people in the program, too ...

 

[Unqualified]

Buck up old bean! Turn on YouTube and watch preachers. It’s still not a year you have your right to grieve. Pray. Turn to life.

 

[eleos1954]

I am a 51 year old man who had a beautiful marriage of 18 years, 2 beautiful children, and in just 40 days I went from happily married to hell. On January 27th 2023 God needed my wife to make heaven a better place. For me the hardest thing about being a widower is the silence. It is coming up on one year and I am grieving more now than on February 11th. I am disabled and extremely lost. How do y'all deal with the greif and silence. Remember that there is nothing bigger than the little things. I miss my wife. God bless you and your family. Merry Christmas .

Sorry to hear of your loss. I just hold on to the promise I will one day see my loved one and in a much better place and carry the good memories in my heart until that happens.

 

[com7fy8]

My lady friend lost her husband, and what helped her was "focusing on God". She had such peace, she says.

While it is quiet, get with God, get ready for the people you will share with, get ready for love.

God is quiet, not silent. But boredom and loneliness can be very loud. Don't take their cruel abuse, stand up to them and do not be afraid of them or driven by them.

So-o-o . . . prayer . . . being still, being quiet with God . . . He knows. Jesus has been through what we can suffer here. He feels for us.