Could someone say a prayer for me

[AAAndrew]

Hi
I was raised Catholic and baptized, but never really went to church more then a few times since childhood.

For most of my adult life I have sort of thought of myself as an agnostic, but I've never really been sure what I believe.
I'm the type of person that questions everything, and needs tangible proof of things, in other words, I've always struggled with just having faith.

Lately I have been feeling depressed, and more recently I have encountered some tax issues with the IRS, and that will depress anyone.

I had some long and serious thoughts about suicide(I've thought about it in the past, but never to the degree I did last night) while trying to sleep last night, and this morning I looked up if Christians who kill themselves will still go to heaven.

This is not what I want, and for the first time in years I got down on my knees and asked God for help, to lift the weight from my heart, to give me a sign that he still loves me and wants me.

I said aloud that Jesus is lord, and I want to truly believe in god in my heart, and not just say some words, but I don't know how after so many years of doubt.

If some one here could say a prayer for me I would greatly appreciate it.
I want to see my loved ones who have passed already again when I die, and I'm afraid if I can't truly accept God into my heart that I won't.

Please do not think that I am right on the verge of doing something drastic(suicide), because I'm not, but I did think about it(not truly doing it, but thoughts none the less)

My next door neighbor is a devout Catholic, and I am going to go over to his house today and ask him to pray for me, and seek his advice on letting Jesus/God back into my heart.
I will also share the thoughts I had last night with him, as well as my family, as I don't want to just spiral into depression without anyone in my life being aware of it.

I'm just very sad right now, I feel like I don't have any true friends, the few I did have stopped talking to me years ago as I have always been selfish and not a good friend to them, so I guess they gave up on trying to be one to me.

I want to find my way back to God, and happiness again, but I don't know how.

Any prayers you could say for me, or advice you could give me here, or even just a positive word, would mean the world to me, I just feel very alone and unloved right now.

I don't even really feel worthy of anyones love, including God, but I would like to be again one day.

I'm sorry for the long and rambling post, just trying to give people a little insight into myself.

 

[ActionJ]

I'm happy to hear that you are seeking the guidance of our Father in Heaven. That's a great place to start. I've felt and experienced your level of depression and anxiety on several occasions throughout my life. It does pass!! In the meantime, I will pray for you. I will pray that Christ guides and protects you and opens a door.

 

[AAAndrew]

ActionJ thank you so much for your kind words and prayers.
I do believe that your prayers and others who have viewed my thread are making a difference, as I feel better today, still depressed and worried about the future, but not as despondent as I was when I originally posted this thread.
I did go and talk with my neighbor who opened his door to me without hesitation, and invited me in for a long talk, as well as giving me many books, prayer cards, a missal, a couple scapulars, and has invited me to attend church with him this coming Saturday.
So many of the things he said hit home with me, and even some daily readings he had for yesterday seemed like they were written just for me, and what I'm currently going through.


It makes me feel like I do have some worth again, and I am very moved that complete strangers on the internet would take time out of theirs busy days and lives to say a prayer for me.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and I hope the good Lord blesses and rewards you for the kindness you have shown me.

 

[Linus]

Welcome to CF brother!

I'm so sorry that you are hurting!

Praying for your faith in God, the problems with IRS and for joy, comfort, strength and peace in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord!

 

[AAAndrew]

Thank you Linus
That means a lot me

 

[Krissy Cakes]

Welcome to CF!

Praying for you!

I'm so very sorry your hurting so bad and I hope soon it all goes away.

 

[Miss Elly]

Praying for you that will find Jesus near and that He will envelop you in his love. You can be assured that you are going to heaven. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son that whosoever believed in Him would not perish. God bless.

 

[AAAndrew]

Thank you Army wife and Miss Elly
Your prayers mean a lot to me.

 

[AAAndrew]

Well, I am feeling a little better and more optimistic about the future, the tax problem is not sorted out yet, but I am working on it, and trying to maintain a positive attitude while doing so.
I will be attending Mass again this Sunday with my neighbor, and also have been receiving prayers and emotional support from one of my only remaining true friends.
I am now looking for a new job, and if you could include that in your prayers for me I would greatly appreciate it.
I have been saying prayers for all the people in my life, as well as many of the people here who have asked for them, as I feel it's important to give back, and not just ask for help.
On that note, today I called an old friend I haven't spoken to in quite a while in hopes of getting a lead on a job, it turns out that he is suffering too, recently divorced, out of work, depressed and sitting home alone drinking all day.
I have invited him to come to the gym with me on Monday(we are old gym friends) and workout, and then have lunch together.
I promised God in my prayers to him that if he could help me, I would do whatever I could to help others, and be a true servant for for him, and it looks like he is taking me up on my offer as I now I have the chance to help someone else who is hurting and in need of support and encouragement.
Amazing.
So if you could include a prayer for me to find a new job, and a new sense of purpose in my life it would mean a lot to me, and it looks like things are turning around slowly for me, and I feel blessed to have the chance to help someone else in the process.
Thank you so much
Andrew

 

[Maidryn]

I started to relate to you the moment you said you were raised Catholic. So was I. Actually, Catholicism is something a person is sort of born into. (maybe a little bit like being Jewish) It's not just a religion you pick, it's what and who you are.
At 11 years old I thought about killing myself too. It was the very next day I gave my life to the Lord. Because I was holy? No. Because I had nothing to lose.

Now it's 35 years later! Jesus has been everything to me since then. But that doesn't mean the hurt will never come again. Or that I won't be lonely and sad. I've been crying buckets full lately.

4 weeks ago my mother died. She had been sick with Lupus for many years but her last 5 days in the hospital were horrible. She didn't know who I was. The few times she was conscious she was in agony and kept moaning and saying, "kill me. kill me". The doctors did nothing.

It could have dragged on for weeks while they (doctors) played around with her. But Jesus intervened. And she died in only 5 days. But it was so awful near the end that even the nurses couldn't bare to come into her room anymore. I had to take care of her completely by myself. Not even family members or friends came to help me.

Mom was not only my mother but my sister in Christ and my best friend and room mate. Now she's gone and I am all alone in the world. But I tell you my friend, it's at these times Jesus shows himself to us.

I think about me meeting him all those years ago. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to face Mom's death. I wouldn't have capable of sticking by her, when everyone else wasn't strong enough to face it.

But we are still human and in human bodies, which means we will get tired and sad and feel lonely. Even WITH Jesus. But let me give you some pratical advice that will help:

* Take time to shut everything off. (no computer, MP3 player, TV, cell phone). Just be silent. Tell God you're listening and then listen. With your heart and your ears. Act as if you were trying to hear someone who talks very quietly and gently. Then your whole mind and attitude and body are ready to listen. And God WILL answer.

*Count your blessings. It sounds sort of old fashioned. But it works. If you start with realizing you have a roof over your head (when other people only have the streets and a shopping cart). You can still walk (when others are paralyzed), you can see (when others are blind). Then think about other Christians around the world who make their living by picking through the city dump to make a few pennies to feed their family. It's really happening. Other Christians are in jails and being tortured for believing in Jesus, but they still won't give him up. They wouldn't endure that if they didn't know for SURE.

When we consider that we're better off than many others, we can't help but feel grateful for even the smallest mercies.

As for me, I may be all alone in the world, but I always have Jesus. I might have had to face Death close up, but at least I've been in contact with Jesus for so many years that I don't have to wonder where Mom is. I know she's will Jesus right now. (Absent from the body; present with the Lord)

And there are people praying for me too. And not just because I've asked them too. There have been many times throughout my life when somebody I haven't thought of in years crosses my mind. I pray for them immediately and smile when I think how surprised that person would be to know I was praying for them at that EXACT moment. That person has NO idea I'm doing it.

I'm sure you don't just have us here at the Forum praying for you, but God has probably tapped several people that you may have only met briefly in passing, and they are praying for YOU.

But it's hard to be alone, because sometimes we need a hug (and that's not easy to get when you're completely alone in a room). But remember we are only passing through on Earth. We are visitors here. our real home is Heaven and it will come eventually. And for now, God will put you to good use , if you're willing.
This world is in a lot of trouble and He's given you all sorts of talents and abilities. He's not going to give you a job you hate. He made you a certain way to fulfil a certain purpose. And in Jesus' hands, life can turn from and endurance test into an adventure.

But prayer you have asked for, and prayer you will get. If you'll do the same for me too. Maybe we two lonely people can find ease in knowing that we understand each other. And Jesus understands us both.

Love Laura-Lee (aka. Maidryn)