Christians and Anger

[Blueforest]

I have somewhat of a bad temper. Okay, I have a very bad temper. I find I have little patience for some people in my life. Some of them I find, at least some of their comments, tend to bring out the worst in me. I find I get very angry at some of these people. What do you advise?

I'm good with self control, for the most part. But I truly cannot stand being disrespected or insulted by rude people. I'm mostly referring to difficult people I live with. How do you deal with such people without totally "losing" your Christ-likeness.

 

[green wolverine]

You need to pray for God to take away the anger, rage and the like and help you behave in a way that glorifies Christ.

How are you being disrespected? It seems to me that a lot of people go looking for offense [have family that does that] when none is intended so you might pray that God will help you not to take everything so personally. Also, it might be God's will for you to be disrespected to humble you so learn from it.

 

[paul1149]

Anger is often born of pain. That could be a good thing, as it causes us to take action in an emergency. But when anger becomes chronic, it begins eating away at us. We are not meant to remain in a chronic angered state.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, -Eph 4:26

Oftentimes, chronic anger is due to pain mixed with the frustration of not knowing how to deal with it constructively. When it comes to issues of respect, the answer might be first to try to deal with people rationally about the problem, but if that doesn't work, and the Lord's will is not to leave the situation, the only solution left is to redirect your source of affirmation from men to the Lord. This is solid gold, as it will build you up spiritually regardless of what man does to you. The great irony is this: as people begin to see that they can't press your buttons, that you have a peace and equilibrium that cannot be upset, ultimately they will gain a new respect for you - the very thing you wanted in the first place.

But a warning - sometimes there is persecution along the way to their awakening. When we decide to make the Lord our source, the world doesn't like it, and more often than not we can expect a test.

 

[tturt]

You've gotten some good advice.

When I get anger, I asks Yahweh to forgive me plus I asks the people involved. It's not easy but I've found the sooner I do that the better because it doesn't turn into bitterness and rejection. Ephesians 4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”

It hasn't always been like this though. Earlier in my life, I found myself frustrated, anger, upset, annoyed, etc at most everyone. I had to asks Yahweh for His help. Our behavior is based on our thoughts so we're to take every thought captive and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (II Cor 10:5) which is to love Him and others as ourselves. It's not easy but as a poster said the other day, there's nothing in The Bible as guidelines that we can't do.

I know one couple that agreed before marriage that BOTH have to apologize after they've had a disagreement of any type before going to sleep. It takes the pressure off - whose fault was it, whose going to break the silence, etc.

Choosing to follow Scripture isn't always easy but we can do it with Yahweh's help.

 

[LWB]

Stoic indifference is the best solution to anger I know of. Previous to my knowledge of Stoicism, this is how things tended to go for me:

1. My expectations unrealistically geared toward everyone and everything going my way.
2. Some behaviour or event disrupts my expectations, causing a bad reaction.
3. Negative thoughts snowball, causing anger and frustration.

Regardless of whether my anger then manifested into retaliation or worse, vented upon some innocent person, the bad emotions alone were sufficient motivation for me to want to change my pattern of thinking.

Upon learning about Stoic techniques like negative visualisation and mindfulness, a new way to react was at my disposal:

1. My expectations geared to suit reality.
2. Despite this, some extra ordinary behaviour or event surprises my expectations, causing a bad reaction.
3. Negative thoughts squashed before snowballing - not through repression, but by appreciating the old pattern which always ended in misery, and choosing not to allow that.

The essence of this philosophy is that we cannot control other people or external matters, but we can control how we react to them. By learning to control one's reaction to external events, equanimity and virtue can be maintained at all times.