Confessions of a very sexually immoral man who wants to stop

[brohammer26]

deleted

 

[Humble Pie]

I don't see anything here that would indicate sex addiction and it sounds like you're trying very hard to please Jesus. I'm no therapist or anything special so all I can say to support you is to keep praying every day for support. I'm sure oneday this will be a distant memory. That's how it was with my struggle to quit smoking.

 

[iLogos]

Thanks for sharing and really your story is not so unique at all. Sex has always been my weakness as well. Including every thing you mentioned and then some.

I too use to get tired of slipping back to old habits and then go thru the guilt, followed by the justification. I just got so tired of being a slave to sin I finally said enough is enough! I asked God to give me the strength to break my addictions to sex and He did. You can stop! On our own we do not have the power to do it, but with God's help we can not only do it, but easily too!

But like any addiction, like smoking, you really have to want to stop! Or you will never totally surrender your will to God and hold back a portion of it secretively because you actually know you intend to keep doing it. Once you reach a point you *really* want to stop, God will provide you the strength to stop!

I can tell you it feels wonderful to finally actually truly be free! A slave no more! If I can do it, reach that point, you can too! Let God do your driving for you!

 

[thesunisout]

OK I have neve been fully honest with anyone about my sexual sin problems, not even through the internet. I am looking to change and start walking the path with the lord. It started for me at a young age of constant rejection from women, keep in mind when I was younger 18-25 ish I did not believe in god. At about the age of 24 I visited my first prostitute. For a couple of years I visited them but very seldom as it was illegal when I was in the states and expensive. But was probably with about 8 of them. I also start reading some very immoral literature on how to pick up and seduce women. I became good at picking up women from bars and having one night stands. I have probably had sex with around 30 of them through a course of 4 yrs. I have also engaged in threesomes with friends of mine.(nothing homosexual) All of this mind you done while drunk and partying..not that is an excuss. At the age of 26 I joined the military and started to find god again. I excelled at my job and for about 1.5 yrs time I stayed quite clear of alcohol, sex and partying. I had sex with one girl in this time frame. But then I was assigned to europe as my first station.

Despite my renewed faith with god and feeling that he had given me a gift with my job in the military and a change of heart...I started to slip again and fall back into sin through sex and alcohol and partying. I started drinking heavily to go out to meet new girls for sex and a lot of times ended up visiting hookers. Being in europe it is quite easy and legal and rather accepted. From the time I have been here for a little over 2 years I would guess that I have paid for sex about 25 times.(avg 1 time a month for just a little over 2 yrs) and have also had sex with about 5 other girls that I have met while out partying. It was starting to hurt me more and more and had tried to stop on many occasions. I found that I was always drunk while doing this and realizing that I was indeed a sex addict. I have not had any real friends since I have been hear and have been very lonley.

I attribute mutlitple things to developing this nasty way of living.
1.) tons of rejection from women at a early age that led to believe that women were bad and believe that I may have actually hated them.
2.) contributing to this was never ever have a healthy relationship with a girl and seeming to attract cold hearted women whom were like me and only enjoyed having sex with me...and even on attempts of making a realtionship would be cheated on our laughed at for wanting a relationship.
3.) Having an abusive father as a child
4.) Having very low self esteem all through college and highschool and being picked on and made out to be a loser.
5.) Surrounding myself with people later on who partied a lot and thought casual sex with a lot of people is ok.
6.) Not beleiving in god and for several yrs at a point of suicide and not careing about anything.
7.) When I started to beleive in god again I somehow managed to slip away even though I still beleived.
8.) Addiction to inappropriate content and trashing my mind reading books of 'playboys' and 'pick up artists'.
9.) Being bombarded by sex in movies, tv shows..books etc that casual sex with lot of ppl is ok..and not having a firm belief system on my own.


I have tested myself mulitple times for all STD;s and for the most part have always protected myself and have so far come out with a clean bill of health. I have been lucky.

It has caught up to me though and I cant stand doing it anymore. I decided this new years to stop drinking and flee from sexual sin. I made it 29 days and ended up getting trashed drunk after a very stressful work and school week and ended up at a stip club where I once again paid for sex. It really hit me this time. It felt like rock bottom. I could not sleep or concentrate for 2 days. I have been asking the lord for forgivness and strength to change this in my life. I want to turn it around. I have in the last couple of yrs started to like women more and want a normal realtionship but have yet to foster that. I am guessing that I have been with somewhere around 70 women between the ones I have paid for and have met out at bars. I know it is very sick, the scary thing is that nowadays this is more common and accepted mre than ever to be with a lot of people sexually. Keep in mind that the majority of thes have been only one night so have probably had a lot less sex than a happy healthy married couple. zi have had a couple of my so called relationships that have lasted for a coupe of months, but were not healthy. I have felt sic of my behavior and have ruined myself of normal healthy relations.


Well the confession feels good and now my horrible story is out. I am just trying to live with the knowlege that god forgives and I have to keep with this repentence to walk with the lord and turn away from my sexual nature...no matter how much I failed in the past. I also recieved a DUI last yr from a drunken night. So I am woking on two addictions...drinking and sex. I NEED HELP!! I am going on 30 soon and have to turn this around if I ever want to be happy. I feel like I am going to do it and that was the last straw.

Hey Bro,

No judgement here. We've all been forgiven for things which are shameful. You're right that this kind of behavior is pretty much socially acceptable, and even encouraged in many circles. Guys are expected to go out and party with friends, get as trashed as possible, and pick up women for one night stands. That is secular guy culture in a nutshell.

What you have is a conviction of the Holy Spirit, that you seem to be following. Your indiscretions are far below what they used to be and you have a heart that is willing to change. What is lacking is self-control, and a lack of discernment regarding spiritual warfare.

Things you need to stop doing:

1. Looking at inappropriate contentography
2. Consuming entertainment (books, movies, games etc) which encourages this behavior
3. Hanging out with anyone who engages in these behaviors
4. Masturbating

I disagree with the above poster; I think you do have a sex addiction. I think you are seeking sexual intimacy to make up for the disconnection and lack of love that you've had in your life. The problem is that you're trying to repair the problem with sex instead of Jesus. Sex can't fulfill you, only Jesus can. So until Jesus becomes your all-sufficient savior, you are going to have this hole that can't be filled.

When you were born again, you died to the old man and put on Christ. Satan is trying to resurrect that old man and trap you in sin. This is the spiritual warfare aspect. This war takes place in your mind:

2 Corinthians 11:3,

But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled (deceived) Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ

You have to watch what you're thinking. When sinful thoughts come, don't entertain them. Meet them with the word of God. Don't allow them to form strongholds where Satan can get a foothold.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5,

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

Notice it doesn't say some thoughts, or every other thought? It says we are to bring every thought captive to Christ. The weapons of our warfare are the word of God, fasting and prayer. Praising God is also very effective.

When feelings of inadaquecy come, remind yourself who you are in Christ. You were bought with a price, and redeemed by the blood. You have a son of God and co-heir with Christ. A citizen of the kingdom of Heaven. You have the right to call God your Father.

Realize you have authority over Satan and his whole kingdom through Jesus Christ:

Luke 10:9

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Satan is constantly throwing flak at you, through this world, through other people, through feelings in your heart, through thoughts in your mind. By engaging in any of the behaviors you mentioned, you are making it easy for him. You have to shut every door. Satan is trying to give you the mind of Satan, but we have the mind of Christ:

1 Corinthians 2:16,

“For who hath known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ

Don't get overwhelmed. Let the Holy Spirit guide you step by step. God loves you and will not abandon you. He said "I will never leave you nor forsake you". Remember this:

Phillippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.


I'll pray for you. Are you going to church? If not, find a good one that teaches the bible and is spirit filled. Find someone to keep you accountable. Stay in the word, read it every day and stay in prayer. God bless.

 

[muzza21]

Dude, this is a very simple equation.

If you believe God's word in Mathew 24 21-22 as we all should, then your trembling knees should stop you from descending the steps into the red room.

Because if you continue with Your conduct as written in 1 thes 4 versus 1-5 He will lead your sorry butt into rev:21:8

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yep sex is a common problem. People often hide it but theres nothing to be ashamed of. We all sin! I had sex outside of marriage a few years ago. I looked at inappropriate content. I thought about sex often. But after working hard I refuse to have sex outside marriage now, I refuse to think about sex. I refuse to look at inappropriate content. Am I perfect? No. Life will always be a battle as a christian.

The most important thing I learned is I needed to change. The world could tell me anything but it didn't seem to help until I took the steps I needed to. Its not easy but its possible! Remember nothing is impossible through God! Pray alot, think about every decision you will make and realize how it affects your life, what God thinks of it and if its biblical.

 

[muzza21]

Bro, amen to that. If you are feeling sickened to your stomach and deeply ashamed to the point where you can't look God in the eye so to speak and you feel like a big fake when you try to pray, chances are you are being called by His mercy which you do not deserve.

Happened to me. Took a long time to win too, but by diligent prayer, falling down time and time again, but most important, getting back up, by His strength and His righteousness the pull of the flesh was removed from me. I can't bear to even do even a small load of washing by hand anymore for the images in my mind such things involve. I thank Him every day at least 3 times every day for His mercy. I am free and I can only say keep going, seek His righteousness diligently until He sets you free also. Don't try to go it alone, it can't be done.

 

[Quasicentennial]

I thank the person who invented the internet so that the Word of God can be spread around the globe electronically as well as in book form on bookstands in our local Christian bookshops. Like our stomach that hungers food, our hearts ache and our minds hunger for the Word of God. Because our true minds of Christ have been robbed since Adam and Eve have been deceived by Satan in the Garden of Eden, the spiritual disease that Satan had created called sin had and will continue to turn healthy love into a sports-like athletic kind of pleasure between non-married partners, friends or strangers. Once I realised what sexual sin is, I allowed the safety and supernatural healing of Jesus in my heart to cure the problem so that sexual sin would not start playing up again, especially when I am around Christians just for a chat either face-to-face or over the phone. I can imagine or visualize what's it like to have the mind of Christ like Jesus where the feelings of sexual desire is replaced with the pure fullness of the joy of Christ that is beyond our normal brain actvitity. I pray that the supernatural patience of Jesus will bring peace to your suffering as we Christians look forward for our victorious Lord Savior to return in the future very soon so that our new glorious minds and bodies of Christ will become perfect in health and youth. Satan will be defeated and sin will be deleted so that the fullness of the pure joy of Christ will keep us smiling forever as we socialize together in our billions in God's most modern and most massive place of community: the Kingdom Of God on a new planet Earth.:*:.

 

[muzza21]

Amen to that. Well said, truly heartfelt and may your words of wisdom strengthen many Brothers and Sisters. Be in peace. Muzza

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you want to stop doing something you have to start doing something else. What do you want to do instead?

 

[cimbk]

the common denominator in your story is afterward you feel rotten, I've found freedom from many of the same things you talk about by simply confronting the temptation as a lie! It draws us with promises of pleasure and good times but the end result is always feeling rotten and separated from God.

So I started rebuking the thoughts of lust and said out loud "thats a lie!" I will not feel good if I do that.......Its relentless at first, but over time and failures, if you don't stop trying you will see a few victories, then more and more

bottom line you need to "hold every thought in obedience to Christ" that means you can't allow yourself to think about what ever you want, you have to cast out stinking thinking!........again this will be exhaustive at the very start, if you never filtered what you thought about in the past

I've found if your willing to fight and defeat is not an option, and make a promise to God that you will keep trying till the day you die, everytime you get back up and start rebuking evil thoughts and desires, it gets easier and easier.......and in time you will have complete victory.........not giving up after failure is KEY! thats condemnation and its satans best trick to make you stop trying

I found freedom from inappropriate content, masturbation, and lustful thoughts, my mindgate is tougher than airport security, I also had to stop watching certain things on TV too as they had a tendency to feed those lustful spirits,

music too can be a factor, if your listening and singing "Running with the devil" you probably will shortly....lol music is a very subtle way to make ones mind except immoral behavior.........If you set up a baracade and filter what goes in your head its worth it to be free from the constant barbardment of lustful thinking. It actually goes away, and this is coming from someone who's everythought was sexual and lewd, I was completely powerless to stop any sexual acts......

but if you can start with your mind, your body will follow, my body is now powerless to overcome what is set up in my mind.......I never would of dreamed in a million years I could stop masturbating

 

[child0fg0d88]

I think one of the things you need to to is not focus on your number so much... God obviously doesn't like that you have been sexually immoral, but think of a couple who are each other's firsts who have been dating for one year and have had sex an average of once a day for the year. and Let's say that you only did this once with each woman you refer to. 365>70, and in God's eyes who has committed the greater sin? It is something you need to work on obviously, but I think the number is something you should try and dismiss... and instead just focus on being right with God. Good luck brother.

EDIT: One thing I wanted to mention was imagine Jesus is right there with you before choosing to make one of these decisions, and think of how would He feel if you went through with them, and how proud of you He would be if you didn't.

 

[SharonL]

I notice that only men have posted in this thread. I don't know if you want any imput from a prudish old 76 year old woman or not - I have been a prude all my years and lived a very sheltered life. However, your sin are no greater than anyone else - God does not judge our sins by the numbers.

The one thing I see in your confession is that you do not see yourself as God sees you. Once you have admited your sins, you stand before God covered by the blood of Jesus - Jesus sees your sins no more - they are in the lake of forgetfullness. Look yourself in the mirror and see yourself as God sees you - don't let the enemy bring back all those excuses that you have for not thinking good of yourself. They don't exist any more. All have been stripped away - you stand before God, repented and a new beginning. God sees you as though these sins have never been committed. See yourself that way - start looking for a better class of people to associate yourself with. The people you surround yourself with tells the story of what you think of yourself. Stop condemning yourself and live the life that Jesus died for that you might have everlasting enjoyment with Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit. You are doing fine, just think more of yourself than you do and you will start seeing yourself as Jesus sees you.

 

[emperormar]

The best way to change is to let God change you. Instead of focusing on your struggle focus on Jesus. Other things will grow dim in the light of His love and grace. You don't have to fight as hard as you think just trust God and let Him win for you.

Ask God every day to make you aware of His love for you. He loves you and doesn't count anything you do against you. He simply longs for you to trust His love to experience it.

 

[omanid]

You just have to keep trying and hoping that it's possible.

 

[brohammer26]

delete

 

[muzza21]

Thank you Brother for your honesty and I'm sure I speak for us [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]s, we admire your courage in being so refreshingly open. As you can see a few of us have beaten it, said with a slight smirk. And you can also by Gods power. Be in peace. Muzza

 

[Pal Handy]

Your life brings to mind this scripture.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death;
but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Death...
The death of the life God wanted you to have.
The death of being able to trully love a woman as a person.
The death of finding a life with a life partner in marriage.
The death of a relationship with God in a deep and personal way.
The death of your own ability to control your life any longer.
The death of your life leading others you care for to Jesus Christ.
The death of creativity that has been swollowed up in obsession.
The death of ect....

My friend, the wages of sin are death but the gift of God
is eternal life through Jesus Christ.

Life through Jesus Christ.
A new life through Jesus Christ.
A new beginning through Jesus Christ.
Life and life abundantly through Jesus Christ.
A life of blessings through Jesus Christ.
A life lived through Jesus Christ.
A life of all posibilities in Christ
A life of purpose, fulfillment, love, joy and peace in Christ Jesus
A life exchanged...one given and another life received through Jesus Christ.

How can you have it?

Absolute Surrender.

You have tried everything to keep the old man alive and fuctioning
by cleaning him up, turning a new leaf, making a resolution,
begging, pleading, suceeding, failing, crawling and falling.

The only cure I know is that you would surrender to God EVERYTHING,
your life, your future, your sin, your hope, your dreams,
your everything....as you ask God to take it ALL and tell Him that you give Him
absolute permission, authority and all rights to do what He desires with your
life and to accomplish in you what is impossible for you to do in
your own strength, live a life dedicated completely to God.

The old man must die by and act of your willingness to surrender
your life to God in Christ and giving God permission to do as He
desires without any objections from you.

Call it a step of faith in the right direction.

If you keep going your way, living your life and too afraid to die
to self and live for God you will go on in misery and stumble along
in an unsatisfying life that is stripped of all true joy, peace,
love and fulfillment in God's purposes for your life.

Everyone like yourself I have known has had to choose either
death to self and surrender to God and His purposes or
continuing to walk a defeated and broken life.


A good book I suggest you read is called Absolute Surrender by
Andrew Murray.

If you are ready to give up the old life and take up the
new one offered to you in Christ then read this book as
it is a beginning to a new life in Christ.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Thanks everyone for the responses. It feels a little better knowing that my story is not unique..I only mentioned the number thing because it felt I was just a dirty promiscious person..but in reality do not have sex that often. Also I felt like somehow it is worse to pay for sex than having a one night stand but it probably is no different in god's eyes..a sin is a sin. I agree that I have been trying to fill my lonliness with sex and it has just gotten to a point of wanting to stop. What I yearn for is a normal relationship with a good hearted women that eventually leads to marriage. It feels really good to let this secret out, I have in the past ask for help on the internet just mentioning that I have a problem with sex and lust but never in detail. This last year I started to really want to stop and I had been going through periods of doing really well and then failing and indulging. Going without promisciuous sex for 2-3 months and then failing and doing it 2-3 times in a week. Thanks again for the replies and I woke up today feeling different and better...I slept well last night.

I have notice too that the sin is not even excitment or good pleasurable like it had been at first. Most time sex feels good for temporary and then you feel awful afterwards (if it is sinful promiscious sex). But through all of my broken promises the last few times I have engaged in promiscious behavior I actually felt very little temporary pleasure and felt the rotteness come on while in the middle of having sex..even through the cloud of alcohol. I feel it in my heart that last time was it and that I am going to stop..it is just too much pain and I know I cannot be right with god until I do.

Brohammer, while paying for sex isn't a bigger sin, it may help you to understand your issue better if you do get the distinction. What I mean, is that you should search your heart to see why you are going to hookers. Most people make the mistake of lumping it all together, and the problem with that, is that it can keep you from truly defining the problem. So, not it's not worse, but there has to be a reason for it, none the less. Have you ever thought about why you prefer hookers to normal one night stands? Is it possible that you are wanting assurance that she will be there strictly to please you, with no needs or desires of her own? I am not asking you to tell me the answer to that question, but only for you to discern it for yourself, and to take it to the Lord. Praying!

 

[alatir]

I think there is weakness for lust in everyone of us, the degrees just vary. If I've had courage to do what you did I would have. I think key is just to start exploring your heart about your motivations, like Romanseight2005 said above. What are you looking for from this promiscuous sex?

Pleasure is one thing for sure and it kind of lulls away the pain of life for a few moments. But it won't carry you long. Another thing could be that you're trying to boost your ego by having so many ladies. Just probe deep into your heart and have courage to meet it.

Then compare it to what Jesus says to that sexually immoral woman at the well:
Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
(Joh. 4:13-14)

So the Lord is offering something much better than the fleeting pleasures of sin. Pray about it and ask Him to show a glimpse of His living waters.